Moms and dads across the world can thank the internet for explaining the facts of life to children long before they need to know. It’s a good thing too, because today’s young girls are getting their periods at younger ages than ever before. The Academy of Pediatrics reports staggering numbers of girls at age 8 experiencing menstrual cycles. Luckily, the signs of a first period are not hard to recognize. If you have a daughter in the house and notice changes in the amount of hair under their arms or other bodily changes signaling that puberty is around the corner, take notice and start talking.
Preparing for the Big Moment
Dealing with your daughter’s first period can be difficult because it comes with the realization that your little girl is growing up. Of course, you knew it would happen, but not this quickly. Their menstrual cycle represents womanhood and should be a reminder that privacy, modesty, and moodiness are on the horizon.
You might be surprised to know just how many moms DON’T discuss this period with their daughters. There is no excuse for that, and you should have the discussion as soon as possible. The easiest way to broach the subject is to talk about your own period with them and react to it as if it is no big deal. You don’t have to delve into the birds and bees talk simply because you are discussing a period. Instead, just talk about it as if it’s a given (which it is) part of being female. Talk about how it feels, what you need to do to take care of business in that department, and try to lessen the anxiety for your daughter. The last thing you want is for your daughter to get her first period at school and think she is bleeding to death or is sick. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happens for many girls. Then, a perfect stranger, such as a teacher or a school nurse, has to step in to explain. Talk, talk, talk! Even if your daughter doesn’t want to hear it, she is listening.
Whether you believe it or not, your daughter has friends or friends of friends who have already had their period, and they probably know more than you think. Once you begin to see the tissue in their breast area start to look “pudgy,” you typically have about 6 months to prepare for your daughter’s first period. Buy her supplies to keep in her book bag and make sure they are in a discreet place so she can grab them if she needs them. Tell your daughter that you really need to know when she has her first period as well. According to a survey, as many as half of teenage girls do not tell their mom or dad that they are menstruating. If you do their laundry, make sure you check for that to be sure. Also, discuss with her the options for cramping and discomfort, so she can understand that it is a normal part of her monthly cycle. Don’t just buy the “blooming into womanhood” book and expect them to read it. At this point in your daughter’s life, she needs you to step into the friend role!
The hardest part about dealing with your daughter’s first period may be for you. Your daughter may be moody and emotional as she steps from the door of childhood into one of adulthood. Few girls are ready for that. It is normal for them to feel an instant disconnect from their dad, and many girls feel embarrassed if their dad knows. This is such an emotional time for girls, and while part of them understands the process and that it is inevitable, another part may be in denial. Remind them how much you love them and make sure the manly figure in their life does the same. Whether he mentions the “monthly visitor” or not is a personal matter, depending on his relationship with your daughter. Allow for a few months of confusion. Girls can be filled with resentment, shame, embarrassment, and confusion at this point in their lives. Lessening the expectations and realizing that this event can be as monumental as learning to walk or read is important. Of course, you have to acknowledge all of this silently by treating them with tender loving care.
The other thing to remember is that you can’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t drag her to the drugstore and force her to stand in the feminine product aisle while you purchase pads for her. And definitely don’t introduce the whole tampon thing just yet. Many parents wonder if the start of a period warrants a visit to the doctor, and the answer is not really. Unless you notice problems, clotting, excessive bleeding, or immense pain, you still have a few years before walking over (or off) that bridge! She is still just a little girl, and this amazing feat of womanhood doesn’t mean that suddenly she is all grown up. Wipe away your own tears of anxiety and just be her mom and dad for a little while longer.
If you are dealing with your daughter’s first period, there is a good chance that the reality is you are dealing with much more than just that. This period in their life—and yours—can bring attention to the aging process, make you feel like time is running too fast, and give you an opportunity to reflect on what has been, what is, and what is to come. The same is true for your daughter. Just yesterday, she was riding her tricycle, eating popsicles, and today she is trying on bras and getting her period. Such is life. The fact remains that whether your little girl is 4 or 14, she needs you, whether she will admit it or not. She needs mom and dad to treat her like their child and not jump to rash conclusions that marriage and childbirth are right around the corner (which they are). The point is, depending on your daughter’s age, treat the first period with care and honesty. The amount of honesty depends on her age. Menstruation isn’t a medical condition or a sickness; it is simply part of being a girl, and the link between it and sex doesn’t have to be made early on. Beyond that, use this time to take a few steps back so you can clearly and completely enjoy the time you do have with your little girl.
