If you live in this world (which you do), then there’s about a 99.9% chance that people are going to piss you off. Frequently. In fact, you might not even make it through a single day without having to deal with the asinine behavior of others presenting itself in an ‘in your face’ manner. By the end of the day, your tongue is probably stinging with pain from biting it so much. Some people call this “not stirring the pot,” “being politically correct,” “using your manners,” or even “choosing to be positive.” The problem is that, while you’re pretending to ignore the idiotic behaviors of others—and biting your tongue rather than telling people how you really feel—you’re still reeling with anger, resentment, or frustration about what happened.
Then, you share it with your friend on the phone, post about the ‘incident’ on Facebook, or sit down at the dinner table and unleash a tale of terrible things to your significant other, completely baffled by the audacity of some people in your world. Essentially, you are deferring your feelings rather than dealing with them. And then the next day comes, and the same ‘things’ happen again and again.
What If You Decided to Deal with It?
Here’s a question for you: What if, instead of playing nice, you decided to be straightforward with others and deal with it rather than stew? What if, instead of being pissed that your rude lunch waitress totally ignored you and never refilled your drink once during the meal, you spoke to her or a manager while it was happening? What if, instead of listening to your mother-in-law tell you how to raise your child time and time again, you told her quite frankly that you didn’t want to hear the advice? What if, the next time someone butts in front of you in line at the grocery store, you politely but assertively reclaim YOUR place? What if, instead of saying yes to the PTO president who is constantly asking you to donate time to the school, you told her you had a life of your own to deal with? What if, instead of listening to the barrage of negative jibber-jabber your best friend is always spewing, you just said, “I don’t want to listen to this,” and walked away?
Would the world end? No!
Far too many of us are so worried about being politically correct and being seen as nice individuals that we are compromising our sanity and happiness for the sake of others. In the process, WE… YOU are the ones getting walked on.
Ignoring a problem or pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Humans have emotions and reactions to situations for a reason. If something makes you angry or makes you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, that’s an intuitive red flag indicating you should stand up for yourself. Plus, when you sit back, say nothing, do nothing, bite your lip, and hold your tongue, you only invite more of the same behavior.
There’s an old saying that we teach others how to treat us. If you allow people to walk all over you and don’t speak up for yourself—while remaining inwardly upset—these people will continue doing the same thing. It doesn’t matter if what they’re doing is wrong or rude; if you allow it, you invite it.
The Benefits of Speaking Up
There are many benefits to dealing with a situation rather than stewing about it. For one thing, you don’t spend an immense amount of time exuding your energy worrying about it or being angry. If you deal with things in the moment, as they happen, they’re done and over with right away. In the long run, this enables you to be a more positive person. You’ll also realize a heightened sense of self-esteem and confidence. Even better, people will begin to see you as a person—or a force to be reckoned with—and will think twice before crossing you or taking advantage of you. It is only fair and honest of you to make sure people know how you feel about things. If you cannot be honest with others, then stewing about it, complaining, and holding resentments becomes your personal cross to bear. In other words, you bring it on yourself.
Confronting people and being forthright doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a ‘bitch’ or that you’ll be perceived negatively by others. You are not a ‘hard ass’ simply because you choose to be involved with the kind of rhetoric you allow in your life. You really CAN speak your mind, let others know how you think, and set limits and boundaries about the behavior you will tolerate (and behavior you won’t) without coming across as rude. After being nice and politically correct for all these years, you may have to practice being assertive (not aggressive) in front of a mirror for a while. But in the long run, you have much to gain—and very little to lose.
Plus, you won’t spend a bunch of time wallowing in what you should have said, complaining to others about the people in your life, or reeling with resentment that can leave you emotionally exhausted and bitter!
