As autumn air sweeps in, cleansing the atmosphere and driving away the summer humidity, you can almost feel the holidays lurking around the corner. This means your home will be turned upside down as company comes in and out of your life and space. For many, the thought of guests—even for a short while—can turn them into Martha Stewart on speed, as they clean, organize, and redecorate the house like madmen to accommodate people they see only a few times a year. You know this is you when your children plop down on the couch to relax after school, and you worry that they are un-plumping the pillows you just bought to impress your guests. Cleaning the house for company can transform even the best of us into monsters.
The funny thing is, when company is coming—even long before their arrival—you suddenly feel compelled to tackle all those petty chores you’ve put off for so long. You know, like organizing the medicine cabinet, cleaning out the dead spiders and broken toys from under the beds, dusting picture frames, and scrubbing the bottoms of your pots with Borax soap and Brillo pads. This cleaning frenzy throws out the idea that we save the best for our families, making them miserable in the meantime. The question must be asked: why are we so afraid for others to see how we really live? Whose expectations are we trying to meet when we clean our house so furiously that we barely enjoy the visit with the people we cleaned for?
The dirty truth is that we are probably all slobs in our own ways. The “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality kicks in when we decide to scrub the grout in the bathroom after leaving it dirty for years. Is our biggest fear really allowing people to walk into our homes and see our dirty socks, undone dishes, and unmade beds with mismatched sheets? These things don’t seem to bother us until the mother-in-law is coming, and they certainly aren’t a priority seven days a week. So why now? Is it to impress others with our cleanliness, or to save ourselves from embarrassment? Chances are, those visiting our homes have left their own houses in such disarray that they don’t want to go home. When they do return, they might feel obligated to match your high standards of décor and cleanliness. If we take a step back, we realize it only takes one person to break the cycle of pretentious cleaning for company, making things easier for the rest of us. So, who will it be? Will you be the one who knows your in-laws are coming and leaves the moldy shower intact? Would you be that brave?
The disappointing reality is that we worry deeply about what others will think. When you consider that you work seven days a week, constantly trying to keep things clean enough to survive, and fit in carting the kids all over town—along with countless other tasks in your 24-hour day—there’s no time for obsessive cleaning. If our extended family and friends who love us enough to visit really cared, they would come to help us clean. Instead of panicking and spending hundreds of dollars on credit cards you shouldn’t be using to spruce up the living room, you could simply return the favor when you visit them. The happy result would be that we all live in our pigsties with our families year-round, only looking forward to company to help us tidy up. Then, we can visit them, feeling validated that we’re not the only family without time to clean from top to bottom, and help them get their homes in order as well. See, everyone wins! And best of all, either people would stop visiting you because of the workload, or they would no longer complain to other relatives (who have to tell you) that your beds are made with stale sheets and that green stuff is growing on the cheese in your refrigerator.
The whole thing is ridiculous. Sure, we want our houses to be presentable, which is the opposite of your teenager’s room. But making your entire family miserable in the process of cleaning for company detracts from the enjoyment of their visit. If these people love and respect you, you shouldn’t feel judged by them when they come to your home. They understand that you are busy and consumed with much more valuable things than scrutinizing your home for filth and germs.
For some of your guests—no matter how hard you try—your efforts may be in vain. That certain someone, dare we say her name (the mother-in-law), will not think your house is clean enough, regardless of your standards. She will turn up her nose at the food on the table, run her fingers along the mantelpiece, balk at the color choices in your rooms, and offer unsolicited advice about decorating with doilies, no matter what. And even if she loves your home and is amazed at how well you maintain it, she probably won’t admit it. Your best bet may be to agree to disagree (or ignore) her opinions.
Let’s face it: in our real lives—the ones we share with our families—we are all somewhat dysfunctional, with all sorts of cobwebs (literally) hiding in the corners and closets. And you know what? That’s okay! As you prepare for company, running around like a crazy person trying to impress them, remind yourself that by simply being yourself and shoving the clutter under the bed rather than renovating your laundry room, you make it easier for others. You can help break the chain of false pretenses and silly expectations we all live by when sharing our homes. The bottom line is that it’s your heart that counts, not the state of your home.
