You deserve a pat in the back for thinking of dating after a divorce. Most people shy away from another involvement because of the trauma of marriage. The divorce can even be more traumatic than the marriage itself, so when theyre feeling burned by the experience, dating after a divorce is like an alien idea. Some people who have been genuinely hurt by their first marriages don’t even want to talk about dating at all. As far as they’re concerned, that part of their life is a closed chapter, and they’d rather be selfish and single again. After all, they gave their heart only for it to be broken. They gave a lifetime only for their lives to be torn in shreds.
When Time Heals all Wounds
Dating after a divorce is not a lost cause, even for some who have been truly hurt. That’s the wonderful thing about time. It does tend to heal wounds, no matter how deep they are. We won’t say it will make people forget, because forgetting a life of misery does not come that easily. Besides, one never really forgets. Time, though, has a way of cushioning the impact and soothing the hurt.
So if you’re thinking of dating after your divorce, be prepared. You might want to go through a rehearsal before you actually venture out. You could have gotten rusty in the’ dating game, but a few tips and tricks should get you up and running. You’re taking a positive step in trying to find happiness again. It also shows that you still trust your fellow human being and that you’re willing to give it a second kick at the can because there’s always the possibility that this time, it will be true love.
Make sure, however, that you have recovered from your hurt and frustrations because you don’t want to get back into social circulation with a chip on your shoulder. If you’re not sure you’re ready to open your heart to someone, then it might be a good idea to wait a little longer. Dating after a divorce is supposed to be a fun experience, not a sad confession of ‘what transpired.’ So let time do its work and be patient. Your instincts will tell you when you’re ready.
Ready to Date After Divorce?
A Few Tips
Great stuff. You’ve put your sadness on hold and ready to seize happiness. Bravo! Let’s do a maintenance check on you. Before hopping into the dating bandwagon, make sure that:
- you review your appearance and see if anything needs to be improved. You may have let your hair grow too long to ‘towel off’ the tears or that beard has gotten out of control and is looking more like a protest symbol
- you lose weight if you’re overweight. Your failed marriage could have triggered food cravings in you, so you’re carrying around 20 pounds more than you should. Despite what people say about physical looks being only superficial, no one and trust us on this will feel good about dating an overweight person unless of course that person is overweight himself. In that case, it’s a case of misery loves company, not dating
- you never leave home without your American Express card, but please, do leave your troubles behind’ ‘ this is important. Your date will not want to hear details of your sad marriage the entire evening. Any individual especially on the’ first date’ ‘ will not be interested in the character quirks of your ex. Besides, it’s more pleasant to talk of other things. Everyone knows about sad marriages there is no need for that subject to take center stage.
- don’t talk about yourself ad nauseam‘ ‘ you could be an expert on child psychology or in extra terrestrial beings, but don’t overdo it, unless you’re sure you don’t want to date the person again, in which case, you won’t care if he or she is bored. Sometimes, people forget that when people talk too much about themselves, it shows hidden feelings of insecurity. If you’re self-confident, there is no need to compliment yourself. Actions speak louder than words.
- be considerate’ ‘ we’ve met a few men who think that just because they’re footing the restaurant bill, it is up to them to decide where to go for dinner. If you like steak but your date is a vegetarian, do not go to a steakhouse. Instead choose a restaurant that serves a varied menu. The same applies for women. If your feelings tell you that your date is not very wealthy, don’t insist on going to the Ritz Carlton. Remember that not many people spend like sky’s the limit.
- show interest in your date it is okay to ask your date what kind of work he or she does, and what his/her hobbies are. The idea though is not to get too personal. Stay on neutral ground but still keep the conversation alive. Don’t let long lapses of silence go by because they could be misinterpreted as boredom or indifference.
Where Have All the Men and Women Gone?
We understand that you’ve been out of circulation for some time now because you were a married person who practiced monogamy‘ once upon a time. You’re wondering where to find that special date’
Don’t despair. There are resources for you. Don’t give up if you don’t find the ideal date at first. If you throw in the towel too soon, you may never find the person of your dreams. Your date could be living in Iceland and would be willing to relocate, or your date could be your neighbor six houses down. And all this time’
- friends and relatives’ ‘ announce to the whole word that you’re ready to go dating after your divorce. Personal referrals are always best because you’re assured that your friends and relatives will not recommend or introduce you to the wrong date, especially if they know what kind of marriage you went through. Because they’re close to you, they’ll know what kind of person you’d be comfortable with.
- office’ ‘ office romances are common currency these days. For all you know, the woman in cubicle 12 finds you attractive but never dared to let on because she knew you were married. For all you know, the IT guy with the big round glasses always thought you were sexy and kind but stayed away because you were married.
- matching agencies’ ‘ entrepreneurs understand human beings down to the last detail. They know that almost everyone enjoys falling in love and long to be loved, so they’ve set up business entities to make this happen. For a fee you could set up an appointment with a match maker and spew out your preferences. In a couple of days, they are sure to find at least one or two potential dates. It’s up to you to test the waters.
- online dating sites’ ‘ there are literally hundreds of online dating services. Some charge a fee, some allow you to go on a trial period, while others are 100% free. Bear in mind though that you get what you pay for. Usually those who charge a fee to join have reasons for charging what they charge: their databases are larger, they have more secure systems in place, they have psychologists on staff who can provide advice and tips, and they don’t place any restrictions on how many you can date a month. They also have questionnaires designed to tap into your preferences.
Dating after a divorce may be a monumental task for some people, but once they get their feet wet, they’ll be paddling along without any help from their friends.
You know what they say about love being lovelier the second time around? We like the version of Henry Ward Beecher too: ‘Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable.’