It’s going to happen, and it’s going to happen often. You’re going to disagree with your spouse, and you may be shocked to find out that your spouse is going to disagree with you as well. About a lot of things. Probably on a daily, if not semi-daily, basis. This is a normal and natural part of married life. Don’t fret if this happens in your marriage, because if it doesn’t, you might just be married to a suspiciously compliant robot. Not that that would be a bad thing, but humans tend to be a bit more warm and lovable.
Common disagreements between spouses usually involve money, home improvements, parenting styles, or political beliefs. Sometimes disagreements are petty, like which toppings to get on the pizza or what color to paint the bathroom. These silly arguments can usually be resolved with a coin toss or a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. The more serious disagreements may take a little more work to resolve. Writing a list of pros and cons or having a third party intervene are always good options to bring harmony back to a marriage disrupted by opposing views.
When Compromise Isn’t Enough
Then there’s the way people of the opposite sex disagree. A man might be sneaky about getting his way in certain situations and practice the “act now, ask for forgiveness later” law. Women may be more vocal when disagreeing with their husbands, often nagging until they get their way. This method has proven to be highly effective throughout history and is employed by millions of women daily with great results. Of course, the roles can be reversed, but it’s rare for both husband and wife to have the same style of arguing.
If an agreement can’t be reached, often a compromise is the only effective solution. For some, compromise is a wonderful thing—a joyful way to make both parties happy by meeting in the middle. For others, compromise means mediocrity. Instead of getting your way, you end up with a watered-down resolution that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Sometimes, this can lead to resentment. But compromise truly is one of the best ways to resolve a disagreement between spouses.
Sometimes, however, there is no solution to be found in a disagreement. Compromise won’t even do. This is where the overused cliché “agree to disagree” comes into play. At this point, one or both parties will have to relent on their wishes. A whole new direction may be the only way to go. For example, say one person wants to tile the kitchen floor while the other prefers linoleum. Neither person will submit to the other’s plan. In this case, both husband and wife may just have to learn to love the existing hardwood floor in the kitchen. If they can’t, they may need to revisit the issue later and see if a compromise can be reached next time.
A lot of couples don’t realize how fun it can be to disagree on something. Take a lighthearted approach to your arguments—do it while hugging or wrestling with each other. Try arguing in the nude and see how long you stay mad at each other. Everyone knows how great it feels to make up after a dispute. Marriages can only be strengthened when both partners learn to take themselves less seriously. Who wants to live with a grumpy, stubborn know-it-all who always has to have their way? Lighten up! Who knows, maybe your new laid-back attitude will make your spouse more compliant with your wants and needs.
The Danger of Over-Compliance
Speaking of compliance, try submitting to your spouse every once in a while. What’s a more wonderful way to show your love than by letting your spouse have their way? If it’s really so important to your husband to mount a huge speaker on the living room wall that completely disrupts your Victorian décor, then get over yourself. If your wife absolutely must budget $400 a month for hot stone spa treatments, let her do it. The joy you bring to your mate will make it all worth it in the end, right? Maybe? Try it just once and see.
The one danger in being the submissive partner is that by default, your spouse becomes the dominant one in the relationship. Instead of appreciating your new easy-going nature, they may use it as an excuse to steamroll you over every issue. This is a slippery slope, and that ego will need to be put in check. Gently inform your spouse that they’re being unreasonable, and that you may not continue on your laid-back path for long if things continue in this manner. Reasonable people will adjust their behavior accordingly and help restore balance to the marriage.
Disagreeing makes a marriage spicy. How boring would it be if a husband and wife always agreed on everything? While disagreements are normal, natural, and perhaps even welcome between two people, a fine balance must be struck to keep things civil. Having your own opinion is part of what makes you who you are, but don’t try to force your spouse to think and feel the same way you do about everything. Marriage is a give-and-take; if you keep things equal, everyone gets to be happy!
