Divorce and the Catholic Church – Official Policy

Woman at the church

The phrase “divorce and the Catholic Church” seems like a contradiction because, last we checked, the Church still does not allow divorce. But this particular sector of the Christian world was never known to bend the rules easily.

Our thinking, however, is that the decision not to divorce is not so much because one is Catholic, but more so because of the children. The kids often rank up there as the deciding factor for two people to stay married. That being said, we believe that the Catholic Church’s role in divorce has decreased in importance. We’re practicing Catholics, but the only time we see our parish filled to capacity is at Christmas or Easter. On most Sundays, the pews are empty. Lest we mislead you, we’re not suggesting that declining church attendance means the Church no longer has a say in issues involving divorce and separation. In fact, it still does—and is the only institution that can decide whether a marriage is valid.

The Catholic Church’s Official Position on Divorce

The Old Testament did allow divorce, but that was mostly Hebrew scripture. Divorce was disallowed in the New Testament during the time of Jesus Christ.

The Catholic Church’s official position is that marriage is a sacrament that cannot be dissolved. A valid marriage must endure until one spouse dies. The surviving spouse is then allowed to remarry. The Church does not grant divorce decrees nor does it recognize divorces issued by other religions or institutions.

However, the Church can annul a marriage if there is sufficient proof that the marriage was invalid from the start. Grounds for annulment include being forced to marry someone, not having enough information about the individual (for example, if the spouse was an abuser or a convicted rapist), or if one spouse lied (for instance, about wanting children). A marriage can also be annulled if the sexual act was not consummated.

If Catholics divorce and remarry, they are still welcome to worship, but they cannot receive the Holy Eucharist.

Seventh and Tenth Commandments

There are passages in the Bible that express the Church’s views on marriage, divorce, and separation. The seventh and tenth commandments, as handed down to Moses, make the Church’s position clear. The seventh commandment is “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and the tenth is “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”

Today, we simply refer to “infidelity” when a spouse is unfaithful. Decades ago, the concept of “adultery” meant not just the act of being unfaithful, but also included thoughts of lust or lascivious glances directed at someone who is married. The same applies to the tenth commandment. Even if you didn’t actually take your neighbor’s wife, but had lustful thoughts about her, you were said to be coveting her. The word “covet” is no longer commonly used, but it is defined as an envious desire for another person’s spouse.

Modern dictionaries define adultery as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone (married or not) other than their spouse. This definition assumes that sexual intercourse must occur for the seventh commandment to be violated. However, in biblical days, adultery was expanded by interpreters to include glances, thoughts, and feelings.

There may be some confusion here. Was it really necessary to have two commandments to convey the Catholic Church’s ruling on marriage? Wouldn’t one have sufficed?

Two Sides of the Coin

If the Catholic Church upholds its teaching that two Catholics who entered into a valid marriage cannot divorce, how do we see this in terms of pros and cons?

We’ll start with the advantages:

The children benefit. If two Catholics who no longer love each other decide to stay married for the sake of their faith, they don’t interrupt the emotional and psychological growth of their children. Even if the kids sense something is wrong with mom and dad, the fact that their parents are together doesn’t threaten their sense of security—usually the number one fear of children when their parents divorce.

If the couple is active in their parish, they can receive spiritual guidance from their parish priest and draw upon the support of Catholic groups in their community. Catholic organizations hold seminars and conferences locally and nationally to help couples in trouble and offer guidance. These seminars aren’t just for couples in crisis; they also welcome Catholics who can exchange ideas and offer advice to fellow believers.

By agreeing not to divorce, the couple and their children can continue to participate in spiritual activities: attend Sunday services, take advantage of Catechism classes, attend their children’s Confirmation and First Communion, and seek referral services from their local parish for receiving the Sacraments.

By not focusing on marital discord, they can concentrate on their children’s future and provide the best example: that whole families make for whole communities, and thus stronger societies. By staying together, they avoid passing the tradition of divorce on to the next generation, reinforcing the belief that marriage is an institution to be respected by all.

By staying together, there’s a chance—no matter how deep the hurt feelings—that time will heal all wounds. When children excel in school and become productive citizens, both parents can take credit for their accomplishments. This is where full-time parents (not part-time ones) can contribute to the optimal development of their children. Their accomplishments can serve as valuable compensation for their unhappy marriage, which can blossom into a happier union with time.

The disadvantages:

“It is better to come from a broken home than to live in one” was a statement we often used in the past to console friends whose parents divorced. When two Catholics stay married but continue to fight at home, the tensions and anxieties in the atmosphere might escalate, instilling fear in the children.

When Catholic spouses divorce, one of them is likely to lose contact with the community they lived in, and the children may not always be able to participate in the spiritual activities provided by the Catholic Church, either in school or in the community.

Part-time parents can’t provide the same level of attention and quality of care to children that full-time parents can. This could sow confusion in the children’s minds as they receive conflicting views and opinions from each parent.

Because children become accustomed to attending Catholic services as a family, the divorce may discourage them from continuing their spiritual development. They may resist attending Sunday services, be unwilling to participate in Catechism classes, or refuse to receive the Sacraments because one parent is absent.

When Catholic spouses divorce and the Church will not grant an annulment, they will not be allowed to remarry. Some may choose to do so in a civil ceremony, but by going against Catholic law, they forfeit their rights as Catholics.

If an Annulment is Needed…

We mentioned earlier that a Catholic marriage can be annulled by the Church if certain criteria are met. These criteria include marrying someone against one’s will, if one spouse lied about their status or desire for children, or if the sexual act was never consummated.

For divorcing Catholics who want to remarry, annulment is the only recourse available and allowed by the Church. In fact, the Church is the only institution that can issue an annulment, also referred to as a “decree of nullity.”

If you’re considering applying for an annulment, we recommend a book written by Reverend Ronald T. Smith: Annulment: A Step-by-Step Guide for Divorced Catholics (ISBN 0-87946-127-6). In this book, he covers topics like when a marriage is not truly a marriage, who needs an annulment, the steps involved, and other areas of interest. It also includes a sample annulment decree.

Reverend Smith explains that an annulment is a decree issued by the Church and has no civil effect. Catholics cannot begin the annulment process until after they have obtained a civil divorce. The annulment is confirmation that a valid sacramental marriage did not exist between the two individuals. Importantly, Reverend Smith highlights that an annulment does not affect the legitimacy of the children.

The topic of divorce and the Catholic Church can be a delicate one. If you are a non-Catholic and wish to marry a Catholic, be sure to understand the implications. You may want your future Catholic spouse to introduce you to her parish priest so you can clarify any issues before the wedding. The Catholic Church has specific rulings on children’s religious upbringing, divorce and separation, and receiving the Sacraments.

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