You basically just wrote a description of my seven year old girl.. it’s so hard sometimes to know what to do..

Wow! Lonicera, I’m so sorry for the deep sadness you experienced in your early years and beyond. I also feel sad that you’re now a middle-aged adult and feeling triggered by this article.

I’m not the author. I’m just a mom who woke up early on a Saturday morning feeling deeply concerned for a daughter who destroys every relationship through pouting. I don’t know how many more friend groups she can burn through in her school before she’s burned all the bridges.

We’ve been racking our brains for 7 years on how to give our daughter enough love, attention, and affection. I’ve taken solo vacations with her. I’ve set up weekly lunch appointments to check her out of school and go shopping. I coach her elite volleyball team and play in tournaments with her. I host Taco Tuesday for all of her friends every Tuesday afternoon. I tried purchasing her a therapy horse and spending time with her at riding lessons each week. None of it matters. In the end she repeatedly chooses self or solution. We’ve taught her the appropriate tools for tactful communication. Although my husband and I don’t mock and mimic her pouting, we don’t reward bad behavior. We carefully explain to her what expectations are reasonable, what her behavior looks like, and alternative solutions. Yet over the years her failure to adapt has become annoying and her siblings now mock her. Honestly, she gets no pay off for her pouting and she continues.

It’s not because she’s been emotionally “abused” in any way. It’s because she’s chosen to tell a story to herself. She tells herself that her lot is worse than it should be. She tells herself that life is unfair. She tells herself that she should punish others for her disappointments when she doesn’t get her way. She attempts to hold people hostage to her demands on a daily basis. Holding people hostage to your desires is manipulation and coercion. It’s evil and carnal. You may say that children do not manipulate, but there are thousands of reports with behavioral evidence that suggests otherwise.

We’ve tried getting professional help and paid $120 a session for counseling with a licensed clinical social worker. We offered her to counsel with one of us or have privacy in the session. Regardless of whether we were there or not she refused to speak or respond to the counselor. Not a single word. She wasted $120/hour for six straight sessions.

So instead of lashing out at the author and assuming that someone who pouts selfishly is innocent and a victim of their environment, we’d all rather hear what tools help you express your deep sadness?