A number of factors can lead to relationship woes. Sometimes a spouse may have poor hygiene, bad habits, or inadequate relationship skills that drive the other partner mad. The frustrated person often wishes for change, feeling that it’s just a dream.
If you’re unsure whether change can become a reality, take comfort in knowing that it is possible for a spouse to change.
Change is feasible in nearly every case, whether you’re hoping to alter a bad habit (like knuckle cracking or leaving wet towels on the floor), outrageous behaviors (such as exaggerating stories or criticizing others in public), or poor lifestyle choices (like overspending, using sex as manipulation, or lacking communication).
As long as both partners are fully committed to the relationship, there’s no reason change cannot occur. You don’t have to subscribe to the old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”
In fact, be confident that change isn’t just possible; it’s very likely if both members of the marriage are committed to making it happen.
Can a spouse actually change? Here are five methods that affirm yes, along with five ways to help you and your spouse create change:
Open Communication
One of the most important aspects of any marriage is open communication. Remember how it all began? One of you approached the other, and then you shared your feelings. You talked extensively and got to know each other, soon becoming the best of friends, falling in love, and marrying.
Do you realize that communication was the foundation of your relationship? It should also be the thread that weaves your future together.
So, what is open communication? It’s when both partners can share their thoughts and feelings freely, provide and receive constructive criticism, and work through problems together until they are resolved.
Willingness to Change
If you aren’t willing to change, then change simply won’t happen. Change must be a decision, not something forced. One partner can hope for all the change in the world, but unless the other is willing to make it happen, difficulties will arise.
Willingness to change begins with recognizing there is a problem and taking personal responsibility. Until both partners agree on the issue, it won’t be overcome.
When both partners accept criticism and work on their flaws, the relationship will benefit. Nobody is perfect, but by striving to do better, you can improve your current relationship.
Commitment to the Marriage
Many significant problems in relationships stem from a lack of commitment. Being committed to the relationship means more than just making dinner, affording necessities, and having a roof over your heads. It means being willing to do everything necessary to make today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today.
Sure, there will be setbacks, but if you’re always working toward a brighter future and refuse to stay stagnant, you will certainly be able to create the change you want to see.
Positive Attitude
Sheri and Bob Stritof of About.com’s marriage section say, “Many people find that replacing a bad habit with a positive behavior is easier than just stopping the bad habit.”
A positive attitude can significantly improve your marriage. It’s true that smiling is contagious. If you maintain a positive outlook and strive to make your spouse happy, your spouse will likely reciprocate.
When both partners act positively, flaws become less significant and easier to address. That wet towel on the floor will be picked up without a fight, the bossiness will lessen, and other problems will seem smaller and more manageable.
Counseling
Some problems are simply too big to fix alone. Issues like marital abuse, cheating, and others can cause severe emotional damage. Such issues can only be addressed with professional help.
Counselors are trained to assist people facing serious problems—it’s their specialty. If you or your partner is dealing with something seemingly impossible to resolve on your own, seek the help you need.
Many issues can cause problems in relationships, but if you put in the effort to improve the relationship, it will get better. Little things can add up over time. The first time your partner leaves laundry on the ground may not be a big deal, but when it becomes a habit, it can get increasingly annoying. It all starts with a decision to be happy together. Without that decision, nothing will change.
These bad habits can be overcome through open communication, a willingness to work on issues, commitment to each other, and maintaining a positive attitude. Make a commitment to do everything you can to better your relationship, and remember that the little things aren’t as significant as they seem.
Can a spouse actually change? Absolutely. While change isn’t always easy—and often one of the toughest things to ask of a person—if the relationship is the most important aspect of your lives, you will realize that change is worth it in the long run.
