When a child is born, the last thing anyone wants to think about is death. However, in light of the birth, thinking about a sudden or untimely death is perhaps one of the most important things you can do. For many people, having their first child brings about the realization that you aren’t invincible. Since nobody can accurately predict the future or foresee unfortunate events, it is vital to carefully consider decisions regarding the care of your children. If you don’t, and no family member is able to step up to take on parental responsibility in your absence, there’s a good chance your child could end up in foster care as a ward of the court—and that siblings may be temporarily or permanently separated.
Choosing the Right Godparents for Your Children
How do you choose? You’re 28, and your parents are nearing 70. Are they the best people to care for your children? Only you can decide. However, when considering who to appoint as a godparent, you must be realistic about their physical, mental, and financial abilities. Your sister, with 5 kids of her own, may be willing and able, but is it fair to ask so much of someone you love? Your parents, too, may be eager to raise your children, but will their health hold out until your child reaches adulthood? Choosing godparents is not easy, and many people go through the motions out of respect and admiration for someone else without really considering who will keep your child’s best interests at heart. Yes, it’s best to choose someone your kids know and are comfortable with. It’s best to choose godparents who will be able to ease the transition for your kids should they face the loss of a parent. But you also need to choose godparents who will raise your children into adults, not just indulge them because they love them and feel guilty about the loss. And many people don’t have a loving, happy, well-adjusted extended family to appoint godparents from. So, what do you do? Are friends an option? The answer is absolutely!
The role of a godparent is to take your place should you die. It’s horrific to think about, indeed. Ask yourself what is important to you in a parent. Dig deep and think about people in your life who share your values regarding religion, education, and morality. Make lists describing the opportunities you want your children to have in life and be specific and honest. Saying you want your child to have an education or be loved is obvious and somewhat blasé. Make an outline of all the things you want your children to experience in life, including your opinions on traveling, careers, and more. If your children are older, you likely have a good idea of what kind of person they are, what interests they have, where they struggle, and where they thrive. It is vital to keep all of this in mind. If your children are just babies, find people close to you whose parenting efforts you respect and resonate with.
Choosing godparents today is more than just having someone to affirm a baptism tomorrow. For this reason, it’s crucial that you have an open, honest conversation with your appointed godparents about whether they want this responsibility. Your 22-year-old cousin, with no kids and a wild lifestyle, probably doesn’t want to wake up one day to find out he’s been chosen to raise your kids should you pass away. Being chosen as a godparent is certainly an honor, but it should be for more reasons than tradition. The second thing to remember is that choosing godparents and legally appointing them are two very different things. Even if everyone in your life knows who you’ve chosen and what your wishes are for your children, without legal documents properly drafted by an attorney and legally filed, your wishes may not hold up. This can leave your children and loved ones caught in an endless, painful, and often bitter battle over custody, and it is your children who will pay the emotional price.
Remember that your responsibilities as a parent can extend far beyond your lifespan. What you give to your children today and what you dream for them in the future plays a significant part in the life they will have. Choosing godparents can be a great way to ensure that you’ve left your children with a legacy that will help them grow and succeed in life. While no one wants to plan for death, as a parent, you have to. You can’t just assume that when the unthinkable happens, the world will react out of sympathy and respect and just do what needs to be done. Choose your godparents, then have a conversation with them where you share your outline for your child’s life. Make agreements about finances and include any special wishes. Afterward, hire an attorney and legally have a will drawn up that includes the custodianship of your children. You don’t have to explain your choice to others, or even tell them about it for that matter. Every year or so, review your choice and make amendments if needed. Choosing godparents is something you should start thinking about as soon as you find out you’re having a child. With proper plans in place, you can always hope that Murphy’s Law will apply and that your preparedness will ensure that godparents are never needed for anything more than witnessing a baptism.
