Today’s parents are the ultimate overachievers. Our children are involved in more activities than ever before, many parents work grueling long hours to provide all the wants and desires of their families, and yet, they are stricken with a sense of guilt-induced parenting, feeling as though they are still not doing enough for or with their children.
A few decades ago, likely when you were growing up, your parents sent you out to the yard to play—unsupervised—so they could have some time alone or enjoy a cocktail with friends. In fact, a long-standing rule about children was that they were to be seen and not heard. But not anymore! Today, we are raising children who are the center of the universe, have little respect for what their parents provide for them, and who live in a constant state of “want more” and “have more” from a very young age.
This makes it very difficult for some parents to cherish the time they have without their children.
The Impact of Parenting Today
A 2011 study by the Daily Health Bulletin indicated that around 33% of all parents today are suffering from depression. This depression stems from many things, one major factor being the parental guilt that they are not doing a good enough job parenting their kids. Even more frightening is that around 47% of all parents take some form of nerve medication designed to help them feel more at ease, less stressed, and happier so they can “enjoy” their family time even more. Additionally, fewer parents today are taking reprieves from their kids, such as vacations or even date nights out—something that has been less common than in years past.
Two decades ago, it was commonplace for parents to hire the teenager down the street to babysit their children so mom and dad could go out for a nice meal and enjoy drinks uninterrupted by the pitter-patter of little feet. Today, fewer parents participate in such inexpensive outings without their children, feeling compelled to include their kids in every activity they do. Instead of the couple taking a cruise for a week and leaving the kids with the grandparents, families are now opting for family Disney cruises.
Could this play a significant part in the fact that we have the highest divorce rates in history? Could this be why so many parents are depressed? Could it be that being overly committed to your children to the point where you feel nervous or anxious—or like a “bad parent”—when they are not around is one of the pitfalls of this new brand of parenting?
At some point, you have to realize as a parent that not only are you a parent, but you are also a person. It is frightening to think that some parents have no other passion than their children. It is even more concerning to think that there are adults who cannot enjoy themselves unless they are in the presence of their kids. And worse, even though mom and dad may be trying to make the most of the time they have with their children, they are putting quite a bit of pressure on their kids.
Researchers believe that parents who do not have lives outside of their children cause their kids, even from a very young age, to feel responsible for their parent’s happiness. This can inhibit your child’s ambitions and behaviors as they grow older. According to some staggering statistics, around 40% of children with behavioral problems that require medication have parents who are considered “helicopter parents” or who are suffering from anxiety or depression themselves.
The family dynamic has changed greatly over the years. Instead of sending the kids out to play, to make tracks in the dirt, to explore, to have fun, and to busy themselves, parents have become the cure-all for boredom, limiting their children’s creativity and ability to self-soothe. And in the process, parents have become invisible people, struggling to understand their own wants and needs, and losing their own personal passion for life.
The bad news is that your children will grow up. At some point, your children will become individuals who will pursue lives of their own. When that happens, where will you be? Will you be trying to figure out who you are, why you are so unhappy, and what went wrong in your relationship?
There is a great deal of research that proves, beyond a doubt, that a happy parent makes a happy child. While the new rule of thumb is to “put your kids first,” the truth is that parents also need to put themselves first and seek out their own happiness to harmonize the home environment. Your kids may cling to you when they are little, but it is only natural for them to seek independence—and they want you to have some semblance of your own happiness.
Cherishing time without your children is not a bad thing. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to admit—and act upon—the fact that your children sometimes drive you crazy. In fact, it makes you human. Even better, when you and your children are reunited, it will better equip you to be the warm, loving, calm, and collected parent you want to be, rather than the grumpy and always stressed-out parent your child sees. No matter how much you provide for your children in terms of time and money, it is the quality of the time spent that your children will remember.
So go. Do. Get away from those kids for a while and don’t look back. Enjoy the time you have without them. In the end, it will help you enjoy the time you have with them even more.
