From the lyrics of the song Breaking Up Is Hard to Do, the longer you’ve been with someone, the harder it is to sever that connection. You may feel significant resistance to taking the leap of faith that better things await you. One reason breaking up with someone—be it a friend, colleague, or romantic partner—is so challenging is that it changes the balance of your life. Whether this change is good or bad, it requires flexibility, adjustment, and a willingness to embrace change.
Long before break-ups occur, there is often a nagging feeling inside you that points toward what needs to happen. Many times, the issues are not obvious or grand; they often stem from a lack of passion. This complicates matters further. If that special someone would just cheat or do something so horrific that you’d have an excuse to end things, it would be much easier, and you’d feel justified in your decision. The problem is that the heart is fickle. When it comes to chemistry and compatibility, some things are just unspoken. The longer we are with someone, the more we grow, and whether we grow apart or together is crucial to the relationship’s longevity.
Often, breaking up is used as an ultimatum. The “I will leave you if you don’t change” scenario is a childish way to navigate relationships. This approach shows a blatant lack of acceptance for the other person and forces them to change to please you. Rarely does this tactic work. Humans are innately dedicated to their own sense of self and style, making it nearly impossible to change deeply ingrained attitudes, behaviors, personalities, and beliefs. If someone pretends to change, it’s likely their old self will resurface within a few months, bringing deep resentment and anger that can choke the relationship. In other words, if either person must change to maintain the relationship, it’s often best to move on.
Marriage can complicate break-ups even further. Children, finances, in-laws, friends, and other attachments can make either person feel stuck and paralyzed by the fear of what will happen next. Often, married couples think about breaking up hundreds of times, only to find that as the storms settle, the relationship reconnects at an acceptable level. Since no couple knows precisely what challenges they will face in a marriage, it’s impossible to predict how you may feel or react. With marriage comes the added responsibility of needing to consider your actions carefully rather than acting on a rash wave of emotion.
Should You Break Up?
Deciding whether breaking up is the right choice is perhaps the most challenging part. If you aren’t happy and realize that the other person is the source of that unhappiness, chances are a break-up is necessary. If you are facing abuse—emotional or physical—breaking up is your only escape. Similarly, if you find yourself constantly searching for something or someone better, waiting to be saved, it may also be time to break up. Even so, it isn’t easy; you have to change your life. If the breakup isn’t your decision, it can be even more difficult to cope, and you must find ways to adjust to the changes and embrace them.
Few people in the midst of something negative realize that something positive can emerge from it. If you choose to view each phase of your life as a learning experience and draw lessons from it, a breakup can enrich your life just as much as the relationship did. If you fail to recognize these lessons, you may find that no matter where you go, you are still the same. Every relationship will end the same way with similar issues if you neglect to be resilient and accountable for your actions, missing opportunities for personal growth.
Each person who crosses our path has something to teach us, and we have something to share with them. Every person we love, even for just five minutes, becomes part of our lives and future, altering the landscape of our hearts in meaningful ways. Breaking up may be hard to do, but it certainly isn’t the end of the world. It should be viewed as closing one door behind you while opening another. If you give yourself time to grieve the loss of a relationship and strive to reconnect with who you are and what you are worth, you will gain valuable insights that will guide you in a new direction. Change is frightening, and breaking up can be one of the scariest fears, as it forces you to step out of your comfort zone—even if that comfort zone is unhappy. Take it one step at a time, and before long, you’ll realize you are in a better place. You may always miss that special someone and carry regrets, but breaking up can give you back your wings if you decide it’s time to fly.
