Before you buy a house, you set a budget. The next step is to establish a clear financial plan that will allow you to afford your dream home. Then you begin shopping, careful not to stray too high above or below your price range. Considered one of the biggest financial decisions a couple can make, few people enter the purchase of a home without sound financial know-how or professional intervention. Yet, when we decide to have children, we often walk into it with blinders on, never once thinking about how we’ll afford to care for another life or contemplating the “what ifs” of raising children that can drain us financially. But there’s even more to consider.
When we decide to get married, the heartstrings of our existence are pulled in two distinct directions. Sure, we love this person, but how do we know they’re the right one or the ‘forever’ person that will make for a long, successful marriage? We begin thinking about the emotional costs of our relationship and analyzing everything, from how much time they spend in the shower to how much money they make. This decision can take months to resolve for both men and women, and is one we may question for years to come. Yet, in a turn of events that’s often shocking, we can find ourselves gleefully anticipating or hurriedly deciding to have children—never once looking back at the emotional costs of raising a child.
Somewhere along the line, we may casually wonder, what are the costs of raising a child? The answer is difficult to pin down completely because the residual effects of raising children can last a lifetime, affecting us both physically, financially, and emotionally.
Financial Costs of Raising Children
According to a report published by MSN Money, children cost an average of $249,000 for a middle-income, dual-parent household. This figure only covers expenses until the age of 18 and excludes secondary educational expenses and those associated with providing transportation (e.g., a car). Interestingly, the more income a family earns, the higher the cost of raising a child, which supports the theory that the more we make, the more we tend to spend. Even more intriguing is that higher-income single-parent households spend a slightly higher amount on raising their child. This suggests that psychologists are right when they say that single parents tend to overindulge their children to compensate for the lack of another parent in the home.
The most expensive aspects of raising children are providing a roof over their head, food, and transportation. In 18 years, one child in a middle-income home can consume around $30,000 worth of food, according to a USDA report detailed for MSN Money magazine. That’s a lot of Cheetos, Kool-Aid, and grilled cheese sandwiches.
When you consider that as much as $60,000 can be spent on providing a home for your child, this can consume around a third of the average entire mortgage cost for a three-bedroom home in the U.S. Given these costs, it’s worth wondering why so many parents feel that children need so much square footage.
Other financial considerations include parents who decide to end or temporarily suspend their careers to stay home and care for their child. If this parent was making $45,000 per year, they would have lost around $810,000 in income after 18 years, as well as any social security benefits, 401(k) increases, and retirement plans they may have received had they continued to work instead of staying home. This indicates that the financial burdens of raising children are lifelong and will continually slice into your retirement years.
Soberingly, the cost of raising children can have a margin of error as high as 25% on the low side. For families who take expensive vacations, buy name-brand goods, and engage their children in high-dollar activities or sports, tens of thousands of dollars can accrue annually. If your child has health problems or a disability, these costs can become crippling. You also have to remember that the costs of secondary education beyond high school can range from $25,000 to $250,000 depending on the school, and many parents financially support their children well beyond the age of 18.
Did you think of any of this before deciding to have a baby? Chances are, you didn’t—otherwise, remaining celibate might seem like a more desirable option.
Financially speaking, kids are expensive. The more children you have, the more you will spend raising them. For most parents, these costs come down to life’s necessities, and few moms and dads question providing food, shelter, clothing, heat, and the other basics. Still, seeing these figures in black and white proves that few people can actually afford to have children—at least, on paper. Yet millions of parents make it work somehow. Here’s to the effects of positive thinking. What might seem impossible can certainly be doable when your heart and efforts are in the right place.
Emotional Costs of Raising Children
Aside from the financial costs, there are emotional costs to raising children. Children take work, and they can also take a toll on a marriage. In fact, one of the greatest risks of parenthood is developing what’s known as ‘parenting depression.’ A study by the University of Florida concluded that adults raising children have ten times higher stress levels than those who choose a childless life. They are also twice as likely to suffer from stress-related illnesses such as high blood pressure or heart disease, and they are twice as likely to suffer from silent alcoholism or other chemical dependencies and addictions. If the parent is a single parent, parenting depression is even more common because there’s no marital buffer to discuss issues with.
Researchers have concluded that parenting depression stems from many factors, often related to the ‘worrying factor’ that accompanies parenting. When comparing older adults with and without grown children for symptoms of mental and physical health, those without children fared better in nearly every case. This shows that parents continue to worry about familial obligations long after the children have moved on to their own lives. Interestingly, these stressed-out parents tend to have longer life expectancies. Go figure!
One factor thought to contribute to this emotional strain is the shift in the attitude toward parenting. Many parents find themselves isolated, with no real outlet for adult interaction and friendships. Their lives are consumed with their children’s social lives, hoping to make connections through their kids rather than on their own. Parenting has been romanticized, and many parents feel they’re the only ones struggling with issues like bad grades or disruptive behavior. They bear the emotional burden alone instead of seeking counsel from supportive friends. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. Today’s parents would benefit from being more open and honest with others about their struggles.
Also, couples with children tend to argue more and are more likely to end up in pre-divorce counseling compared to those without kids. Having children can force a couple to reanalyze their relationship and realize that their compatibility, especially on larger issues like children, might not be as strong as it seemed. This often leads to marital strife, which further affects emotional health. Metaphorically speaking, the cost of having children could be a relationship. However, the flip side suggests that children also motivate unhappy couples to work through their problems, rather than giving up after a decade together. This is partly because the family system plays such a central role in daily life and is considered key to living a successful life.
The Cost of Having Children: Is It Worth It?
Clearly, since millions of children are born each year to families with all sorts of social and financial circumstances, having children is worth the costs. While it’s financially and emotionally draining, having a family brings many benefits that far outweigh anything money can buy. Even though parents may experience more stress than their childless counterparts, they still have longer life expectancies, underlining the fact that the human spirit needs love above all else.
When you think about having children, it feels very much like the popular American Express commercials. Buying your teenage daughter new spring clothes: $250. New football equipment for your son’s big game: $400. Purchasing a new home so your family has more space: $250,000. Seeing your children grow up right before your eyes… priceless.
Human beings tend to think about money and what we can “get” out of every situation in life. We’re known for using common sense, making wise decisions, and knowing how to take care of ourselves in all aspects of life. Yet when a man and woman decide to become parents, all that learned behavior and knowledge really doesn’t matter. The innate desire to have children and build families is one of humanity’s most basic needs. The costs of raising children are significant, affecting not just finances but also emotions, health, and well-being. However, few parents regret these costs or wish they’d taken a less expensive route. In fact, the costs of raising children seem to fit so seamlessly into the responsibilities and routine of everyday life that, often, they become the one investment of money and love that can actually be considered a bargain.
Don’t believe it? Just take a look at any child laughing or playing on a playground, carry a sleeping baby to bed after they fall asleep in the car, or experience the indescribable feeling of those special moments only a parent can feel. To witness a life from the first breath is something so powerful and encompassing that no amount of money or stress can stop people from desiring it. And thank goodness for that.