Change is full of hope and possibility. If you’re like many people, at first you feel motivated, driven, perhaps even passionate about the “new you” that awaits.

Until, gradually or suddenly, your mojo falls flat. Kaput.

There are many reasons that good intentions can veer off course. A holiday celebration or a big work project gets in the way. Or you lose your stride a tiny bit at a time as you navigate the natural ups and downs of life. 

Usually there are multiple factors that turn an exciting health goal into a challenge that seems too great. It’s a common story, but one that you can rewrite.

Mindset & habits

Oftentimes, the healthy changes you undertake are not truly difficult. That you are capable of accomplishing them.

But they require commitment and habit change. And those are tough for sure.

Our brains love predictability and ease. That’s why making healthy shifts to our nutrition or lifestyle routines can feel like too much effort. Too much discomfort.

But consider this. You’re probably experiencing discomfort already. Perhaps you’re tired or anxious, feeling inflamed or your digestion is off. Or it’s something else. Each of these symptoms is a form of discomfort, just of the familiar variety.

You get to choose. You can sit with the continued discomfort of your current symptoms, or choose the discomfort of trying new things, of committing to changes, of taking brave steps to ultimately feel better.

My clients who have embraced this mindset shift tend to be more successful in achieving their goals of eating healthier, gaining energy, sleeping better, and stabilizing their mood. They’re more at ease in their daily lives.

And if you believe that other people, the “healthy people,” have more willpower than you, or that they’re better at following through on their goals than you, think again. They likely just have better systems in place.

Here are five tips to help you ditch unhealthy habits and build new ones that nurture health. As you make changes, remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel resistance along the way.

1. Decide on your why. Maybe you want more energy, to lower your blood sugar to prevent diabetes, or you want to improve your resilience to stress and sleep more deeply. Keep your reasons, or your “whys,” in mind when the desire to bail pops up. Think about what becomes possible in your life once you accomplish your goal, or even get part of the way there. 

2. Take baby steps. Our brains get excited and ponder big and fast changes, which often backfire. Instead, commit to 1 or 2 small steps toward your larger goals. As those become routine after a few weeks, add more small steps. If your goal is to lower your blood sugar, you might want to do more home-cooking, load up your meals with fiber and protein, and take short walks after dinner. Bite off small pieces of these sub-goals. 

3. Don’t rely on motivation. It comes and goes, for everyone. If you wait to feel motivated, you’ll be hard pressed to create new healthy habits or ditch unhealthy ones. In fact, taking action often precedes motivation. You just start. This dovetails with the baby steps above. When you take action, the motivation and commitment tend to follow. 

4. Plan ahead for challenging situations: Create “if-then” plans to keep from derailing your goals when you attend a happy hour or go on vacation. If you’re invited to a party and you’re not sure what the hosts will serve, bring a dish to share that you know is both nutritious and delicious. If you’ve got a long travel day, pack a few protein-rich snacks to take with you. Anticipate surprises and prepare for them. 

5. Expect speedbumps. You are human, imperfect. Healthy habits can, and usually do, feel really challenging at some point, whether that’s during the first week or six months in. Perhaps you’ve you’re eating more sugar lately than you’d like, and you’re working out less frequently. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong. When you form a new healthy habit, your brain creates new neural pathways. It takes time for small pathways to become well-worn trails. As a result we experience these speedbumps. When you realize that speedbumps are natural, and not a sign of failure, you can pick yourself up, dust off the setback and keep moving toward your goals.

Whether you’re already working on a health goal now or contemplating your next move, remember that you have a choice. You can stick with the discomfort of your current symptoms, or accept the discomfort of trying new things, of committing to change, of taking brave steps to ultimately feel better.

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When two people who share the same wounds, fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting, the constant hum of will they leave? Falling in love, it can feel like finally being understood. And it is. But it is also one of the most tender and complicated dances, according to the American Psychological Association, a relationship can hold.

What happens when the same wounds collide? Two people with the same fears can accidentally become each other’s triggers. One partner pulls back, not because they do not care, but because closeness feels dangerous. If the other reads that distance as abandonment and their own fear ignites, they reach out desperately or shut down completely.

Just like that, two people who love each other deeply are caught in a cycle neither one started, and neither one wants. This is not a sign that you are incompatible. It is a sign that you are both human, and that your old wounds are asking, loudly, to be healed.

Personally, I struggle with this and have learned to ask important questions about my current reality in a relationship. To look at the possibility that love no longer has to hurt in order to feel real. Maybe it is not always about chasing something new. Maybe sometimes it is about becoming safe enough to receive what my heart has been calling in all along.

What if the urge to interpret, analyze or prepare for a shift is not intuition, but conditioning briefly surfacing in a reality that has already changed? And as that becomes clear, my system can update more quickly, recognizing that this moment does not require protection. It allows presence.

How do I notice the difference between a past pattern that is remembered and one that is actually active? Because memory can echo without being alive. And as you recognize that, those thoughts lose their authority, becoming just mental activity, not truth.

What happens when I allow trust to build from the evidence I have already created, rather than questioning it? With each moment I remain connected to myself, trust stabilizes, becoming something I experience, not something I try to generate.

Is it possible that the expectation of someone leaving is simply an outdated prediction that no longer matches my current reality? Outdated predictions can fade as my system recognizes consistency and begins to accept it as normal.

What shifts when I stop referencing who I used to be and fully experience who I already am? Because when the past is no longer used as a measuring stick, my system settles into what is already true.

From this space, the deeper truth continues to settle in. Thoughts can echo without being true. Trust is not something I have to generate. It is something that stabilizes as I stay connected to myself. Consistency is safe now. Calm is real. There is no need to prepare for loss and no need to go back and check if the old version of me is still there. I do not need to keep confirming that. And maybe that is where real love begins. Not in the absence of fear, but in the decision to stay present with someone even while the fear is still in the room.

The love worth having is not to love each other perfectly. It is to love each other honestly. To stay when fear says run. To reach out when the reflex says hide. Two people with the same wounds, choosing to stay, do not just survive each other. They help each other grow into people who know, maybe for the first time, that love does not have to hurt to be real, and that staying does not have to be earned every single day.

That is not a small thing. That might be everything. Two broken compasses, one direction home.

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There are five ways to find this type of solace that are simple and do not take a lot of effort or time. Each one will boost your sense of purpose and over time provide comfort, hope, and connection.

1. Go outside every day. Do you have a special place you’ve traveled to where you can close your eyes and be there instantly? Chances are it was somewhere in nature. For me if I go to a body of water, especially the ocean, I immediately feel grounded and at peace. There is profound healing when we are among living organisms much older than we are, that simply exist and have survived enormous shifts over time.Being in nature every day can also help you create a daily ritual, which is an important way to connect (or reconnect) to your authentic self. This easy practice can help to lower any physiological stress and encourage quiet reflection. Cutting out all external stimulation (social media, music, podcasts, etc) and letting our senses absorb the environment lets our thoughts flow easily without the filter of someone else’s thoughts. This ritual brings clarity about your grief and what is actually important to you becomes evident.

2. Plan a pot luck dinner party. If you are experiencing a death loss, plan a get together with friends and family members who knew your person, and have everyone bring a favorite food or dish they enjoyed with that person. Share the story of how you met, the funniest memory, or a time they surprised you. Participating in a meal collectively while remembering someone who is gone is a meaningful way to normalize the pain of losing the people we love. You might learn something new about your person while also feeling more connected in your grief.

3. Engage in a new hobby. Most of us have an activity or a hobby that we used to love and spend time engaging in. Or maybe there is something you heard about or saw on a local social media reel that looks appealing? Now is the time to take the next step and go! It doesn’t have to become your next passion, the point is to do something that brings you enjoyment, provides a distraction, and gets you out with other people.

4. Find a cause to volunteer your time. The benefits of community service work are numerous. You are able to make a real contribution towards a charitable foundation and directly impact peoples’ lives just by showing up and giving your time. You are able to have a broader perspective of not only grief and loss but of the resilience of the human spirit. It is a powerful act that will remind you what it means to be courageous.

5. Create a neighborhood anchor. Find a neutral space in your community where you can become a regular. Maybe it’s a coffee shop, a park, a library, or a community garden. When you regularly show up at such a place, it provides a low stakes level of social engagement where over time you will become a familiar face and a part of the landscape. Eventually you will be recognized by other regulars and have somewhere other than work and home where you belong.

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Many women carry this question quietly, not because they aren’t accomplishing anything but because they are measuring themselves and their worth against expectations that seem impossible to satisfy.

We must stop and ask ourselves, who would I be without all that pressure? What might be possible if I stopped trying to earn something that was already mine? My worth.

The pressure of meeting expectations comes from all directions. Externally it comes from family, workplace demands, social media and cultural messages that tell women they should somehow excel in every role simultaneously. Often, pressure comes from within. We become our own toughest critic, telling ourselves we should be doing more, giving more, achieving more, handling more and holding it all together. We have learned to measure our worth by what we produce, accomplish or provide for others.

We hold ourselves to standards we would never expect from someone we love and because we have held on to those standards for so long, we no longer question them.

Eventually rest begins to feel irresponsible and self-care feels selfish.

The feeling of not doing enough often has very little to do with actual effort and much more to do with constantly shifting expectations. The goalpost keeps moving, making it nearly impossible to feel successful no matter how much we accomplish.

Perhaps the real burden isn’t the workload itself. It’s the belief we should always be doing more. Over time, that pressure leads to exhaustion. Not because we are incapable but because we are trying to live up to expectations that were never designed to have an end point.

Here are 4 ways to release the pressure of feeling like you’re not doing enough.

Identify the source of the pressure. The first step is awareness. Ask yourself, “is this an expectation I set for myself or one I have adopted from someone else?” Sometimes what we carry is rooted in old beliefs about what makes us worthy, valuable, successful or lovable. Before you can release an expectation, you must understand where it came from and why you’ve continued to carry it. Asking this simple question doesn’t immediately lighten the load, but awareness gives you the opportunity to decide whether that expectation deserves a place in your life.

Challenge the stories you’re telling yourself. Many of us have learned to connect our worth to our productivity. We’ve connected being needed to being valuable and mistaken worth for performance. We tell ourselves we must earn our value and prove ourselves. These stories no longer serve us. Achievement and worth are not the same thing. Our value is not determined by your job title, your accomplishments, how organized, productive, supportive or successful you are. You are valuable because you exist.

Give yourself permission to rest. Rest is not laziness, selfishness or something to be earned. It is a necessary part of being human. Rest should no longer be an afterthought for your wellness routines. Start seeing it for what it truly is: the foundation for your capacity to show up for your life. There will always be another task, another responsibility, and another item on the to-do list. Learning to pause before everything is finished is an act of self-respect and self-care.

Define “enough” for yourself. The problem with “enough” is that most of us never define it, therefore, the goalpost keeps moving and we’re never able to reach it. Ask yourself, “what does enough look like for me in this season of life?” Once you have a precise definition of what enough looks like daily, weekly, monthly, etc. you will feel less pressure to reach a finish line that doesn’t exist.

There will always be more to do, another task, another responsibility and more expectations. Will you continue measuring your worth by what remains unfinished or allow yourself to recognize everything you’ve already done? The goal isn’t to do more, the goal is to stop carrying the belief that you are not enough until you do.

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Later in life, I personally faced tough times with money, family, and health. My usual ways of coping didn’t work, and things got progressively worse. Experiencing personal and professional crises led me to seek new ways to deal with challenges, which changed how I saw things. These experiences inspired me to become a coach and help others build resilience and navigate hard times with a new, skillful approach.

Those obstacles were turning points for me and made me think about what it means to be brave. Through this process, I came up with the idea and term I coined called “Benevoliefs,” which helped me look at my problems in a new way, no matter how big or small they were.

Because of this, I created a simple approach to help myself and others handle change, using a practical five-step tool to build bravery.

1. Positive beliefs about yourself that help you reach your potential, face tough times, and turn negative thoughts into empowering ones. For example, if you think, “I cannot see a way forward in my job or career,” a Benevolief would be, “I choose to believe in my future clearly and am ready to start a heroic journey to achieve my goals.”
2. It means practicing courage like a lion by noticing your stress and anxiety, taking a short pause, and choosing new beliefs that help you feel better. Notice when you need to make a change and commit to it. Face your feelings, deal with any resistance, and have a backup plan ready.
3. It is about building your own A-Team with a support system; you don’t have to face your fears alone. Friends, mentors, and colleagues can make a big difference in how you feel and act. Encouragement and advice help you remain motivated, on track, and accountable. The right team helps you move forward and keep going, even when times get tough.
4. It means picturing where you want to go and how to get there. Make a plan and be honest and kind with yourself as you do. Creating a vision board can help you see your goals clearly and remind you of what you want to achieve.

5. Engagement. It is about connecting actions to the goals and targets set forth. This is the personal playbook you put in place and use to handle the unknown by staying focused and learning as much as you can. Keep believing in your commitment and monitor your progress using the BRAVE acronym.

Being brave means picking beliefs that help you, noticing your feelings, asking for support, having a clear vision, and staying involved. The Brave Anchor is a tool to help you face fear and uncertainty as you grow and succeed. The BRAVE approach is what keeps me balanced, and I hope you find something useful here.

At times, I would use the visual depiction of a lion and believe I could, too, develop a killer instinct and survival mechanisms in fight-or-flight situations. Or just wander through my problems and understand I could be walking in a jungle with no navigation.

Creating visual depictions of ourselves can help us solve problems in different ways. Lions form strong bonds within their prides, working together or in pairs to protect their territory.

We can choose to leap forward, guard what matters, and build something new. Staying brave can give us the strength to do it.

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Appeasing others often feels easier. Easier than saying no, causing disappointment or feeling like you need to explain yourself. In the moment, a single, simple yes may not seem like much but over time those yeses begin to add up.

Each “yes” takes.

Your time.

Your energy.

Your attention.

Your space.

When your space fills up with things that don’t align there is less room for the things that do.

Saying no isn’t always about setting boundaries. Sometimes saying no is about discernment. It’s about being honest with yourself. Recognizing what feels right and what doesn’t and understanding not every opportunity, every request, or every expectation is meant for you. Every time you say yes to something that isn’t aligned, you’re unintentionally saying no to something that is.

We only have so much room on our schedule, and within our capacity.

When you take time to listen to yourself more closely, when you pause before responding to  with an automatic, people pleasing “yes”, you’re choosing to be intentional with your time and energy.

You’re not saying you don’t care.

You’re not saying you don’t want to help.

You’re simply saying my time is valuable and I’m going to be intentional with how I spend it.

Saying no can be kind, calm, clear and intentional. It can sound like, “I’m not able to take that on right now,” “that doesn’t feel aligned for me,” “I’m going to pass this time, but thank you for considering me.” Or very simply, “no, thank you.”

Simple and honest.

As soon as you begin to respond with discernment you create space for what truly matters. When your life is filled with automatic “Yes’s” it leaves very little room for intention. The moment you begin to choose more honestly and intuitively you make room for what is aligned, what has purpose and what genuinely matters to you.

4 Ways to Practice Saying “No” with Discernment 

1. Pause before you answer.

Give yourself a moment. Check in with yourself before responding out of habit. If someone is asking for your time and energy, ask them for the time to consider how this commitment may impact you and those close to you. A simple “let me get back to you on that” gives you time to make a thoughtful decision.

2. Ask yourself: Do I really want to do this?

Not, should I? Or can I? But do I really want to? It’s ok to give your permission to say no simply because you don’t want to do something. Not wanting to do something is your mind, body, and intuition signaling that whatever it is does not align.

3. Pay attention to how it feels.

Does saying yes immediately feel stressful, overwhelming or draining? That subtle tension, hesitation or resistance is worth paying attention to. Don’t push past it, evaluate it. Often your body knows before your mind has an opportunity to catch up. Pay attention to your body’s reaction. Those signals are often guiding you towards what is, and isn’t, aligned.

4. Release the need to explain.

A clear and respectful no is enough. You don’t need to over explain, justify or defend your decision to make it acceptable to anyone else. Explaining often comes from a desire to be understood or avoid disappointing others. Your decision doesn’t require approval to be valid.

Every yes carries weight. What you continue to say yes to will shape your days, affect your energy and influence your life. Choose with intention. Not every opportunity is meant for you and not every request deserves your time. When you begin to say no to what isn’t aligned, you begin creating space for what is.

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At first, it’s easy to lose motivation before we begin. The important thing is to commit and keep going with purpose and repetition. This takes a growth mindset, focus from the start, and honesty about when we need to adjust.

Here are five steps you can follow to build and keep better habits:

1. Start by being honest with yourself. Find a quiet spot, take a few deep breaths, and think about which habit you want to change. Pick one or two to focus on first.
2. Notice what you believe right now and let those beliefs guide you. Ask yourself whether your current beliefs are still helpful and consider what new beliefs could support positive change.
3. Ask someone you trust to help keep you accountable. Sharing your goals with them can help you stay on track, be honest about your progress, and get support when you need to make changes.
4. Think about why you want to make a change. Notice how your feelings, health, and energy are affected by your habits.
5. Remember to celebrate when you feel clear and focused. Take time to connect with others, reflect on how far you’ve come, and enjoy your progress.

Why do habits matter so much in our lives? They shape our purpose, help us reach our potential, and support us in becoming our best selves. Without good habits, our health, work, and relationships can suffer. Most importantly, improving our daily habits helps us keep learning and build self-love and respect by focusing on what matters most.

Replacing a habit may not override the old one; science shows that neural pathways can keep both an old and a new habit active at the same time. Factors like environment, triggers, and the pain linked to the former habit all affect how we change and manage the habits we want to shift.

Tools like the habit loop can help find the cue for a routine that leads to a reward, choose a keystone area such as health, and apply a micro action aligned with it that you can do anytime. These are a few techniques you can use to support positive habit change.

In addition, some may benefit from a more formal or structured support system, such as therapy or group sessions, for more severe addictive habits to prevent relapse. It’s also helpful to know that recovery often involves setbacks before a turnaround.

I believe that when we lead with courage, optimism, and honesty, we handle challenges better by keeping a brave mindset. Still, building mindful habits is not always easy or predictable, since it depends on our personality, genetics, and environment. Our personal standards can motivate us to build new habits and improve the ones we already have. Even when faced with consequences, such as in health or relationships, reasons to develop better habits can make or break a situation and/or outcome.

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When we experience trauma, our bodies remember. Even long after the event has passed, our nervous system holds the imprint. It holds it in shoulder tension, chest tightness, shallow breath when we encounter triggers. Understanding how to heal trauma in the body isn’t about “fixing” ourselves or rushing toward resolution.

Rather, it’s about creating a compassionate relationship with our nervous system and learning to tend to wounds that live beneath the surface. The good news is that there are gentle, accessible ways to begin. The practices that honor your pace and support your nervous system in finding safety again start here.

The Wisdom of the Nervous System

Your nervous system is profoundly intelligent. When it perceives a threat, it activates protective responses, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, that once served you during difficult times.

The challenge is that our nervous systems can remain in these heightened states long after the danger has passed. You might experience chronic muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, digestive issues, heightened sensitivity to sounds or touch, feeling disconnected from your body, or racing thoughts.

These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re evidence of a nervous system working overtime to protect you, even when protection is no longer needed. Recovering from psychological trauma means gently teaching your body that it’s safe to relax, to feel, to be present in this moment.

Here are 6 ways to begin your healing journey.

1. Somatic Awareness

One of the most powerful ways to work with trauma in the body is through somatic practices. Approaches that engage the wisdom of your physical self. Somatic experiencing exercises invite you to notice and befriend the sensations in your body, creating new pathways for healing.

You don’t need special training or equipment to begin. Start by placing your hand on your heart and taking a few slow breaths. Notice the rise and fall of your chest. Breathe deep into your belly and hold it at the top. Feel the warmth of your palm. This simple act of presence can begin to shift your nervous system from protection to connection.

2. The Power of Breath

Breathing exercises for anxiety are some of the most accessible natural remedies for mental health available to us. Our breath is the bridge between our conscious mind and our autonomic nervous system. When we slow and deepen our breathing, we signal to our body that we are safe.

Try this gentle practice. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four, hold briefly, then exhale through your mouth for a count of six. The longer exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for rest and restoration. Even two minutes of conscious breathing can create a noticeable shift.

3. Creating Safety in Your Body

Trauma often leaves us feeling unsafe in our own skin. Part of learning how to heal trauma in the body involves consciously creating experiences of safety and feeling grounded. This isn’t about positive thinking or willing yourself to feel different. It’s about giving your nervous system tangible evidence that you are safe right now.

4. Grounding Through the Senses

Your five senses are powerful anchors to the present. When you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed or dissociated, use sensory awareness to come back to your body. Look around and name five things you can see. Listen for four sounds. Find three things you can physically touch. Acknowledge two things you can smell. Notice one thing you can taste.

This simple practice interrupts the trauma response and reminds your nervous system where and when you actually are.

5. Movement as Medicine

Throughout my healing journey, I’ve discovered that embodied movement has been one of my greatest teachers. Our bodies hold stories, and sometimes the most profound healing happens not through words, but through allowing ourselves to move freely.

You don’t need to dance like a professional. What matters is giving yourself permission to move authentically. Put on music that moves your soul and allow your body to respond. Shake out your arms. Sway gently.

Even five minutes of free movement can help release stored tension. For trauma survivors especially, reclaiming empowerment over our bodies through joyful movement is healing, it’s an act of reclamation.

6. Nature’s Gentle Support

As a long-time friend of the flowers, I’ve witnessed how nature offers profound support for nervous system healing. Flower therapy works energetically to help balance challenging emotions, offering subtle yet powerful shifts. Spending time in nature itself is one of the most accessible natural remedies for mental health. Simply sitting beneath a tree can reduce stress hormones and support nervous system regulation. Nature reminds us of rhythms larger than our pain, of cycles of death and rebirth, of growing beauty even in difficult soil.

7. The Importance of Pacing

Healing from trauma doesn’t happen on anyone else’s timeline. There’s no “right” way to recover. Pushing yourself too hard can actually re-traumatize your nervous system.

Trauma-informed care recognizes that healing happens in small, incremental steps. Some days, simply getting out of bed is an act of courage. Both rest days and growth days are valid. Give yourself permission to go slowly, to rest when needed, and to say no when something doesn’t feel right. Your body’s signals are important information.

8. Building Your Support System

While there are many practices you can explore on your own, recovering from psychological trauma often requires support from others. Consider working with a trauma-informed therapist or coach, joining support groups, engaging with trusted friends or family, or exploring bodywork with practitioners trained in trauma-sensitive approaches. Remember, asking for support isn’t a sign of weakness. It is an act of wisdom and self-compassion.

As you begin to explore how to heal trauma in the body, remember that transformation often happens in the smallest moments. The first time you notice your breath becoming shallow, consciously slow it. The moment you feel your feet on the ground and recognize you are safe. The day you move your body with freedom.

These moments accumulate. They become new neural pathways, new stories your nervous system tells itself. You are not broken or damaged beyond repair. You are a human being with an incredibly resilient nervous system that has been doing its best to protect you. And now, with gentleness and patience, you can begin to teach it that safety is possible, that healing is available, that wholeness is your birthright.

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Sleep is the foundation for how we feel and function. Many with ADHD know this the hard way. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation makes you even more distracted and forgetful the next day which can make it harder to get into bed on time. It can feel like a hopeless catch-22.

Procrastination and inefficiencies during the day can push tasks later into the night and thereby push sleep along with it. You may also find it easier to get stuff done when the world quiets down and you can work uninterrupted.

Or you lose track of time or feel like it’s finally your chance to do what you want. Those with ADHD tend to be night owls, so it can feel impossible to quiet your mind enough to fall asleep even when you do get into bed on time.

Better Nights Make Better Days

Sleep may feel elusive, but it’s worth investing in. Even just getting an extra half hour will make a difference tomorrow.

1. Commit to a Real Bedtime. Morning problems are often night problems. If you have trouble getting up in the morning or getting out the door on time, the first culprit to consider is when you went to bed. If your brain isn’t fully recharged, then the first cost of staying up too late is a foggier, more rushed morning. Plus, it may also slide your whole day later so it’s harder to get into bed on time tonight. Be intentional about what you do with your evening time. Having a real bedtime, not just a loose suggestion, adds some deadline pressure to your night. If you say that sleep is a priority, then that means other activities get cut once it gets too late.

2. Get More Done During the Day. Stealing from sleep can feel like the only way to get it all in, but it isn’t sustainable. Night problems are often day problems, so focus on getting more done earlier. This may involve managing your ADHD better so that you can use time more efficiently. This may also mean taking a hard look at everything on your plate and trimming some back. If you feel like you’re too often disappointing people, you may worry that you can’t say no, but it’s much better to commit to less and complete more of it. A more peaceful day also makes it easier to fall asleep.

3. Get into Bed Together. If your romantic partner goes to bed close to your desired bedtime, then make a commitment to go to bed when they do. This also means resisting the temptation to do just one more thing because one easily becomes five. This shared goal not only makes it more likely that you will stick to the plan, but it also gives you some important time together. Avoid stressful topics or you will want to avoid getting into bed together. Focus on enjoying each other and connection. After a busy day, this will put you back on the same team.

4. Don’t Jet Lag Yourself on Weekends. If you’re a night owl or didn’t quite get enough sleep during the week, it can be tempting to catch up on weekends. The problem is that it messes up your circadian rhythm which makes it harder to fall asleep at the right time and makes you less alert during the day. Same goes for naps that are too long or too late, so keep them to less than half an hour and in the middle of the day.

5. Melatonin Won’t Rescue You from Bad Habits. Melatonin and other supplements promise better sleep, but they’re less powerful than bad sleep habits. If your sleep schedule is all over the place, your body won’t know when to feel awake or tired. If you’re slugging down caffeine to survive the day, there will be too much in your system at bedtime, so you won’t sleep well. If you’re doing fun or activating stuff at night (other than sex) then of course you don’t feel tired. Rather than looking to a pill bottle for salvation from your sleep sins, focus on good habits.

Good sleep requires consistency and solid follow through, both of which are harder with ADHD, so cut yourself some slack. If you fall off the horse, get back on. The goal is to rack up more nights that are closer to your right amount of sleep. This sets you up to tackle the day with bold purpose in your heart and a confident smile on your face. 

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If getting things done in a consistent and predictable way has always been a struggle for you, ADHD may be the culprit.

Unaddressed, it leads to too many embarrassing experiences of dropping the ball or just barely getting over the finish line on time. No matter how much you beat yourself up, your behavior doesn’t change enough next time. It’s demoralizing.

Manage Your ADHD So It Doesn’t Manage You

If you know or suspect you have ADHD, you will need to be more intentional about getting things done and staying centered. The reward is passionately pursuing your goals because you’re confident in your ability to achieve them.

1. Figure Out What Matters Most.

Being busy is not the same as being productive. It only counts if you’re doing what matters most. Life and work always have more tasks than time. If you’re not clear about priorities, and therefore what is less of a priority, then you will be ruled by whatever just happened or is noisiest. You will be a passenger in your own life. Instead, invest the cognitive effort to really think about what most deserves your energy. Then invest some emotional effort to tolerate the discomfort of letting some things go.

2. Kill the Competition.

ADHD makes it harder to filter out distractions and temptations. They hit your attention hard. So, rather than trying to not be distracted by distractions, it’s much more effective to block, minimize, or reduce them beforehand. Don’t roll those dice. Stay connected to your focus.

3. Yes, You Need a Real Schedule and To Do List.

Just remembering may work sometimes, but it also leads to a lot of last-minute scrambling and hits to your reputation. Yes, sometimes you will need to make yourself pause and put a task into your schedule or to do list. ADHD can feel like unstoppable momentum. Looking at a long list may just remind you of everything you still haven’t done. Remember that these are living documents. You will add events and tasks and also you will decide to delete some off. Writing something down doesn’t make it a blood oath.

4. Get Serious About Sleep

Stealing time from sleep can feel like a get out of jail free card. You may even tell yourself that you don’t need much sleep. You do. Sleep deprivation will suck away your productivity tomorrow and also make you less fun to hang out with. Your bedtime is a real deadline, not a suggestion. It will help you start your day felling alive and focused.

5. Admit It When You Blow It

If your batting average is sometimes lower than you wish it would be, then it’s extra important to be good at apologizing and making some amends. Since ADHD makes it harder to reliably convert intentions into actions, it’s also important to tell people in a genuine and believable way that you took the task seriously, that their happiness is important to you, and that you’re working hard even if it doesn’t always show. This is the brave part and a crucial component to your being effective.

6. Maybe It’s Time to Consider Medication

If you continue to feel like you’re working harder than you want to be and don’t have enough to show for it, then it might be time to consider medication. Most people with ADHD find that it works quite well and with manageable side effects. If you had diabetes, you wouldn’t chastise yourself that you just need to work harder. You still need to make wise choices, but medication makes it easier to follow that good plan.

This is bigger Than ADHD. The point of managing your ADHD bravely and more effectively is to create a life you can be excited about, where you feel valued as a contributor, and remain eager for the next opportunity.

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