Coping with Christmas Depression: Understanding and Managing the Holiday Blues
Christmas time is often the most likely time of the year to experience depression. The suicide rate is higher during December than in any other month, which shows that Christmas depression should be taken seriously. Depression at Christmas can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as losses, failures, and loneliness. These elements tend to be exacerbated during this time of year. People who have experienced death in the family, divorce, or the loss of a child are more prone to depression, especially during the holiday season.
It can be particularly difficult to cope with Christmas depression because everyone else seems so joyous, making it feel awkward and isolating to reach out. We don’t want to bring others down, we don’t want to feel “different,” and we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves. As a result, we tend to disconnect from our own feelings and ask ourselves self-defeating questions. We wonder what’s wrong with us and why we can’t just join in on the holiday cheer. After all, this is supposed to be the happiest time of the year, yet we can barely drag ourselves out of bed, let alone embrace the festivities. On top of feeling sad and dysfunctional, we feel out of place, as if our feelings are somehow illegitimate.
Why Does Holiday Depression Happen?
Not all holiday depression is connected to loss, failure, death, or any obvious cause. Some people simply get depressed around the holidays. Yet, those without an obvious “reason” for their sadness feel they shouldn’t be depressed and are least likely to reach out for help. It’s as though those who have experienced trauma have more of a “right” to experience holiday depression than those who seem to have everything they could need or want.
People often fail to recognize that holidays are stressful enough to trigger depression. The hustle and bustle, and the pressure to produce—whether it’s food, presents, parties, or decorations—can be overwhelming and lead to mild or moderate depression. Feeling disconnected from the holiday spirit can easily cause a mild to moderate depression.
Whether dealing with loss, change, or simply feeling overwhelmed by holiday sadness, the most important thing anyone can do is reach out to someone. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Over the past decade, there has been a greater awareness of Christmas depression. People are becoming more educated and understanding about the phenomenon and may already know that someone they care about is suffering before the individual confesses it.
If you’re alone during Christmas and realize you’re experiencing holiday depression, reach out to someone by phone. Whether it’s a friend, relative, or professional, just make the call. It’s important. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and many people are willing and able to help. A difficult moment—even one that lasts several weeks—doesn’t have to ruin your future. Unfortunately, people who remain silent and do nothing about their depression are more likely to stay in that state. If left unaddressed, depression can interfere with job performance, friendships, romantic relationships, parenting, self-care, and even the ability to care for pets. It can lead to the loss of these important things if the depression becomes serious enough.
Recognizing the Signs of Holiday Depression
The onset of Christmas depression can sneak up on you in many forms. You may start to feel more tired than usual or begin sleeping through the alarm. You may procrastinate on holiday shopping, even though the events requiring your participation are just days away. You might feel randomly irritable, snapping at people without reason. You could start to feel disconnected from the world, withdrawing from those around you, even children. These are all signs that you’re experiencing at least some form of holiday depression and a warning that you may need help.
Dealing with holiday depression, once you recognize it, is a vital step toward improving your mental health. Naturally, my first recommendation is to find a good counselor to talk to. The onset of holiday depression doesn’t necessarily mean you need long-term counseling or medication. It may just mean you need to learn to set better boundaries, let go of the past, or develop healthier coping skills when dealing with stress or tragedy. Nothing you’re experiencing is terribly abnormal, and no one will react negatively if you ask for help.
A counselor can help you establish “holiday boundaries” to cope with depression. These boundaries may include limiting the number of holiday party invitations you accept, scaling down Christmas celebrations to a more manageable level, asking for help with holiday preparations, and approaching tasks that trigger sadness differently. For example, if wrapping presents evokes strong emotions, you could ask a significant other, older child, or another relative to help, so you don’t have to do as much yourself. Sometimes just doing these tasks with someone else is enough to help keep your depression at bay.
Taking Christmas Depression Seriously
Christmas depression is usually more than just a simple case of the holiday blues, and it deserves more attention than that. It’s better to visit a counselor and hear that you just have the “blues” and it will pass, than to sit on a serious depression and watch your life slowly unravel. Holiday depression, especially one that recurs annually, requires attention. While it may seem logical to believe that since it happens every year, it will just go away on its own, this is not something you should rely on when help is so readily available.
21 Responses
I think you’d do well to leave the word ‘failure’ out of this. It doesn’t help and can be easily applied to the less self depreciating term ‘loss’.
Yes.
Merry Christmas, Katherine
It’s ok to feel this way 🙂
An exellent article that hits the nails squarely on the head!
I get really downhearted and low in spirits every year and I have been like this for over 17 years now.
I am depressed because of my mother forcing me to buy cards for a sister who is closer to outsiders than she has ever been to me.
She sails through life without obstacles and hurdles.
This article gives the impression that if you choose not to participate in Christmas festivities and find it annoying or depressing that something is wrong with you?? Christmas depresses and frustrates me because most people are sooo materialistic and all the media advertising etc is sickening to me. I don’t think it’s abnormal to feel that way in today’s society in fact to me it seems more reasonable imo
Focus instead on those with good Christmas hearts. If you do not then you may be putting an dark cloud over ‘others’ heads.
Greet people with an heart felt: “Merry Christmas”.
Go to your local Church. Take an seat and find your Christmas heart.
I literally DREAD the holidays and let me tell you why. FAMILY. Or lack of. They are disconnected and dysfunctional.
Me and my husband and our dogs do our own thing yet it HURTS to watch others with their perfect families gather around the Norman Rockwell turkey dinner while we have our turkey meal from Safeway. Plus its SO commercial now and the true meaning- birth of Christ- is barely celebrated. I know i know- christmas is what you make it. Id like to make it disappear and Dec 26 i wake up happy. To all of you who have a functioning family i wish you a Merry Christmas but to be sensitive to us who are suffering through the season as you walk the Mall and celebrate the season. All the best to all😊
I feel the same way. If you live in NJ come visit us, we would love company. And we love dogs.
My biggest reason for Christmas depression is everyone is dead.
Downside of Christmas: Lots of work, Unrealistic expectations, Travel insanity, Complex social interactions possibly involving crying, screaming, and slammed doors, Mall rudeness, Shitty music, Relentless advertising, Exacerbation of loneliness and loss, Status competition & envy, Thankless giftees, Unhealthy coping (e.g. drinking), Credit card spending, Tedium & ambivalence, Weight gain, Hype & disappointment, Charities begging, and Guilt Did I get all the downsides? And to top it all off, it turned out there’s No Santa Claus, no something-for-nothing.
Upside of Christmas: Something fun to do in the darkest part of the year, Lots to do & see, Creativity (baking, decorating etc.), Beloved rituals (e.g. GVCC Christmas Lights Ride), some truly exquisite music if you look for it (Gospel, Jazz, Classical, Choral, Folk, Religious…), a chance to sing out loud, Epicurean delights, Solstice (the days are now getting longer), Hygge (hot chocolate and cozy fires and the hush of falling snow and all that stuff), Fun (silly-decorating the office), Socializing, heartfelt Charity, and Gift giving in the context of family affection. Or whatever YOUR favourite parts are.
So, embrace the good stuff and cut out the bad. Practice MINDFULLNESS. And if you don’t know Mindfullness, learn it: the ability to choose whether or not to jump into the river of unhappiness and be carried away waving your arms. Let go of the (sad) story. Again and again and again. Feel the feelings: if you sit with them they will go away–IF you let go of the story. Depression often starts as a HABIT, a bad habit of toxic thoughts, and is maintained by rumination & avoidance.
Merry Christmas
I must laugh.
If you are doing all that – then you are so rich. Why? Because you have people around you to share this wonderful time of year. That is not work! It is an tremendous delight. You will look back some day and wish you can do it all over again.
Merrrrrrry Christmas to you.
P.S. – get yourself an bundle of those Pine cones with the holiday fragrance. Aroma therapy works.
And an smile.
Kwitshadie, I don’t think you get it. Depression is as real a medical condition as a broken leg. If your leg is broken, you don’t just think about the parts of your body that don’t hurt and expect that to make your leg feel better. Likewise, if you are depressed, thinking happy thoughts (if you can) just isn’t guaranteed to work. Often, it only makes things worse, either because you know the happy thoughts aren’t consistent with your reality; or, if they are, it may only compound the guilt of your lack of appreciation for how good you have it, other than the depression, of course.
I am happy for you if you can erase holiday depression by “mindfulness,” because that means you don’t really have it. If you did have it, you’d be talking about BEING in the river of unhappiness, not deciding whether or not to jump in. And it’s not a river that you simply wade to shore, once you find yourself in it.. It’s not even a river you can avoid falling into.
For what it’s worth for anybody truly suffering from holiday depression, I’ve come to view it as a virus. It’s miserable, but you just temper your expectations and get over it in time. Sometimes it’s best to accept reality.
Thank you for your wonder commentary!
Are they dead because they came to visit you….? Just wondering…. oh please, have a sense of humour, I am depressed
and it is Christmas and my daughter is visiting and running my house my life and spilling toxic all over the place. I just
want to laugh and god forbid I laugh at her! I would never see my grandchild again…yes, she is one of those!
Please join with others that are having a bad time and play games, ignore family and have some fun! And pray a little
to remember the true meaning of Christmas.
The trouble is Mia, Christmas brings a real anti-climax as new year celebrations are not very far away,and yet for so many years its been the same.I think the best remedy for Christmas holiday blues is not to get so mentally or emotionally involved,or not at all,as this prevents depression triggers.Also think of a hobby or activity that you really enjoy,it can be anything and do it all year round,it never fails! My great activity is cycling,and I have been doing it for 23.5 years and I record each trip I do,I have done almost 101,000 miles and what great results its had! Christmas holiday blues are based on old habits,of emotion.If you put this plan into action you will be happy all year round,but I have solved the mystery of this,after many years of trial and error,I hope this helps you.
no…people do fail, and their failures can contribute to depression whether the failure is their fault or not. Failure is not the same as loss.
Agreed
We, too, have an emotionally & mentally oppressive family.
Depressed at this very moment.
Getting fired, losing my K9 partner, hasn’t helped.
My In laws have made my life miserable. Yet I have my wife stuck in the middle. I wish the family can be close but it will never be. It breaks my heart to have problems in the family. Christmas is just a reminder of no friends and a poor family situation. I listen to sad songs because that is how I feel. Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton is a song I play over and over.
I think not participating in christmas should be normalized, without needing to have another religious holiday as a reason or “excuse”. People should be allowed to simply not celebrate.
I get the intent in the compromises described, about having company and help in order to participate in the holidays, but those compromises would only apply to those who do indeed wish to attend.
For those who don’t attend, much of the stress ends up originating from the expectation others set up, and the inevitable disappointment they express after one doesn’t show up for the holidays.
I don’t mind the holidays themselves, as much as I mind the supposed obligation of participating most people are set up with, and the following guilt for having somehow let closed ones down.
you all sound so self ingulfed. Christmas is not about you, its about the life you share, or choose to with other people. Most especially its about children. I find it hard to empathize with people that are so miserable for no good reason . Think of other people and try to realize how lucky you are.
C
Christmas comes with a lot of obligations. I need to be cleaning up my yard, cleaning my car, cleaning the house.
Instead, I’m in here cooking, buying, and just trying to fake
my way through. I appreciate that it’s to celebrate the Christ child and that’s about all I appreciate. Family I love, well, they
don’t make efforts to do Christmas outside of their own immediate family. Nobody wants to pitch in anymore and bring casseroles or wash a dish. Where’s the fun in that?
We are a selfish people and it shows.