We come into this world fairly unconcerned about what others think of us. Babies cry in public, walk around naked, and have no hesitation about picking their noses and eating their boogers. As they grow into toddlers and young children, they believe the world revolves around them—and still don’t care much about how they’re judged by others. Let a first grader dress themselves, and you’ll end up with a child in an outfit that looks like something out of a circus, yet they’re still a happy kid.
Fast forward a few more years, and somehow, quietly but swiftly, our self-confidence starts to shift. We begin to care about what others think. This typically peaks during the teenage years, when adolescents become obsessed with fitting in and how others perceive them. They start to model their lives under the delicate balance of what they think and what others think.
As adults, we’re supposed to be more confident, more secure in ourselves, and more assured of who we are. We’re taught that true happiness lies in not worrying about the opinions of others, that we should follow our dreams and live authentically. (As long as we don’t step on anyone else’s toes in the process, of course.)
Yet, the reality is, try as we might to teach our children to not care what others think, we still do.
Do you care what people think about you? Take a moment and reflect on it. At first, you might say no, that your happiness and confidence aren’t contingent upon the opinions of others. But at the same time, you likely dress to impress, strive to meet expectations, and live your life “the way it should be” according to some unwritten rulebook. (Who wrote these rules, anyway?) When you go out in public with your children, you remind them to make a good impression, use their manners, and wear nice clothes. You drive a nice car and live in a home, possibly one that’s a bit above your means, because you feel you’re supposed to.
You’ve become politically correct, often holding back your true thoughts while engaging in small talk with people you don’t even like. You seek acceptance by everyone, even if it means compromising parts of yourself. Why? Because you care what others think.
While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to present yourself as a responsible, upstanding citizen and engaging in polite exchanges, the harsh reality is that many adults still let their self-worth depend on others’ opinions.
Gossip hurts. When people talk badly about you, it stings because you care about what they think. Sadly, more often than not, the people gossiping don’t even know you—they might not have ever spoken a word to you. Yet, you feel hurt, angered, or agitated by what they say. Worse, if someone talks about your child, your family, or your lifestyle, you become offended. Again, because you care what others think.
Not caring about what others think is easier said than done. One of the most empowering quotes I’ve come across is, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” Embracing this mindset can be incredibly liberating. Our urge to know everything about what’s going on around us—and to find out what others think, whether openly or behind our backs—only causes us harm. What others think of us only matters if we allow it to. This is where the old adage “ignorance is bliss” rings true. What we don’t know can’t hurt us.
The goal is to develop a mindset of “who cares?” Who cares what people expect of you? Who cares if someone doesn’t like you or disagrees with a choice you’ve made? Who cares if another parent thinks you’re making mistakes? Who cares if your car is a decade old and backfires a bit? Who cares? If you care, if you constantly worry about what others think or try to maintain appearances, you’ll never truly be happy. Why? Because you’ll be living to meet other people’s expectations, instead of setting your own standards of happiness and success.
Once we evolve beyond the preschool years, it becomes difficult to free ourselves from the need for approval. You rarely see an adult having a public meltdown, even if they’re seething with anger or drowning in despair. In fact, many adults find it hard to express their true feelings because they fear being judged. This often leads to feelings of loneliness.
Although it’s difficult, you owe it to yourself to free yourself from the weight of others’ opinions. You deserve to decide what’s right for you and live accordingly. Live your life free from the chains of others’ judgments and expectations.
