Marriage Advice

Disagreeing With A Spouse – A Health Part Of Married Life

It’s going to happen and it’s going to happen often. You’re going to disagree with your spouse and you may be shocked to find out that your spouse is going to disagree with you as well. About a lot of things. Probably on a daily, if not a semi-daily basis. This is a normal and natural part of married life. Do not fret if this occurs in your marriage because if it doesn’t, you very well may be married to a suspiciously compliant robot. Not that that would be a bad thing, but humans usually tend to be a bit more warm and lovable.

Common disagreements between spouses usually involve money, home improvements, parenting styles, or political beliefs. Sometimes disagreements are very petty, like which toppings to get on the pizza, or what color to paint the bathroom. These silly arguments can usually be resolved with a coin toss or a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. The more serious disagreements may take a little more work to remedy. Writing a list of pros and cons or having a third party intervene are always good options to bring harmony back into a marriage that is being disrupted by opposing views.

Then there’s the way people of the opposite sex disagree. A man might be sneaky about getting his way in certain situations and practice the “act now, ask for forgiveness later‘” law. Women may be a little more vocal when disagreeing with her husband and nag until she gets her way. This method has proven to be very efficacious throughout history and is employed by millions of women daily with good results. Of course, the roles can be reversed, but it’s rare for both husband and wife to have the same style of arguing.

If an agreement can’t be found, often a compromise is the only effective solution. For some, compromise is a wonderful thing and is a joyful way to make both parties happy by meeting in the middle. For others, compromise means mediocrity. Instead of getting your way, you’re getting a watered-down resolution that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Sometimes this can lead to resentment, but compromise truly is one of the best ways to resolve a disagreement between spouses.

Sometimes there is no solution to be found in a disagreement. Compromise won’t even do. This is where the overused cliché ‘“agree to disagree‘” is applied. At this point, one or both parties will simply have to relent his or her wishes. A whole new direction may be the only way to go. Say one person wants to tile the kitchen floor while the other wants to put down linoleum. Neither person will submit and go with the other person’s plan. In this case, both husband and wife may just have to learn to love the existing hardwood floor in the kitchen. If they can’t, they may need to revisit the issue at a later date and see if a compromise can be reached next time around.

A lot of couples don’t realize how fun it can be to disagree on something. Take a lighthearted approach to your arguing and do it while hugging or wrestling with each other. Try arguing in the nude and see how long you stay mad at each other. Everyone knows how great making up from a dispute can be. Marriages can only be strengthened when both husband and wife learn to take themselves less seriously. Who wants to live with a grumpy, stubborn, know-it-all who always has to have his or her way? Lighten up. Who knows, maybe your new laid back personality will make your spouse more compliant to your wants and needs.

Speaking of compliance, try submitting to your husband or wife every once in a while. What’s a more wonderful way to show that you love someone than by letting him or her have her way? If it’s really so important to your husband to mount a huge speaker on the living room wall that totally screws up your Victorian décor, then get over yourself. If your wife absolutely must budget $400 a month on going to the spa for hot stone treatments, let her do it. The joy your bring to your mate will make it all worth it in the end, right? Maybe? Try it just once and see.

The one danger in being the submissive one, is that by default, your spouse becomes the dominant one in the relationship. Instead of being appreciative of your new easy-going way, they use it as an excuse to steamroll you over every issue. This is a slippery slope and that ego will need to be put in check pronto. Gingerly inform your spouse that he or she is being a jerk and that you may not continue on your laid back path for long if things continue in this manner. Reasonable people will adjust their behavior accordingly and help to return the marriage to homeostasis.

Disagreeing makes a marriage spicy. How boring would it be if a husband and wife always went along with the program? While disagreeing is normal, natural, maybe even welcome between two mates, a fine balance must be struck to keep things civil. Having your own opinion makes you who you are, just don’t try to force your spouse to think and feel the same way that you do about everything. Marriage is a give and take, try to keep things equal and everyone gets to be happy!

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