Caught in the Act by your Children – What Should you Say?

Remember when you were a teenager and your parents walked in on you and your boy/girl friend making out? You thought that nothing in the world could ever be more embarrassing, right?

Then….you have kids. And on that rare evening when everyone went to bed without a fuss and you and your spouse are having some quiet, romantic moments in bed the door flies open and you hear, “Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?” Suddenly being caught in the act by your parents so many years ago is a bygone memory and now you are flooded with the terror of what in the world you are going to say to your children! How are you going to explain yourself out of this one? And worse, will your child be so traumatized by what their little eyes just saw that they will need some sort of deep counseling when they get older?

Let’s face it. It’s hard to live in your home with your family and always make sure that private moments stay private. Even under the best of circumstances, with the best locks on the doors, and air purifier fans running on high to drown out any noise or mattress squeaking – your kids will find a way to catch you having sex. And while they will probably need counseling at some point in their life, for something that you have done – it will not likely be because of this. So relax!

The answer to what you should do next varies greatly depending upon age. If it was your toddler who walked on in you while you and your partner were deep thrusting, you can pretty much explain it off as just about anything. You can say you were getting a massage, having a wrestling match or otherwise just having fun. Chances are that distracting your toddler from what they just saw (and heard) will be much easier than it will be to get your groove on again. Before the age of 5, children don’t really know what sex is, and saying that you were just having mommy and daddy time will probably suffice. Another great way to handle the situation, is to make the question rhetorical. When they ask you what you were doing, ask him or her what he or she thinks you were doing. The worst thing that will come from this is your toddler or pre-schooler will likely be sharing the fact that mommy and daddy wrestle naked to their grandparents, or at some large family function.

If your child is older, but still too young to really understand the ideas of sex, it is best to talk to them about it in the most age appropriate language possible. You can tell them that you were loving one another, without going into the nitty-gritty details of what sex is, or how it occurs. Older children tend to get frightened, but also have some intuitive reactions that kick in which make them feel just as embarrassed as you are. In other words, they get the fact that they walked in on something they weren’t supposed to. You can compare it to them busting you out for playing Santa on Christmas Eve. Your best course of action is to get dressed and talk to them, and figure out what they are feeling. Still, resist from being blatantly honest about the act of sex, and explain to them that sometimes grown-ups do some pretty special things.

As your children get much older, even move closer to the ledge of teen hood – you can pretty much bet they know what’s going on in the bedroom. Even if you have not had “the talk,” with them – realize that they take sex ed in school, and have more access to information than you ever truly know. Plus, there will be kids at their school who talk about sex and sex acts in front of them – and while they may still be innocently minded, they are listening. The good news is that they might barge in on you once, but will likely knock every other time after that if they happened to catch you in the act of making love. There’s nothing worse to a teen than seeing mom and dad naked, kiss, or do anything that has the resemblances of young love or lust. In other words, it probably freaks them out even more than it freaks you out. The last thing older children want to know is that mom and dad are still young enough to ‘get it on!’

If you think back into your own childhood, you can probably still remember the first time you caught your own parents in the act. Remember how horrified you felt? So many parents worry that if their child sees them having sex, the child will lose respect for the parent. Listen; there WILL be a time in their life – sitting in some 6th grade science class when they will have a very brilliant picture painted for them about how they were conceived. And they won’t lose respect for you. They will certainly think the whole thing is gross, disgusting and slightly deplorable – but not disrespectful. The way you handle (or not) sexual issues in your home with your child will play a large part in how they feel about their own sexuality. So, it is important that you handle any and all sex talks – even those that involve you – delicately and with the ideals about sex that you want your child to learn in mind.

Last but not least….have responsible parental sex by always trying to make sure that doors are locked, and that somehow the sounds are muffled. This way not only will you be able to enjoy yourself more thoroughly, but hopefully your child’s interruption will not include a visual.



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