Every parent knows the feeling. Sitting on a bench at the playground, you see some little snot-nosed kid pushing and manhandling the rest of the toddlers. His mom is nowhere in sight, and it takes all the restraint you can muster not to approach him and read him the riot act. Unfortunately, disciplining other people’s children is not easy—unless you’re a preschool teacher—and many parents struggle to find the right words and behaviors to manage these situations. Help is on the way.
First of all, safety should always be your top priority. If you witness a child who is not only breaking rules but also threatening the safety of your child or another, it is your duty as an adult to step in. If the child’s parent is visible and appears to be noticing but ignoring the behavior, it may be wise to approach them first. Tread carefully. Parents can have intense reactions when another adult is perceived as “blaming” their child. This reaction may stem from embarrassment or the internal frustration of knowing their child is misbehaving and not knowing how to address it. In such moments, you might become the emotional scapegoat. Shrug it off.
When disciplining other people’s children, there is one cardinal rule: no touching. Never place your hands on another child to get their attention or assert control. Of course, if you frequently care for the child and are close with their parents, exceptions can be made. But in general, avoid physical contact—whether it’s pulling a child off a slide or redirecting them by touch.
If you speak to other children as you do your own—establishing clear expectations and using a consistent tone—many kids will respond positively and fall in line. When you notice something going wrong, rather than pointing out one particular child, try engaging the whole group by asking, “Who knows the rules of the slide?” This helps shift the focus to positive behavior, encouraging the group to reinforce the rules together. As the children explain the rules, they’re more likely to follow them. Most kids want to please adults and avoid getting kicked off the playground for bullying or hurting others.
Disciplining in the Home and Other Social Settings
The dynamics shift significantly when these children are visiting your home. Your house, your rules. If your children are older, they can help enforce these rules among peers. Sometimes, just the threat of parental intervention is enough—for example, to prevent your 12-year-old from drinking all the sodas in the fridge or being on the phone past 9 p.m. When other kids visit, don’t hesitate to lay out expectations from the start. If you see rules being pushed, remind them without guilt. You’d want your own child to follow the rules at someone else’s house, after all.
This includes manners. If your children say “please” and “thank you” and their friend from across the street doesn’t, remind them politely. You’re doing that child a favor. Not all parents enforce rules in their homes—whether due to indifference or exhaustion. Your influence may be one of the few positive behavioral models they encounter.
Another area that requires caution is school or public events. If you’re at a class party with your child, and you’re not an appointed authority figure, don’t act like one. You’ll likely come off as overbearing. While some parents may say they’re okay with others helping to discipline their children, many aren’t—especially if they’re standing nearby. You can usually spot the parents who won’t take kindly to it. In these cases, it’s best to remove your child from the situation rather than escalate the conflict.
Disciplining other people’s children takes practice. If you can correct behavior without sounding too authoritative or confrontational, you’ll find it easier to manage most situations. However, it’s often best to let things go—unless the child is in your care or you have a close relationship with the family. It does take a village to raise a child, but with so many parents behaving defensively or even hostilely, offering guidance can be risky.
That said, safety always comes first—and it should. If you witness dangerous or hurtful behavior, it is your right and responsibility to take control, regardless of the circumstances. If you can use a hands-off, inclusive approach and loop in the other parent, you’re likely to have more success. Some parents even go as far as organizing calls or meetings to address ongoing discipline issues. However, these efforts can backfire—leading to arguments, hurt feelings, and unresolved problems. It’s your call to make.
Just remember: not every parent disciplines or enforces rules the same way you do. Even if you believe your method is ideal, other children may not have been raised under similar guidance.
