Admit it. From time to time, when unfortunate events happen in sequence, you become so frustrated and irritable that an occasional cuss word slips out. “Dammit!” you exclaim when you break a dish or stub your toe. The driver in front of you, who is more interested in reading text messages than navigating the changing traffic light, becomes an “asshole,” and your mother-in-law—who often seems to meddle at just the wrong moments—might be referred to as a “bitch!” And of course, regardless of how adamant you were about not saying such blasphemous words in front of your innocent children, you say these things right in front of them. Cussing in front of kids is one of those silent ‘facts of life’ that few people talk about openly. After all, you don’t want to be known as the foul-mouthed sailor spreading dirty jargon from one generation to the next. (Do you?)
Of course, your habit of verbal ugliness is revealed by your toddler, who, upon accidentally knocking down their block tower, shouts, “Well, dammit to hell!” Cute? Or shameful?
Research indicates that two-thirds, or four out of every five, parents admit to swearing in front of their children. According to a sociological survey of over 2,500 people, adults swear an average of 14 times per day, and many of these adults are parents. Over the years, swearing has become a lesser evil in society, with about 93% of parents today admitting that they allow their children to swear without consequence. If you watch primetime television—even on non-cable channels—you’ll see that many cuss words that would have been edited out a decade ago are now acceptable.
The Parents Television Council (PTC), a group of well-meaning citizens aiming to protect the sanctity of primetime television for the sake of children, has a team of advisors who sit around counting curse words on popular shows. They look for reference terms, such as calling ‘breasts’ (acceptable) “boobs” (not acceptable) on shows that air before 10 PM. This panel of television watchers got an earful. In fact, studies revealed that it would be virtually impossible to get through a family comedy on an average Tuesday night without hearing at least one offensive curse word used liberally in mainstream media. Among the most common were “hell,” “ass,” “damn,” and “bitch.” Additionally, the “f-bomb” and “sh@t” were often bleeped out during the editorial process. This group also considered words like “penis” and “vagina” as cuss words. Really?
On the milder side, even Nickelodeon has its share of obscenities. Check out any of today’s wildly popular preteen television shows, and you’re sure to hear a string of words such as “shut up,” “butthead,” and others used for comedic effect.
This brings up the next point: Assuming that children are going to hear these words anyway, does it really matter if parents say them in front of their children? Obviously, there’s nothing classy about having a 3-year-old who can string together a sentence of curse words properly, but will it truly hurt their ears to hear their parents say them?
Perhaps the downside to swearing in front of your children is that if you cuss, and your children hear you, chances are they will use those words in public. Which can be embarrassing.
Yet a 4- or 5-year-old copying mom and dad’s use of bad words does not equate to a teen who will end up in jail. This is where parenting comes in. If you are prone to using curse words, it is very important to teach your children that they are not socially acceptable. After all, you don’t want your child giving playmates definitions of words they have no business saying. If you don’t want them to use these words, you must make it clear that just because they heard them doesn’t mean they are allowed to say them. Many parents today feel they must live like children to be good examples. Not true. The bottom line is that the rules for parents and children are different.
Yes, modeling the behavior you would like to see from your child is the best way to lead by example. But just as you wouldn’t give your 5-year-old coffee with breakfast or wine with dinner, children need to understand that adults and children are not held to the same standards.
Perhaps the best news is that if you are one of the millions of parents who occasionally (or not-so-occasionally) toss around cuss words in front of little ones, you are not alone. Every generation is different from the one before, and societal rules change often and widely. Perhaps this new generation of children, raised in an environment where bad language is more acceptable, will be the “cussiest” of them all. As a parent, it’s best to choose your battles wisely and help children understand that there is a time and a place for all behaviors—even cussing. For this reason, it’s in your best interest not to say things in front of your children that you don’t want repeated.
