Patience: A Virtue Worth Teaching
According to the old saying, patience is a virtue. However, it often seems to be overlooked by the thousands of “me first,” “I want it now” individuals living in today’s world of immediate gratification.
Still, some kids have patience—perhaps developed through family influence, or maybe as a side effect of a short memory span. They move quickly from one task to the next and often forget about things they previously wanted, like crunch berries for breakfast, as soon as their favorite TV show starts. Some children appear to be born with more patience than others, enjoying a mundane task such as fishing without getting frustrated or bored. Others, on the other hand, forget the fishing pole moments after receiving no action and become bored waiting for a bobber to pull and sway. So, the question becomes: can children be taught patience? Is it a life skill, or simply a personality trait?
Teaching Patience: A Necessary Life Skill
Obviously, age plays a significant role in how patient kids are. Younger children tend to be more demanding, evolving from those early years when every need was satisfied by eager parents. As the toddler years strike, their small brains begin to learn how to reason, and experts believe all children can learn the value of waiting their turn. This process, however, is slow.
Where most parents go wrong is being so overwhelmed by the “demands” (and the manner in which they are made—whining, tantrums, and louder pleas) that they simply drop everything to satisfy the child, even just to get a few precious moments of peace. After all, when a parent is trying to hold a conversation on the phone and a toddler or preschooler starts making demands, the quick fix is to do what they want so the parent can get back to what they need. Healthy? Probably not. Necessary for sanity? Sometimes, yes.
Patience is a crucial aspect of learning self-control. Most adults don’t expect young children to be extremely patient and are generally more lenient, no matter how frustrating things may get. Kids also pick up on phrases like “Give me five minutes” or “We’ll do that later,” which are typically used to postpone things until the child forgets what was so urgent. As kids learn that five minutes can turn into ten, fifteen, or even an hour (or sometimes even another day), they start to rebel, becoming more incessant in their demands. For this reason, experts believe that adults should be honest with their children. If you will be more than 30 minutes, let the child know that now is not a good time and that they’ll have to wait—or even better, that they need to start developing their own solutions.
Additionally, children should not first learn that they are not the center of the universe at school. Parents who overindulge every whim are setting their children up for frustration and major adjustments when they enter school and become part of a larger community. In other words, patience—whether virtuous or not—is actually a necessary life skill that children need to learn to be productive members of society. The world is full of waiting.
As technology evolves, both adults and children have to wait less and less for what they want. Today, instant gratification is often just a click away on a smartphone, computer, or tablet. But in many other aspects of life, this immediate gratification simply doesn’t work. So, not only should kids be taught patience, but adult caregivers should also realize that kids can—and must—learn patience to become productive, happy, and self-sufficient members of society. In parental terms, not dropping everything to fill a cup with more goldfish is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s an important part of raising well-adjusted children.
How to Teach Patience
The first step is realizing that 90% of what kids demand or want can wait. Teaching the difference between wants and actual needs is beneficial for more reasons than simply teaching patience. Ask your child, “Does this need to happen right now?” or “Is this an emergency?” Then, empower them by asking what options they can explore to pacify the situation until you can give them your full attention. With older children, ask them why having X, Y, or Z need fulfilled right now is so important. Explain that sometimes waiting helps make better decisions.
Another important step in teaching patience is ignoring tantrums and meltdowns that may occur when your child has to wait. Ignore them completely! Once you’ve provided a timeline and empowered children to keep themselves busy in the meantime or solve the problem on their own, they have a choice: listen or continue being demanding in hopes that you’ll become frustrated and give in. But before you give in, ask yourself how many other people in their lives will do the same. From the time your child enters school, they’ll be required to show self-control and restraint. Not doing so will lead to more phone calls from the teacher than you’d like to handle.
Another strategy for teaching patience is realizing that life often requires waiting for things to happen. For instance, if your daughter wants an expensive doll right now, what value is there in simply getting it as fast as possible? By having small children wait for a birthday, a holiday, or even to help earn the money through chores or good behavior, you help them develop a sense of gratitude. Gratitude is one of the most important values you can teach your child.
That said, there are likely plenty of us who know impatient adults and how difficult they can be to be around. Impatience in adults often stems from ego and entitlement. When you consider the consequences of NOT teaching patience to a child, you’ll realize just how important it is to make them wait for that bowl of ice cream. It might just make them happier adults!
