Death of a Wife – The Grieving Husband

People often say that a man who is mourning the death of a wife finds the grieving process more difficult than a woman who becomes a widow. Losing a spouse is painful for anyone, but society gives men an additional burden to bear. From childhood onward, men receive the distinct and consistent message that no matter what happens in their lives, they need to be strong and act as the providers for their families

The Man as the Family Protector

Even if we disagree with this traditional view of the male role in life, the signals we interpret from the time we are very young still have a powerful effect on all of us. A man marries and may well assume the conventional role of family protector. If a problem comes up, he believes that it is his job to solve it.

Long-standing expectations have a similar effect on women. In a traditional marital relationship, the woman is in charge of keeping the household running smoothly. She knows where every family member needs to be at any time for work, school, or outside activities. If the couple spends time together in the company of friends, the woman makes the arrangements and keeps that contact going.

When the Wife Dies

If the man’s home life is running smoothly through the efforts of his wife, he may not really be aware of how much she contributes to household management. In a survey conducted in 2005 and summarized at, sociology professors from the University of Chicago and the University of Seoul found that male respondents performed 39% of the household chores. Although they were probably a surprise to the surveyed women, who tended to overestimate their own contributions, these results still put more than 60% of the home chores in female hands.

No matter what division of labor existed before the wife died, the entire responsibility for running the household usually falls squarely on the man’s shoulders following her death. He then has to face not only traumatic effects of loss but also practical matters he may never have handled before. If there are minor children in the household, the death of a wife has an even greater impact on the family.

The Grieving Man

The traditional role that society gives a man has a lot to do with the way he experiences grief after the loss of his spouse. From the time he is very young, a man learns that it is wrong for him to express painful feelings. Being too much in touch with his so-called feminine side casts him in a suspicious light at the best of times and makes him an object of ridicule at the worst. People may even question his sexual orientation, believing that a “real” man should be able to suck it up and get on with things without missing a beat. This John Wayne mentality is fine for the movie star and the larger-than-life characters he portrayed, but it does not work with real people in the real world. Any man who adopts this way of coping with grief will have a very difficult time dealing with his loss.

Another consequence of this macho-male attitude is that a widowed man may find it easier to express anger than hurt. Being angry is in tune with society’s image of a man, but crying is not. Whereas women may talk to friends, relatives, or a counselor about their feelings, a man is not as likely to do so. If he does express his emotions (whether he breaks down or not), the rest of us may not feel comfortable with such a display of raw sentiment.

If you are fortunate enough to be present when a grieving man expresses his pain in this way, just let him talk, cry, or do whatever he needs to do. If you don’t know what to say, say nothing. Don’t tell him that he should be stronger or that it isn’t manly to express feelings of loss.

The other side of the grief coin is that men may deal with their losses privately. There is no right or wrong way to mourn the passing of someone who played such a major role in one’s life. If a man needs to grieve in private, let him do that. He may never want to talk about it, and that is okay too. The more supposedly feminine method of dealing with death (crying, talking, and seeking emotional support from others) is not the only way to grieve nor is it the only right way to do so.

Coping with Grief

The only way to cope with grief is to go through it completely and naturally. Attempting to self-medicate by using alcohol is not a good idea. Alcohol is a depressant, so although it may numb the emotional pain at first, it will make the mourner feel even worse than ever after several drinks. In addition, if someone drinks enough alcohol, there will be a nasty hangover the next morning. Having a big, throbbing headache is never pleasant, whether you are grieving or not.

There are healthier ways of coping with loss. Some men find spending time out of doors helpful in dealing with grief. There is something about being close to nature that makes us conscious of the cyclical rhythm of life. Yard work or gardening may be soothing.

It is also therapeutic to stick to a routine as much as possible, as this adds structure to our lives. Resist the temptation to fill every waking moment with some type of activity. Taking advantage of time to reflect on what has happened is important too.

Accepting aid from others is another positive coping mechanism. Friends and family members will want to help the man who is a widower, but they may not be sure how to do that. Let them know how they can help, but if what you need is some time to be alone, then just say so. This is not the same thing as shutting out other people. Instead, be clear about what you need.

It may be tempting to neglect one’s own health following the death of a wife. Eat well (or as well as possible under the circumstances) and exercise regularly. If you don’t feel up to eating a full meal, buy some meal replacement products (liquids or bars) and consume them until you can handle something more substantial.

Losing a spouse is one of the most difficult life events anyone can experience. The way men respond to this loss and handle their grief depends on their perceived role in society. Keep in mind that even though they express pain differently from women, men hurt every bit as much as anyone else.



240 Responses

  1. Lost my wife of 52 years in a head on collision,without the support of my family and friend I would not have got throught this,yes I think men find it mor difficult than women when they lose there partner

    1. My wife passed away on 4/11/20 at 1:30 am. She was diagnosed with TNBC (Triple Negative Breast Cancer) on March 8th, 2019. She took every Chemotherapy and every Radiation treatment that they could possibly give her, and she also had a Bilateral Mastectomy. She was never sick, never complained, took care of me and our kids every single day. For the last year and a half I was with her every single day, at every appointment and every meeting. In February of 2020 they told us that the cancer had metastasized to her liver, lungs, and spine, and that she would be fortunate to make it to Christmas. She was/is my very best friend. We were married for 15 years, and we have two beautiful children. (Mechala—14yrs & Matthew—12yrs) She was 44 years old, and I am 52. She volunteered for Hospice to come to our home on Tuesday 4/7/20. Her family arrived from Tennessee the next day. We made a couple of promises to each other concerning “when it happens” and I am so thankful that we did. She wanted myself, and the kids to be present “when it happens”, and I asked if it would be ok if I could hold her in my arms “when it happens”, and she replied, “I wouldn’t have it any other way…” I am a Pastor of the same church for 20 years, and she is a Pastor’s wife. She wasn’t perfect, but she was perfect for me. And at 1:20 am 4/11/20 I had the opportunity to whisper in her ear everything about her that I loved and I told her that it was ok, if she needed to go. She pointed/reached above our mantle in the living room, and I ran around to face her. Her eyes were as wide open as they could possibly be, which they hadn’t been for almost a day. I slipped one hand under her back, and the other hand under her head, and I told her it was ok, “It’s ok”, I said. “I’m here, I’m right here, we all are, it’s ok…” She took three quick breaths about 15 secs apart and I kissed her with the last one. She breathed her last breath into my mouth. I loved this woman with my whole heart, and I constantly think about her every day. I don’t tell others that I lost my wife, because I know where she is. I still wear my wedding ring, and I tell people that my wife is in Heaven. I read two books since her passing, and I suggest them highly.
      1. “Though I Walk Through The Valley”—Vance Havner
      2. “I Didn’t Know What to Say”—David Knapp
      I have no problem with any of you men or women contacting me at anytime.
      It would be an honor and a privilege to help in any way I can. May God bless you and keep you and your family safe.

      1. Michael, my name is Michael also. My heart aches for you after reading your wonderful post. I can relate to your pain as we have similarities in our loss. I lost my wife of 40 years to Leukemia. After her diagnosis, it was 2 months before her passing. Of those 2 months, ‘Debbie’ was in the hospital (250 miles away) for 6 weeks getting any treatment possible to go into remission. It was not meant to be. She came home, and Hospice was in place for her arrival. She was terribly battered from all the treatment she was getting. Our adult children were at our home when she arrived. She came home by ambulance through the hospice program. Debbie came home at 3:30 a.m. on a Friday , and passed away at 8:30 a.m. on Saturday in our home. I was holding her hand on her last breath. Her birthday was June 8, 2020, and she passed on June 6th. There are other turn of events leading up to this that make this so much more heart wrenching, but I don’t want to turn this into a book. It is now 4 months since she had to go, and I am still a train wreck. I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful woman to be in my life. She was also my best friend. After 40 years, we still really liked each other. I am not religious, but what little faith I had was challenged for the fact that she was an angel without wings, and did not deserve to have this kind of departure. I still shed tears for her every day after all this time. My pain has not lessened. I sincerely hope things have gotten better for you, and you are closer to functioning normally. I wish a progressive healing for you, and I thank you for sharing your story. May a happier time be down the road for both of us. Sincerely, Michael (“_)

        1. I lost my wife on December 22nd 2020 she contacted covid 19 from working in a nursing home. She went into the hospital November 24th. 2020 I was never able to see her again after that day due to restrictions We were married 35 years and had 2 beautiful daughters who are very supportive. she loved Christmas and she never was able to see another one. I wear my wedding ring still to this day. She was my motivator,my reason for living.along with my girls. I cry a tear every day for her. Her Birthday was June 8 just like your wife. It seems to get harder every day to cope with this but I am trying to stay busy.I know Joann is looking out for us and I can`t wait until I see her again you take care Mike and god bless you and your family.

          1. I understand it all I lost my wife 10 15 2021 covid 6 weeks of her suffering it’s been it’s been one month 1 day we where together 20 years I still come home and say hey baby I’m home

          2. Robert, I too lost my wife due to complications from Covid. She was on a ventilator for 12 days, a bacterial infection attacked her brain and there was nothing that anyone could do. She passed 4 days ago on 11/15 @ 4:49pm. She was 43 years old, I met her when she was 16. We were married for 21 years, we have two beautiful children a 12 yr old son and a 14 yr old daughter. I still can’t believe that this has happened to us, I am completely devastated, and broken. I know that it has only been 4 days, but I don’t even know what to do. It literally feels like it’s getting harder and harder everyday.

          3. Hi Robert,
            Not sure if you will ever receive this. Maybe just writing it will be some help.
            I just lost my lovely bride of 35 years a month ago. She was born June 16 and we have two daughters with four grandkids.
            I am incalculably at a loss without my wife.
            God Bless You and Yours, MIke

        2. Lost my wife this past June to embolism in the lung I don’t know how to deal with it she was 59 yrs old I am 64 we were together for 33 yrs i find myself crying more than ever trying to move on but very difficult to do . I loved her so very much the thought of waking up every mornin and her not there is very difficult she died by my side I found her cold at 3:00am. Shed always been healthy most of her life it was a terrible shock to me. Just like a part of my life has died with her.

          1. allen so sorry for your lost.i lost my husband july 3-2021. my husband had agent orange from vietnan. kathy.

          2. Hi Allen – what you have said I am also now suffering and pain after cremating my wife today age 54 19/02/22. She had Flu then influenza 4 days ago so I took her to two doctors but no improvement so on the 5 day then took her to hospital they showed me her X-ray on lungs and then took her to emergency room for treatment when me and our son went up to see how she was they were giving her CPR as her heart had stopped during the treatment – she never recovered. So in one week from getting Flu she died through congested lungs. I never have felt this type of pain before in my head and chest coming home to an empty house sleeping alone. Except for our homely Labradors outside giving some comfort.
            There is no cure for this type sadness and pain.
            From mcole age 77

          3. ALLEN

            lost my wife of 40 years last month cant eat cant work cry all the time
            can you reply

        3. Hi Michael, I lost my wife last Friday 23.6.2023 after 48yrs together to cancer. She was my wife rock and my very best friend. I am struggling big time and even though our 5 kids are fantastic through the whole ordeal it doesn’t help my grief and I’m not sure how to handle it. Plenty of crying and constant memories whe I’m etc. It’s hard and I know I will love her till the day I die. I also have cancer so looking after her has been tough but I’d look after her every day In a heartbeat if it was possible but she suffered terribly and it was heartbreaking to see. The old saying goes Time heals most wounds. But I doubt this will happen.

      2. Name is Dale Walker. Wife of 32.5 years passed away from carcinoma 19 Oct 2020. Grief is so tough. Returning to work in two days. Christmas Tree went up today. Rough at times.

      3. I too lost my wife of 55 years to breast cancer on July 25 2012. We had a return of breast cancer from 2001. Never a day goes by my thinking, loving our every moment we shared with each other. Your story brings back the sadness and the happy moments of our marriage. She will always be part of me as your wife is to you. God will rejoin us someday as is his promise. My heart jumps for joy knowing that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

      4. Your post brought tears to my eyes :(. I lost my wife of 20 years to lungs cancer. She was 47. Life will never be the same.

        1. Fact; 1 in 3 women diagnosed with lung cancer are never smokers, 33%
          Never ask that question again Tom, it just shows your ignorance and lack of empathy.

        2. I walk with you Dan. My wife of 33 years died of lung cancer on August 19, 2020. 509 days ago. She was 49. Funny how the article talks about men crying. Of the past 509 days, I’ve NOT CRIED a grand total of 2 days. Those were her funeral, because it was a day to celebrate her life. And her 50th birthday, because I promised her I wouldn’t. We have two children, 17 and 19 when she died. Sometimes I say “The Wrong Parent Died.” And I believe that with all my heart. BTW….she never smoked a cigarette in her life. Kudos to Eddy K below who suggests never asking the widower if his wife ever smoked.

      5. Hello Michael:
        My name is Jerry and I just lost my wife Lisa of 36 years to Small Bowel Cancer. I too was with her at the moment of her passing, along with my two grown sons. I plan to check out your suggested books. Lisa was a librarian and would applaud me reading them right now. I also plan to wear my Wedding ring as long as I am able. Reading your post has already been very helpful to me, thank you and God bless your family the same.

        1. I lost the reason to live on 27th November 2021.i am 60 now my partner was 57.She had pancreatic cancer and she was took from me on my birthday. We have a 17 year old daughter and my partner had 2 from another marriage. Her children have helped destroy me they took my daughter from me, promising her the world. My partner wanted me to have her ashes, but they refused they never even spoke to me when my partners ashes were being buried. I cry every single day and night. I have no one now my partner has passed. I pray all the time to be took from this hell that is called earth and let me be with her again.

          1. Stuart: I am sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful, perfect angel wife on 11-Oct 2021 from pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed on 30-April 2021. I have been blessed with a great family — they try to help, but they have life to live too. It is horribly lonely. I am glad I don’t drink or I would to excess. As I was the primary caregiver, I was at her beckon call.,, I don’t know if you can relate, but I rarely showered, could not go out or do anything. I thought that it was the hardest thing in the world to do. On 11-Oct, it was relegated to the 2nd hardest thing I ever had to do. I thought I wanted to travel, golf, work-out and be free of the caretaker burden. I was wrong. I would gladly give up every single day I have left, to take care of her one more day.
            I am crying right now… I miss her so much.
            I have tried to go to the gym. I joined, went 2 times and have not been back. I live on the Ocean in Miami – I have not walked on the beach.
            I am finally able to articulate why. I do not have the strength.
            I pray that I get a little strength — to be more social – to do things I like to do. It will never be the same. I miss her terribly. When she died, a piece of my soul left me.

            Writing to you, Stuart, has been a little helpful for me. I am truly sorry for your pain. I will be the rare soul that can honestly say, I know how you feel. And my heart goes out to you with total love.

          2. Dear Stuart,

            I lost my beautiful, beloved wife in December of 2020. I cannot describe the emotional pain, sense-of-loss, and deep, deep sorrow that I feel. She was — and will always be — my eternal soulmate. She was/is a Christian, so I know that she is with my Lord and Savior. Without that knowledge, I don’t know what I would so. Still, I miss her so very much every single day. Even as I write this, I have tears in my eyes.
            Take it to Jesus, Stuart. He loves you very much. If you haven’t already, accept Him as your Lord and Savior. Although the pain of your loss will still be there, He will bring you a peace that passes all understanding, and the wonderful hope of an eternity in a place where there is no sorrow, no sickness, and no death.
            God bless you, Stuart. I feel your pain, my friend. I will pray for you.


      6. I’m sorry for your loss sir. Your words are heart felt. Hearing them reminds me of my wife of 35 years final moments. Yes, it was ok for her to take her journey home to heaven also.
        It’s been 2 years last month, and tonight I miss her very much. I have learned how lucky I am to have shared wonderful years with my best friend and soulmate. But tonight… Thanks for sharing your beautiful story. ❤️

      7. My wife was 41 and I am also 52. She couldn’t move on her last day because her strength was being used to breath. I had our 3 little guys kiss me on the cheek and then I went to her hospice and gave her the 3 kisses and a tear came out. I was sad, but glad she knew what the kisses meant. she and i shared a soul, and i lost half of it that day. i hope to get remarried.

      8. hi just lost my beautiful wife to suicide i am devastated angry all the emotions of grief how do you get over this before i join her

        1. My boyfriend just committed suicide Oct 10. It’s been 2 months I’m still a wreck. I wish I knew how to get over it. I guess we have to accept that we will never be ok . Idk. But I know I’ll never bevthe same. Part of me died that day too

          1. Sunday, does it get any better? My wife suicided on the 14th of March 2022. I have cried every day and lost all motivation to work, which is a problem as I have my own business. I just don’t see any point now. I do have two boys, 10 and 12, whom I love very much but it’s just not the same. My wife was my world and there was no goodbye, just suddenly gone by her own hand. I am so angry and sad and lost all through the day.

      9. Hi Michael,
        I lost my wife of 44 years on April 1, 2021. She had T Cell Lymphoma brought on by Celiac disease which we were not aware of until it was too late. The cancer spread to her spine and brain and she passed away at home after 3 weeks in the hospital. I miss her so much, I pray every night for God to take me too. I’m devastated and don’t know how to move forward nor do I want to. I just do not want to live any more. I have been to several group meetings including Grief Share. Thanks for listening

        1. i lost my wife 15 years ago while i was at work my son rushed her to the hospital she died in a coma 3 days later a stroke to the brain i have never recovered from her death.i am retired now and have alot of time on my hands.

      10. My wife was also of TNBC and passed away on 6th instant. She was so dear to me. Please let me live with her soul and you give me lessons to live.

      11. My wife died 11 days ago, and although I believe that she is in Heaven, I cannot cope. How can I trust God when He is the one who allowed her to suffer and die? I wept when I read your words, “she was perfect for me” because she was. We were together 26 years and have no children. I feel so alone.

        1. David,
          I lost my soulmate husband of 30 years eight months ago. I share your grief. No one can replace our mates.
          Upon his death, I also feel God has abandoned me, for I really believed my love would be healed. But he is no longer here in this physical realm. And my world has been completely turned upside down…
          Perhaps I can share is this, I looked into many of the NDE stories and ADC accounts, though they are anecdotal, they seem to help some grieves. I am somehow more convinced that there is after life, and we have spirits an souls, and God/the Source. We may not have the full understanding – for we are limited beings.
          So I do not know why my love was taken, why God allowed it….I am left helpless, utterly distraught and lonely.
          So as the desperation comes over me, I called out to God and my love to save me and start breathing focused meditation (keep my attention on breathing in and out of my heart area – where my physical and emotional pain seems to reside), after a while the pain starts to dissipate. It is a temporary or momentary fix.
          The bigger question remains: how do we trust God when our loved ones suffered and die? Where was God ? Does God care? I think this is the same universal question: where is God when people die in the wars, poverty and natural disasters? Why are we even here on this planet? I find little satisfying answers.
          Since I have no answers, yet I am so feeble from the trauma of the death of my beloved, I came to accept that the only way is to become more loving and caring as long as I am still here in this physical realm. The other option is to turn against all goodness out of my deep sorrow, bitterness and resentment, which I truly do not ascribe to with or without the existence of God. Why? Because all good things come from the foundation of love….. the love of parents to their children, love between couples, love among the plants, animals…..

          I wish you deepest love and care, your wife must be watching over you still. I choose to believe that they are always with us, we just cannot see them.


        2. I feel the same…. lost my love 8 days ago… 24 months we lost her her parents. 30 days short of 30 years…
          She was diagnosed w/breast cancer and recovering ,then advised to go on oral chemo gone in 6 weeks…..I know she is in “heaven” but, it hurts to much to go on !!!!!! Thank you for letting me vent–my best friends tell me they no longer call as they do not know what to say…..thus “NO ONE” calls…This is to much. Why go on. Memorial service in 18 hours. I hurt. I ache !!!!!!!!

        3. the exact same thing happened to me. 25 years i was married to my best friend. i brought her to the hospital on wednesday by monday she was gone. wednesday night was the last time i saw her alive and by far that is the hardestpart to deal with. Not being allowed to see/visit her knowing she died alone and probably scared to death. no pun intended. I beat myself up daily because i feel like i should have been more insistant on seeing her. Im sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel. alot of people say things like that with the greatest of intentions but unless you have lost a long time wife you just have no clue how devastating it is. Parents and even the loss of a small child just do not compare

        4. Dear David,

          Without my Lord and Savior, I don’t believe that I could cope with the loss of my beautiful, beloved Gladys. Lay your pain and heartache at His feet, David. He loves you very much.


      12. Dear Michael: I too am a pastor and 18 years ago my Margaret,wife of 50 year died,.All the family was present and she took her last breath in my arms too. I was not doing well and all the family tried to help me, but I didn’t happen until I realized that my loss was her gain. I have since lost a daughter and a son and always wonder when it my time. Our days are in His hands.

      13. I am so very sorry for everyone here as we all lost a huge part of our lives!
        I lost my very best friend and wife last week on November the 13th from origin shutdown. Her heart stopped along with her liver and appendix and a massive heart attack. My baby girl was only 49 years old and we had been married for just under 32 years and I truly don’t know how to breathe and live now as she was so much more than my wife and best friend. I know it sounds silly but she was almost the air that I breathe and still I think to myself what an understatement!!
        My face is killing me from crying so much and I can’t help to wonder if I’m ever going to stop.
        May God bless you all and I sure hope we’ll all heal in time, much before we meet up with them in heaven.

      14. I lost my step dad in October 2018 and then lost my wife April 15th 2019. I have since also lost my father-in-law my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law and feel like I’ve been run over by a tank. I thought losing my wife was going to kill me and I am disappointed that it did not. She was my very best friend and we were truly as one person. dependent so much on each other because of our illnesses. I was a soldier and then I was in law enforcement for 36 years. You would think I would not be fearful but instead I am fearful of living this life without my wife. I have full on panic attacks when I think that I cannot talk to her or hear her laugh or hold her. I know she is with the Lord and I look so forward to the Lord taking me home too. My wife never got to see our grandbaby. Holding the grandbaby is the only time I feel good anymore. I live alone and I so wish the Lord would take me home. We were married for 34 years and she was the absolute love of my life. I cannot take my wedding ring off. The Lord said that we’re not married in heaven but I don’t know what he meant. My wife and I always talked about being together forever worshiping the Lord Jesus and I so hope he lets us be together.

      15. I just lost my wife today to cancer and our circumstances were very similar to yours. I loved her for 41 years and we were one. My heart broke when she died. She was my life and I hope to see her again in the after life. Reading your story made me feel as though I have met someone who knows what it’s like to lose someone you deeply love. I’m so sorry for your loss and know that I feel your pain. Glenn

      16. I lost my mother and best friend on Jan23 of this year. I have my own family and it’s been really difficult for my dad because he is all alone now. They were together for 47 years. I don’t actually know what I need to do to help him. I was hoping you would contact him at His name is Lee. I am Grace. I’m a full time student at SNHU I have kept up with my course through this tragedy. Like you,Inwas able to tell her everything I want to and told her she could let go my dad didn’t know and he feels he should’ve been there when she died anyways if you could please reach out to him I would tremendously appreciate it. I call him every single day and sometimes I feel like that’s not what he wants I don’t know I’m at loss

      17. I too had the experience of my wife going home to the Lord on February 15 2022. She was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck in September of 2020. she was reluctant to do chemo right away and we researched all we could about alternative treatments she started a regimen of nutritional supplements, daily coffee enigmas and using a Rife machine which all helped strengthen her immune system along with killing the tumor. We learned that the tumor was dying but just not fast enough, as the treatments continued we decided to now go the traditional route with chemo (6) rounds and targeted radiation (35) rounds, then hyperbaric oxygen treatments for wound healing (56) treatments. 2021 was a flurry of Dr appointments scans and treatments and things were looking very encouraging scans were coming back clean and she seems to be tolerating treatments well. Her doctors were commenting on how her attitude was so positive, we told then we are both born again Christians so we placed this in GOD’s hands from day 1. In December around Christmas she was getting tired easily she had a tendency to over do it on the days she felt really good and we attributed it to that. We had know each other since high school 1977 dated for a season in 1985 and reunited 25 years later in 2007 this time we realized it was GOD driven for us to meet again and she agreed to be my wife, it was that kind of love that you can think the same thoughts and feel so close that you shared the same space together we spent 14 years together to this point. But after Christmas in a week or so I realized there was something wrong. We got her to the hospital and she had an elevated white blood count and was semi dehydrated and blood pressure was low. She was admitted and withing a few hours we got that awful news that her cancer had spread to the liver, spleen and pancreas. We looked at each other in disbelief, I thought i was kicked by a mule but not knocked out. We spent the next few days getting even more bad news, a blood clot in one lung and she had some recent strokes which now were affecting motor skills and reasoning. I managed to get her home on home hospice the doctors gave her about a month. I spent every waking hour by her side feeding, changing and whatever else was required it was my honor to be that for her in this time of need. She managed to make it thru Valentines Day 2022 which I gave her the last card and we watched Charlie Brown Valentine CD we both loved Peanuts since we were kids.
        I held her hand kissed her read her my devotionals then some scripture and she took some long labored breaths and went to Jesus arms at 12:03 am. I have been struggling for the last couple of weeks with loneliness and felt compelled to share this.

      18. My heart is broken and I pray for Him to mend me and make me whole again, but I have doubts I can be fix completely. I lost my wife of 49 years and watched her leave me at her bed side. She fought so hard to remain with me but finally it was too much for her and we loved on each other with beautiful words as we both cried and then she was gone. We had the blessing of telling each other how much we loved each other. It was very unexpected, we were both living life together and she was my life partner. We had never been apart in all those married years except for an occasional day or two for work. We were very traditional in that I was the muscle and she was the brains, but we were a team partnership for life. God has so richly blessed us here on earth. Now my dear girl is with Him but gone from me. It’s so hard. She was so strong fighting to stay here for me so I’m trying to be strong for her the rest of my existence on earth. I have faith that I will be with her again in the promised Eternal Life. It doesn’t take away the agonizing pain I feel in my heart but comforts me knowing this and trusting the Plan. I cry all the time when something triggers a memory. It’s been a month now and I’m so blessed to have wonder caring people surrounding me that loved my wife too. She was a servant of servants and she never thought about herself but others. She was the seed that fell on good soil and she produced much fruit. She was my inspiration here on earth. I know she is shining as a star in Heaven. May God be glorified forever and ever. My tears may run down my face but soon He will wipe them away. No more tears! To all you that have lost your mates, I feel every pain you described. The Lord never promised we would not have pain on earth but does promise no more pain in Heaven. My hope is in Him. Until then I will continue to shed my tears. I’m so sorry for each of you!

        1. I lost my loving wife on nov 28 2021. She had been in the hospital from nov 11 to nov 18th and came home and was doing better.Then on nov28 2021 went in to wake up before I went to church and could not she had died in her sleep. We were married for almost 36 years and now I am so alone we had no children it was just me and her and she was all I needed. I know she is in Heaven with her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I know God will help me but I have lost a part of me that I will never get back. I know everyone that has lost a spouse is going thru a terrible time and I hope everyone will get some peace.

          1. Dear brother, I can relate to you. My precious wife went home to the Lord on July 23, 2021. She was the center of my universe. The best fishing buddy I ever had. We could
            not get a bite for hours and when I said let’s head to the boat ramp, she would say can
            we just stay a little while longer. She was active in our church and always tried to help
            anybody she could. She went through three years of treatment for advanced kidney cancer.
            Everything was going great until one day it seemed to have just exploded throughout
            her stomach lining and liver. She came home and went to be with the Lord on July 23.
            We have to do our best to know that as believers in Jesus Christ that we will see them
            again one day. I will pray for you and ask you for your prayers also. Take great comfort
            in knowing that she is in His care and you will see her again one day.
            God bless you and help you to carry on until that glorious day.

        2. Hello Craig; My wife of 66 years, pasted on March 20, 2022 @ 9:30 that morning. With me holding her hand. We have 3 kids; twelve grandchildren; eighteen great! She gave her Love to all. Her body just gave. God took home. Had been ill for quite some time, seemed like it was one thing after another. Tears yes, but she is no longer in pain. She Faught to the end.. Don

      19. Hi Michael
        My name is Mark. I lost my beloved wife Jakki on 16th Dec 2021. We were married for 34 years. This year we were going to celebrate 35 years with our close friends on a cruise. She was my life. Everything I am is because of her. Every day I get up and know she is not there and that destroys me. She was the most caring, loving and considerate person you could meet. The feeling of loneliness is sometimes overwhelming. We couldn’t have children, which for me is a blessing in a weird way as men who have to deal with their children’s grief as well as their own must be super human! I have a great network of family and friends who have helped me through these last few months. You never know what a person does until you lose them. I miss her so much. I hope and pray that one day we will be together again.

      20. Hello Michael- praying for you.

        WOW!!! My Queen passed away on 4/11/21.
        She wore her crown of grace and beauty like a feather. Her strength of heart and determination made her a warrior, and I love her through and through.
        She will be FOREVER IN MY HEART!!!!!
        Thank you for sharing your beautiful story!

      21. Thank you for sharing. I lost my beautiful wife to pancreatic cancer 4/27/22 at 4:27am. We had been married 45 years 5 months and 6 days when she relocated to heaven. My gal stopped the chemo treatments after suffering through them for 3 months. 3 months later, she was gone. I retired January 3, to spend every moment I could with my Angel. But she relocated to a care center because she “didn’t want me cleaning her up when she would eventually needed that level of care.” It hurt, but as her husband I was prepared to do just that. Oh well, her happiness has always been more important to me than my own. Our daughters are adults. And I just feel lost. She was my precious Angel and I miss everything about her. I too still wear my wedding ring and I too read to my gal when she was fishing and after she was gone, I read to her as well. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I am not sure what to do with the next 25 years. Something will break loose eventually. Her military internment is next Friday. One more step forward. Again, thanks for sharing.

      22. Sir,
        I just read your story and it resemble what just happened to me. I lost my wife (Rebecca) on 3 Aug 2022, due to cancer. It’s been very difficult for me and my family, we were married for 32 years. She was my best friend and partner. Thank you for sharing your story.


      23. Hello Michael,
        My tears are rolling as read your post.

        My perfect angle wife passed away on 13th September 2022. After she was diagnosed breast cancer 2020. She was well recovered after her chemotherapy and radiation. We were both were so happy specially me that my angle is back. We kept talking we get older together holding each other’s hands.
        Suddenly she had to make trip to the Fiji Islands upon return on 24 August she was complaining of headache.
        On 30th August 2022, I she made oats for my breakfast we had some chat in the morning and left for work. During the morning we had few phones conversation and during our conversation l said l love you and her response was l love you more. We never called each other by name, she will me lover boy and i will call her lover girl.
        On 30th August around 1 pm I tried calling she never picked up her phone I took off from work came straight to her, found her on the floor beside our bed face down. I was totally messed up in my mind can’t think of anything for few seconds. I did CPR she picks up her breath. Called 911 and at the same time cleaned her up.
        Tears was rolling my heart was beating but not losing any hope.
        Paramedics came and took her to the hospital, but she never opened her eyes and left me alone on 13th sept, Doctors. Confirmed cancer cells travelled to the brain.
        I miss my baby doll; she was very caring and loving person; we were living like love birds. My love used to iron cloths every morning, polished my shoes, prepared fresh meal, tables was set as like royal families etc. We bought so many his and hers cloths, watches etc. we both use buy small gift for each few times in a week.
        I don’t feel like living any more feel so lonely my whole world collapsed.

        Dinesh Chand

      24. What a story of true love Michael.
        My wife of 49 years passed away on September 22, 2021..on a Wednesday, the same day she was born in 1953. It has just been a year and I feel like her death happened yesterday. Thankfully I have two wonderful daughters and to very good son in laws not to mention THREE beautiful granddaughters. All of this I have and I still feel an emptiness. I have been trying to go to mass every week and I am conversing with God as if he is in my on one. I do the same talking to my wife.
        We would have been married 50 years that August of ‘21 but my wife lost her life due to having ALS. The diagnosis was heartbreaking. My wife once told me that if I had to take care of her she would be my worse patient. She was so wrong.
        After five weeks of hospitalization the drs felt she would benefit getting help in a nursing facility to gain some of her strength back. We agreed but found out shortly that was the wrong road to travel. After a week my wife asked me to get her out and to take her home.
        My daughters helped me through the beaurocratic BS and we got her out.
        It was a pleasure to take care of her. Not once did I wish we had have her remain in the nursing home. She was the best. After a period of time she could not speak and I am ANGRY at myself for not speaking to her before she lost that sense of speech.
        I know it’s in the pass and I can only move forward but it is very difficult. I messed up 100’s of times in my marriage..I was by far at times a JERK and in some ways I feel I deserve to suffer with my’s is like payment pass due.
        I don’t know if GOD or my wife will forgive me.
        I constantly ask their forgiveness.
        I also have asked for signs from my wife and I FEEL that she heard me and her response consoled me but I am carrying a heavy load of guilt and I do not know how to deal with it.
        I just wanted to thank you for your story.

      25. So sorry for your loss. I just lost my wife of 26 years and not doing well at all. I am not sure what to do for the pain. She had cancer and had surgery in 2018 to remove it and it came roaring back even worse this year. I would love to chat if you are willing.

      26. Hi, i just lost my beautiful loving caring wife of 33 yrs and i feel i cant do this. Everyday i wait to see her again. I wait for a call, i just want her by my side. It hurts. I dont know how to live, how to be a father or how to be a grandfather. My wife was diagnosed on June 18th 2023 (Fathers Day) with pancreatic cancer stage IV already metastasized to liver. We spent three days in the hospital. We left and she seemed ok. A week and a half goes by and everything changes. Her pain is constant, medication is not working , we made 2 trips to the emergency stat clinics for pain management ( morphine shots) to help with her pain. On July 9th, we had to call an ambulance so we could transport her to the hospital because she was to weak. She kept telling me “ dont cry, IM GOING TO BE OK”….she lost her battle 3 days after being admitted to hospital. Her cancer had already affected her kidneys and stomach by our second stay at the hospital. I miss her everyday….its been two weeks since we lost her. How do you keep going when nothing makes sense?

    2. Hi my name is Joe I’m 52 years old I lost my wife 4 months ago she was 46 years old she had breast cancer and it spread throughout her body and while she was in the hospital she caught sepsis I was with her for 32 years and they say it’s time goes by it gets better for me it’s getting worse the pain is so unbearable we were together 32 years and she’s just gone just like that I was holding her hand while she died and I can’t get that vision out of my head I’m grieving very very bad and I don’t know how to deal with it I have a 21-year-old daughter and I feel her pain too I just want this pain to go away and it feels like it never will I miss her so much it’s only been 4 months but I drive myself to the point where I get sick does anyone have any suggestions what should I do cuz I don’t know what to do thank you for listening

  2. I loss my wife when I was 24 and now i’m 54 and still haven’t found another wife although I’ve had many relationships but none measured up so now what do I do???

    1. Damn right its more difficult for men than women,lost my wife of 52 years in a head on car crash 2 and a half years ago,now getting my life back together again now,i have had massive help from my family,plus readings from mediams,&councelling.
      Without all that i know i would have not have made it.
      My contact details are public-if i can help anyone…..

    2. I lost my wife of 52 years on Nov08,2017

      A letter to my beloved wife, Georgette I miss you so much each and every day,nay, every hour,every minute.
      I am often engulfed by fear as well as grief. Fear that I will never see you again, fear that there is nothing beyond our life here, fear that you may have disappeared from existence entirely. Fear that you who I so desperately love and grieve for, who is still the center of my life, will fade from my memory as I age, fear that I will have moments of laughter without thinking of you, fear that my life will go on with only a fading memory of you honey. Loving you forever with my broken heart……john…

      1. Your comments encapsulate precisely the way I feel better than I have read elsewhere. I feel exactly as you do. I lost my wife of 25 years suddenly only one month ago. I miss her desperately. Your expression of fear is exactly the way I feel, not fear per say, but very similar to fear and a feeling that is constantly there, an underlying constant. “fear there is nothing beyond our life here, fear that you may have disappeared from existence entirely.” These are the parts of grief that I was unaware of and until this event happens to you personally, there is no way to fully grasp its devastating effect. Thank you for posting your letter, it has been helpful to me. I pray for your healing and my sincere condolences on your loss. While there is little I can say to alleviate your grief, I share in your expression of it. God bless and take care, Brian.

        1. Brian, I lost my wife March 2021 unexpectedly about 72 hours after a complex surgery to remove an ampullary tumor in the small intestines. This surgery alone was invasive, where the stomach, pancreas and liver had to be routed to a resectioned part of her small intestines. Additionally part of her pancreas, the gall bladder and the lymph nodes had to be removed. Meanwhile she had unexpected hemmorraging in her esophagus that interfered with the realigned stomach and the violent reaction caused sepsis to pass in her bloodstream. It was traumatic to witness so much pain that would quickly overtake her. It left so many unanswered questions including possible medical neglect or a lack of communication with the doctors. My daughter had no visibility to what happened because she wasn’t allowed in the hospital until after her mother passed away. Only one designated family member was allowed due to COVID restrictions. There’s not one person that believes her 8 months of diagnostic imagery and GI tests would have permitted the surgery that would result in death had we not been in a pandemic situation. She was too strong and energetic to give up, but she immediately knew she made a mistake as she told me after post op.

          Aside from the grief and pain, I am faithful I will be reunited with my caring wife and that she is far from the end of her existence. It has only just begun for her now. I have received so many messages through dreams, unexplained thoughts, clear signs to other friends that were less open to such spiritual manifestations. I unexpectedly received deep insights from a dear friend and former neighbor who happens to be a medium. She does not tell people about her gifts or exploit them for money. She uses her gift for the sole purpose to heal people.
          I am certain my wife is living God’s life with Him and her experience on earth does not compare to her new eternal spiritual life.
          She assured me she had no regrets and only unconditional love from her which gives me the strength. She wanted me to live the rest of my life in a way that would make me happy. I ask God for His grace to live this life and fulfill my purpose so I can be reunited with my wife’s soul for eternity.
          As a widower, I can relate to “fear” or “feelings” of permanent separation from your spouse. After much contemplation, anger, fear, denial, and other emotions, I feel there is no other choice but to rise above the huge burden of grief to set sights on positive promises from God. I still process the pain and loneliness so I avoid being crippled. It is NOT easy but I know there is no way a spouse would want their surviving spouse to suffer from a life of sadness. It is incomprehensible. So I take each day as a gift of life to fulfill my purpose that is in new phase.

        2. Brian, your message hit home with me. The fear that you indicate has consumed me. I was married to my beautiful wife for over 53yrs. She died after a year of pain and suffering with lung cancer and never smoked. She was my life, my heart and soul, and my best friend. The pain that I’m feeling now is called a broken heart syndrome. I cry daily and pray that I will live life as she did in a graceful and positive manner so that I will someday be with her. Until that time, at age 76, I will suffer with the table for one syndrome. I will love her forever. Tom

          1. Tom, your situation is similar to mine. I am 74 and my wife was 76. We met while I was home on leave from the Air Force, got engaged in 2 1/2 weeks, got married 6 months later and were married for 53 1/2 years. My wife had a partial kidney removed at Cleveland Clinic six years ago. Several trips back over for checkups showed all was good. After a CT scan just last September, we were feeling pretty good. Then, sometime in November of last year she started dry heaving and suffered until April 8th of this year when she passed away. To make a long story short, she passed out on me one night and ended up in the hospital, returned briefly but ended back up in the hospital, to never return home again, eventually passing away in a nursing home, a painful, sad, death. The cancer had spread to her brain, lungs, kidneys, and stomach. We had no kids. I am so lonely and lost I don’t know what to do. We were so close, being just the two of us. I cry every day and night. I hate the thoughts of the Holidays coming up as she went all out for Christmas. I am so depressed all the time. Prayers to all you others who have lost a mate. I know your pain. God Bless you all.

          2. I truly feel your pain Tom for I said goodbye to the love of my life on October 13th 2021. She had cancer and suffered terribly. I held her in my arms when she passed. I am beside myself trying to cope with the sadness and brain fog as somewhere I read about it. I have two dogs that keep me somewhat in line but still…take care and I wish the best for you.

      2. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my wife suddenly on 12/30/21. The Bible says absent from the body present with the Lord. If we believe in the Son of God, and ask him to be Lord we will have eternal salvation. In 1 John Bible teaches we can have assurance of salvation. Where your wife is you can be also. We have to have faith in Christ for eternal salvation. Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life. No one goes to the Father but by him.

    3. This is the second smart~ass comment that I have seen you post on this site.
      The people posting on this site are suffering from the greatest loss of their lives which is the loss of their spouses, absolutely heartbreaking.
      Take your vile self and commentary elsewhere, you repulsive asshole.

  3. its only been since april 7 2017 i lost my debbie its been so so hard she passed away from cancer she was awounderful wife and person iwould have traded places with her i miss her smile voice ijust miss her

    1. Hi. Robert i reading all the article and Comments, im 31 and just lost my wife she was 30 to cancer 2-1-18 .im still finding it hard and difficult to accept. We always talked about growing old together now it seems i dont want look towards future just day by day

      1. Hi Nick, Just lost my wife feb 8,2018 from cancer she’s 25 and her bday was mar 2018. we have 1 daughter. Just so hard and sad that she can’t be with us on her birthday, on my birthday (May) family day, and this coming mother’s day. So difficult and don’t know where to start

        1. First you have to realize that in a very important and real way she is with you and your daughter. She is in your heart. She will never leave you. I totally understand your feeling. I mean I know everyone feels grief differently, but let’s just say, I can relate to your pain. I lost my wife in December of last year to Cancer as well. She was first diagnosed in 2012.
          Losing your best friend, you wife and your daughter’s mother is devastating. That’s why I found this post tonight. It’s 3:42am. I’m missing my wife as well, but I try to look at the positive. So hard, right? She lived 6 years with stage 4 Cancer! She was a good mother and wife and she not only fought Cancer well, but she was a great sparing partner as well, which ironically is another reason for missing her so much… Funny… I believe there is life after this one. I believe in God. I believe I will see God. I also believe she is free of miserable pail and suffering. She is happy and my son and I plan on meeting her again. Simply, I have hope. I do not believe we were random accidents. We have a purpose. I see the hurt and pain in this world and I do not believe any of it was planned. God never intended for mankind to die….. Some will read this and think, what is wrong with this religious freak? I’m good with that, because I know in my inner most mind and heart that there is more to what we see. I pray that everyone here would find that same kind of peace. Not to say I do not feel sad, but I feel reassured. God does love you and he knows your pain…

    2. I have watched a couple over several years hide the fact that she had terminal cancer. He He is alone now. She too kept an emasculate House. As he puts it always had a rag in her hand. And watching him through family interaction and trying to piecemeal the business together is harder and have to provide for an Autistic child 18 is more than enough.

      How do you deal with anger, since talking or crying a not an option. He has issues. I feel he is falling in driving unsteady and depth of insight impaired not to take child to therapist. He’s a 1 minute thought changer. He’s in need of therapy but don’t tell him that. Men don’t want to admit something’s definitely out of ordinary. Hey get some coping strategies.

      Every body’s depending on you. Time to man up right now. There needs to be insurance for Death. When people are traumatized they sometimes do wicked things. How long should you tolerate it before distancing self.

    3. I’ve lost my beloved best friend wife last April from liver and kidney complications.she died at home in front of me ,in August I went on dating site for something to fill the void .I was not ready .i met a nice women but like I said I thought I was ready it ended badly ,but all I’m saying is I need my partner

      1. Tim, I feel your pain. I lost my wife of 19 years to cancer in April 2018. I was her caregiver for nine months and watched the steady decline up close, day in – day out. It’s amazing how accurate the article is. She made arrangements for us to spend time with family and friends, and kept up with everyone’s lives. When she passed, it seemed I lost more than just her, it was all the other people in our life, and I couldn’t figure out why.
        She and I spent much time saying goodbye the last few months of her life, so shortly after her death I thought I was ready to fill that void. I was, and still am, terribly lonely and did anything to keep busy. I drank a lot as well. I have since gone through two relationships and am in a third. The first two broke up with me (me being the obvious common denominator) so I’m trying to piece together what I’m doing wrong. I notice tendencies of jealousy and anger, which I never had before. I think it’s a subconscious reaction to the pain of the loss; my mind not wanting to go through that again so it wants to hang onto what makes it feel good. I am working very hard to recognize those emotions when they pop up and deal with them swiftly. My current girlfriend is a wonderful woman with a huge heart. Thankfully she is patient but I know that will only go so far if I don’t fix myself; hence my visit to this site.
        I pray you have found peace. May God be with you.

    4. I know what you mean I lost my wife of 33 years I lost her she was my world every thing I worked your I’m lost her I think n

  4. I am 31. I just lost my wife to cancer at the second years of our marriage. I felt like I am living alone in an empty world. The loneliness, the emptiness and pain in my heart.. she is a wife that I would give my life to

    1. I also lost my wife this year 2018 im 31 she was 30 to Cancer its the hardest thing i ever been threw. Im still not accepting it which we use to talk about growing old together now what do i do. . I have her 2 daughters but there dad trying take them from me now that my wife is gone .

    2. So Sorry Ric that you had to endure this at such a young age. Your beloved left you way too early and nothing can help us understand why. I lost my wife of 36 years on 5/6/21.
      Today was our 36th Wedding Anniversary and needless to say it’s painful. Your life is still ahead of you and hopefully you will find the strength you need to move on and have peace.

  5. I am 28, I just lost my 25 year old wife on December 19th to Cystic Fibrosis. We were together for six years. We have a 5 year old son and I’m finding it harder and harder to take care of myself and him. I act like everything’s alright, but my mind is going crazy…

    1. Hi Cody. I too lost my wife, in December, to pulmonary fibrosis which is something like what you went through since Cystic Fibrosis usually affects the lungs. I am much older (67) and we were married for 20 years. She had lots of energy and was very social. We (mostly she) have lots of friends who are doing their best to help me get through this. Family lives far away but they were here for awhile after she passed.

      I know what you mean about your mind going crazy. I’ve been in love before (first marriage) but this woman was literally my soulmate. I feel like I lost so much more than a wife, like I lost a big part of myself too. I don’t find pleasure in a lot of things we used to do together.

      Grieving is hard for me. I’m one of those guys who was brought up to believe that men don’t cry and that’s very hard for me, even when alone. I don’t understand why, but I haven’t yet shed tears over her loss and I feel guilty about that. Even though I haven’t cried, I feel like my heart is being pulled out of my chest many times every day when I see something that was special to her (like her dressing table), or see a certain TV shows in the guide, or smell her perfume, or any of a thousand other things.

      I would welcome it if you’d like to chat. You can email to me if you’d like at “d nil b p 9000 at g m a i l dot c o m” (leave out the spaces, of course, and the word “nil”). If you do, please put “Loss of Wife” in the subject line so I’ll know it’s not spam. Best of luck to you. I can’t imagine what you are going through having a small child who’s lost his mother.

    2. I know how you feel I lost my wife and soul mate in October 2018 after fiving birth to our 5th child. I feel all those things. I am lost and lonely, and scare that there is nothing after this and that she is just gone. I try to hold it together for the kids but it’s hard. I am 39 and she was 36, we were married 18 years this Saturday and together 21 years. I dont know what to do! I know I have to endure for the kids but I dont want to do this anymore. I would never ever leave them and cause them that hurt again but if I didnt have kids I would have followed her that day into the beyond. What is worse is since we met I told her all the time that this exact scenario was my worst fear and I dont think I would make it through, to which she would reply, “oh yes you would, you would do it for me and the kids”, so now I have to push theough. It does seem to be getting harder to make it through day by bay.

      I love you and miss you Ruthie!
      – Bryan

      1. My wife passed away at age 32, 6 days after giving birth to our only child, two months ago. I can see myself on your words.
        My wife died sleeping by my side. When I woke up I tried to revive her desperatly without success. It’s a terrible image on my mind.

        I thought on killing myself that time to go with her, but our son was sleeping by our side and I must go on to him

        1. Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I have an old family friend that has just lost his wife in childbirth. The baby made it. I’m worried about him. I tried reaching out but got a quick reply the next day. Seams hes busy with the newborn. He also has two other children. Should I keep trying to reach out or take the hint he doesn’t want to talk and leave him alone? He hasn’t replied to my last text.

        2. Bravo Paulo, you are important, you have a job to do, God loves life and wants you to reach your full potential for your boy and you know this because you said so, human bodies fail and have accidents that’s not important but the soul is, your wife’s soul is very important in the universe of love, she is still helping you and your son but from a different level. Bless you.

  6. Lost my wife 20 years ago this morning to cancer. It still hurts. She should be here for our daughters and grand daughters. Why?

    1. I too lost my wife aged 33 to Thyroid Cancer on the 25/10/1998 morning 0455hrs. My children were 2&4 years old and i was 39. It was very tough but i had my mother and 3 elder sisters to shower love to my kids. As for me i accepted Christ 3 years ago and Jesus Christ gave me not only Salvation but comfort from grief of the loss of my wife.
      Only GOD can give comfort to those suffer loss of loved ones and no one else can.

  7. Your not alone
    I lost my wife in May 2017 of 28 years…im 48 she was 47 unexpectantly when she went on vacation and got sick visiting family. I still cry evey other day thinking of her. She was the social one and she take of pretty much everything. More than i ever imagined. Even trying to move on and get into another relationship really puts the other woman at a disadvantage because noone will ever measure up. We have 4 older kids my daughter being the youngest (16). It just kills me all the things she is missing out not having Mom anymore. Hoping it will one day get easier.

    1. I just lost my wife, Esophageal Cancer, seven months after Diagnosis. Sept. 6 2018. One day before her 54th Birthday.
      She was The BOSS, she took care of everything,

    2. I lost my wife in August. 24 years of being best friends. She died from can cancer. I have a 16 year old son at home. Just praying it will get better. So sad and lonely.

  8. Thirty years ago today, I lost my Helen. Beautiful woman, with all the good qualities. She had lupus for eleven years, and all she wanted to do was get well, a desire denied of her. Our daughter was ten at the time. I’ve since remarried, but I still miss her almost every day. Our daughter never recovered from the loss, and is still suffering the consequences of the aftermath of her mother’s death.

  9. Sitting here with tears, lost my wife to a mystery sickness in a matter of hours this Jan. 9, 2018. We were married for 27 years. When you seen one you seen the other, we did everything together. I depended on her 70% of things. I have a disability (TBI) and I did the out side work, muscle work, and little inside work. She did most of the driving and all of the directions. I Get out to go to the store, bank, grief support group. I am the step dad for the local, no other family that lives within 800 miles. Phone calls are not the same as speaking in person. I keep searching for the right way and telling myself that I will make it and talking to her every day. I know she is helping me.

  10. Found my wife passed in a field after she went for a walk. 2 years ago April 10 2016 12:34 am. I have never been the same. We were married 20 years, im 43 and have a 12 year old son. Its taken this long to come out of the distructive life i have been living. Im ready to talk and get healthy. Theres no time frame set. You choose to start the healing when your ready i guess. God Bless you all

  11. I too lost my wife. February 22, 2018. To cancer. She was 40, we were married for 22 years. The hardest thing in the work to go through

  12. I too lost my wife. February 22, 2018. To cancer. She was 40, we were married for 22 years. The hardest thing in the world to go through

  13. I just lost my wife of 22 years 4/5/18. we were complete soul mates. She died suddenly and without any warning from a heart attack. I dont know how I am going to live without her. nothing makes any sense

    1. I lost my wife CRYSTAL 2/11/19 of 21 years and 11 months to a brain bleed she was sick for a long time we never got a far start we have 2 beautiful kids 22 and 19 graduated the same year with out her mom and know I don’t know how to do anything she was the mom I just fill lost and nobody gets it is i always heard time will heal
      All thangs that is just a way to make someone,else fill better I will never get over this and move on how do you do that in the house were so many memories were made Keith the love of your life FOREVER LOST SHANNON

  14. My wife is 34 yrs old and on hospice after a year battle with cancer. We have a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter. Any advice would be appreciated.

  15. I lose my wife last march 6 2018 its is our 5 yrs weding anniversary…she died with cardio embolism and she had a cancer the dr. Said because of complication…memory keeps flashing back in my mind during her suffering in her last days…

  16. That love that you feel toward her will warm you and calm you when you really stay quiet and prayful.Her love for you will always light your way and give you tremendous comfort.

  17. My wife died a month ago of a chronic illness. We where married 27-years and lived together for 30-years. I was her primary caregiver and like many of you would have traded places with her if it were possible. She died at home in bed next to me. I hate the fact that I was powerless to change this outcome. I promised her I would find her again. She wanted me to survive her death so I’m determined to do that. Going from an “us” to a “me” again makes me despair at times. She was my purpose, so now I’m looking for new purpose.

  18. I recently lost my wife of 8 years March 27, 2018. We both were the same age (33) with our birthdays being a week apart and our anniversary in between our birthdays. We had one son together who is 7 and there are 3 other children from her previous relationship ages 10, 14, and 16. It have been extremely difficult on the kids and I. She died from SRP myositis which over the last 5 years slowly deteriorated her health but it still feels unreal to this day that she is gone. I’ve started grief counseling recently but each day I feel as if I’m losing mind. It’s hard dealing with each child because they all are grieving differently and have outbursts at different moments. Similar to John I keep having flashbacks of her last day in the hospital and of the moment when she died and the doctors trying to resuscitate her… Does the pain ever go away? I have concert tickets for two musical outings that I purchased for us but I have no desire go.

  19. About 3 months ago I loss my wife of 45 yrs. after a lengthy illness, before she got really sick last year every surgery she had when she checked in I check in when she checked out I checked out I spent about 45 days at the hosp. straight with her, when she came home she was bedridden until she passed away at that I was by her side I seen her suffer and it hurted for me to see her suffer I wanted the suffering to stop and she get better by not leaving me but God saw different the pain has been so hard almost unbearable out of the 90 days that she has been gone I have cried every last one of those days and the odd thing about I loss my wife on 02/23/2018 but my mother passed away 02/11/2016 I even Preached my mom eulogy but I couldn’t dare touch during my wife eulogy the love for my wife seems more stronger than my mom so I did a research in the Bible and it’s suppose to be that way for it says that man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh that’s why the pain is so hard because a man and his wife is one flesh.

    1. My wife of nearly 42 years passed away 18-April 2018…this after 14 month battle with cancer. I too believe it is harder for men than women. Now When I’m at work I want to be home, when I’m at home I want to be at work. I’ve buried my father, mother, mother in law and father in law. But burying my wife has been worse than all of that put together.

  20. I just lost her two days ago and the pain is unbearable. She was everything to me and my sons. Never putting herself first, always making us her priority. She battled for six years but the last 16 months were the worst. Multiple hospital stays leading to months of her slipping away from me. We were together for 29 years. I know it’s so soon but I feel like there is no way to escape the pain of missing her. I will stay strong for the boys while I’m dying inside.

  21. My 30 yr. old son lost his 28 yr. old wife to cancer two weeks ago. We all loved her very much. I don’t know how to help my son. He seems to be keeping us all at a distance. We have always been very close. I feel like I’ve lost them both. I appreciate Ny comments.

    1. I lost my wife in June. This past week was her birthday and anniversary. She would have been 41. As for your son, I can say from my own experience that I kept to myself for the most part for the first couple months. Its hard to express your feelings when you don’t know what they are. And it’s also hard to hear, “Everything will be alright.” Right now nothing will be alright for him, but even he knows with time it will get easier. And easier doesn’t mean that you have to forget her, it just means that you begin to accept it…regardless of your broken heart. For me I had a close friend that I talked to more than anyone for the first bit…and that’s exactly what he let me do. He never asked if I was ok. We would go fishing, or a trip to BassPro, a couple kayak trips and camping. He never brought it up, but instead just listened when I needed to talk about it, or ramble on about a memory I had. He never gave advice, he never said it’s going to be ok…he just let me vent. That’s what I needed most. So please don’t feel your son is shutting you out…he just has to have time to process. Instead of asking how he’s doing…just call and ask how work is going. You might find that the conversation rolls into something more meaningful. After a couple months I was able to be more open with my family. We talked about happy times and shared tears as well. My parents always thought of my wife like a daughter. And when she passed it was the first time I ever saw my father cry. Your son will come around in time. He loves you and he knows you’re there for him…when he needs it.

  22. Hey Tom. You dont have to “stay” anything. Be yourself, that’s better for your family than trying to be something you cannot be.
    My wife of 27 years passed away after a three year struggle with lung cancer, six weeks ago. I also have two children at home and they are my support.
    You lose part of you, and like losing a limb you learn eventually to tollerate it. Remember no one can take away the memories.

  23. I lost My Wife after just one year of marriage. Well 53 weeks to the day. She had been sick for months and they could not find out what was going on. She had a massive heart attack on 04/15/2018. She was 32. sad thing is that I lost my (step) daughter the same day. You always think you have more time. I did not get around to adopting her, so she was taking from me as well.

  24. I lost my wife 5 weeks ago the pain is unbearable.on the morning of her death I found out she was having some sort of relationship with a guy from fb which I went looking for before I found out she passed away.i have to young children with her aged 6&10.. her family with her maidan name completely to over the the full funeral in every sense of the word I was very angry in every sense of the word anyway it became more complicated as my eldest kid is my step son and the youngest is mine which I took back after the funeral with help from the law. It’s seems very overwhelming some days but I look at our child that motivation I need right now in this life.deep down I know she loves me as I lost a younger sister last year I was very overwhelmed with grief with my sisters death I didn’t see my wife’s needs as she suffered deep depression she was 35 I’m 51 but she was my soulmate.paul

  25. I just lost my wife to cancer. My wife of 23 years. She was 47 years of age. She did EVERYTHING. She ran the ship. Right now, I feel like doing nothing and just want to be alone. Her reverend would like a memorial soon to release her spirit. I know she doesn’t want anything. She just wanted to die at home. She did.

    Right now, all I do is talk to her quite a lot. Some times I feel alright then all of a sudden I start crying. Then I stop. I don’t know.

    I just miss her a lot.

  26. Lost my wife of 10 years to cancer on July 29, 2018. Words can’t even discribe this pain. My wife was a full time mom to our 5 year old daughter. Im struggling with alcohol just to numb the pain. Life is not fair, never has & never will be!

  27. On the 22nd July 2017 my beautiful wife of 43 years finally lost her long battle with cancer. A year later their is still a gaping hole in the life of my children and their children. After reading the heart rending comments above i cant help feeling how blessed we were to have her for so long. I do you find the strength to live your life as your wives would have wished you to – they will always be with you. God bless you all.

  28. my wife of 21 years passed away monday the 18th of sept, 2018. her visitation is tonite, funeral is tomorrow. i havent eaten or been able to sleep since she passed and i am really just numb. i would like to know if there is any way for me to come to terms with this because i have to be there for our daughter.. please, any help anyone can give .

    1. Bob, i was also married 21 yrs, and my Tammy passed last Sunday the 23rd,. I talk to her, i tell myself shes at peace, i tell her i will be with her one day, and i survive minute to minute, i hope soon its day to day

  29. My sister died on the 1st of September 2018 in a terrible accident, her funeral was 21st September 2018 – people talk about waves of grief but the reality is far different. Grief is like a freight train that enters through your heart and soul, it is physical and it makes no sense. It leaves you hollow with a void in your heart. Her husband, my lovely brother in law and their 6 year old son are coming to stay for the weekend. Don’t know what to expect but I’m there for him. Women seem to be able to grieve and talk and cry and cry some more- and to release the grief helps you heal. To grieve is to accept the loss. I too feel robbed, lonely, isolated and apathetic as both my past and future with my sister has been deprived of me. Let out the grief, crying is part of the process of grief gentlemen. When I see my lovely brother in law this Friday and the beautiful son they have- I will put my arms around him and cry for the loss we both share. I will listen. I will do what my sister would want (and what your lost wives would want) and try to rebuild my very different life. Grief to me is like giving birth – it is a physical entity that your body must experience to get to the other side of the grief. But you must embrace it.

  30. I lost my wife June 7th, 2016 to multiple sclerosis. She was 36, I was 37. Truthfully, it hasn’t gotten easier. The second year, in some ways, is worse than the first. It just plain sucks.

    There aren’t adequate words.

    I miss her tremendously.

    No easy answers.

    Just love and grief.

    1. Chris brother I cannot express the feeling of loosing my last week Nov 7th, 2022 to MS. After 8 yrs of being in and out of hospitals with little to no help it was the hardest thing I ever had to watch. I too was the care giver and the last time it hit we were at our son’s home and she said, “take me home and call Hospice,” she was tired of being poked, stabbed, tested etc, to no end, it was just to painful. Five weeks after taking care of her at home she passed at 1:30 am. I have never felt pain like I do today and it gets worse ever day. When I come home to this empty house I to say, “honey I’m home” but the silence is just unbearable. If it wasn’t for the fact that I know she is in Heaven and not hurting anymore I don’t think I would be here tomorrow. I read others comments regarding their pain and its obvious it never gets better and I must find some way to cope with this. The little comfort I get is from the Lord and he strengths me each day enough to make it to the next. I pray you may find this comfort in time it will help when all else fails. Take care brother, God Loves You .

  31. I lost my Tammy 6 days ago to renal failure, she had been on dialysis for 6 yrs, we were married 21 yrs, but the last 11-12 yrs we had been together 24/7, my kids, and grandkids have helped me alot, but this has been the longest week of my life

  32. I lost my wife of 24 years (29 together total) this August. I have been with her every day since we were 16. I lost my best friend. She gave me purpose. Being her husband gave me my identity. She was the glue that kept our home together. I feel like my sons lost both their parents. I nothing left for them emotionally. Grief has made me selfish, I want my sons home with me, yet I have nothing to say to them or do for them. I hate the house, it is so cold and empty now, yet I don’t want to go out and do anything. Everyone says “you will get through this”, but get “through it” to what exactly? An existence without her? I feel like the rest of my life is a sentence now, a curse. To have had a soulmate, and to lose her, is to be alone forever now because no one could ever replace her. I can’t even get rid of her toiletries, her stuff is all I have left to prove I mattered to someone once. I can’t stand this. I miss her so very much every day.

  33. I lost my wife of 24 years (29 together total) this August. I have been with her every day since we were 16. I lost my best friend. She gave me purpose. Being her husband gave me my identity. She was the glue that kept our home together. I feel like my sons lost both their parents. I nothing left for them emotionally. Grief has made me selfish, I want my sons home with me, yet I have nothing to say to them or do for them. I hate the house, it is so cold and empty now, yet I don’t want to go out and do anything. Everyone says “you will get through this”, but get “through it” to what exactly? An existence without her? I feel like the rest of my life is a sentence now, a curse. To have had a soulmate, and to lose her, is to be alone forever now because no one could ever replace her. I can’t even get rid of her toiletries, her stuff is all I have left to prove I mattered to someone once. I can’t stand this. I miss her so very much every day.

  34. I lost my wife to cancer last year 9/2/2017. We were married for 31 years. I think about her every day. I miss her so much. Life does feel empty and meaningless with out her. I hope what they say about the second year being harder than the first year is wrong. I miss her I miss her I miss her. Good luck to everyone it aint easy.

  35. I too lost my wife aged 33 to Thyroid Cancer on the 25/10/1998 morning 0455hrs. My children were 2&4 years old and i was 39. It was very tough but i had my mother and 3 elder sisters to shower love to my kids. As for me i accepted Christ 3 years ago and Jesus Christ gave me not only Salvation but comfort from grief of the loss of my wife.
    Only GOD can give comfort to those suffer loss of loved ones and no one else can.

  36. I lost my wife 12 years ago.i was at work my son called me it was very sudden.i haven’t been able to come to grips with losing her she was my everything.i just live day to day work,eat and wait for the day it is my turn.

  37. I lost my wife of 15 years unexpectedly on August 12th 2018. She was 39. We have 3 children. It has been a struggle to say the least. Dealing with the grief is a living hell. It is truly a nightmare I cant wake up from

  38. I lost my wife of 35 years this month to cancer. We were always together. It was love at first sight and the first love for both of us. I feel like someone has torn my heart out of my chest and stomped it on concrete. But I will carry on because that is what she would expect of me. She always said I was her hero. What little fear of death I had died with her. God is great and Jesus answers prayers. She died quickly and with almost no pain after the diagnosis. In the end she died peacefully going asleep after telling me she loved me. I look forward to being with her again some day. I know there is life after death because I was with her when she was passing over and she provided me with absolute proof. It was private and I will not share our experience, but I am telling you there is a paradise and there is another life after death. Her passing over was beautiful and is what will keep me going strong without her until we are together again. Her final gift of love to me.

    1. Your story almost echos mine. I am having a very tough time forgiving God in my case. I am constantly asking why her-why do I get to stay in misery? Why cant I not wake up one morning due to a broken heart? Similar to yours my wife died quickly just 2 months from diagnosis. We had her at home hospice for 3 weeks and then it was too much and they moved her to inpatient facility and she had 8 days. It was the most dreadful time from the moment we received her diagnosis- a death sentence. For some reason either she didnt hear it or refused but she never thought she way dying. Yet she was in room when Dr told us “incurable”. She was stronger-tougher than I. She got 10 radiation treatments and they stopped her chemo after 1 as she could not take anymore. It was then home hospice became the plan. We were inseparable-together forever and planned a long retirement-she only got months . I/ she were robbed- screwed…you name it and yes I resent God right now as well. If we were giving him credit for the good things-he should not be exempt from this horrible tragedy to a wonderful woman. Now as it approaches- Christmas is dead to me. Her most favorite time of year! Now my most dreaded.

    2. Hi Bobby,

      I lost my wife, soulmate and best friend of 31 years on August 7, 2019 after a 4 year battle with cancer. I am only happy knowing she is pain free and at peace. I feel she most certainly has joined all of our loved ones in “Our Lords Heaven”. In reading your story I was comforted to see that your confidence is so high that we will have life after death. The thought of never seeing my Suzie has caused great distress, anxiety, you name it. I hope you are well and wanted you to know how much your story helped. May God Bless You and your family. Thank You.

      Sincerely and Respectfully,

  39. I lost the love of my life-soulmate- life support in August-it was 2 months from diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer with brain mets.It was a shocking and sudden situation-one we had no signs of knowing other than her habitual bad back. We had just retired and bought our retirement home to be with grandkids. I was 64 and she 62! We were married 37 years and in love for 44. I am lost and in a constant daze. I hate the new me. She did all the things that would take the stress off of me. She was the rock of the family and now I am lost never to be found again. I hate going to bed at night but waking up every morning I find myself asking WHY WHY do I get to stay? I would have wanted it reversed and thats the way its supposed to be -so now instead of growing old together, I am alone and dreading every day-every phone call-every walk to the mail box. I have lost all my confidence -ambition and drive. I honestly do not want to live and dont know why with such a broken heart I have not been taken like the fortunate ones who follow their spouse not long after they go. How many years of this could I take? its only 4 months and its bloody damn hell.

    1. Sorry to hear this Gary.
      My wife of 44 years died on April 12, 2021. She had Celiac disease which we were unaware of until she started gi sever stomach pains. Turned out to be T-Cell Lymphoma. They gave her a 20 percent chance to live 5 years. She did chemo but wound up in the hospital on the last day of treatment. She had developed cancer cells in her spin which traveled to her brain. She came home with Hospice after 3 weeks and died the next day.
      I feel like you do. She was a young healthy 81 and I’m a feeble 86. I wanted to go first. Now I’m lost and pray every day and night for God to take me. I’m useless without her and want to die.

  40. I lost my wife of 40 years on Christmas Eve 2018, she was crossing a road at a cross walk and was hit and killed in front of my 38 year old son, I ran to the site and saw she was gone. For all these years she was my companion, lover and protector, she took are of me, when I got home after that I saw it wasn’t a home any more just a place to sleep, my 3 kids are grown and have families so they have some one to help, they are trying to help me and I love them dearly for it. My feeling of loss is unbearable, my wife was a preschool teacher she impacted the lives of soo many peoples, I feel the loss for all these people, she was a wonderful woman and should not have died that was. It’s so hard to go on every day but I am going to try.

  41. After reading most of the above comments I realize I’ve been most blessed. I lost my wife 3 months ago. She was 93, I’m 90. We were married 67 years. She was ill for 8 months and died of cancer. I had the privilege of caring for her for all but the last two weeks when my 2 daughters moved in and helped until she died. I live in Canada and our Cancer Society covered the costs of pain and other cancer care management costs. I’m a retired physician and my daughters are both medically trained professionals. So I was blessed; however, I can identify with all the grief emotions mentioned above. It hurts, it’s painful, it’s sad, it’s lonely. The home is very empty, her chair remains empty even if a loved grandchild sits in it. Her presence is gone forever. I found C.S. Lewis’s book “A grief observed” very helpful and encouraging although my pain has continued. The Bible talks about death as an enemy and with a sting. How very true that is. My family and friends are supportive and encourage me saying, “it will get easier”. I’m encouraged by my faith that I will see my loved wife again, not as a wife to continue on with our relationship we loved so much here, but as redeemed sinners, we’ll worship Jesus together for timeless eternity.

    1. Brother George: Thank you for your thoughtful post. My dear wife Dawn was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in August, 2018; she went home to Jesus four months later, after surviving a surgery and post surgical infection. She was my partner in ministry for 36 years; I too was privileged to care for her for several weeks at home. I worked with her accounts and paperwork for several weeks early this year (IRAs, bills, etc); it was in sorting and packing her clothing for donation to a local Christian thrift store, that I wept often, in remembering her wearing this or that. I’m just now finishing; two good friends (sisters) shared that in sorting their late father’s clothes, they kept certain items, and found a seamstress who made a “memory quilt” for each of them; I have kept some of Dawn’s clothing, and plan to explore that. I too rejoice in the faith that I will one day see Jesus and my beautiful wife again; my greatest concern, is “How can I best serve the Lord now, with the rest of my days?” There is much I don’t understand, surrounding her illness and death; I too have experienced many of the grief emotions shared above. At the same time, I can’t help but thank God for the countless friendships and moments and experiences we enjoyed together, in life and ministry; Dawn’s smile and laughter “could light up a room”; I just want to somehow serve the Lord with gratitude, knowing that she is “home” with Him, and I soon will be. Thank you.

  42. I lost my wife Patricia, Mar 8, 2019, after more than a two year battle with renal failure. We were married almost fifty-five years. She suffered through four hospital stays totaling 36 days, two strokes that left her unable to walk and affected her speech, 25 days of rehab, almost a year of dialysis and too many doctor visits to remember. In early Feb 2019 she was diagnosed with calciphylaxis, an incurable disease affecting the arteries and veins in her legs which could soon result in the loss of both legs by amputation. On Mar 4, she made the decision to stop dialysis and receive only ‘comfort care’ and pain relief. We brought her home on Mar 5 under hospice care and she passed three days later. My main solace has been remembering the fifty plus years of happiness we had, including two wonderful daughters and three grandchildren. I will love her forever.

  43. I lost my wife of ten years on Sept 7th 2018 at the age of 28 to a head on collision right around the corner from my home I am having hard times accepting things still all Grief groups I find seem to be centered around religion which makes me fell even more isolated I try and keep things normal for my three children but i feel i am losing a daily battle. I feel like their is something I cant reach every day like its right in front of me.
    i have never experienced loss of any kind before this As well i cant help but to feel like i failed her not being there in her final moments as she was in pain.

  44. I lost my wife Deb of 39 years February 2019. I was able to be her full time caregiver for 3 years at home. She had very rare terminal brain disease called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. We have 2 adult children but also have 2 foster children. We’ve had the 2 foster children from new born babies and they are now 16 and 18, so they are of course our kids. One child is special needs. It was a tough 3 years running the house alone but I would have done that for the rest of my life if I could have. I’m finding it so difficult since she passed away. I promised her that I would always be here for all our kids and make her proud and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I cry everyday and asked myself why, why did she have to die at 57 years old. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. She was my life and I wonder everyday how I’m going to be able to go on without her. I hate when people tell me it will get easier as time goes by. I don’t want to ever forget her. Am I going to live the rest of my life like this and with this pain. I should have gone first as she was the foundation of this family. Why her…it should have been me. I still dream of holding each other. I’ve read the above comments and I know exactly what your all saying and feeling.. It did help though, as I thought nobody knew what I am feeling. Take care guy’s, I’m thinking of you all and wish you the best. Hang in there…Bob .

  45. I have read the thread and share the loss. My wonderful beautiful wife died seven weeks ago from cancer aged 49 years. I cannot comprehend how she must have felt knowing she was going to die; her future ending, all that she had worked for coming to an end, never see her children grow into adults or see our grandchildren. She was wonderful; wife, mother, my best friend. My son 15yrs and daughter 13yrs have lost out so much. I feel so gutted, cheated, robbed. I feel sick, emotional at the smallest and unpredictable thing. My future should’ve been another 30 years with her and to mother our wonderful children. All our plans and dreams gone. I haven’t got a clue what I’m going to do in the next few weeks or months or longer. Just waiting for the intensity of it all to lessen.

  46. I recently lost my wife of twenty years to a rare form of cancer. She fought one hell of a short battle.

    We were inseparable. She was a significant part of my life for over half of my existence. Not only was she my wife, she was my best friend, my muse, my centre, my reason, my soul mate, my lover and my love.

    We enjoyed each other’s company. Who wouldn’t want to share life with their best friend. Who wouldn’t want to come home to crawl up to and feel the warmth of your love.

    Her passing happened at just a bad time. I know there is never a good time for death, but she passed away just after the anniversary of the death of our daughter, before her birthday and fortnight before our 20th wedding anniversary.

    I cared for her without a thought and with no support. I know she would have done the same for me.. I was holding her hand, reminiscing with her when she took her last breath. At that point, my heart just shattered, a feeling of emptiness settled within. Half of my soul just died. All our future plans just vanished. The loneliness that meanders within; deafening. Each day is a struggle…torture for a better word. Knowing that I will never see her again, hear her voice, agree to disagree or feel the touch of her.

    She always would joke about finding someone for me if she happened to become seriously ill, as she knew me better than I knew myself. I always laughed it off as a joke. Who really thinks about their mortality at a young age!

    I was never a people person to begin and I fear her death will just make me become more reclusive. Maybe it’s because I feel as if I try to move on, it’s a betrayal, maybe I have no idea seeing as she was my first and only love or that I am fearful of feeling this emotional pain again.

  47. Thank you for your insight I lost my wife, of 29 years, last night to IPF. I kinda knew that the time hod come the day before, but didn’t want to believe it. She was my foundation. She was a godly woman and I am so greatfull she chose me. I Ididnt show her enough but I loved her beyond words. I can’t stop crying! The two children, two stepchildern, and 9 grandchildren try to help gut they can’t get the full realization of what I’m feeling. Everything I see reminder me of her. Prayer, scriptures, and articles like yours hepl. I will see her again!

  48. I lost my wife 2 months ago due to Leukemia, it was so painful… We are always together most of the time after day work. She’s the love of my life, an Architect to our household. We have 5 year old beautiful daughter and hard to explain when her mom already gone. I am always on her side when my wife battling on this fatal disease. Now she’s free from pain but I am dying too. I can’t imagine the world without her presence. I ask God if he really loves me, why we ended up like this? I was traumatized when she struggling and fade away slowly. I love her so much… she’s forever in my heart. I always pray I can get through all of this pain and difficulties. I frequently talking to her in my mind if she’s okay on other dimension. and to show up even in my dream.. Help me GOd on this trial.

  49. It does get better John.. I lost my wife of 36 years to cancer on 1/3/18.. Ironically a cancer specialist .. A truly amazing women, business person, giver and mother.. I was her caregiver so I know of watching a beautiful women fade away.. I can tell you that I made a conscious effort from the
    time she died to take care of myself I spend everyday as an encourager.. It does get better.. And even creates a little balance.. Though the hard questions will only be truly answered after this life.. My daughter who just graduated college had a very hard time with it as you would expect.. But I do see,more balance and peace in here life too.. Everyday it gets a little better thought there are periods of time where I feel disoriented.. Primarily because I am in a new life.. And not one I chose.. I have a lot of friends and do a lot activities and always have..That too keeps it from getting so wacky.. I have dated quite a bit as well and currently have a girlfriend.. Ironically she lost her mother in a plane crash when she was
    12.. In the beginning it was nice just to get to know other women.. And more importantly I realized there are many amazing women.. So to be fair to all of us who have lost an extraordinary wife ore husband ..there are so many wonderful people.. Just embrace that they are not the person you lost, and know that your loved one whom you did lose would want you to be happy too.. I think about my wife everyday and am very sad at times too.. I can see that happiness is a choice.. As I have always told my daughter.. when you feel lost in yourself.. bless and encourage others.. You will be blessed back.. And though happiness is a choice there will be times when you are so very sad.. And thats okay.. But try to think about someone you can help and encourage and follow through on it.. It improves over time.. And when you see God you can tell Him you didn’t think too much of His timeline for your spouse’s passing ..But it won’t matter because you will have already seen her and countless others that went before you!

  50. I lost my wife of 18 years yesterday suddenly in the night @48. She had been sick for years and I’d been the primary caregiver. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this, no children, but family and friends are helping. I don’t see a future now. We worked through most of the problems and I thought reached the point where things were supposed to be good – we were reaping the benefits of hard work. We had plans…now they are gone – everything feels gone.

  51. I’m crying now (as I do so easily these days), as I read these heartbreaking comments from husbands much like me, brothers in grief. My wife, Penelope, my best friend for 42 years, died six weeks ago after a four-month battle with gallbladder cancer. Although she was 69, we were both (we thought) in excellent health and were so excited that I was retiring this year, with plans for long adventure cruises next year and the next, our son’s wedding in November, our other son having another child that same month…so many things that we had planned and were looking forward to. Hopes and dreams disappeared in an instant as I held her in my arms as she took one last deep breath…and was gone. As an earlier commenter shared, I too live with fear accompanying the profound grief, fear that my grief will never end, fear that Penny is entirely gone from existence and will never be with me again in any sense other than memory, fear that my memories themselves will fade and that she will just be a shadow in my mind, whose voice I can just barely recall. I play short videos over and over just so I can preserve that memory, but just like watching old movies (which we loved to do together), we grow older while the actors do not. Just as any couple living with terminal cancer, we knew the end would come, we knew there would be grief and loneliness, but never did I come even close to anticipating how hard it would be. Thank you all for sharing your grief and for sharing mine.

  52. Slowly, but surely. It has been two and a half years since my wife had a fatal cycling accident. We were married for fifty-two years. We had five children, so many memories in the bank. She was a triathlete so she knew her way around a bike, but apparently she was going fast down a hill and hit something in the road, but there were no witnesses.

    I’ve had three heart attacks and was supposed to die first — so, we just don’t know, do we… now I’m here on my own and trying to figure out what to do. You just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. But, I actually have a great future – teaching piano, selling my photographs, enjoying woodworking skills — yes, plenty to do until my number shows up.

  53. I lost my wife Joanne two weeks ago. We were together for forty years.
    Joanne suffered from frontal temporal dementia. I was her caregiver
    for the last 9 months while she was in hospice care at home.
    We had a great marriage, two sons and two granddaughters.
    I’m just now feeling the loss, even though I knew she was going
    to die at anytime in those last 9 months. It really hurts.
    We had just retired three years ago when the first symptoms became apparent
    and it had been a living hell ever since.
    After reading the above article and so many of the comments I don’t feel
    alone anymore.
    Thank you all for sharing It really helps.

  54. I’m 33, lost my wife ten days ago. She died from complications from child birth. We got married May this year. I’ve been overtaken by grief ever since.

  55. My Mary and I were together for 22 years, but were never legally married. We stayed together because we wanted to stay together, not because some dried out piece of paper meant you would lose half of your stuff if you divorce. She died on June 23, 2017 from complications from a heart attack. Everyone tells you “I know how you feel” and “things will get better”. Both statements, while coming from the heart, are outright lies. Only someone who has lost the love of their life can possibly know how it feels. No, things don’t get better; they just get “different”. Being an atheist, I don’t have the irrational (by dictionary definition) belief that “she’s in a better place” and “you’ll see her again”. There is no good evidence to substantiate either assertion. I am therefore forced to deal with the full power of my emotions on a minute-by-minute basis, and they are overpowering and very, very ugly. She is gone, and I have every confidence I shall never see her again.

    I had to quit drinking; it got to the point where all it did was make me cry and scream into all hours of the night, leaving me an emotional wreck the next day. I can no longer look at pictures of her, remember her, or even listen to music that tangentially reminds me of her; it’s just too painful. My only purpose in life right now is to keep my job so I can care for the house and our nine cats. Once they are gone, I will no longer be of any use. I have lost count of the number of nights I have fervently hoped I would just die in my sleep. For the record, I will not attempt to kill myself. Something inside me simply won’t permit it. I wish it were otherwise.

    At this juncture, I regard myself as damaged goods. No woman would want me, and if one did, I am still so torn up inside over my Mary that I cannot foresee ever being ready for another relationship. Even if I were, the time I spend maintaining my job, my life, and the lives of my cats barely leaves me time to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep before having to wake up and start all over the next day. I just hope that when it comes time for me to leave this world, I do it quickly and painlessly.

    1. I understand how you feel, Bob. I just lost mine. I suggest you talk to someone, pickup a hobby. Staying alone by yourself would only lead to depression and trust me she wouldn’t want that for you.

    2. Bob, sorry is not a word to be used for us who have lost our only love, best friend in life. So instead I send my deepest care and love to you. May you be healed and comforted. My beloved husband passed away 8 months ago, and I am in utter distress. Like you, I have no children ..but a cat. Everyday is painful and am now drifting …. pointlessly.

      I do believe God or the Source exists, it is the only option if I want to see my love again, despite my prayer for him to be healed was a NO. Perhaps God is not who we have generally been taught. Since then, I learned that there may well be other signs of after life….e.g. Near Death Experience, After Death Communication – Dr. Moody +. Does this make my pain go away? No. Does it give me purpose and direction ? Not sure. But for now it is a comfort while I pray and talk to my love ….

      If you would like to converse or make a friend…. contact: r i ver time 33@ y ah oo. com. (Take out the empty spaces in the address for actual use)

      Please take care of yourself and make some friends … to lift your spirit. I hope we may be able to talk at some point.


  56. I’m 41 , three months ago I lost her, suddenly just three days of sickness, died while i driving here to hospital, holding here hand , saying that ” please be strong, and fight” but destiny was stronger.
    it is like earth stop moving , like the end of the word,
    but I have kids, and I have to carry on her work, that what I told my self,
    only the smile of my kids is really change my mode.
    but the question in my mind, what I will do if I get old?

  57. God bless all of you! Yes, there is a God and his son is Jesus Christ. We all will see our wives again.
    Just try to imagine that reunion!!! This is the only thing that brings me joy and comfort and knowing
    she is healed from her stroke induced paralysis and kidney disease. She died suddenly 7 months ago.
    We were married 41 years. There are no words to express my grief, profound sadness and loneliness.
    We lost our 3 year old son 35 years ago and now mother and son are together again, I cannot wait
    to join them one day…..again what a reunion it will be! All together again with Jesus for all eternity.
    We will not get over our loss but we will get thru it with God’s help.

  58. I lost my wife 9-8-2019 , she was 53 years old, she had been in hospital for a year and a half. She had a trach in her, plus she was on dialysis. I also lost my job in June of this year. I have a 14 old daughter witch we both so much .i am 58 years old and very lonely, I cry all the time. Losing a spouse got to be the worst thing that could happen to someone. John

  59. My wife died 9-8-2019. We were married for almost 26 years. I lost my job. In June of this year also. I have a 13 year old daughter too. My wife was only 53 years old when she died I am 58 . I cry all the time,plus I am very lonely. My wife had a trach in her plus she was on dialysis my was my rock and I miss so much losing a spouse has to be the worst thing you have to face. John emerson

  60. I met a wonderful man few months ago who told me that his wife died 18 years ago from cancer. He is now 69 yrs, and shortly after meeting me he said he was suffering from brutal guilt . He has been told that he is suffering from chronic mourning and is now in therapy, and has been told not to contact me while in therapy- Is this right?

    1. No! It is not a counselor or therapists place to give such advice. I am a licensed counselor specializing in grief. We are to give tools to clients to aid them in developing insight to make the best and healthiest decisions for them. It is their lives not ours.

  61. Lost my wife Peñny on 6 November 2019. To Mets Breast Cancer Penny ♥️ was 67 Years old GP was treating her for Siadica Penny ♥️ lasted 21 days after diagnosis. This after GP was treating me for Piles after tests I had Prostate cancer same GP. Had treatment RT in June/July. I miss Penny ♥️ so much we had been married for 48 years Penny ♥️ was my life my sunshine that got me through life each day Penny ♥️ did everything for me. I am in tears all the time asking how it has happened I feel I cannot carry on without her I am and never been so lonely I hope my cancer takes me also. I just don’t know how to cope. At the moment I just want to die myself.

  62. I lost my wife of almost 30 years from multiple Sclerosis a little over a year ago. My daughter and I found her drowned in the bathtub. I performed CPR on her as my children called 911. Between her vomitus etc, it was very graphic and I still have nightmares. After about 20 min, the paramedics showed up and pronounced her dead. As a nurse of many years, my training kicked in immediately. And as a nurse it doesn’t make it any easier knowing I could not bring her back. We tend to compartmentalize the bad things we see during our career. I refused therapy because I know many therapists who are themselves burned out from the constant stress they deal with. After this year I still miss her dearly. She was my rock and and I find it hard to care for my family and fulfill a full time job. She was ill for many years and I became quickly accustomed to caring for her every needs, taking her to her neurologist and other specialists on a routine basis. Now I struggle raising my family, most of which are becoming young adults, while still caring for my wife’s aging mother. My friends and family were supportive in the beginning, however as time went by they soon forgot or had their own issues to deal with. As a middle aged man I see myself becoming increasingly lonely as my children age and move on with their lives. I have no interest in another relationship as I don’t believe anyone could measure up to my wife and my children’s mother. As they say, “Life sucks and the you die”. No, I have no intention of suicide, however I have no interest in sharing my life with someone who can’t, in my perceived opinion, to measure up to my wife. She was my crown jewel and I will miss her until the day I die. Studies have shown that single men live shorter lives. I only hope I can do the best for my family in the interim. At my age, most opportunities for relationships are at best mediocre and, no, I’m not desperate nor a snob.

    1. Jeff,
      I relate to your sentiment. Likewise I feel no one can ever measure up to my beloved husband/soulmate. And surely, no friends and family members can ever understand our pain of being ripped apart.
      Above all, it is the long history we shared with them (mine 30 years)that have nurtured into loving each other, to almost complete unconditional love.
      Just because we feel this way, it does not mean there are not other people who are just as kind and loving. But whether it is meant to be or not perhaps is critical.
      Hope you get this note.
      Take care and blessings.

  63. My wife passed away six years ago, after fifty year eight years of marriage. I thought the grief would lessen as time passed, but it has been the opposite for me. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her, and I miss her now more than when she first left me.I also am deeply troubled thinking about the times that I could have been a better husband. I have accepted what had to be, but that does not ease the pain.

  64. My wife of 24 years passed away this week. A brain tumour only diagnosed 3months ago. Our 3 kids and I were with her when she passed. I am broken. For the past 3 months I was the pillar that everyone counted on. Today I can’t support my own weight. She was 51. It was not fair. I am lost and broken. I can’t mourn properly, only 15 allowed at funeral…she would have 300 otherwise. People can’t visit afraid of the. Virus. I am lost broken and scared.

  65. I lost my wife of 20 years to suicide 6 months ago. I am trying, have been trying to grieve and be strong. I talk to her every night. I miss her so much. most days it is too much of burden to keep going. I have no children. I am alone. I fearful all the time and I have a sinking feeling that I will end up taking my own life to be with her. I just don’t know how to continue.

    1. I am sorry to hear the bad news and how hard it has been on you. Though I understand that you don’t have children, your life and time on this planet does matter to your friends and fammily.

    2. Ryan,
      Please hang in. Likewise some days are very hard, l also want to end my life… so I call out to God and my beloved to save me..and then start focused breathing meditation ( attention around my heart area: check broken heart syndrome)… after about half an hour, it gradually subsides.

      I suspect you are still young, there is still a fighting chance to have a future….

      Please do not give up on yourself…people come into our lives may be of good reasons. Perhaps we can be grateful and learn from our sooooo painful trauma….

      Also I find reading upon or YouTube’s of NDE And ADC is helpful for my search for larger questions on life, death and afterlife.

      I send you my deepest love and care….. energy that transcends time and space.

      Prayer and blessings.


  66. Hi lost my women dec 29 2019 i’m not sure if I can handle this situation my house used to be full of people now no one calls no one comes by nothing it’s just bad I don’t know what’s worse the loneliness or the isolation with this virus now it’s even worse . personally no one gives a rats ass .

    1. GMAN, I give a rat ass. People do disappear, even when there is no pandemic. So I am reaching out – find similar issues. And if you read, there are many spousal loss people experience the same. Our culture is afraid of death as if it is contagious.
      If you would like to converse with some one, please leave your email address here. I will respond.
      Prayer and blessing.
      Lu – lost my beloved husband

  67. My wife and I were married 52 years when she passed away from gall bladder cancer. We fought this battle for about eighteen months. She held up better than I did. She was strong but gentle of heart. I think the last couple of months reality ate away at her strength, but she never said so. She always gave other people credit and never let herself openly give way to pain and anguish. I don’t know how you do that…I was with her every day and night falling apart with no sense of balance. My heart was sinking and my hope fading. The doctors tried all kinds of stuff, but there was little to be offered for gall bladder cancer as it is rare and not studied that much. In March of 2020 we chose home hospice. She was comfortable with the surroundings and the pain medication helped…some. For the first day or two at home she seemed to have a burst of energy that surprised us all. But, it was short lived and she passed away shortly thereafter with the family holding on to every weak breath. I think I went into a state of shock and grief wasn’t even in my thoughts. It was disbelief that befriended me….grief caught up with me later. I have tried to put this all in proper context as a Christian. I know we are not the timekeepers of our lives….that is left to the Sovereign God above. It is written in Ephesians that he knew us before the foundations of the world. Knowing that, he surely knows when our earthly time will end and we can rest, and I mean rest in eternal peace and joy. Yet in God’s providence (today) we have his word for our daily dose of strength, and we can surround ourselves with Godly people for a spiritual shove to keep on keeping on. No day is without some pain and many with a great deal of pain. We have to think though there is still work to be done.

  68. I lost my sweet wife Pam on October 20, 2019. We knew each other since high school and married for 37 years. She had cancer 12 years ago but beat it with surgery and no chemo. She said under no circumstances would she do chemo and they told her she would be dead in 2 years. Well I’m here to tell you she proved them wrong and we had 12 more great years after the first diagnosis. The second time it came back in her bones and the first sign was when she had pain in her back when we were golfing. 10 months later she was gone, died in our bed with me, our son and daughter at her side. Unfortunately no big dramatic talks, she basically slept the entire time her last few days on this earth. Thankfully, we both belived in God and trust she is in heaven. I’m happy she is no longer in pain but like many have said before life here on earth just simply doesn’t seem to have as much meaning anymore. She was 5’4″ 115″ her entire life and could have been a swimsuit model. I also joked that I married way, way up. Everyone always commented how great she looked and never aged. I know it may sound shallow but I so miss having her beautiful body at my side and of course nobody ever talks about the loss of sex life. We had a great time in the bedroom and it was even better when we became empty nesters a few years ago. Now I get sad thinking how this beautiful woman is never coming back and if I even think about meeting sometone else I realize there is no way I could ever have anyone close to being in Pam’s league. IWe raised 2 great kids, with both recently graduating college. I feel bad because our daughter and Pam would talk every other day on the phone and now she calls me but I’m lousy at chit chat which her Mom was fantastic at. Pam told me in her final days that I must make a choice to be happy. I told her I would but boy it’s much easier said than done. I still work full time and we did everything together. Golfing, boating, hiking, fishing, exploring…Now, I still do those things but it’s just not the same. Maybe in time it will get better, but as I’ve learned we just have to accept the fact there will be days when a big wave will crash down on you and feel like you are going to drown. But, we fight thru it and live another day. We don’t move on, but we do keep moving forward. As Tom Hanks said near the end of the movie Castaway…”I’ve lost the love of my life but the sun will still come up and go down every day just as the tide comes in every day. And who knows what the tide will bring in.”

  69. 2.5 yrs….Why hasn’t she come to see me from the other side as we were so close…true soulmates…..why hasn’t she told me it’s ok and that she truly is in a better place…..why am i left in this shithole alone..why was she taken from me when she is all i had….i have nothing left….i live each day as a robotic pile of nothingness doing nothing for nothing….Why has God taken my angel…Why do I still breathe….why

    1. I lost my soulmate only a couple of mony past after a year of suffering. She was everything to me we went everywhere together and enjoying the simple things in life. Why is a big question but no answer, my heart is broken and wonder many times what is the point of life without my wife. She can never be replaced. I talk everyday to my wife and I look for the small things that give me comfort she is with me. Her car that we sold a few months back and we had never seen it untill we were standing outside the funeral home her car drove past I took comfort from that and on my birthday a few days ago a Robin visited our home. Plus many times if I can’t find something I would ask her help me out here and sometimes I feel I am directed to where it is. I hope our pain can ease but it is hard and we struggle through each day, try and keep good friends with you.
      Take care.

      Robin is often seen after you encounter a loss of someone you love, who is the spirit of the deceased person trying to tell you not to worry and that they love you. A simple message from heaven, that this loved one is watching over you. 💔

  70. This is going to be my only entry here folks. My story has a similar sound, married thirty one years and she passed away two and a half years ago and I’m not going to face life alone. I’m just not up to the task, the means is sitting on the deak beside me I’m just working up the nerve to use it. Ellen showed me what life could be, how wonderful it was with the right person beside you. Fuck Cancer and frankly the treatment she recieved did nothing but rob her of her dignity her body and her mind. Seventeen tumors in her brain, seventeen. They used all the usual medications and treatments but finally wanted to use the Gama Knife(GK) to go after them. They used the GK and went after the seevnteen and later did it again on four more. It destroyed her mind/memory, she didn’t know who I was, the name of her pets, she couldn’t even remember the name of a Hot Dog. Medicine took my wife away from me before the Cancer could kill her and now what the hell am I supposed to do. She’s gone and I’m still here and I find I want to go be with her where ever that may be. I’ve been waiting for God to take me as well but he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to make that happen so I guess I’ll have to do it myself. I say don’t judge me but I’m not going to care in a few minutes anyway.

    1. Mr. Not Given. I read your post. I am truly sorry for the pain and absence of your loved one in your life. I hope you are still with us. You and I share a lot of the pain and sadness with our wonderful wives gone. I too, think about suicide. I had even typed a ‘final’ note to have on me if I carried out the end of my life. My wife died 2 months after being diagnosed with Leukemia. My wife also had a terrible outcome from the medical procedures to heal her. She came home after treatments were not curing her. She was battered and bruised, and one step away from being a complete invalid. She was home for 18 short hours before she passed. Married for 40 years, I loved her more than I could love anything. The best part of my life was gone. EVERYTHING changed. How I felt, how I thought, our loving home lost it’s luster. Instead of a home, it felt like just a house. I lost motivation to do anything. I no longer did the things I enjoyed. I became VERY sedidary (?) for months. I also pray to die in my sleep every night, and I am not a religious person. I would LOVE to be with her, but I haven’t committed to pulling the trigger. I honestly don’t look forward to this life without her, but I can’t end it by my own hand. I can only hope something else will take me out. It’s been 5 months since she passed, and I grieve, ache, and shed a tear for her everyday. What really pisses me off is that my wife was an angel without wings. She definitely did not deserve this. She was taken, and yet there are many pieces of shit on this earth that do bad things to other people, and still live day to day . It makes me think that GOD does not exist. You and I share a lot from our loss, but suicide just doesn’t feel like the right thing to do for me. To now keep living is a HUGE challenge. I hope you are still with us, and that it’s true that we will learn to adjust. When I absolutely hit a wall, I will reconsider my options, but in spite of the pain, and sorrow with the loss of my best friend, and the woman of my dreams, I’m not there yet. I wish you well. I really do. And I do know exactly how you feel. If you read all these other posts, you know we are not alone. Try to get well, and give it a little more time. Sincerely, Michael (“_)

  71. Hi,I lost my wife of 25yrs suddenly on the morning of 9/6/16..we were childhood sweethearts 14/16..beat the odds been together since then.cant stand a day away from each other,have 4 handsome boys together that was her world as am I .i just don’t understand giving us a loving family and loving relationship to take the most important person in our little family.she is definitely truly the better half and always give her all the credit.i feel our love was able to overcome anything so god or devil made sure there was no chance.we can’t even say goodbye so no closure.i have the mindset of that a man can not show weakness so it is very hard and in many ways I know she is stronger than I .now I have to raise for young momma boys alone when they need her the most.we lost her on her birthday month at 34 years too young.its angers me because I thank god everyday for her and our boys.Ppl judge me saying I am pretty emotional when it comes to her loss or compare that their loss is worse.i still cry everyday when I think about our love or my children losing their mother when they are so young.they and she did not deserve this and being a man a want the blunt of pain or punishment whatever this is.if it is a lesson and reason for this,I do not see it or anything positive from this excruciating pain.This is truly darker with her not here.she taught me love,self worth and opened my heart.My mother gave this woman all the credit of saving my life.i was at awe at her strength and many great things to list that she has done for this city and family.she touched so many lives for the better.she warmed this cold hearted person and guide me to god.i am still have anger at god for taking such a beautiful soul from us but I can’t stop feeling that god took the pain away because there was no chance of saving her.she was in a single car accident after dropping our boys from school.To my love ,I miss and love you with every single breath I take and with every beat of my heart.and I still think about you every second since we you came into my life.I love you

  72. Hi, my wife passed on the 20th July 2020. she had breast cancer since 2017. She died at a young age of 53, we met in Feb 1986 and have three kids 19,22,29 years old. I cannot come to terms with losing my wife. I feel theres no more purpose, i have three grandkids but after my wifes death im numb. I also have a slight physical disability and this is contributing to my negative thoughts. I just feel ive served my purpose now. Im 53 and not sure what im going to do anymore
    God Bless her for all she done for me i am truly broken now. Problem is too she died in hospital i never said good by to her. Im sad

  73. I have read ALL the posts on this site, and found myself shedding tears for people I don’t even know. My sincerest condolences to you all for your loss, and the emotional pain you have. We all have so much in common with grief from our loss. The pain, worthlessness, no motivation to do what we use to enjoy, the hole that will seem to never fill, loss of appetite, thoughts of suicide, and other unpleasant feelings. I share ALL these feelings with you. It doesn’t make me feel better, but at least I know I’m not alone. In my wildest thoughts, I would never have thought I’d be on this road. The more you love someone, the more it hurts. I no longer believe in God. My wife was an angel without wings, and she was taken. It upsets me greatly that there are people on this earth that do bad things to other people, and yet they still walk this earth. I no longer look forward to a long life. It’s been 6 months since my WONDERFUL wife has passed. Married 40 years, the only thing I have to look forward to is that I hope with every fiber of my being, I will be with my wife again. We all have different beliefs on what happens when we leave this life. Hopefully we’re right, but nobody knows for sure, so we hope or pray that there is something more after this life. When it’s my time to go, I will REALLY be pissed if I don’t see my wife again! Again, my sympathy to you all, and hope we DO somehow heal from all this emptiness.

  74. I lost my wife October 15,2020 to COVID 19 so I know it isn’t some kind of hoax or conspiracy
    How dare they minimize her death with such nonsense.
    She was 86 as am I.
    I have heard all the platitudes about being gratetful for the time we had together.
    But without her there is no me.

  75. My wife Tina went to be with Jesus on Christmas Eve 2020 at noon. We were married 30 years 2 daughters. She was in home hospice since Thanksgiving Eve after the radiation therapy and steroids had weakened her to the point she could barely move. The chemo did no good. She had a brain tumor removed earlier in the year but it came back and a 2nd surgery was not an option. We had a bed in the living room so I slept on the couch next to her for 2 months. I was with her at home watching her favorite Christmas movie “Miracle on 34th Street” when she died. I had prayed that I would be alone with her when it happened and God answered that prayer. After she died I did not cry for a week (making preparations, etc….), but then I could not stop crying the next week. As many have said it comes in waves.
    My wife and I were best friends, married with children, and we were business partners for 30 years. We spent every day together at our screen printing business and sometimes many nights. She handled all of the money for both home & business. Paid all the bills, did all the books. I am totally lost without her. Thanks God for my daughters at this time.
    I hear what so many have said here; the loss is so great how do we go on? I was crying just reading so many of the men here grieving. It’s so hard. I decided that if anyone asks me “how are you doing?” I would always be honest and not just say fine or OK. I also sought out the help of a grief counselor and I am joining a group as well. Like many of you I too no longer look forward to a long life or another relationship. No other woman can come close to replace her for me. My heart aches. Thank God I will see her again as we both believed in Jesus as Lord & Savior and in the resurrection and the Life He promises. But even a sure faith does not remove the pain or even the guilt a man feels. Most days I blame myself for not protecting her. My # 1 job was to protect her and I feel as though I failed. I know this will pass but the grief will not.

  76. My wife died of MS and covid in a nursing home. We where together for 35 years married for 32 wonderfully years. She was I the nursing home for 9 years due to MS. O never missed a day. Stayed with her 4/5 hours a day until covid. From then on she was in prison. I Called her 5_6 times a day but not seeing her killed me and her.

    1. Jack,
      I feel your pain, my beloved husband passed at the hospital without me on the exact date of your posting. I actually believe that the med staff killed him out of negligence, when I was not even allowed to see him. The hospital has all the say/control when they are not watched by us – the ones who really care about them. When the date of your post popped up, I was startled and read on. I am deeply saddened, troubled by your forced separation. It is men made, cannot possibly from God…if we believe God is love.

      Since then, I have asked God repeatedly why my love was not healed – he is a very caring person – to our humanity. It is a true loss. Not much clues yet. Then i also beginning to think that he is free of burden now – this pandemic is not good for our loved ones. And may be our loved ones’ missions are completed here in this realm.

      These are all speculations. Perhaps feeble, but this is what I can come up with for now.

      It is very hard every day. I am not sure why I am still here. So I continue to pray and talk to my beloved. I have seen him few times in my dreams already. And I often ask for my love to send me some signs. They do appear, it is a new language- I think we just have to be opened to it.

      I send you deepest love and care on behalf of your beloved.

      Prayers and blessings.


  77. i woke up on oct 22,2006 to go to work.before i left i kissed my asleep wife goodby.little did i realize that would be the last time.i rec. a call from my son crying that my wife passed out i told him to hang and call 911.i work in ny and had to take a train felt like days till i got home they already went to the hospital.thank god my friend was there because my son was crying.i talked to the doctor and he told me she had a stroke to the brain and she might not make it.i had her transfered to a better hospital they operated that night i stayed for four days with her in a coma.i prayed held her hand and looked at a blank scan i talked to her but at the fourth day the doctor took her off the oxygen three times he did this but she was not breathing on her own i had lost the love of my life and best friend and i was an army ranger and stood face to face with death but this was different i cried for the first time in my life and after 15 years i still cry she was my everything.

  78. I just lost my wife of 43 years to colon cancer. They said 6 months without chemo but I never believed it and hoped chemo might help. 1 round and it proved devastating. She died on Mother’s Day of 2021. I am kind of lost, and confused on what to do. I do not cry like I’ve seen others do and sometimes wonder if that’s wrong because I love my wife and miss her. I’ll motor on but it sure will be different.

  79. My name is Michael Waterman and I lost my wife april 25th of 2021 to lung cancer, We were together for 12 years and only married for almost 2 years, She was diagnosed 3 month before we were married. We didn’t change anything because she was diagnosed with cancer. I went on every doctor visit, chemo, radiation, plural effusion, bone marrow, brain surgery, seizure, trachea and Ventilator. As you can see we went through a lot to get the best possible life for her. She was never alone and I was with her till she took her last breath. Most of her time in the hospital was during covid19. I watched her night and day! At night I had phone video set up and stayed up all night watching her. I watched her have the seizure and call to get rapid reponse to assist her even though she was unreponsive and had to be put on a ventilator. I am saying this to say that even through all of this I feel like I can never be whole again. I lost my best friend, my true love, and someone that I thought would be burying me because she was only 51. her birthday was march 31th 2021 just turned 51 in hospital. I miss my wife so bad and feel less than whole without her. Everyday is a struggle!

  80. I lost my wife Darlene on January 28th of 2018. She was my everything. She helped me become the man I am today. She was the most beautiful, sweetest, kindest, most loving little gal I had ever known. Everyone loved her. Her smile would light up the room. It’s been a long hard road since she’s been gone. I attended support groups many times after losing her. I’ve heard that “big boys don’t cry” crap all my life and have often wondered, why is it okay to laugh but not cry? They’re both emotions. Needless to say, I have cried a river of tears since losing her.

    I’ve continued to work, it’s about the only thing that I really consistently be able to continue doing. I’ve got hobbies, and have spent lots of money on them, only to let the purchases mostly sit there and collect dust.

    I’ve read ALL of the posts on this page. I have been sitting here all day hoping to motivate myself to do something, then finally decided to seek help on this page. Reading these posts has helped me to realize that I’m not alone.

    For me. grief in the beginning was like the tallest, fastest roller coaster in the world. One day you’re down, the next day you could be at the top. Crazy.

    The pain is still the same, I still miss her like crazy. Her clothes are still in the closet. Her favorite ice cream is still in the freezer. I haven’t really changed much in the house. Her funeral flowers sat on the table where she always sat for a log time. (at least 2 years if I remember correctlty) I finally created a memorial for her in the bay window. I also put up a new bird feeder for her outside the window this Spring. (she loved watching the birds)

    The FUCKING “doctors” killed my wife. I promised her I wouldn’t sue their asses off for keeping her addicted to pain killers, tranquilizer, and all of the psyche drugs they kept her on after she became a widow. She was so doped up on pain killers and everything else that she didn’t feel the pain in her body that was cancer developing, and by the time they figured it out it was too late. So, maybe I feel a LITTLE resentment.

    Anyways, I think I just needed to vent. I know I’m going to make it through this, it’s just going to be a slow process. Many people suggested I get some “medicine” to help me over the rough spots. I’ve seen what that can do. No thanks.

    I’ve dated. Hasn’t gone well. When you’re having intimate relations with a woman and you scream out your late wifes name in the throes of passion, things can get complicated…..

    Thanks to all for letting me share, and I hope you all possibly have gained some insight from what I have shared here.

    May you have an “enlightening” Memorial Day!


    1. Jon, I loved reading about your sweetheart. Literally living the same. Same emotions, same heartbreak. 34 years of the greatest story that could ever be told. My Becky was very close to God. That’s the only thing that helps me get through this. My employer was helping but now they are pushing a person that doesn’t have the capabilities to respond. I understand the venting but please don’t turn to drugs and stuff. I too think that doctors killed my wife, a different situation, I’m normally not looking to blame but I do feel like she got the shaft. It’s only been 6 weeks so have been learning to live alone. Of course she did the bills and I worked, so now I have another struggle to add to the fog. No one could ever replace your Darlene as no one could replace my Becky. I am afraid of the future without her whenever my sanity returns. Baby steps my friend. She’s watching you so don’t let her down.

  81. My wife passed away on the 24th March 2021 just turned 60.
    She was going to a physio for pain around her left hip/leg as the doctor said the x-ray showed nothing. Pain did not go away went to A&E took another x-ray and they said a bit of shadow but they were not concerned. A week later my wife could hardly get down the stairs we went back to A&E and this time s doctor came down to see us and told us the horrific news that her femur had a big hole in it and could break at anytime. It is a long story but she had an operation which went well, her right lung had a bit of cancer in it do she had two operations on it. Just over a year going through all this this Sarcoma destroyed her body.
    My wife went through breast cancer 29 years ago and I had cancer a few years ago. We got over all that only to get all this just as we were near retirement and going to enjoy life more with each other. We were married 37 years and going out with each other 45 years. She was my tower of strength and we helped each other through our ups and downs. I am lost not sure I want to live life without my wife my heart is broken, we have two grown up boys who work and need to get on with life so I have many days on my own. As for my wedding ring I would never take it off as it is a part of me. I am on a waiting list to talk to a counselor not sure how long that will be. Not sure what to do my mind is all over the place sometimes, I retired early and I do art but I just have not got the heart to draw at the moment. My wife and I went everywhere together so it is like my right arm has been cut off. The last few months was hell for my wife the pain and just pump medication in her finally two drivers and then it was a matter of time I was with her as she passed away and a big chunk of my life went.

    1. WOW I am so sorry, believe me when I say. I understand …..I know almost exactly what you feel ..I triedlots of things after my beautiful loving wife Died….couple things ( nothing helps but it but it will .. )one thing, remember she is no longer in the pain ….I know that doesn’t do a lot for the way you feel but try to think about her side of things! All the pain, all the feelings of being sick, it’s all over for her. Now try to get hibk what you would want for her if it was the other way around …it ow I would want her to mess me but I would want her to have the very best life possible …find somebody who makes her happy don’t sit around being sad life is short as we know so keep on living life for the good things, the happy things . Its ok to remember the good times you had but you need to live for two people not dwell on the past ….do new things to make you happy! ( just a hint for you I dated a lot after my wife died ..I finally figured out a couple things …there are so crazy women out there …..if you can find a widow they too understand ….so the calling out of the spouses name at certain times should be understood by both ….try not to do it but you both should understand if it does ….divorced people sat th y understand but they really don’t…. they have the ability to actually see the other person and hate the other person if they wish. We don’t we hate thy did but we don’t hate them and no matter what we can’t see them …
      Hope something in there helped ! I was told by a deacon at the church, it’s ok to be mad with a God …. I looked at him and said, oh no way He has her now I don’t want to be mad at Him !

  82. CINDY

    My wife, my love, my friend, my soulmate, my everything

    At 7:30 the night of 19 October 2020,I received a phone call from Mercy Hospice . Cindy had gone into hospice on 18 October 2020 had passed. So ended 57 years of a happy and wonderful life together full of love, life and caring.


    It all began for us at Naval Air Station Norfolk, Virginia September 1966. Cindy was reporting for duty
    from Navy boot camp Bainbridge Island, Rhode Island and I was reporting for duty from four years aboard the USS Proteus (AS-19) a submarine tender homeported at Guam, Mariana Islands.

    The personnel office where we were sitting to check in had a large semicircular couch area to wait your turn to check in. Cindy was a ways away from me and looked nervous. As it turned out when I went to check in I recognized the petty officer running the check in desk as being from my high school in
    North Miami, Florida. What are the chances of that! We chatted for a while and he said to me “See that girl your sitting close to, I’m going to take her out”. He was our high school lover boy and broke a lot hearts. I was worried about how he would treat her and told him there was no way he was going to take her out. I went back to where we were sitting and we began small talk like where we were from and why we joined the Navy. I asked her if she would like to go to dinner that evening. She accepted! We were both in the base barracks and exchange location information. I picked her up and we found a little spaghetti joint on Ocean View Boulevard that turned out to have good food. We talked forever before returning to our barracks.

    Four months later on 14 January 1967 we drove from Norfolk, Virginia to Elizabeth City, North Carolina and to get married by a Justice of the Peace at City Hall. As it turns out I had a chance to escape. While the JP was saying his piece, the phone rang. He said ” excuse me” and took the call. So in the pause, we just looked at each other with an uncomfortable smile. (We would refer to this moment several times as our opportunity to run that we didn’t take) At any rate he got off the phone and we said “I do”. Then we went back to our barracks in Norfolk. No honeymoon for us, but at least we were married. The funny part is that I had never asked Cindy to marry me, we just “assumed”.

    The next few years were uneventful other than enjoying our lives together. We lived in the Norfolk “Bay Streets”. I asked to go to Mk 44 Torpedo school in Key West, Florida as I had no formal training to work on the torpedoes I was working on. They sent me to torpedo school but would not pay for Cindy to go with me because the course was not long enough to merit sending her with me. Cindy was very upset. Cindy was so upset about us being apart she contacted her mother who paid for her bus fare to Key West. What a wonderful surprise because we did not have a lot of money. We rented a cheap one room apartment in a stucco apartment building with lots of other apartments. You could hear through the walls just about everything going on in the other apartments

    Cindy got bored staying in the apartment so she got a job as a short order cook at a very small hole in the wall restaurant. They had her cooking on a flat top grill in front a window so that those walking by could watch her cook. One day I got out of school a little early and walked down to see her before we would go to our apartment. She had a hair net on, she was sweating profusely, her hair was matted and she looked miserable. That night I told he to quit her job, we would make it somehow. We started going to the beaches and enjoying our time in Key West. I even carved our initials in a heart on one of the palm trees on the beach.

    She went to the local Humane Society and got “Ralph” a puppy who was part a Key West Red Wolf. They let her have him for free because he was the runt, the other dogs had been urinating on him and was covered with ticks. Cindy has always been a sucker for the “under dog” animals. We walked all over Key West taking in the history and local sites.

    I graduated from torpedo school (first in my class!) and we moved from Norfolk to Virginia Beach just across the street from the Atlantic Ocean. We could hear the ocean from the rental house. We both loved that sound. Very soothing.

    Ralph turned out to be a good but roamer. We figured his hormones were kicking in. One day Cindy went looking for him and saw him hopping sideways on his rear legs across the four lane Shore Drive. All four lane stopped to let him cross. They were all probably laughing at the idiot dog, but he made it !!

    Cindy had always wanted to be a nurse like her mother and Aunt Betty. So she started nurses training at Norfolk General Hospital. She was really happy. About five months into her training I got notified that my ship the USS Cascade (a destroyer tender) was going to be homeported in Naples, Italy. I assumed she would finish her nurses training, but NO. She was very emotional about wanting to go with me. I didn’t understand because she was to give up something she had wanted for so long. But I just wanted her to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for her. So we went to Naples.

    Italy turn out to be quite and experience for both of us. We had to live on the local economy. The apartment we ended up renting was above the Naples NATO base. We were use to the comforts of living in America. Turns out when you rent in Italy your apartments have nothing, just wall. No central heat, window air conditioners , no cabinets, stove. All we had with the apartment was a small wall water heater, a toilet a bidet (which we had never seen before), and a kitchen sink. Our only heat was a metal container that held a propane bottle. So you would light the portable heater and roll it into whatever room you wanted heated !Welcome to Italy !!

    About four months after settling in the landlord knocked on our door and asked us to move our car from the street to the garage under the apartment complex as there was going to be a communist mob going through the street and if they see the AFI (American Forces in Italy) license plate they may damage our car. Come to find out that the town where we were renting our apartment was predominantly Communist. We moved shortly thereafter to Lago Patre into a stand alone house with cement block walls around the house and a gated driveway. It was nice and peaceful there and close to a lake.

    The new house smelled of fresh paint. Come to find out the inside of the house had been painted over the mold and mildew. We had to move our bed from the moldy bedroom to the livingroom. One day when I was at work in Naples an Italian came to the house an asked Cindy if she had any knives that needed sharpening. She said “No” but he saw the bed in the livingroom and told her that he was a good lover and forced his way into the house. She eased to the bedroom door where Ralph had been placed. She opened the door and Ralph must have sensed Cindy’s fear because he came charging out the door and bit the Italian hard enough on one of his butts that he drew blood. The Italian ran out the gate with Ralph following. Needless to say he never returned. Good dog Ralph.

    We drove down to tour Pompeii and Mt. Vesuvius. It was an awesome experience. They had human forms that had been made by pour cement into the hole where people had been covered by the lava. You see the pain they suffered by the expressions their faces. The remaining wall of the villa still had frescoes in really good shape with vivid colors. Our tour guide explained to us that Pompeii was a resort for the Romans and wealthy Naples residence. Also the cobblestone streets still had the groves left in the streets by the carts. Very impressive. We also went up to the top of Mt. Vesuvius where the guide also showed us that smoky exhaust was still coning out !! We spent most of the day walking around and walked away very impressed by what was there and all the effort it took to uncover the city.
    We actually walked the city where so much history had happened.

    We lived an uneventful life there for another eight months until I got orders to return to the United States to attend Tidewater Community College to obtain an Associates degree in Business Administration. Here I’d like to say that before we lived in Italy, Cindy use to complain about almost everything in America. On the plane returning to America, Cindy told me she would never again complain about America. And she never did! Life was different in Italy.

    Cindy got a job as a bookkeeper for dental office in Virginia Beach. She loved her job and the staff, but had a problem with the dentist owner. He always ran the finances very close to the bottom line always drawing money down to low levels to make investments in other things. Cindy would always caution him and he told her she may want to find another. She did. She went to work for a hair styling business that had multiple outlets in Virginia Beach. The owner and employees loved her and she was happy.

    I eventually graduated from the community college cum laude and got orders to the USS Puget Sound a destroyer tender home ported at Norfolk, Virginia. Cindy remained at her bookkeeping job. Thirteen months later I got orders to the USS Sierra a destroyer tender home ported in Charleston, South Carolina. When moved to Charleston, Cindy got a job as a veterinarian assistant. She loved almost all animals so it was a perfect job.

    One day we were walking Ralph in the back of Navy Housing and he jumped over what we thought was a large log laying across the path. We both stepped over the log and for some reason I turned to look at the log and noticed it was moving! It was a long large diameter snake making it’s way across the path. We walked a little bit faster until we got a safe distance from the snake. Welcome to Charleston.

    Another day we were driving down a two lane road that was commonly used. For some reason we came upon a long line of stopped cars. We had been waiting for a little longer that I thought necessary and got out of the car to see what was going on. It was an alligator crossing the road . I couldn’t see his head or tail he was so long and fat. We all waited patiently for the gator to cross. Once again welcome the Charleston.

    One day while Cindy was working at the veterinary clinic putting a large St. Bernard into a cage, she walked him into the cage, released his leash and he turned on her and cornered her to back of the cage. She said he was growling at her and was foaming at the mouth. She yelled for help from the male attendant. He rushed to the cage area and got her out. That was the first time she had ever been afraid of an animal. She said it took a while for here hands to stop shaking.

    After Charleston I got orders to Naval Air Station, Brunswick, Maine. I had actually asked for this transfer because Maine was a hub for the “Back to Earth” movement.

    Cindy got a job at the Bath dental clinic next to Bath Iron Works as both a clerk and bookkeeper. She told me that there were a lot of dope smokers from the shipyard that hung around the clinic on their lunch break. But at least they were peaceful (for the most part). One of the dental technicians for the clinic was rather large busted and everyday after finishing her lunch would have food stuffs on her “shelf”. Cindy nicknamed her “Spitter”.

    We finally bought a little 8 acre farmstead in Turner, Maine 30 miles from Brunswick. We would eventually call it Turner University because we learned so much about farming and gardening through reading, trial and error. We both had no background in any of what we were about to start. Cindy quit the clinic when we moved to Turner and got a job working for an auto leasing company in Lewiston, Maine. She thought one of the guys that worked there was in the mafia.

    The Turner home use to be an egg farm and had no central heat just a small pot belly wood stove off the kitchen and an old cracked rusty Franklin wood burning stove in the living room. Being it was fall we immediately bought a large air tight wood burning stove for the living room, a small wood cook stove for the kitchen and bought a book on how to heat with wood. Oh , and we bought some cut and delivered cord wood. Winter was coming.

    Poor Cindy. The kitchen had old bent discolored white metal cabinets. The sink was small, had chipped porcelain and the wooden floors were heaved up a little and painted black. Paradise. But she didn’t complain because it was all we could afford. Hey, we’re going “Back to Earth”.

    Our first winter was an experience. Lots of snow to shovel by hand. A large wide driveway on a major rural road. I learned to hate snow plows. It always seemed every morning after I got done shoveling the driveway the snow plow would come screaming down the road and fill in the bottom of the driveway and I’d have to go out shovel again. I did have thirty miles to drive to work. Actually we loved our Turner farmstead, it was very peaceful and nothing like all the large “Navy” cities we had lived in. Our neighbor Albert had 50 head of milking cows and there were no other neighbors. For the most part very peaceful and quiet. He let us get fresh milk from his milking barn. Hmm, did you know that milk gets a head on it that you make butter from?

    I spent a good part of the winter working on repairing the 100 foot chicken barn getting it ready for the spring onslaught of animals we would be purchasing. Cindy worked on getting the house a more to her liking.

    In the spring Cindy went to the local hardware store to see what they had. She was going to buy a few laying chickens. They also had lots of male chicks. So when I came home from work one day she said that she not only got some hen chicks, but the hardware clerk gave her 300 male baby chick for free! Whoa!! They grew very fast and it didn’t take too long to figure out we couldn’t keep up with them. Cindy called her brother in Massachusetts and asked if he would like the 300 chicks. He said he would take them. Yahoo! Now how to get the 300 chicks to Massachusetts. I got a large washing machine cardboard box, dug out breathing hole in the sides and off we went from Maine to Massachusetts. They all made it alive. Phew !!

    Now the main part of the barn was ready for animals. Being as we were both city folk, we bought several books and magazines from Mother Earth News on chickens, turkeys, ducks, calves, pigs, goats, geese, sheep and wood/cord wood management. We had a lot of reading and learning to do.

    We bought our first Nubian goat from Bob and Doris in Booth Bay Harbor. They lived a house with no functioning toilet, but an outhouse above their pigs !! They were working on getting running water to a toilet set up in their future bathroom. Cindy never could get over snorting pig when she was using their facility. We had read about how to butcher chickens, but asked them if we could watch them and learn first hand. Not a problem. Bob went and got one of their chickens, takes very rusty snubnose .38 out his back pocket and shots the chicken in the head ( he had an axe in his other hand). I asked why he shot the chicken and he said he did not want the chicken to suffer! Welcome to Maine.

    We put in our first ever garden (another book from Mother Earth News). It was about 40’ X 70” all dug by hand. I dug, Cindy planted. It was quite the experience to watch everything grow and pick weeds. Everything grew quite well as the previous owners put most of the chicken manure was placed where we planted the garden. In the fall when we harvested the corn on the cob we went crazy. The only corn on the cob we had ever had was frozen from the grocery stores. We first picked six corn on the cob, Cindy boiled them and we had them. MMMM. Lathered in butter with salt and pepper they were soooooo good. We ate corn on the cob for the next three days for breakfast, lunch and supper. Boy was that good. We bought a 16 quart Presto pressure cooker and canned a lot of what we grew. Another learning experience. All the different colors in the Mason jars looked good in the cabinets.
    Turner had about 600 people in the town and Cindy heard that they were looking to train people for the volunteer EMT squad. She loved anything medical and so we both put in to take the EMT training to become certified EMTs. .We wanted to contribute to our new hometown. We got certified. They said we made a great team. But it ended up being disappointing for us, because even though we lived on the main highway through town, whenever they had a call (we had a scanner) we could hear rhe ambulance passing the house and were never called. Well you know what they say “If you’re not born in Maine, you’ll never be a Mainer”’ So much for being accepted into the community.
    One day at work at Naval Air Station Brunswick Maine I was on the phone with a Navy detailer (they provided sailors with orders to their next duty stations). He mentioned that the torpedo shop at Naval Air Station Jacksonville had just done very poorly in their recent certification inspection and would I like to be transferred there. I said thanks, but no because I was going to retire in Maine. When I got home that night and told Cindy, she was VERY upset with me. The next day I called the detailer and said I would take the orders. So we move to Jacksonville, Florida.
    I drove Cindy to Green Cove Springs, Florida which is south of Jacksonville, got a house to rent that was on the St. James River.. Helped set her up to last until I would be formally transferred to Naval Air Station Jacksonville. Then I was on my way back to Maine once again leaving Cindy to her own resources in the jungles of Florida. How many times have I done this? Several. Poor Cindy. One tough ole bitty.
    NOTE: As I am writing this, which is suppose to be about Cindy I noticed that I am talking about myself a lot. Sorry Cindy. It’s kind of hard to talk about you without mentioning my name to tell your story. 57 years of marriage.
    I finally got transferred to Jacksonville and we were together again. Green Cove Springs had a pond and Cindy always loved water and swimming. This one day she jumped in the pond and I was walking by looking at her swimming. I noticed a black moccasin snake swimming behind her and yelled out to warn her. She thought I was joking! When she finally turned around and saw the snake, it didn’t take her long to get out of the pond. About two weeks later she went out the front door of the house and there was another black moccasin snake on the ground by the front door. She screamed at me to get the snake. I got my shotgun. No more snake.
    Cindy liked to ride bicycles so I bought her an English three speed. She was surprised and very happy. She was “cooking” down the dirt driveway when our dog jumped in front of her. She went down and did a lot of damage to her right knee. I took her to the hospital and they had to “scrape” a lot of the gravel out of her knee. Ouch. They kept her overnight for observation. When I went to pick her up the next day I was told I couldn’t take her home as they had discovered she had a worm in one of her veins! Yup, a worm. What did they do? They treated her with dog poison to kill the worm. It worked. So much for walking barefoot in Florida.
    Cindy’s brother came to visit us in Green Cove Springs and we were telling him some of our experiences since we had been there. There was a pier leading out to the St James river and we had seen alligators when we walked down the pier. He didn’t believe us and took a walk down the pier. He came back a believer.
    Cindy got a job working for the Navy Retail System at Naval Air Station Jacksonville as an accounting clerk, but it wasn’t her cup of tea. So she later got a job with the base Army veterinarian. She liked this job as it was very versatile. She ended up doing not only helping with the animals, but providing commissary compliance inspections in Georgia and other Florida military facilities.
    We finally bought a home with 3 acres in Orange Park, Florida. It was off the beaten path, had a small pond and was quiet. About 1 AM on a Saturday morning Cindy grabbed on to my calf with an iron grip. I had no clue what was going on. She told me not to move and not to touch her. About 1-2 minutes passed. She started breathing and said that she just had a blood clot go through one of her lungs (her father had died of a blood clot). I took her to the base hospital and they confirmed that she had had a blood clot. They kept her overnight for observation. When I went to pick her up the next morning the doctors said they needed to keep her another day because they had found a worm in one of her leg veins!! They gave her medicine that you would give dogs to kill the worm. It worked. So much for walking barefoot in Florida.

    We had a pair of muscovey ducks take up residence in our pond. Next thing you knew was the was a flotilla of fluffy yellow babies following mom and pop around the pond. One day while Cindy and I were watching the flotilla we saw one of the chicks get pulled under the water and only yellow feathers surfaced. After talking to a neighbor we found out it was a “gator” turtle My neighbor borrowed my .357, no more problems.
    We planted a small garden, but there were so many snakes slithering through it we decided not to maintain it. Speaking of snakes, on day I was walking around the house and noticed the lattice gate that provided access to the underneath of the house was open. I checked and noticed the Cindy had crawled underneath the house. I called to her to see what she was doing. Next thing I knew she was rapidly backing out and breathing hard. It seems that she saw something she thought may have been rubbish and went to retrieve it. When she got to the pile she discovered a moving pile of snakes. She never crawled under the house again. After this she had a saying “If it’s alive, it lives in Florida”.
    Life continued on until I decided to retire from the Navy, but guess what, no one wanted to hire a torpedoman to sink ships!! A friend of mine already a retired torpedoman told me that I’ll only be able to get a job as a base rent a cop. I wasn’t quite ready for that. I must have sent 200 resumes, with no responses. We were feeling a little down. Had we made a mistake? (we normally talked things over before making any major decisions)
    One day while still at work I got a call from Keyport, Washington (the In-Service Engineering Agent ) for Lightweight Torpedoes and he told me he would like me to come to Washington State and “maybe” I could get a job there. I came home and told Cindy I was going to take a chance, we would move to Washington State and see what happens. She was quite upset with me, but as I saw it we didn’t have very many options. So we packed up and moved.
    As we were driving on I-10 by Pensecola, Florida a pickup truck with 2 men and woman kept passing us and then falling behind us. They did this 3-4 times. I asked Cindy to reach into the back seat and hand me the .357 ( making it very visible that she was handing it to me). They didn’t bother us anymore.
    We got stopped at the California border to check out our truck which was loaded with a lot of our possessions to take to Washington State. Ralph (our dog fro Key West ) was in the back on top of everything. The police opened the back and Ralph approached them. They shut the back and motioned us on. Phew! We had rifles, hand guns and ammunition underneath everything.
    We continued up California’s I-5 to Santa Rosa , California to visit Cindy’s sister. Had a nice visit and continued up to Washington State where when we crossed into the state we were greeted with a downpour of rain. As we were to learn this is what Washington State does best.
    We found an apartment to rent in Silverdale, Washington and began looking for employment. Cindy got a job for a government contractor as a clerk, but she was so vibrant that her supervisor had her sit next to him so he could keep “an eye” on her. Does that tell you anything?
    Fast forward we purchased a 3.5 acre home in Kingston, Washington close to the ferries that went to Seattle. It was a little rough but we loved it. Our first problem though was when we got our first electric bill. It was $560 !! Come to find out the water heater had a short. A new water heater fixed the problem, Then I was watering the lawn and all of a sudden no water coming out of the hose. Had to put in a new well. Pricey. Welcome to Kingston.
    I ended up getting a job working for Naval Undersea Warfare Center at Keyport, Washington ( good for my torpedo background and Cindy got a job as an Executive Secretary at Trident Training Facility at Bangor Submarine Base, Silverdale, Washington. This would prove to be the best job of her life. She absolutely loved it but it took a while for her to get use to the “sailors”. She was charged with the administrative care of over 300 sailors and officers. Before her first day at her new job I tried to explain to her Navy life and the way sailors were. I never brought home the “navy” lifestyle. She came home crying after her first day. It seems a senior chief in the office told her that she had nice tits. I explained the senior chief was paying her a compliment and didn’t mean any harm. If he says it again she should say “Thank you”. She ended up taking charge of her office and job and they ended up having a good working relationship, That means picking on each other and daily fun jabs. She learned to love “her boys”. She took care of them and they took care of her.
    We put a small garden in next to the house. While watering it one day I noticed there was no water coming out of the hose. I checked the facet and it was wide open. Our well could not keep up with our meager needs. Opps. We need a new well. It was explained to us that whoever put in the original well did not go deep enough. Welcome to Kingston, Washington.
    We repaired the existing 50 foot barn, put fencing for pasture animals, chickens, cattle, pigs, goats and of course a jackass. We had “friendly” rats that set up residence in our chicken pen that was in the barn. The local health department people told us not to worry about them because they were “friendly”. Cindy was afraid of them and I didn’t feel comfortable with “friendly” rats so I shot them all. No more problem.
    Time passed and Kingston grew with a lot of people moving into the area from California. Our quiet town was becoming citified. A new McDonalds was built in our small town and it wasn’t there for more than a couple of months when one of the employees was shot to death. Time to move.
    Cindy and I sat in our breakfast nook and discussed our approach to moving, what each of us would want in what had to be our final home. We made a checklist of what we both wanted. We didn’t have a lot of money so it had to be inexpensive. We finally picked Iowa as our final destination. Where the heck is Iowa?
    Cindy did not want to go to Iowa with me preferring to stay and take care of our animals. She said she trusted me to select our final home. She said “Don’t come home without our new home”. Talk about responsibility. I flew to Mason City, Iowa, met with several real estate agents and signed a contract for our final home.
    We drove from Washington State to Iowa in our old motor home with everything we could fit in it, plus our dog, a parrot and three parakeets. When we arrived to our street in Iowa it was a hot muggy day with dust rolling around us as we drove down the gravel road. I was nervous as Cindy had never seen the house. This was the last house I had looked at when I went to Iowa and ran out of film from taking pictures of all the other houses I had looked at. We pulled into the yard, walked up to the door, unlocked it and attempted to open it. It was a wooden door and wouldn’t open!! I had to kick it in to open it. When we both walked into the house Cindy jumped on me wrapping her legs around me. It was better than she expected!

    Cindy got hired as the Human Resources Supervisor for disadvantaged persons agency with 300 employees. This was challenging for her as the new head of the agency was hired the day after her and he told her that if he had been hired a day before her she wouldn’t have a job. Good feeling or what? She busted her butt to take care of every employee and client. She always had a very strong work ethic and nothing could hold her back.

    Fast forward 20 years in Forest City, Iowa with a relatively quiet and happy lifestyle. We both retired. A nice quiet life together. Then aging began to happen Lots of doctor appointments for Cindy and invasive tests. Cindy always a vibrant person began going downhill. I could see it coming and tried to be upbeat with her. One day she said to me “ I am going to die soon.” I told her she was too mean to die. We went to a local medical clinic for an appointment and the doctor told us that Cindy needed to go to the local hospital emergency room.
    When we got to the hospital ER I had to get Cindy a wheel chair as she was quite weak. I moved her inside the ER and sat down to wait with her as I would normally do. Someone came to us and said I could not stay there with her because of COVID concerns and I would have to leave. Cindy looked at me very scared. I told them I needed to stay and they got a security person to remove me. I kissed her on the lips and told her everything would work out and I will be back the next day. She looked me VERY SAD. We were both sad and I had a sinking feeling. I can just imagine what she felt. I was abandoning her.
    I was not allowed to see her the next day even though I was quite insistent. We were use too being together all the time. Some of our friends would even say they thought we were glued at the hip and soulmates.
    The phone rang at 2AM the next morning and the doctor told me I needed come to the hospital to see “Things” weren’t looking very good. When I got there she was breathing in spurts. After I had been there a doctor asked me into the hallway and said we should put Cindy on palliative care to reduce her pain. They removed all her IVs saying they had given her every possible medication and she was not responding. Fortunately several years ago Cindy and I had talked about this day for either of and did want to prolong our lives as a vegetable. So another gut wrenching decision was made. The hospital staff recommended Cindy be moved to hospice. I knew what that meant, but agreed.
    At 7:30 the night of 19 October 2020,I received a phone call from Mercy Hospice . Cindy had gone into hospice on 18 October 2020 had passed. So ended 57 years of a happy and wonderful life together full of love, life and caring. God I miss her.

  83. I spent 37 years in law enforcement and it about killed me. I have about 3 ft worth of scars. My wife had muscular dystrophy and I was her caregiver. She was the absolute love of my life and I would have taken care of her forever if Lord had let me. She was suffering and getting worse year by year. My job was killing me and one day I collapsed at work and I was rushed to the hospital with extremely high blood pressure and heart problems. My wife stayed with me until I could get out of the hospital. After that day she made me agree that I would retire because she was so afraid of losing me. The next day I was helping her step down out of the house and her ankle turned sideways and broke both bones in her foot so we had her taken to the hospital and ambulance and had them put a cast on her foot. I was taking her home and she slumped over in the car and I knew something was horribly wrong and called an ambulance . The Lord took my sweetheart home while I was on my knees praying over and over that the Lord would bring her back. They tried and tried to revive her when we got to the hospital but finally told me that they thought it had been too long and that there would probably be significant brain damage. I told the doctor to let her go because she had had suffered for such a long time and I knew she would go to be with Lord Jesus. It’s happened in April 15th 2019 and it has about killed me. Two and a half years I have lost my stepfather my wife my father-in-law my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law. Emotionally I feel about half dead and horribly beat up and often break down because I miss them all so much. My daughter had a baby in March 20 21 that I cherish her and I wish so much that my wife could be here to share retirement with me and most of all the grandbaby. My grief often overwhelms me and I wish that the Lord would take me home but I am doing the best I can to take care of our grandbaby, my daughter and son-in-law. There are days I don’t think I can keep going and I know there’s really no one that understands how awful it is. If it were not my faith in the Lord Jesus taking me home I would have committed suicide just to stop the pain. I told my daughter that Mom is taking care of the two babies that my daughter miscarried in heaven. I miss my beautiful wife so much the words do not explain it. I know the Lord Jesus said that we’re not married in heaven but my wife and often talked about us being together forever worshiping the Lord and I pray that the Lord lets us be together worshiping him forever. I don’t really understand what the Lord meant that we’re not in married in heaven and I wish he had explained it. My wife is the absolute love of my life for 34 years and I miss her so much that many days I wish the Lord would take me home.

  84. My wife died on June 2021 at 44. She was diagnosed with Community Acquired Bibasal Pneumonia 4 days before her death. Everyday, I wake up with the pain of losing her after 22 years of marriage. She had provided us the best love and care the whole time as a wife, a mother, best friend and never complained. Her death never crossed my mind while she was ill. I was worried a lot and very anxious about her condition but dying never came to my thoughts. I saw the gravity of her condition all those moments. But why did I never saw her dying until it came to her? I was only thinking that she must receive medical treatment and recover and we will go home after some time. But death came unexpectedly. I saw in her eyes that even she did not saw death coming to her. I and our daughters never have thoughts about it. Our daughters were even cleaning the house and setting her bed in preparation for her recovery period. Worst thing is that we never had the chance to say anything to each other. I should have expressed that I love her so much, that I am so proud of her, that I am very grateful having her in my life, or ask her forgiveness for my failures, or anything I could have said to comfort her before she leaves. I have not hugged nor kissed her nor held her hand while she was still conscious. Nothing. I just saw her die! It hurts so deep everyday until now. The pain we are suffering is more unspeakable because there was no funeral service, her body was immediately sealed in a coffin and brought straight to her grave while all of us were quarantined in our houses because she was declared a suspect of Covid 19 infection. My wife and I have talked about our death but we did not put plans into it when it happens. I just told her I will die first because I am 8 years older than her and that my health started signs of deterioration but we have not discussed our feelings and how each of us will respond when death comes. And I never expected she will go first. Her sudden death tore me in half. I miss her very much that I cry every time I remember her. I accept her fate believing in God’s promises and perfect plans for His children. And I believe that she is now in God’s presence because of her strong faith in Him which she has engraved in our hearts also. I am asking the Lord in prayers for comfort and forgiveness for my shortcomings to her. However, the pain still remains and my heart is still seeking for comfort and healing and answers – in His time.

    1. Not sure if you will read this..but for any, if it helps….Guilt….for whatever reason, will/can damage you the most…My wife passed away in July due to a ruptured aneurysm. she was a healthy 53 year old, married 24 years and 1 daughter…we had great times, good times and some not so good…she was staying up to watch a movie, i went to bed, she came to room and said having a bad headache, the worst ever, like a vice pressing on her head…she gripped my hand and i said, im going to call 911 and she said no, i took an ibuprofen, let me just sleep it off…and i started to get up to get phone to call and that was it…that split second …i re-live that moment so much…then hospital for 2+ weeks until she passed…i had so much i wanted to say, to hold her to kiss her to hug her….so so much, after 24 years! i feel like i never said i love you enough and or praised her enough or anything enough…she was such a wonderful mom, wife, friend and person…a heart that was beautiful…So Guilt, in any form , may be normal to an extent, but the guilt of not having the time to say it better–goodbye, i love you, ill be strong for you and i will carry on for you..dont worry i will see you many things…i just kept yelling i love you while i held her and waited for 911 to arrive…of all the things, dont let guilt linger, she was better than that and you need to honor her with more than falling down…it wont bring her back and will pull you down….im saying it and i realize its hard to do, but typing it out helps to remember it and memorize it until my time comes…I believe in God and my faith is that i will see her again…wont be the same as here on earth but im coming to the conclusion that i will be happy just to know she is in heaven and im striving to make sure that i get to see meet and be in the presence of my maker and understand more than i do know and accept that a bigger door awaits. take care and may God bless you all.

      1. i can feel you because of our similar experience losing the most loved one. i won’t mean to be happy that i am not alone in this… it is just that there is some kind of comfort from sharing your story that says i am not alone. thank you for helping me realize that guilt won’t help but to honor her will be a better option. i am also looking forward to seeing her in heaven which draws me closer to God… more frequent prayers and meditation… more trust and faith to Him like she did. God bless you. ‘see you in heaven when our time come.

  85. My wife of forty seven years died on the the thirtieth of March She died of an embolism of the lung I went to the shop to get milk which wanted When i came back she was dead Twenty minutes i was gone the shock is mind numbing everything is so surreal She was my life she was all i lived for Moving on is so difficult We were close spent a lot of time together Now everywhere i go she is there because we were there My tears fall readily But i know what she would say to me now remember me and the times we had i will borrow her strength to move on and love her forever

  86. I was married for 32 years when, 10 years ago, my wife passed away from cancer I loved her and had 2 incredible children together. I grieved but, knew I had to go with my life, but didn’t rush things. After three years I found an absolutely incredible woman. We were married after being together for two years. We had been together seven years, five of them as a married couple. These years were the most incredible years of my life. She and I were indeed soulmates. It was love on a level I had never experienced. Every day together was a perfect day, even during the Covid lock down.
    After returning from a months trip to visit our children she started feeling unwell. One morning, when we awoke, I asked her how she was feeling. Should could not speak words. She knew what she wanted to say, but could not say the words. I took her to the ER at a local hospital where they examined her. She was then transferred her to a larger hospital. They ran tests for five days. She was diagnosed with a gliobastoma metaforme brain tumor. There was very little to be done. I took her home and cared for her with the help of hospice near the end. After a little over two months she passed away peacefully in her own bed at home. I was so busy with her daily care that I did’t really have time for much emotional distress. But, the day she passed I fell into an abyss. This pain runs so deep as to hollow me. Right now, I can’t see a path where I would ever be able to have another relationship for fear, of again, experiencing this kind of pain and loss. I have good support from friends and family. Everyone wants to help, but each morning when I awake without my beloved wife beside me and an empty house I get that familiar feeling of emptiness and despair.

  87. On September 4th my wife had to take me to the ER, I was confused, twitching uncontrollably and scared. Turned out I had gotten very dehydrated and a medication I was taking turned toxic, causing my kidneys to completely shut down. I was in the ICU for seven days, the first night my heart stopped, a nurse gave me CPR and got my heart going again. I was told this by my wife because I don’t remember anything from the first five days I was there. On September 9th I was healthy enough to go home. That weekend my wife was having a hard time catching her breath, so it was my turn to take her to the ER. They kept her over night and I brought her home on the 12th. She told me she was feeling better but she was tired. She slept most of Sunday and Monday the 13th, with me checking on her every few hours. At 8:30pm I was talking to her, I got her something to eat and I let her go back to sleep. At 10pm I went to bed and I couldn’t wake her up and then realized she wasn’t breathing. I tried CPR until the EMTs showed up and they worked on her for 20 minutes before taking her to the hospital. When I got there instead of taking me to her they led me to a small, private conference room. The doctor came in and told me while they did get her heart going, she had been without oxygen for too long and she wasn’t going to wake up. I had to make the difficult decision to have them turn the machines off and let her go. So that was about 17 days ago, she was 55 and we had been together for 30 years. I went from trying to make sense of my close call to trying to make sense of my wife’s passing. I feel lost but I have a good support system around me, I basically check in with four different people everyday. For everyone here that has lost a spouse, I feel your pain and wish you nothing but the best in the future. Thank you for giving me a place to write what happened to my wife and me. It may not help others but the more I talk about it, the more it helps me process everything that has happened this cursed month.

  88. I lost the love of my life Lisa after 10 1/2 years together. Long enough to become so closely connected. Short enough to despair in the more years to come. She was only 57. I am trying very hard to appreciate/celebrate our time together. But the loss is so great. I will love her forever.

  89. My wife died oct 25, 2021 20 days ago, copd of lungs im soo devastated all I see is everything reminding me of her.
    Soo hurt, loved her more then any woman she was in a lnd out of hospital over prior 3 months. She took 2 vaccine shots behind my back per her dumb family which from then on was down hill.
    So not happy.

    1. Max,
      I share your pain….. the same for me, lost my soulmate eight months ago. Still very distressed, don’t think it will change.

      Here is a link that I thought may be helpful. Would you search for the group frontline covid-19 critical care alliance FLCCC ?

      Please take care, we will likely remain confused, sad, depressed, lonely for months…..result of our deep love.

      Blessings and love


  90. My wife died Oct 20 2021 She had been suffering from Parkinson’s for over 20 years. Around the 1st of October, she got an infection and was hospitalized. She went fast from there. We’re both retired and spent 32 years together. We were joined at the hip and did everything together. we married late and have no children. My wife Patricia was the only family I have, now she’s gone. I never knew I could have so much pain and continue to live. Today has been one of my worst days. Tomorrow will be a month.Lord help us all to get thru this.

    1. Robert,

      It is horribly painful and lonely everyday. I miss my soulmate of 30 years terribly, and often feel cannot go on. This has been eight months now. So I started calling out to God and my beloved to save me (and taking to them)and practice breathing meditation (focused my breathing at around my heart area – broken heart syndrome ), the gut ranching feeling gradually dissipates. This only helps when the enormous feeling sweeping over me. It however does not fix the larger issue of what is the meaning of our years or days ahead…. it is still a puzzle for me…..

      I also ask my beloved to send me signs, show up in my dreams, and protect me. They do happen.

      I just wanted to share with you and others some of my coping methods..

      Prayer & blessings.


  91. My wife of nearly 29 years died from complications from a brain tumour. She became unconscious within a day of being diagnosed and passed away less than a week later. It’s been just over four months since I lost my best friend and I am still not the same. Everything went downhill so fast that I was in shock and running on auto-pilot. I continue to have trouble wrapping my head around all this.

  92. My high school sweetheart died on November 5th at 7:35 pm. We dated for 6 years during high school and college and were married for 37 1/2 years. We have 7 beautiful children and 4 grandchildren.
    She’d been dealing with myositis for the past 20 or so years. It’s a rare form of MD and is a progressive muscle weakening and wasting disease with no cure. We were told all you could do is push it off with diet and exercise. She had been active and healthy when we married but over time gradually became weaker and weaker. First she worried about tripping while walking, dropping items like pens for no reason or having a hard time walking up steps and getting out of chairs. This year she had advanced to the point where she had difficulty walking, talking, breathing and eating. We tried numerous doctors over the years, and were at a loss over what could be done to help. She was always tired, in the mornings had flu-like symptoms, had a dozen pinched nerves on her spine and was in constant pain. She couldn’t hold her head up straight for the past year and a half which caused her dizziness. It was hard to helplessly watch her suffer so much. She contracted aspirational pneumonia in October and was too weak to fight anymore. Her passing wasn’t totally unexpected, but I still feel in a state of shock that it happened. It seems so final that one day we’re talking about our family or bills to pay and the next she’s gone. I feel guilty because after her passing I felt a sense of relief she was out of pain.
    I never deserved such a wonderful human being.

  93. My wife has died 5 months ago and I am still looking for ways that could have prolonged her life or anything I could have done. I know that it is too late and am spending wasted time. She took chemo to decrease the size of the cancer in her liver, which seem to have aggravated the problem She did not want to take the chemo But I Insisted. Now I am wondering If she could have lived longer without the chemo which just made her sick and lose her hair. She lost her energy. Going from the couch to the bed is all she could do. Then had a stroke .Took her by ambulance to the hospital and then to the rehab center for a couple of weeks where I promised to take her fishing when she got out. Well she never got out, She had another stroke that pretty well finished her off. The doctor told me after finding numerous blood clots in her veins there was nothing much he could do. So I had her sent back to home with Hospice where I watched her for about two days before she died. The things she did for me I will remember the rest of my life and then some. Yet I am trying to figure out something still that would have saved her That I could have done.

    1. Jesse,
      I just lost my wife of 22 years on Feb 11. I share your concerns that I could have done more. My Minister assured me that God’s timing is PERFECT! None of us will live one second less or one second more than his will. I have to take solace in that even though, it doesn’t change how lonely we feel.

  94. jan 11 2022
    my little sweetheart wife of 51 years passed away nov 21 2021 from pancreatic cancer. she had braved treatment for two years and had done well until the last two weeks when she requested hospice and she quickly went from walking to the walker to the wheelchair to the bed and two days later. she always had the most beautiful smile from the first day we met on a blind date at the beach and we were together ever since that day. i sincerely thank each of you for sharing your post. it is helpful but our grief will not go away ever. my hope is that i can get strong enough to carry it because i want to be able to enjoy the smile and bear the tear when i think of her and our memories.

  95. Nov 2 2020 my wife died of a drug overdose. She had been clean for over ten years. She needed her knee replaced because she had bone on bone contact. She was on a lot of different medications. Something lead to a relapse and she died face down on the bathroom floor of our house. Her 17 year old son woke me up because she wasn’t answering the door. She was my wife for two years and two months to date when she died. We had lived together for about 2 years before we got married. The little time we were together or the way she died of a less than innocent cause made it no easier.

  96. I lost my wife of 35 years on Aug. 9th 2021 from heart failure. We knew her heart was getting weaker plus the doctor said she had months to live. She also had copd. She died in the hospital, but it happened so quick. Laura, my wife, called about five hours before she died; she said she felt good. and she ate breakfast that morning. She said she ate like a pig! Three days before she died, called our priest, and he gave her the last rites of the catholic church. Laura and I loved each other deeply, and we said I love you all the time. That was the last thing I said right before she died. Her blood pressure was dropping, and I said I love you sweetheart. She could only shake her head yes right before she died. I was glad I was there. She was my life, my soulmate. I try to live my life like I know she would want me to live it. My faith in God keeps me going, and I know we will be together again. We had our song, like all couples do. Our song was Stevie Wonders song, I just called to say I love you. She calls me and would sing that to me. Oh God, how I miss that and not seeing her, or holding her, not hearing her laugh. or seeing her pretty smile. Every night before I go to bed, I say to her, Laura, please come to me and hold me in your arms while sleep. May she rest in peace, and all of our loved one’s rest in peace.

  97. My heart goes out to all (especially the husbands) who have lost their wives. I’m not downplaying the wife’s pain, but I can only relate to how I feel. I lost my wife May 6th 2020 at 5:52am. she had a stroke, and i know now that it was Gods intention. Normally i’m out of the house for work around 6am but this particular morning something told me to go upstairs and when i did my wife was sitting up on her side of the bed with her head slightly bowed. Not knowing that she had a stroke I said “good morning honey” with no response and repeated it again. NO RESPONSE. Upon walking closer to her I saw that her mouth was sagging slightly, and she responded to me that she needs to go to the bathroom. After realizing that she had a slight stroke i immediately call 911 and alerted my daughter who works in the medical field and we manged to get her downstairs and into the EMT vehicle. I followed the EMT to the hospital but wasnt allowed to go inside due to COVID. In my wildest thoughts I never knew that that would be the last time that i touched or kissed my wife. She stayed in the hospital for close to 2 months and I could only face time her at certain time of the day. I kept a log for all the treatments and her family set up a prayer line and the outpour or love was amazing. Eventually, she was moved to a rehabilitation center where she passed away a week later. It was at that point that i fell apart. crying all the time, my emotions were at full display. Everything that i did – shopping, cooking you name it left me with uncontrollable tears. The sad part is that i still do this today when i think of her. I have bereaved many times for love ones but NEVER to the point of getting sick. I dont have any advice for the bereaving husband, but know that Gods is always in control and he dosent make mistakes. God steps in when we fulfill all of the purpose in our lives that he has for us.
    I am so thankful now and I respect women so much more. (not that i didnt respect them before). THey are truly amazing.

  98. I cried my eyes out while reading these posts. I just buried my wife on Valentine’s Day. She was only 51. Beautiful, and the heart of my family. Wow! Aren’t Wives wonderful. I can only thank God for the 22 years that we were married and the 2 beautiful daughters that she gave us. I suspect that I’ll never stop crying. I can’t even imagine ever loving another. I’ll just try to make her proud with my remaining time here and continue to look forward to finding her in heaven.

  99. I lost my beautiful wife Kim on November the 8th 2020 she died in my arms at home in our bed from brain lung and liver cancer . Kim was only told on the August the 22nd of the same year so did not suffer any pain . Kim told everyone how lucky she was that she never suffered pain and always said that her illness was her own fault because she had smoked for since she was 11 years of age . Kim was 63 years of age and we were married for 45 years and have two wonderful boys . I am lost without Kim been in my life anymore and have looked suicide in the face so many times since she passed and the the thought of dating another woman seems like I would be betraying Kim .

  100. I feel for all of you. I just lost my amazing wife on 2/10/2022, she was 39 years old (I am 51). We had been together 8 years after both coming out of abusive relationships. She went in for some fairly routine surgery n her small bowel. She came home 5 days later, after a couple days went back in with complications and the next morning coded twice. She spent 3 weeks in the ICU where we had to make the decision to remove life support. Its the most horrific thing I have ever experienced and would not wish it on the devil himself. I get the feeling of emptiness, huge loss, confusion, what do I do, who am I, what is my purpose in life? I cant answer these and right now I dont even care to try, I have no energy, no drive…i feel like a huge part of me is also dead. I’m searching for ways to move forward but finding nothing. I also cry dily, the smallest thing can do it too. Emptying the dishwasher, seeing a picture, doing wash, looking at our patio or bedroom…I’m so terribly lost without her. All the things we wanted to do, travel, watch our son graduate college, get married, have his own kids….now gone…well at lest I have to do all that freaking alone now. I was single 20 years in between my ex and my perfect lady (perfect for me like all of you i am sure with yours). Now i am back to the “extra” or 3rd wheel people feel like they have to keep involved…everywhere i see ads for couples this and that….its so depressing. I am angry too, angry at God for giving us the amazing beautiful gift and taking it away. i do feel punished. i do feel like God really isnt involved nor cares that much or He wouldn’t do crap like this to good, God fearing believers etc. But in the end that gets me nowhere. I am still mad. I stopped watching and going to mass for now…been hard anyway as I lost my father 3/8/20 and my father in law right before that 1/7/20. So the past 2 years have sucked hard. Right now I still cant listen to music. I feel guilty IF..a big IF…i even feel somewhat better or at least OK at times, I still hug her robe, smell her clothes…i talk to her contantly but unlike many I have seen no signs or anything. Maybe i am missing them..dunno…I feel for jamie here and James. Its been so close for us…not a lot of time…nad the shock and horror are real. My wife was called the “glue” of our family – she knew everything about all the events, bdays, gatherings and such..its like the president of our family is gone and we’re all just floundering around. I’m rambling…but i think you get it. I’d say pray for us but im not sure how much that does. Wwe had hundred of people praying and it did no good for my lady. Its like it was predetermined and we just get bufu’d in it.

  101. My wife passed away 5 months ago, 4 months before her 57th birthday.
    She got dizziness and headache a few weeks before she passed away. She lived as usual and felt it’s Ok for her and our life were the same till the day I went to work and came home to find her had no breath. She might die several hours already.
    My soul seemed lost after that. I woke up and cried in every morning, every moment free from my job, and every night before I go to bed. I search her pictures, talk to her, wrote to her, looking for everything related to her. I tried to “reorganized” her back to our life.
    The acke in my heart persist and I think it would be a lifelong pain to have no chancd to say the last words to her.

  102. Lost my wife , who was only 34 years of age while pregnant with our first child. Thankfully my daughter survived. I am only 35 myself. Now, I’m left to raise my daughter as a single dad. She died of LAM, a non curable form of lung disease.

  103. Some very difficult stories about losing you love.Nor and I where married for 64 years.I met her when she was 13 years……..Went into the navy and served my time.when I came home ,was calling gal who I had dated and Nor was one. I have and had been in the fire service for32 years….retired and she always was worried about my job.Any way.She is gone now. My heart is broken and having a very difficult go of it… love is gone.

  104. Hi
    My name is Brian

    I lost my dear wife Lorraine after a 2 year battle with peritoneal cancer on the 16/06/22, She was 59

    I feel my whole life has fell apart and just need to say I miss her so much

    1. after about two i also lost my wife to pc on nov 21 i wish i could tell you it has gotten better but not by much. she was 73 and we had been married 52 years. i am thankful but it still hurts. hopefully we will get stronger.

  105. 56 days ago, my wife of 26 years passed away in my arms, she was diabetic and had heart disease and suffered her last 18 months in and out of hospitals and had her left leg amputated. We were at the beach when she suffered a massive heart attack that took her from me. She had her first heart attack in 2004 so she beat the odds for 18 years. I was able to spend the last year with her at home helping her and we had our daily routine weirdly that is one of the things that I miss. I know it’s day by day and it’s getting better for sure but there are times when I’m scared if I’m not busy that I’ll drift away into listlessness and stay stuck in sadness.

  106. i am broken harted.
    I have lost my lovely Pat.
    Met on a blind date and fell in love.
    We married in 1957 and had 2 lovely daughters.
    She died peacefully with me by her side.
    I’m braking up.
    What am I going to do without her?
    I have this sadness come over me every day.
    I do a lot of crying, I don’t think I will ever stop.
    Our house is full of memoies.
    Love to all that are suffering the same.

  107. I lost my wife Sandra on 18th July 2022 the day after our 51st wedding anniversary she was 68 I am 71 life will never be the same oh how I miss you Sandra

  108. I lost my beautiful wife Sandra on May 30th this year. It was Memorial day, so we were both home. We woke up just like any other normal day, and she went downstairs to do laundry, because we were leaving for a Jamacia vacation in 3 weeks. Her being the planner that she was, it meant time to start packing. I heard her cry out twice, and ran downstairs to find her lying on the floor, not breathing. She had some heart issues, but they were controlled by medication for years. Called 911, and then went on to do CPR. At the hospital, I was told they were unable to start her heart again, and she was gone. My shock and disbelief, I really can’t even describe. We were always together. We did very little apart, and really liked life that way. Now it’s been 4 months, and I can honestly say, it is not getting any better. In fact, with the holidays approaching it seems to be getting worse. We had two beautiful boys together, who are grown and out of the house now. Unfortunately they live 3 hours away. They have spent a tremendous amount of time with me these last 4 months, but are now starting to get back to there lives. My oldest son’s wife, is about to have a baby, which they told us about on mothers day this year, and my wife Sandra just started crying. I am looking very forward to this, but at the same time, knowing that she is missing out on this, and we won’t be able to enjoy it together is tearing me up inside. I’m 53 now, and so was my wife, and I just don’t see myself ever finding the same joy in life again.
    Anyway, it felt good to type all of that, and I wish all of you the very best in trying to navigate this impossible time of our lives.

  109. My wife’s name was Yvonne. I had this huge crush on her the very first time I laid my eyes on her. That was September, 1963. It took 20 years of chasing, but finally I was fortunate and called her my wife July 13, 1983. We spent the next almost 40 years together. We worked together and we played together. We were like many here each other’s soulmate, best friend, and of course lovers.

    The Lord called her home July 2, 2022. A year earlier she had been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. We actually thought and believed that even with cancer, life would continue.
    I miss her every day, every hour and nearly every moment. I could probably even say I miss her every moment, instead of saying nearly. Reading the comments here, I’m pretty sure most everyone shares those moments.

    I thank God every day for giving me the time I got to spend with her. My adopted daughter and my sister complete my support group and without them, I’m not sure I could even function.

    Reading everyone’s stories brought me sadness and joy. The joy in everyone’s words as you expressed love, and memories…and the sadness of your loss. Tears rolled across my face as I read your stories…thank you for sharing.

    I wish I had the words to help others, but I’m not there yet. I’m lost, if I could, I would give my life for another moment with her. I know God has a purpose, but right now I’m blinded with despair. His comfort is fleeting at the best, perhaps I’m not listening enough.

    There is nothing in life that prepares us for this loss. It is beyond comprehension. But reading, even with differences, we share commonalities. We have a deep hole in our hearts that I’m not convinced even time will heal. We’ll never forget the love we have, the heartfelt memories that manage to almost have a smile as those warm tears roll off our face.

    I will love Yvonne until my last breath.

  110. My wife died July 31, 2022. She was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in November of 2019. She went through a progressive number of chemo drugs. Although her condition continued to deteriorate, she maintained a great since of strength and hope. I can’t begin to express the profound loss that I feel every day. She had been healthy and adhered to all of the medical advice and screening. The diagnosis was out of the blue, discovered only because of another procedure she was having. She was a couple months short of her 60th birthday when she died. I agree with what some have expressed, time won’t heal the loss. She was a kind, strong women who contributed to the world and everyone she encountered. She was the reason I got out of bed every day. I am mad at the medical community because they have not done a better job with diagnosing and treating breast cancer. All of the conventional screening (covered by insurance and adhering to the medical protocols) missed the large lesion in her left breast.

    1. My wife passed from the same thing….Only a blood clot was the final item to end her life….Blood clot that I dont know how many docs ER doc discovered it. Its been 13 months and I am convinced the 2nd year is the worst…1st year I was numb and playing the part of a widower…The beginning of the 2rd is almost hell.. I am in a grief class and pray and talk to my beloved every morning, I am convinced she is in heaven, but I feel like a wreck. I am the care giver for 90 plus y/o mother and preparing for knee surgery…I am having it over what would have been out 31st…..God I miss her and I HATE THE TERM “WIDOWER”. God bless you and stay focused …….

    2. Gary
      Would you be willing to chat? I am really hurting and about the same age. My wife was 58.
      Hope you will. Tim

      denverskywatch at gmail

      Hope to hear from you.

  111. My Wife died at home on the 27th of March 2023 at 930pm .She had Stage 4 breast cancer which was treated for 5 years. For all that time i was by her side 24/7 . Her death was not expected at that time, but i suppose no time is expected. On the day it happened she was fine very weak but her happy self, as the night drew closer, she experienced greater shortness of breath even though she was on a oxygen concentrator.
    I decided to call an Ambulances as her condition was deteriorating. I bent down to help her but she died in my arms. This was the most excruciatingly painful experience i have ever felt, to see the person you have loved for 50 years disappear in front of you. It has been four days now, but the tears just keep on flowing. I feel suicidal even with all my family around me, I don’t know how to come to term with this, i keep reading one day at a time. the waves of emotions will get further apart.I hope people are right.
    Terry Quinn Australia

    1. My wife also passed on the 27th of March at about 6pm. Stage 4 breast cancer; diagnosis in 2018. I am certain the cancer was from 2013 breast implants (before we met). We met in 2017 and married 2019. We had a wonderful 5 year relationship and 4 year marriage. Just like your beautiful wife my Gina passed due to acute lung failure. Everything seemed fine and the lung drains stopped draining about a week earlier. We thought things where getting better. She passed at the ER while i held her arm in my panic attack. Wispering in her ear how much she meant to me and to please ask for a miracle. Ask god for a miracle. We are good people. Why didn’t we receive our miracle? Im broken. Im not impressed by this world. She was always concerned about what would happen to me. Im trying to do things that would make her proud. I just feel empty in anything i do. She was 36. An athelete. Beautiful sould. Why do these things happen to good people? What kind of existence is this? My mind wanders to darkness as my heart hurts. My heart hurts soo bad.

      Reading all of these stories helps. I feel for everyone. The caretakers. We carry the pain untill we see our babys again. I look forward to that day. I will be smiling. knowing she’s waiting for me. Ill make you proud baby. i promise.

      We have a beautiful life and a beautiful love

      1. Rico, just lost my wife of 26 years to cancer. She was the love of my life. She was 58, same age as me. I am devastated and not sure where to turn. My home feels so empty. I miss her so much. I don’t know how to get over this. I cannot believe how fast the time went from our marriage to death. It feels like a blip. She didn’t deserve to suffer so much. I am sorry for your loss and I feel your pain.

  112. My name is Jim, On March 15th 2023 I l lost my wife of 44 years to uterine cancer. She was 62 & I 63. We met at 18 yrs. old and married at 21 after college. We have no children as we both survived 4 miscarriages. My wife has a large close family, I have 2 siblings living across the nation from me. I am 12 weeks into this grief journey and finally realized this pain will not go away, it can’t be fixed and in a moment my past, present and future plans have all been annihilated. In this journey I feel that I am ALONE even though others want to help, that help often hurts. I’m struggling to put it simply. Struggling with wonderful memories, struggling with anger, struggling with how to plan a future or even if there will be a future worth living.

    Marijane was a 10 year cancer survivor….on the 10th anniversary her radiologist mis read her scan and gave her the all clear…we could finally become snowbirds as we packed up and headed to our Florida home only to find out on February 2nd she needed emergency surgery to remove a HUGE tumor. In a matter of 5 weeks she was gone. She died in my arms and the images of her death haunt me.

    I am searching for anyone who can “understand” this loss and the realization that there is simply NO FIX for this type of loss. God help me and all those who experience this kind of pain and grief.

    1. Jim, I too just lost my wife of 35 years to cancer on May 5th, 2023. I’m 56, My wife was only 55 years old. I am also realizing that the pain will not be going away. I have constant heartache and I’m sick to my stomach every time I think about the hell she went through. I would have traded my life for hers in a second, because not only did I love her that much, but she was so much of a better human than me and she didn’t deserve an ounce of what happened. I’m completely lost and don’t know how to carry on. My wife also died in my arms and I wouldn’t have had it any different, but I am definitely traumatized by it as I can’t get it out of my head. The doctor told me she had heart failure, and she was in terrible distress when it happened. How could it possibly get better when the love of your life is gone. I’m also struggling with every emotion that you are describing. I fully understand your loss and I am very sorry for what we are both dealing with along with so many others. My wife was my inspiration since we were kids. I matured and became a man with my wife by my side. Without her I have no purpose. If you would like to communicate off of here, my email address is

  113. My name is Jim, On March 15th 2023 I l lost my wife of 44 years to uterine cancer. She was 62 & I 63. We met at 18 yrs. old and married at 21 after college. We have no children as we both survived 4 miscarriages. My wife has a large close family, I have 2 siblings living across the nation from me. I am 12 weeks into this grief journey and finally realized this pain will not go away, it can’t be fixed and in a moment my past, present and future plans have all been annihilated. In this journey I feel that I am ALONE even though others want to help, that help often hurts. I’m struggling to put it simply. Struggling with wonderful memories, struggling with anger, struggling with how to plan a future or even if there will be a future worth living.

    Marijane was a 10 year cancer survivor….on the 10th anniversary her radiologist mis read her scan and gave her the all clear…we could finally become snowbirds as we packed up and headed to our Florida home only to find out on February 2nd she needed emergency surgery to remove a HUGE tumor. In a matter of 5 weeks she was gone. She died in my arms and the images of her death haunt me.

    I am searching for anyone who can “understand” this loss and the realization that there is simply NO FIX for this type of loss. God help me and all those who experience this kind of pain and grief.

  114. On June 13 2023, I lost my wife of 18 years. I am attending a Grief Support Meeting and trying to get help with my emotions. I can’t allow myself to feel the pain because it hurts entirely too much to cry. Physically it feels like my heart is going to explode. I also lost my service dog in November 2022. Two deaths in my family which if allowed will kill me. I am doing everything I can to try and not think about it. Blasting Heavy Metal music, only to still feel the same way after the music stops. It seems the harder the music, the less I think about everything. My wife had been with me since 1998, and we married in 2005. Now she is gone and I don’t know how to function without her. I even turned to dating websites thinking that might make me feel better. No it didn’t. Now it is annoying. I keep getting people contacting me, telling me they love me within the first two nights of talking and then ask for money. Yes I was one of those fools who gave money to them trying to help them as they said “My mom is sick” or “If you send me money I will get on a plane and come live with you”. Only for a phone call earlier that afternoon, to come telling me the woman I was going to get from the airport was arrested. by TSA. She wasn’t even listed on the flight, nor has TSA ever seen her. But they seemed to have gone through the trouble of making a photo of her being arrested by men in black bullet proof vests. It’s like this is over kill. Two big men with guns and bullet proof vests escorting a small woman in handcuffs. Now I am told she needs $3000 to pay the fines and get her passport and what she had in her possession back. They let her go for $800 but they did not let her have her passport. What does one believe? So when you are in grief, You don’t think rationally. your sympathy side will take over and your mind will be clouded. Beware of those dating sites. They are not what they are supposed to be. You lose your money, you are deep in the hole like me. I wasn’t allowed to book her flight. She said she had someone who would do it. So was she set up by the travel agent guy? or was it all B.S.? Don’t really know. But since I lost my wife, I also lost a major part of me and my logic. I am not eating, not sleeping well. and spend more time staring at a computer screen. I have to pack and get ready to move because I won’t be able to afford my home soon. When my wife died I also lost income. So now I am in way too deep. Trying to cover my back I stab myself over and over. Grief is the wicked little witch no one sees coming. It will mess with everything you are. Don’t be stupid, and don’t give in to sad sob stories. Nothing is as it seems. Many are lying now. How can someone you never met love you at all? Come on. Let’s get real. I need a clue…. Anyone have a clue I can borrow. I am so furious with myself right now. Over $3000 in the hole, now putting in for a personal loan and attaching it to my car loan which will jack it from 4000 to 10,000 again. Do you see why I am angry with myself now? I dreamed my wife came back. I was thinking, “How do I tell her about all of this?” Then I woke up and realized it was only a dream. Grief is wicked, and relentless. You will lose friends over it. No one will want to listen to your story. It is okay for men to cry. Don’t give into that macho rubbish. Anyone know how to get money back from Cashapp? I am deep in the hole and no way out.

    1. Never ever give somebody you don’t know money ! The only exception is if you are fine with never being repaid ! If anybody you have never met in person says they love you get the hell away ! After my wife died it was horrible actress eagle her bother told me I needed to date but be carful ! I met some pretty nutty women always met somewhere just to see if we even liked each other… I found it was easier to meet widows if they had a good marriage they understood ! I did meet some weird folks but I never gave money. I did get out of one deal when her family needed bail money .. nope I didn’t need any crazy stuff ! My life’s love was gone and I wasn’t going to get into anything that wasn’t positive!

  115. My wife was the most beautiful person I have ever known . She was tall, blonde, thin, kindergarten teacher! She was my very best friend,lover, wife ! I always say, I married way above my pay grade! (she was beautiful inside and outside ) But she loved me and I loved her..we got married, move to a town where we didn’t Know anyone! ( I took a new job in a different state and my office was our home there was only one other person in the state who was in my company! We lived 100’s of mile apart! I was a salesman and worked away I traveled to different cities for extended periods of time ( I did come home on the weekends (that changed after eight years and I worked less than 15 minutes from our house ) ! My wife was a special person ! She got cancer( cervical) on her 40th birthday and died 2 years 364days later! She had operations, chemo, radiation, colostomy bag, port in her chest if something might or could….. it did ! I watched as they inserted needles into her back to drain her lungs.. I fed her at night through her veins at home I gave her shots in her l legs I don’t even remember why… the rule was if her temperature got to 102 I took her to the hospital I did that over 22 times and stays could be as short as a couple weeks or as long as months. At one point she got better and we thought things were better she went back to teaching ( which she loved and the children as well as parents and other teachers loved her ) and taught for the rest of the school year, which wasn’t long until summer break! The first time with the chemo treatments she didn’t lose her hair second time she lost everything . I shaved what was left of her long blonde hair. Even then she was beautiful we kidded each other.. but it was sexy rubbing her bald head . . We were going to travel to her brothers house on July forth but that morning she said sh didn’t feel well and though sh needed to go to the hospital ( which was something she hated to do so I was shocked and scared when she said it)/She never returned home she was in the hospital from 7/4 to8/6the day before her 43rd birthday. I spent many many night in the hospital some of her teacher friends gave me breaks from time to time..her sister came from Tenn. and stayed a few nights ( her mother had moved here before she got sick ) she stayed some until she really couldn’t ) she went to sleep one night and I told the nurse I was going home and would be back in the morning …early the next morning I got a call to get to the hospital. I was on my way ( too fast) wouldn’t stop for a police officer he followed to the hospital then rode with me up the elevator made sure I was telling the truth.) I got to her room and held her hand she never woke up but she was breathing for however long .. her mother and step dad made not sure when but the nurse told me she has died her hand got cold then her arm I remember touching her pretty fuzzy head and it was still warm! A very big part, of me. left me that day it felt as if it was ripped from my body. It was horrible my life as I knew it was over. That was a long time ago although it doesn’t seem like it… I can tell those who have recently taken on this experience it gets softer with time…. Truth is it’s suck raw. But you have to deal with it, my advice take the good times the joys and live with those … try not to compare women you meet to your wife remember she was special and she is no threat to anyone you meet….in part you are who you are because of her…..

  116. I Can’t believe how many men are on this site that lost their wife, i was trying to find a book to help me cope with the loss of my wife she passed away June 5th, 2022, we were married two months shy of 30 years, we met while we were stationed together in the Navy, I now have no one living close to me so, I am alone most of the time she was 59 and i was 66 , and there is a lot of support for women widows, but very little for the men. I am still having a hard time dealing with her passing it was tough, she had cancer and it was discovered February 10th, and she was gone June 5th, i took care of her the whole time, and held her hand when she passed.

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