Can Cheating Husbands Change Their Ways?

Can a Cheating Husband Change?

Your husband cheated, and now you’re grappling with the pain and anguish that often follow an affair. Cheating is frequently viewed as the ultimate betrayal—a dealbreaker in a marriage. It’s one of the hardest indiscretions to forgive, especially since it involves deception on multiple levels. For women, who may be quick to forgive but not forget, the pressing question after discovering an affair is: Can a cheating husband change his ways?

Is the adage, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” true? Can a relationship survive infidelity? Is it possible to trust a man who has already betrayed you?

Relationships thrive on compromise. When a couple is unhappy, small changes—such as a woman learning to nag less or a man buying flowers occasionally—can improve things. But can the circumstances leading to sexual betrayal be addressed in the same way?

Statistics on Cheating

According to relationship experts, whether a cheating husband can change depends more on the individual and the relationship than on statistics. Every relationship and instance of infidelity is unique. The reasons men cheat vary: some seek variety to boost their ego, others face sexual dissatisfaction at home, and for some, it’s an adrenaline rush that can become a psychological addiction.

Research from the Wall Street Journal indicates that about 60% of men admit to cheating in some form. However, around 91% of men who cheat—whether physically or emotionally—deny it unless caught red-handed, skewing the statistics. The risk of cheating peaks in the first three years of marriage, dips slightly, then rises with age, with men around 45 being the most likely to seek affairs. Sociologist Diane Solee of the Smart Marriages Coalition notes that affairs are more common today due to technology, which enables autonomy and secrecy. Many start with seemingly harmless online or text interactions that escalate into emotional or physical affairs. Despite 90% of people believing cheating is wrong, infidelity remains the leading cause of divorce.

Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

Once an affair is exposed, couples face a torrent of emotions—anger, resentment, hate, and anguish. In his book, The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, relationship expert and Rabbi Gary Neuman suggests that a woman’s ability to trust again depends on her husband’s response to the infidelity. He writes:

“If you have a husband who does NOT show remorse, who blames the woman for the infidelity, and/or is not willing to be completely transparent moving forward and is not truly apologetic for what he has done, then I don’t see how a woman could entrust her vulnerability to that man again.”

Television therapist Dr. Phil advises women to set clear conditions after infidelity. Many women experience a destabilizing “not knowing” phase when suspecting an affair, feeling unbalanced or irrational. Once the affair is confirmed, they often stabilize and can address the situation more rationally. However, some women mistakenly feel guilty or responsible for the affair and rush to “save the marriage.” Men may exploit this willingness to move on, avoiding accountability. Dr. Phil recommends stepping back to process the betrayal, develop questions, and approach the situation with balance.

He also emphasizes that women need full disclosure about the affair’s details to process it psychologically. If a man refuses to provide this, he’s likely to cheat again, and the relationship may never heal. Dr. Phil warns:

“The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.”

THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR

Women betrayed by infidelity must make a difficult choice. Some may use the affair to gain temporary control in the relationship, leveraging the “you cheated” card to assert influence. However, this can trap them in a victim role. Women should reflect on what they gain by staying in this dynamic and whether it sets a healthy example for their children.

Understanding why the man cheated is crucial. Was it sexual dissatisfaction? Ego-driven? An accident? Many men cheat with women less attractive than their wives, not seeking to leave the marriage but to fulfill a specific need.

Dr. Phil offers further insight:

“Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t mean what your partner did is OK. How much you trust your partner is, in part, about what your partner does and, in part, a function of whether you have confidence to handle it if he/she disappoints you. If you find out that he/she strays again, can you handle that?”

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity carries inherent risks. Statistics suggest that 20% of men who cheat once will cheat again, and 70% of women cheated on eventually divorce their spouses due to the betrayal.

The decision is yours, but the answers often lie within your heart and intuition. You deserve a trustworthy partner, and it’s up to you to set firm boundaries. Without them, you risk ending up with a serial cheater.