Can Men Really Change?
Disclaimer: This article generalizes about men but doesn’t apply to all. If you know a man who defies these patterns, cherish that rare gem. No offense intended—this piece aims to empower women navigating relationship challenges.
The question “Can men really change?” surfaces often in relationships. Men and women differ fundamentally in their thoughts, feelings about sex and relationships, and approaches to change. Men rarely transform for a woman’s sake. They may offer temporary amends or compromises when a partner is upset, but lasting change is rare, as it is for anyone.
The Illusion of Changing Him
People evolve with age and experience, but expecting a man to become your ideal partner through pressure or patience is often wishful thinking. Growth occurs on their terms, sometimes only after losing you despite your efforts. By then, you may have moved on, unwilling to wait longer. Holding onto hope can breed resentment, turning the relationship into a source of frustration. Why pour energy into changing someone? If he’s causing misery, why stay?
Breaking the Cycle of Excuses
Many women tolerate unacceptable behavior, feeling compelled to endure it or even embracing a victim’s role. Some enable selfishness or miss signs that a man’s actions signal he’s unready for commitment. Men may avoid directly hurting women, using poor behavior to communicate disinterest. Yet, many women remain, trapped in a cycle of forgiveness and pain.
Staying doesn’t make you noble—it can reflect low self-confidence. Women may fear misjudging a man or believe all relationships will mirror the same struggles. Excuses, like taking blame for his cheating or late nights, stem from low self-worth, not love. Love doesn’t justify tolerating disrespect, making excuses, or hoping gifts and apologies will spark change.
The Truth About Change
Why would men change when women repeatedly forgive? Without consequences, they persist, knowing gestures can placate. Many relish having a woman waiting, offering minimal change to keep her hopeful. Genuine change comes only when they’re ready—often after you’ve left. The next partner may reap the benefits of your struggles, as loss can spur reflection and growth.
Choosing Self-Empowerment
Instead of trying to fix a man, seek those who’ve already learned from past mistakes. Men who value and respect you from the outset exist. Don’t let love excuse mistreatment. Men may assume that if you stay and complain, all is fine. Returning to intimacy after betrayal signals no need for change. A partner who doesn’t value your worth isn’t a life partner.
Life changes everyone, but waiting for a man to become someone else means you’re in love with a fantasy, not reality. Ask yourself: Are you shaping him for his next relationship, or do you want someone already aligned with your values? Prioritize your happiness, move on, and find a partner who doesn’t need fixing. True love thrives on mutual respect, not unfulfilled hopes.
15 Responses
Anything is possible with our lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Then pray for us
2 children 6 years together but fed up
Only if they are willing to receive the pleading of the Holy Ghost…and that’s a lifelong commitment.
Miracles happen..reverse ulimatums work…prayer works…being optimist and telling him you are gonna leave him and have another man in the wings waiting…
I like what article said about not getting an award for getting treated bad. I was really hopeful. He would say he wanted to become a responsible person and change. But he has a very vengeful attitude with everyone co-worker, siblings etc.., I believe he has morbid jealousy as he presented most if not all symptoms, drugs and alcohol 3 day binging maybe 1-2 a month, physically and verbally abusive, mood swings. We started getting closer to God attending service everyday then he said I was pressuring him so we stopped attending. This last time I did not entertain the idea of him coming home under the influence of alcohol and drugs I packed and left he accused me of living cause of cheating but not true like I said I did not argue or answer I just left before he would start humiliating me by checking me (my body), or becoming abusive. I know it was the safe thing to do but now I am questioning myself I should have stayed and slept it off maybe I overreacted he was just out drinking and using for 5 hours. But I know that for him it would not stop he just ran out of money and would probably be asking me for money like before and I give in cuz it gets frustrating. I love him but he is never going to change. Is he?? By the way he is 43.
Good article. I don’t wholly agree with everything that was said though. We are all different and we all have an inner voice that steers us if we allow ourselves to listen to that voice. I feel change can take place if you want someone badly enough. All things are possible through Christ Jesus. He gives us the hope that things can change when we allow Him to work in our lives.
This is brilliant!
What a great article! I agree 100%. I had already come to these conclusions (after many, many — too many — years), but to hear it from another is cathartic. No one will care more about me than me — and now it’s time to prove that. Thanks for your input and sentiment. It helps. As for those who believe miracles can happen, I agree, but life also requires common sense and if there’s no willingness to change — ain’t no miracle gonna come.
First of all it is most women nowadays that are very pathetic, brainless, clueless, worthless, and very money hungry altogether since they’re the ones that need to change, and get a real life as well since they just can’t like a man for who he really is anymore today. Most women which is real fact are gold diggers these days and will sleep around with a lot of men all the time for money which makes these type of women total losers as well. Most women just can’t even like a man for himself anymore today since they just want the Mr. Perfect type of a man to begin with, and since most women these days are very money hungry which certainly explains it. And to think how much different most women in the past were, since they were totally the opposite of today and real ladies as well which made the dating scene in those days very easy just like our family members had it back then at that time. Just too many awful loser women everywhere today that just can’t accept many of us good single men for who we really are since it is usually all about money for most women today unfortunately. And now you have these career women everywhere today with their six figure salary since the great majority of these women are so very high maintenance, independent, since they really don’t need a man to begin with, very selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, like i mentioned already, think they really are so very high and mighty, the biggest cheaters, since they really can’t even stay with only one man anymore today, no manners and personality when it comes to most of us single men, and like i mentioned already that these women are also very very money hungry as well. These are all very excellent reasons why so many of us good single men can’t find love at all today, especially when we will try to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really think is very nice too meet which they will usually most of the time be so very nasty to us and walk away to begin with. And there are times when they will Curse at us too for no reason at all.
You just willingly allowed yourself to become the victim in this article. Immediately turning the tables back to women being money hungry, gold diggers, spoiled, narcissists, constantly repeating yourself with the same negative outlook on women. Seems a little manipulative. This article is for awareness and clarity for some (not all). This wasn’t meant to be turned back around. Which brings me to ask the following question… How did you find this article anyway? You seem personally attacked…
Prayers you find yourself before you look for someone else to fill the void you are most certainly feeling…
Jeez. Incel alert 😂😂😂😂😂
This spoke to me on so many levels you have no idea thank you so much
I have seen the fruits of my labor in the few loves of my life benefitting the next woman who they decided to stay with- I know I was the reason why and the other woman they chose will never know. It seems I tend to love projects instead of whole men. It is happening now again, and I’m starting to wonder what is wrong with me. I have the option of available men who are whole, serious minded and think from a spiritual mindset, yet here I am feeling for a guy who is a charmer. I do see changes over the 5 months we started seeing each other, and I’ve broke it off several times telling him I’m not gonna be taking my time to show him the way, he doesn’t want to lose me and he is really going out of his way more and more and growing right in front of me. I don’t know if it’s enough to be permanent. I am focused on myself and other people right now. Open to love from others but he will have to make the changes if he wants to keep me, and it seems he does.
Thank you. This is what I needed to hear. Good straight talk.
It’s not a woman’s fault of a man doesn’t respect love and kindness