“That went well, don’t you think, honey?” As she stands at the front door, waving her parents goodbye, she pats her husband on the back for a meal well cooked and deliciously served. Little does she know that her mom and dad are pulling gag bags out of the glove box, preparing to stop for a Big Mac and some fries—out of sheer starvation and discontent for the man (even if he is a chef) who stole their daughter’s heart.
And whether you’re a man or a woman, if you cook better than your mother-in-law or create a rare dish that becomes a household favorite, you’re doomed to a lifetime of resentment and nitpicking about your cooking skills. No one likes to be outdone—especially the dreaded mother-in-law!
It’s almost cute how eager men and women are to share their culinary talents with the in-laws in an attempt to impress. Sadly, no matter how sweet your tea or how crisp and fresh your asparagus is, it will rarely be “good enough.” Try as you might, your efforts are often in vain, and getting your feelings hurt in the process is just not worth the time or energy.
Let’s say you’ve grown tired of the yearly ritual of gathering at the in-laws’ house for holidays. Year after year, you crowd around the Thanksgiving table only to endure your sister-in-law’s unruly kids, your brother-in-law who always drinks too much, and the awkward reality of being forced to sleep apart like teenagers. The house smells like musk and eggs. And no matter how many times you offer to help prepare the turkey or how many thoughtful dishes you bring to contribute to the meal, they’re treated like mush. Maybe your broccoli casserole never even makes it to the table, or your mother-in-law turns up her nose and talks about it behind your back.
So, this year, you decide to host. You’re going to do it YOUR way. Yikes—this is your first big mistake.
When Cooking for In-Laws Goes Bad
No matter how perfect your turkey turns out or how much you spend at the local fresh market on handpicked vegetables, it won’t be enough. Even worse, all the excitement and stress you poured into preparing the meal and setting the house just right will result in disappointment—because your efforts won’t be appreciated.
Instead, you’ll get questions like, “Did you actually iron the silk tablecloth?” or “When was the last time you vacuumed the hardwood floors?” When they taste the stuffing, don’t watch—their expressions will scream this smells like puke, and they’ll quickly note that you didn’t add enough sage. Of course, your father-in-law won’t say a word. But the more he compliments your efforts (especially if you’re a woman), the angrier your mother-in-law will get.
Even casual dinners can spiral into full-blown debates that make you question the sanity of your in-laws. Try grilling hamburgers on a spring afternoon, and someone will point out the grill wasn’t clean enough. Bake a birthday cake for your one-year-old’s party, and it’ll be deemed “too sugary.” Couldn’t you have just made an orange meringue instead? (Gross.)
And if you’re ever stuck entertaining your mother-in-law for the afternoon while your spouse and father-in-law are off fishing, good luck. She won’t like any fast-food place you choose, will find the best sandwich shop in town pretentious, and will sigh and groan, longing for her comfort zone. Sadly, even if you use her exact lasagna recipe—or worse, swipe one from her freezer to serve at your own table—it still won’t be right. You’ll have left out the ricotta, used the wrong brand of pasta, or skimped on the oregano.
If she can’t complain about the taste, just wait until she scans your dinnerware. One speck of food crust left behind by the dishwasher, and she’ll act like she’s uncovered a health code violation. Poor her son!
Cooking for the in-laws? You’d be better off preparing meals for a cast of inmates. The trick is—don’t take it personally. And whether you’re the husband or the wife, don’t expect your spouse to notice the subtle jabs or passive-aggressive comments flying around the table. They won’t get it.
Save yourself the time, the money, and the stress—and order takeout. Whatever you do, remember: it’s not your food, your home, your taste, or your shopping habits that are the issue. It’s not too much salt or too little pepper or even the random fork she swiped from her purse to make you feel “dirty.”
The real issue is this: when in-laws eat at the table of their grown child’s life, they’re forced to acknowledge that their baby—man or woman—has moved on. Someday, it will be you sitting at your child-in-law’s table, eating food off plates that are far nicer than any you had, feeling just a little left behind. Starving not for food—but to feel needed, loved, and important again.
