Hindsight really is 20/20. This adage rings true for many aspects of life, but perhaps none more so than when reflecting on the process of watching our children grow up. One day, it feels as though all your energy is consumed by the excitement of either becoming or being pregnant. Then, suddenly, all of your attention shifts to childbirth. Shortly thereafter, you become a parent—flesh and blood, fully responsible for the life of your child. And from the moment your child is born, one thing is certain: He or she is blissfully and inevitably growing AWAY from you, which is precisely how it is meant to be.
Each milestone your infant achieves—from supporting their own head, to grasping your hand, to holding their own bottle or sleeping more than three hours at a time—is a giant step toward the inevitable reality of your child becoming an adult.
The Circle of Life
Raising children is living proof of the larger, majestic circle of life that has been turning since the dawn of mankind. One day, regardless of where you are right now, you will wake up to the sunshine and realize there is a semi-adult where a baby used to be. At that moment, the realization that children grow up far too quickly will wash over you.
Most parents will likely admit that while you’re in the throes of parenting, it’s hard to take time to appreciate the beautiful, fleeting pipeline of life that surrounds you. In the early stages, having an infant in the house is exhausting. You wonder if you’ll ever sleep through an entire night again without being woken by shrieks and screams. Your life becomes a mounting pile of diapers, feeding times, and snuggling with a tiny human who cannot yet tell you that they love you. Yet, after what feels like forever (but is actually just an instant), your child is holding your hands and trying to take their first steps. They begin calling you by name, wrapping their arms around you, and telling you that they love you. Though you’re still tired, you’re so enamored by the sheer cuteness of this little person that you can hardly think of anything else. During this infatuation stage, which is believed to be necessary for survival through the teenage years, the world seems to revolve around your child.
As a toddler grows into a preschooler and begins developing a mind of their own, you long for the days when they didn’t yet know how to speak. It’s estimated that a five-year-old asks about 400 questions per day, most of which are directed at their parents, who are still seen as having all the answers. Then, they walk through the wide doors into a world of teachers and education, leaving behind their infatuation with mom and dad. This is the time when parents become nostalgic for the “old days” and may feel consumed by the guilt that comes with wishing they had done things differently—better!
Next, your child is graduating from elementary school. They start having friends of their own and developing a desire for a life outside the home that involves nearly anyone but mom and dad. They begin to ask fewer questions and put on the facade of being so independent, it might feel like they no longer need you. But they do. In fact, it’s even more important to keep your hands out, ready to steady them if they fall, and help them find their balance—more so than when they were one year old. At this point, the consequences of a fall are much more serious, and the risks are greater than just a scraped knee or a missing tooth. What makes it so difficult is the steady, silent push away from you that comes from your child. Again, many parents are filled with guilt and left with hundreds of unanswered questions. It’s easy to feel emotional when you see your daughter wearing a bra for the first time, watch your son go on his first date, or hand them the keys to a car that will only take them further away from you. And, of course, you feel regret and wonder whether you’ve done the right thing.
Then, one day, just like that— in the blink of an eye— they are gone. All you can see are the pictures from their childhood: the photo you took when they got their first tooth, the one from when they lost it, their first day of kindergarten, and the cute little play they performed when they graduated preschool. Memories of softball games, birthday parties, and holidays play through your mind like an old film reel. You relive the fights and arguments, and the overwhelming worry about whether you did enough, or too much. More pictures of first dates, and memories of wiping away tears, will seem like they happened just yesterday. Eighteen years will have passed in what feels like five minutes. You’ll wish you had taken that trip to Disney. You’ll wish you had spent more time as a family. You’ll wish, with all your heart, that you could rewind time and go back to those singular moments of parenthood—when you were their everything, when you could control their fate, and constantly ensure their well-being and happiness were wrapped in the blanket of your love.
But you can’t. All you can do is wait, with hopeful anticipation, for the day when their wings grow tired from solo flying and they return to your arms, reaching for your hands in the same way you reached for theirs—what feels like just yesterday. Yes, children grow up far too fast.
