Don’t be a Selfish Lover – Are You Satisfying Your Partner?

According to statistics, around 80% of all women never orgasm during sexual intercourse. And if you browse women’s magazines and forums across the web you will notice that there are a heck of a lot of women who feel that their partner is a selfish lover. Why? Because for many men, sex is about THEIR orgasm, and once they have it – they are done with sex altogether. So simply because the female body is wired differently than a man’s – men are getting the nasty little title of being selfish lovers.

A study recently reported in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, revealed that 80% of women also fake orgasms during sex with their partners. The reasons were vast. Some just wanted the sex to be over, and felt like faking the orgasm would bring some sort of closure to the sex and would help to inflate the male ego. Other women, felt that faking the orgasm would prove that they had a good time in the sack. While it may seem that faking an orgasm may be an underhanded slight to a lover, one filled with deception – the study indicated that for 92% of women the faking of the orgasm was an attempt to make their partner feel like a good lover.

Other women simply have a hard time orgasming during sex at all. It might not be that their partner is selfish, but perhaps that they haven’t explored their sexual boundaries to a limit that allows them to climax. And for women, the key to orgasms lie more in the mind than in the body. So what is the harm in faking it a little? Some men may be okay with this, because their sexual escapades are selfish in nature. But for other men, they may want to learn the tricks to help their woman achieve a real orgasm during sex.

The key is not to be a selfish lover – and the following tips will help you to achieve that!

According to sex expert Debby Herbenick, the author of the book Because it Feels Good, A Woman’s guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, the following tips explored together with a partner can help enhance the sexual experience for a woman.

The first is for the woman to feel comfortable with her sexual organs. Far too often, there is a great deal of guilt and shame that woman feel toward their own sexual organs. And very few women, a sheer 1 out of 6, actually know what their female parts look like. The more comfortable a woman can become with her sexuality, the more comfortable she can be with a man exploring it. This is a main reason that so many women do not climax, because they don’t know how things work down there. Getting over the sheer ‘shock and embarrassment’ of the vagina and clitoris, can enable women to become more free in the bed.

Additionally, men should encourage their women to masturbate and self pleasure. While around 71% of all women find it difficult to climax during sex, few have this problem when it comes to other forms of stimulation. A woman can literally teach a man how to help her achieve orgasm if she knows how to do it herself. Women shouldn’t be afraid to use vibrators or other stimulation to achieve this. Similarly, exploring types of pornography and other forms of erotica can free the mind during sex and enable women to achieve orgasm. The good news is that this is something that can be done together and men should feel encouraged to participate in foreplay before sex.

Perhaps the number one reason that women have a hard time orgasming during sex is because their minds are just not in it. Men are wired differently. A man can go from zero to 60 in no time. Women not so much. Instead of just rushing to the sex, men are encouraged to get his partner warmed up to the idea and relaxed to it. Run her a bath, give her a massage. The key is helping her to ease away stress that her mind can be fully focused on sex.

Of course, women often complain that men just orgasm too quickly. This problem can be resolved if men would be willing to hold off a bit on the intercourse and explore the female body first. In other words, put her orgasm first. She might be able to climax through foreplay, and then whether the intercourse lasts 6 minutes or 60, she will at least be pleasured.

Women are also very sensitive about their bodies. The average woman does not feel that her body is attractive which affects her sex drive. Men should make sure that the woman they are with knows that he thinks she is sexy and desirable. This can help her to be more comfortable in the bedroom and less inclined to suffer from anxiety about body image.

Sex is something that two people do together! It’s never fun when one person is so focused on themselves that they don’t really care if the other achieves orgasm. And sex isn’t always about sex, but also about foreplay and ensuring that your significant other knows they are safe and secure when they are with you in one of the most vulnerable ways known to humanity.

Last, but certainly not least – is that women need to learn to speak up and ask for what they want and desire when it comes to sex. Women should be proactive and assertive in telling their man what pleasures them, what they like, what they want to try and what they do not like. The key to fulfilling sex for both parties is honesty. For this reason, it probably isn’t a good idea to continuously fake orgasms. After all, if your man thinks you have been completely satisfied all this time – it will definitely be a blow to his ego to know that your sexual exploitations together were based on fake orgasms.



One Response

  1. I told him what I like. I was assertive, yet he never did it. Men are selfish. They’re all scum. There’s no point to them. Just let them self destruct, they’re useless.

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