Dating

Blind Dates – The Good, Bad and the Ugly

At some point, a friend of a friend or relative will come up with the not so brilliant idea to set you up on a blind date. While the intentions may be the best, you have to understand that the idea of setting you up with someone already in a well-embedded social circle is really just an attempt to make things easier on the setter upper. This way they no longer have to feel bad about neglecting to invite that certain friend or cousin (meaning you) every time an occasion calls for couples. Similarly, they don’t have to get used to or pretend to like some stranger that you may have picked out for your self. While the idea of a blind date seems to reinforce the idea of the six degrees of separation, it must be something entered into with pensive caution.

Understand that the relationship to be, whether it works or not, will be held up to a microscope. Every thing you do and say will now be shared in some form with people that were not normally involved in this part of your life. If you and the blind date hit things off, the people who set you up will be sitting back as if they are watching school kids falling in love for the first time and then should the inevitable ‘break up’ occur they will be almost as hurt and disappointed as if they were the ones in the relationship. They may even take sides and pressure you to work things out when in the real world you would never want to try.

Blind dates can obviously work. One of the problems that can occur is that going into the blind date you may know a bit too much about the other person and they about you. You have been subjected to someone else’s opinion about the person, which was likely not censored in any way and you will be specifically looking for certain traits or characteristics that you have been told about. While the people that set you up may think their cousin is the greatest chick on the face of the earth, keep in mind that they don’t know her romantically and may not be privy to the fact that she is into bondage and stalking. Of course, sharing the faults of this person to those that set you up to begin with can breach a friendship and make things extremely uncomfortable for all involved. There is also the risk that by certain fate of social engagements you will have to see or face this person time and again since your lives skirt the same social circle. If things aren’t a good match, this can be a tad uncomfortable.

Some Blind Dates Do Go Well

If the blind date goes well and the cupids in your life did an acute job at finding you a mate in life, you will of course feel pressure to invite them to the wedding and make some toast in their honor. They will never let you forget the fact that they are the ones that set the two of you up to start with and they will never relent their hold on the relationship. Gaining privacy and autonomy can be difficult and setting boundaries may cause a tad of resentment for a while. Just as parents never really see their children as adults, setter uppers (for lack of better words) never see that their meddling is not necessary or appreciated.

Should you go on a blind date? First, consider the person setting you up. If it is an ex of your own or someone you slept with in the past, the answer is unequivocally NO. The person setting you up may be your best friend in the world but they probably have no real idea of what you are like to date. If you feel confident that the person setting you up is doing it for reasons that aren’t selfish and that they know you well enough to not set you up with a complete wacko, then taking the date wont hurt a thing. Prepare for it as if you do any other date and make sure you carefully monitor what is said between the two of you as you share spaghetti. One negative comment or slam against your friend or his wife and chances are it will be regurgitated at a later, convenient moment. The truth is that even though we all love our friends and family we rarely want to know what they really think and don’t really want to know the intricate details of their romantic life. Blind dates can often reveal a bit too much.

If you are one of those people that just love to set people up as a hobby, take a step back and decide how you feel being set up randomly. Often times, for the people doing the setting up, this is a game of chance much like gambling and carries an adrenaline rush all its own. Are you doing it for you or are you sincerely doing it for them? Are you just sick and tired of hearing your friend whine and cry about the state of their dating life or do you really think the two of them will hit it off? Moreover, if they do hit it off how are you going to really feel? If they break up or curse you for setting them up with a psycho, will it change your relationship with any of the parties involved?

Blind dates can definitely break the monotony of dating and offer some new experiences into your life. They allow you to remain spontaneous and open your life up to people you may have never chosen for yourself. This can help you to shape the idea of the perfect partner in your life. Still, it is vital to your sanity and health to not rely on blind dates waiting for ‘the one’ to magically appear. You should take a proactive approach to your romantic life and feel confident in making decisions about whom you date and choose to spend your time with. There is nothing wrong with telling your crazy second cousin that you aren’t interested in a blind date assuming the role that the law of attraction and fate will work in your favor at some point anyway. After all, if something is meant to be it will be and forcing the issue in life is rarely recommended.

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