Except for the rumor mill going at full speed, dating a co-worker offers convenience, support, and close supervision — although you may not want the third to be too obvious. An over-possessive romantic partner could suffocate the other. Don’t pick up the phone and dial his extension 13 times a day, don’t hang out in her cubicle too long, and watch those revealing, perverse emails you send. You’re being read, heard, and watched. Corporate espionage shouldn’t come as a surprise, especially given the rampant abuse of corporate resources.
Dr. Lou Harris, from the Criminal Justice Department of Faulkner University, wrote about the subject of office romances. He offered interesting insights on how first-line supervisors in police departments should intelligently manage this issue. He referred to the time when the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) began assigning female officers to the field in 1972, leading to a dramatic increase in romance in the FBI workplace. As the trend of officers romancing fellow officers grew, policies had to be formulated to address specific problems. However, first-line supervisors at the FBI were sometimes caught off guard by situations they had no experience handling, such as dealing with romance break-ups.
In the case of two officers breaking up, Dr. Harris suggested mediation. He noted that a first-line supervisor’s knee-jerk reaction might be to transfer one officer to another department or fire them outright. However, Harris believes that a more equitable way to handle a romance gone sour would be to talk to both parties and see if they can continue their work relationship.
Harris also mentioned a 1998 survey conducted by Dennis Powers (The Office Romance: Playing with Fire and Not Getting Burned, 1998), which showed that more than half of office romances in the private sector end in marriage. He believes that the policies arising from that survey could also apply to police enforcement fields.
Is a Company Policy Imperative?
In some corporate environments, personal relationship policies enforced by the company’s Human Resources Department are already in place. This is in response to the reality that office romances are inevitable. Policies are designed to address any problems arising from romance in the workplace.
The story of Boeing’s CEO Harry Stonecipher and his affair with another executive, Deborah Peabody, clearly illustrates how a company might view a romantic relationship between workers as a violation of its Code of Ethics. In an interview with The Conference Board Inc., management professor Lisa Mainiero discussed the Boeing case. According to Dr. Mainiero, Boeing is known for its strict Code of Ethics. By requesting Stonecipher’s resignation, the company reinforced the need for executives to serve as role models and be aware that their behavior is being observed and evaluated.
This is one of the many areas where a company policy on office relationships can serve a worthwhile purpose. The policy should include the company’s stance that public displays of affection, for instance, are considered unprofessional and unethical. Regardless of frequency or intensity, such behavior could also be a source of annoyance and discomfort for other employees. Some companies even clearly state that such behavior is subject to disciplinary measures.
Janet Lever of The Conference Board, a respected organization whose publications are read by executives of Fortune 500 companies, says that company policies must include well-defined confidentiality rules and regulations to earn the trust and respect of office employees. These policies must also be enforced rigorously and accompanied by penalties for violations. In addition to a written policy, companies must make managers and executives aware of their personal risks and obligations.
We believe that a well-defined company policy can contribute to long-term productivity. By enforcing clear rules, employees are made aware that office romances are acceptable, but they must occur during non-working hours. As Coulson Duerkson points out, most experts believe office affairs are a “lose-lose situation” if workers aren’t careful.
Advantages of Dating Co-Workers
Dating co-workers offers several advantages. Here are a few:
Getting to Know You Better – If you’ve worked with your love interest for a year or two before the relationship turned romantic, you likely already have a good idea of what he/she is like. Through your working relationship, you’ve gathered clues about their personality, moods, work ethic, ability to handle stress, interpersonal skills, and professionalism. When you’re attracted to someone at work because of what you’ve learned about them, it makes sense to take the next step in your personal relationship. Working in the same company helps facilitate this process.
Convenience – With rising gas prices, it’s more practical to go out for lunch in one car rather than two. If it’s snowing outside, you can have a lunch date in the office cafeteria. And if you forget your wallet at home or are stuck in your cubicle, your partner might just be nearby to help.
Support – If you’re having a rough day in the office, having your romantic partner nearby can be comforting. You’ll have someone to confide in and share your anxieties and frustrations. Sometimes, simply having someone listen to you during both good and bad days is enough therapy.
Shared Corporate Culture – Couples who work in the same company tend to understand each other better. In contrast, couples who work at different companies often argue because they don’t understand the expectations of each other’s corporate cultures. High-powered corporations often demand 110% dedication from their employees. In exchange for perks and above-average compensation, employees are expected to give their all. This corporate commitment can sometimes strain relationships, as one partner may work late while the other follows a more standard schedule.
Disadvantages of Dating Co-Workers
Now we come to the crux of the matter – the “beware” sign is up, and you proceed at your own risk.
You Could Jeopardize Your Career – You’ve worked hard (maybe even “slaved” is a better word) to get where you are, so you don’t want an office romance to ruin it. Some people admit that their career comes first, and their spouse second. If a romantic office liaison becomes a barrier, you may want to take action before it gets out of control.
You’re the Talk of the Town – Not because of your skills or impressive corporate strategy, but because you’re having an affair with someone in the office. Gossip spreads quickly, and when tongues start wagging, half of what’s being said is often exaggerated.
Productivity Diminishes – Even if you set boundaries, personal issues may still arise. For example, if your partner is upset at work and needs comfort, you might spend 15–20 minutes helping them, which results in lost productivity. This means:
4 new sales calls you could have made
2 paragraphs you could have added to your presentation
10 minutes spent with your manager discussing strategy
15 minutes answering technical support emails
Now you see why the gods get angry!
