You’ve probably suspected it for quite some time now. It’s a difficult fact to face, and it can even be a scary situation to handle. But the instant you recognize that your teenager is bullying people, it is absolutely necessary to intervene. Unfortunately, teenage bullying has taken on an entirely new dimension over the last couple of decades. No longer is it just about beating up kids for their lunch money. A true bully is capable of hurting anyone, including their siblings and parents, to express themselves.
Understanding the Root Causes of Teenage Bullying
Start at the beginning. If your child was being bullied, you would explain that bullies are often very insecure people who don’t feel good about themselves. Starting with your child’s self-esteem is critical. Before you go any further, remind them that they are loved and take time to point out all the qualities that make them unique and lovable. Step two: provide them with professional help.
Bullying is more than an annoyance or a disciplinary problem. Bullies are potential abusers. In light of recent events, bullies are also occasionally retaliated against with life-ending violence. None of this is acceptable, and the situation desperately needs to be addressed.
Let’s not kid ourselves and shortchange our daughters. Bullies are not just boys. Girls can be bullies too, although their methods may not always be as obvious. Girls often bully through manipulation and intimidation. They are just as likely to grow into abusive parents and strong-arm their way through life if they do not receive the necessary attention they need in their teens.
Regardless of their bullying tactics, it’s important to address the issues that may have triggered their bullying behavior. Discipline is necessary, but it is also vital to remain focused on the core issue: self-esteem. Bullies are often trying to express anger that has gone unresolved. The loss of a parent, a violent incident, a family too busy to notice small achievements, or even something as simple as unrealistic goals and unattainable ideals to gain a parent’s approval can contribute to bullying behaviors. Take a serious look at the role models in your teenager’s life. Are one or more parents employing bullying methods to deal with a rebellious teenager or a spouse who is having difficulty communicating? Are these methods being taught through extracurricular activities? Sometimes, coaches can be guilty of bullying, regardless of the sport.
“I just got mad.” There is an anger management issue among teenagers today that excuses anger-related behavior. It’s becoming an epidemic for teens to attribute angry behavior to excusable actions. Teens often believe that if a behavior is an expression of anger, it doesn’t count. While we want to encourage our children to express themselves, we still need to promote responsible expression. An act of aggression exercised as an expression of anger is a dangerous sign. These are warning signs of potential future abusive behavior.
If the bullying has entered the home and escalated into parental violence, it is beyond time to get help for every member of the family. As much as we never want to see our children in legal trouble, in an emergency, there really is no other responsible option than to seek help— even when the consequences are not what we want for our children’s lives. If your child is physically harming you, call for help. You are doing them a favor, even if they can’t see it, and you are keeping the rest of your family safe.
Intervention is vital. Accept help from outside sources and set basic rules of conduct with clear consequences for violations. Spend time every single day finding ways to help your child feel better about themselves throughout the process. The most important aspect of this journey is to realize there is hope, and that your child has the potential to feel better about their role in the world and to treat others with the respect they deserve. It can be scary to have a bully in your household, and you might spend a lot of time thinking about all the things you may or may not have done wrong along the way. The important thing is that help is available, and the problem is no longer being swept under the rug.
