Many things have changed in the last few decades, and perhaps one of the most drastic changes has been in the accepted definition of family. Years ago, a woman choosing to have a baby out of wedlock would have been frowned upon. Yet today, according to statistics, one-third of all children are being raised in single-parent homes. Many of these homes are led by women who have chosen to take their familial fate into their own hands and conceive without a partner.
A study from the University of Connecticut conducted in 2005 reveals that the vast majority of women who choose to get pregnant on their own are older than the average mother and well-educated. On average, women using sperm banks, in-vitro fertilization, or adoption to have a family without a partner are between 38 and 42 years old, have completed college, and have successful careers. These women also tend to have strong support systems comprised of friends and family members who support their decision. Moreover, these pregnancies or adoptions are often planned, and these women tend to put more thought and planning into the conception of a child than the average couple who may not be as intentional.
Changing Perspectives on Parenthood
Sociologists believe that as women become more successful in the workplace and focus on education rather than simply finding a mate and settling down, more women will choose parenthood through adoption or fertility measures. As a result, single-parent households led by a parent without a partner are becoming more accepted as a family structure. After all, smart, educated women shouldn’t have to wait to become parents until they find Mr. Right. Choosing to have a baby alone is far better than becoming a parent in an abusive relationship or staying in an unhappy one. If medical advancements allow women to conceive alone, then it should not be scrutinized by others.
Many people worry that the lack of male influences in a child’s life could lead to emotional problems later. Others argue that going it alone by choice defies nature and will leave children confused about their identity. Yet child psychologists generally agree that children raised in happy, loving, and supportive homes—whether by one parent or two—tend to have better emotional health as they enter adulthood. An agency called Single Mothers By Choice, which supports women choosing to become pregnant or adopt without a partner, reiterates that being a single parent does not define a child’s emotional outcome.
In fact, marital and relationship problems are often the root cause of emotional struggles for children. If a woman decides to have a child alone and is not burdened by relationship issues, the child is likely to grow up with fewer emotional challenges. Additionally, having a child alone does not prevent a child from developing relationships with male figures. There are often plenty of male role models, such as friends, cousins, grandparents, and uncles, who fill the “male role” in a child’s life.
Some people are concerned about how the conception will be explained to a child later on. Today, millions of people are using artificial fertility methods to have children. In fact, one in three babies born today was conceived using these methods. And these babies are no different. Furthermore, a child will eventually understand that their mother wished for and desired them, putting effort (and often money) into becoming a family, which may make the child feel even more loved and special.
What distinguishes women who knowingly become single parents from those who become single mothers unintentionally (through divorce or unprotected sex) is their preparedness. Emotionally, physically, and financially, they are ready. These women do not arrive at parenthood with unrealistic expectations of help or a partner to fill the role of the “perfect dad.” They know what they’re getting into from the start and are less likely to feel disappointed or inadequate when their vision of “family” is not fulfilled by a partner. This makes a significant difference in their ability to parent effectively. While newly single mothers may take months or even years to adjust to their new situation, these women begin parenthood by choice.
At the end of the day, it is not for anyone to decide what is right for someone else. The rules of life are changing, and women are becoming empowered to make decisions about their fertility alone. Experts predict that in the next decade, more women will choose pregnancy out of wedlock, and it will eventually become a normal version of the new definition of “family.”
