Are you a “yes” person?
Do you feel like saying “no” to someone would make you a bad person or inadvertently let them down? Do you find yourself always volunteering to bake the extra cupcakes for the school field trip or spend two extra hours at work (without pay), even though you really don’t want to or don’t have the time? Are you constantly accepting more responsibilities or tasks when the reality is you can barely finish the things already on your to-do list? One of the most important lessons in life is learning not to promise what you cannot deliver.
If you were to take a business management class, one of the first lessons you would learn is the importance of being realistic about your capabilities. One of the most obvious examples of people who make promises they cannot keep are politicians. When a politician runs for office, they constantly make promises they know they cannot fulfill. Their goal is to build an audience that believes in them and votes for them. In the long run, however, the more promises they fail to keep, the less pleased people will be with their service. It won’t matter if they were true to 1 or 2 of their promises; their audience will always remember the promises they didn’t keep.
Consider the following scenarios:
- You have a doctor’s appointment at 10:45 a.m. You arrive on time, have your paperwork complete, and it’s now noon—but you still haven’t been seen.
- You take your car to the repair shop, and they say they’ll have it done in 3 days. It’s now been 2 weeks, and your car is still in the shop.
- Your daughter promises she’ll be home by 10 p.m. but doesn’t get home until 1 a.m.
- How do you feel in each of these situations? Disappointed? Let down? Angry?
The truth is, when others make promises they cannot keep, you are likely upset and angry about it. Yet, you may continue adding things to your own to-do list, risking disappointing others just to save face. If you already have enough to do and have promised three people your time and efforts, it doesn’t matter if the fourth person who asks for a favor is your boss or your spouse—you simply cannot do it. And most of the time, if you try to squeeze it all in, not only will your work suffer, but so will you. The worst part is that most people have no one to blame for this over-scheduling and over-promising but themselves. You’re the one who said “yes.” You’re the one who told someone you could deliver their artwork in 3 days. And you’re the one who will suffer the consequences. Either your efforts will slack, or you’ll drive yourself to the brink of exhaustion trying to keep all your promises.
Professionally, under-delivering should never be an option. If you own a business and are constantly promising to deliver work but miss deadlines, you’ll eventually sacrifice your dependability and your business. You do not want to be the type of employee who does quality work but never delivers it on time.
Personally, by allowing yourself to feel pressured into doing things for others (or even for yourself) without considering how much you can realistically handle, you risk sacrificing your own self-worth. If you take on too much and can’t deliver, you’ll feel bad about yourself and unduly beat yourself up over it.
It’s just not worth it.
The following are a few tips you can use to avoid this situation, both professionally and personally:
Be realistic. There’s no need to rush into promising something to others. If you aren’t sure, even for a split second, ask for time to think about the request before saying “yes.” This gives you room to breathe and prevents you from being tricked into saying yes all the time. If the person asking something of you cannot allow you time to reflect, that should raise a red flag and act as a warning not to take on the added responsibility.
Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself and others. If you’re busy, you’re busy. There’s nothing wrong with being busy—in fact, professionally, being busy means you’re successful, and there’s no way to clone yourself. Respect your time and efforts enough to be honest.
Don’t be the first to offer assistance. If your child’s elementary school is looking for volunteers and you’re already short on time, sit back and allow someone else to step in. There’s nothing wrong with letting others do their share. If you’re always the go-to person, others will simply assume you’ll take on that role.
Alert others if you can’t deliver on time. If you’ve made a promise and are worried about not being able to deliver on time, let the people involved know as soon as possible. Waiting until the last minute or failing to deliver as expected puts both you and others in a bad situation.
In the long run, it’s better to turn things down than to disappoint yourself or others. Your word is one of the most important things you have, and you shouldn’t compromise it because you feel guilty, pressured, or even forced to do things.
