Priest: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife and…
Future Groom: You betcha!
Priest: (sternly) Let’s do that one more time, shall we? Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife and…
Future Groom: I do.
Priest: That’s much better. Try to remember that during the ceremony, okay?
Some couples exchange marriage vows at the bottom of the ocean, while others opt to get married on a glacier. Some might even venture to an isolated Pacific island or travel to Kenya to tie the knot amidst a safari.
However, we believe many still prefer the traditional route of saying “I do” in a place of worship – whether a church, synagogue, or minister’s house. A wedding is a sacred and religious ceremony, after all. Churches often provide a beautiful, historical backdrop with their stained-glass windows, high painted ceilings, and burning candles. These elements give the ceremony a touch of history and nostalgia. If you want something more modern, there are plenty of churches with a contemporary feel. No matter the setting, there are some key things to consider when booking a church for your ceremony.
Choosing the Right Church for Your Wedding
Imposing basilicas and grand cathedrals can make for an impressive wedding venue, but they may not be ideal if you’re having an intimate celebration. If you’re planning to invite just 20 guests, a massive cathedral might feel too empty, which could create an awkward atmosphere. Instead, some cathedrals have private rooms or sections off the main altar that are more fitting for small weddings. This way, you can still enjoy the grandeur without the venue feeling too empty.
If you’re expecting a large crowd (300-400 people), a cathedral would be a better fit. But always think about the space-to-size ratio before booking your venue.
Another important consideration is cost. While churches are non-profit organizations, they still charge a fee to help with administrative costs, heating, and maintenance. Fees can range from $250 to $1,000 depending on the services requested, like flowers, a choir, or other special arrangements. Make sure to ask the pastor what the fee includes.
Inter-Faith Weddings
Inter-faith marriages may present a challenge when booking a church, but this can be navigated with proper discussion. If both parties come from different religious backgrounds, it’s important to communicate early (preferably 10-12 months in advance) to avoid misunderstandings. While rabbis and ministers are generally open to conducting ceremonies anywhere, denominations like Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy, and Episcopalianism often require couples to be married in a church.
Each church has its own rules, so it’s essential to understand what’s expected of you. You’ll want to inquire about song and reading choices, allowed rituals, and any restrictions, like the tossing of rice or flower petals. These are details you should discuss with your priest to avoid surprises.
Considering Your Guests’ Beliefs
When planning your wedding, it’s easy to overlook the fact that not all your guests will share your religious beliefs. Some may be atheists or not follow any particular faith. Consider including a small information sheet with your wedding invitation that explains the ceremony’s meaning and its components, as well as how long it will last. This will give your guests the option to skip the ceremony and head straight to the reception if they prefer. Alternatively, you can have the priest provide a brief explanation of the rituals before starting the ceremony. This can help ease any discomfort for guests who are unfamiliar with religious practices. Remember, you can’t please everyone, but giving your guests the option to participate or not is a thoughtful touch.
And don’t forget about parking! Ensure that your church has convenient parking for your guests or is located near a parking facility.
Basic Ceremony Components
While every church may have its own unique traditions, there are several basic elements that are common in most weddings. If you wish to change or remove any of these, be sure to consult with your officiant ahead of time.
Eileen Livers, in The Unofficial Guide to Planning Your Wedding (Simon & Schuster, 1999), outlines the following basic components of a church wedding:
- Processional – The traditional march down the aisle, including the bride, father, bridesmaids, best man, flower girls, and ring bearers.
- Convocation or Greeting – The officiant greets the guests and welcomes them to the ceremony.
- Invocation – A prayer or call to bless the wedding, often invoking a deity. (Note: This may not be included in less religious ceremonies.)
- Readings – Passages from the Bible or other literary works, as well as poetry, are read aloud.
- Address – The officiant delivers a sermon, proclamation, or homily.
- Expression of Intent – The couple expresses their desire to be married.
- Vows – The couple pledges their commitment to each other.
- Blessing and Exchange of Rings – The officiant blesses the rings, and the couple exchanges them as a symbol of their union.
- Pronouncement – The officiant declares the couple married.
- Kiss – The couple seals their vows with a kiss.
- Benediction – The officiant offers final blessings and wishes for the couple’s happiness.
- Recessional – The couple and guests exit the church.
Booking a Church – If Religion is a Barrier
If religion is a barrier, don’t worry—there are options for you. Many couples convert to their partner’s religion for the sake of convenience, but this is only advisable if the individual is fully committed to the new faith.
If conversion is not an option, you can still get married in a church. Many non-denominational and inter-denominational churches allow couples to customize their ceremony to reflect their own beliefs. Some churches do require that the couple share similar faiths, so pre-marital counseling may be necessary to discuss these details.
According to Ms. Livers, non-creed organizations like the Unitarian Universalist Association, the American Humanist Association, and the Ethical Culture Society offer flexibility in ceremony design. While these groups may still include basic elements like those mentioned earlier, they are becoming more liberal in allowing couples to personalize their weddings.
