Dads Are Capable of Raising Daughters On Their Own

According to the United States Census Bureau, there are approximately 2.5 million children in the United States being raised by single fathers. This number has doubled and tripled several times over the past few decades. However, even today, in an age of sexual and gender equality, there are many who believe that if a daughter is involved in a custody dispute, the mother should automatically get custody. After all, the general consensus seems to think that fathers are incapable of raising daughters on their own. This general consensus is completely wrong! Fathers are capable of raising daughters on their own when the situation arises.

The truth is that when it comes to raising children, most of the issues at hand are gender-neutral. But why is it that we automatically assume a mother will make a better choice when it comes to raising girls? Yet, most people don’t apply the same theory when it comes to fathers raising sons. This seems like an outdated and vastly overused double standard. Just like a teenage daughter will experience puberty and endure changes, struggles, and new learning experiences, so will a teenage son. Is a mother not equipped to deal with voice changes, the emergence of pubic hair, or shaving simply because she is female? Would that alone be reason enough to award custody to a father or take custody away from a single mother? Absolutely not, right?

Breaking the Double Standard

So why the double standard? Raising daughters is no different than raising sons. Sure, a man may need a small handbook to help teach his daughter about the female menstrual cycle, but isn’t this something that can be learned? Society is often so impressed with a single dad raising a daughter on his own that many people (including many women) leap to offer advice and assistance in areas of female expertise.

Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of a single father raising a daughter is learning how to connect with her on a female level. Science proves that female and male brains work differently. It can be challenging for a man to understand what his daughter is thinking. But isn’t this just as challenging for a mother trying to relate to her son on a “manly” basis? When love is involved, as it always is with our children, parents of any gender can learn whatever they need to in order to stay connected with their child. Just because a parent is not the same sex as his or her child doesn’t mean that parent cannot provide a loving, nurturing, and safe environment for the child to grow up in.

The National Fatherhood Initiative offers some helpful advice for men raising daughters on their own. First, they encourage dads to learn about the development of girls, both physically and psychologically. They also stress the importance of not being afraid to discipline their daughters. Many fathers feel guilty about not having a mother involved and become fearful of disciplining their daughters. Another great suggestion is for dads to feel comfortable reaching out for support. There are likely many women who would be more than happy to assist a man in navigating the sometimes scary and uncharted territories of raising a daughter. A helpful group for both single mothers and fathers is Parents Without Partners, which can connect people in similar situations.

In the end, there is nothing wrong with a father raising his daughter. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to let go of the outdated ideals from the Stone Age that label men as uncaring and incapable of taking care of themselves, let alone a female child. Perhaps we, as a society, should learn to support men raising their daughters and enthusiastically embrace the fact that the child has a loving and willing parent who desires to ensure she is raised well—rather than immediately judge or criticize him for trying to go it alone.

There are many things that a daughter growing up with just her father will experience that other girls may not. Time and time again, research has shown that the most successful indicator of a child’s future success is the involvement of attentive and loving parents.

The authors of The Good Men Project, Marcus Williams and Joanna Schroeder, offer the following bits of advice for men raising daughters alone:

• Tell your daughter she is pretty, but focus on other things more!
• Teach her that handymen don’t have to be men.
• Let her play in the mud.
• Remember that she will shape her identity as a woman from YOU and your words. Speak softly.
• Don’t be shy when talking about touchy issues such as genitals or menstruation. If it’s natural to you, it will be to her as well.
• Indulge her imagination.
• Express emotion outwardly around her.
• Teach her about relationships.
• Read her books with male and female heroes.
• Empower her. Just because YOU are afraid of her growing up doesn’t mean SHE should be.
• Avoid gender roles completely.
• Don’t be afraid to do “girly” things.
• Communicate! Every day!

In the end, a man today can do just as good a job raising a daughter as a woman. Sure, they may go about it differently, but no one has ever said there is only one way to raise a child.