Barry
I’m close to being in the same boat as you. We were married 63 years and had our 24-year-old son take his life in 1989. Now my wife died on April 21,2025. I wake up and think why should I get up and what can I do today by myself. I set in my chair and drink coffee thinking about all of the stupid and dumb things that I regret doing over my lifetime. I think that I am being punished but people tell me not to think that way. It’s hard not to. Barry, it’s been a year since September 2024 how are you today?

My wife passed at 9:15 pm on August 13 2025. We were married 18 years and I was her hospice for her last two years. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018 and had a bilateral mastectomy and had lymph nodes removed in 2020. She refused chemo and radiation treatments following surgery. In September 2023 she went into the emergency room with severe back pain. Five hours later we were told we should contact hospice because she has cancer everywhere. We went to an oncologist for a second opinion and he concurred with the ER doctor and prescribed morphine. After a month on morphine which wasn’t helping to ease the pain, she was switched to oxycodone 10/325 and fentinal patches. The pain was always there but she was managing to take care of her self and was generally happy. Things suddenly got real bad for her at the beginning of August and I could tell I needed help. I called her son and sister to suggest they come for a visit and I also engaged hospice. The hospice nurse took one look at Vivian and told me your wife is transitioning. I’m sorry but she may not make the weekend. All we can do is make her comfortable. She passed three days later. That was six weeks ago and all I keep seeing in my head is the fear in her eyes and I have the feeling I could have done more to save her.

Charles I know your pain.. we were married 63 years and I don’t know why I have to wake up in the morning to see myself trying to stumble through another day. I get tired of seeing myself cry so much but it’s letting out pain and grief for now

I know turning more closely to God is the ultimate answer. But since Julie died in late February, I remain totally devastated as well. Forty-one years together, I can only focus and exist on the reflections of the wonderful past with my beautiful wife, who I am sure was a Saint on this earth. This in spite of full family and counselor help and support so far. Two to three years of Dementia with a couple of head sustaining falls, suddenly took her life from so many loved ones, and basically, in effect, took my own life. I am constantly in regret, and in continual tears for not being more, more gentleness, kindness, and patience when I had the chance, especially during my time of caregiving. Now I can only weep, beg her and the Lord for forgiveness, and beg God to take me now. I just will always feel the Lord was too merciful to me, as I really did not deserve the beautiful love she was. So, I sure am going through the same kind of grief and pain as you are James.. We can only pray that God, and time, will heal this pain, and embrace a new life.
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My son just lost his wife to cancer. It will be a year January 19th she was only 44 left behind two daughters 19 and 16 please pray for him he finally had his first breakdown and said some really hurtful things to his 16 year old. I live about 6 hours away. My son is a Christian man but his has a bit of angry inside and it’s hard being his mother knowing he is hurting. I’m a Christian woman and I pray for comfort and give it to our almighty Lord and Savior. I have tired to get him to go to counseling. They pray for him a lot at his church. So sorry to hear about your wife. 🙏❤️

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for your loss.