“Daddy is an alcoholic!”
Those were the words my 11-year-old blurted out from the back seat on the car ride to school. Unsure how to react, what to say, or even where she got that idea, I sat in silence, white-knuckling the steering wheel, hoping empathetically that the whole conversation would simply go away!
The truth is, I knew it was coming. As soon as the kids started 5th grade, the local sheriff’s department sends over a school resource officer who teaches them all about drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. The thing is, while the program is useful in encouraging children not to drink, it doesn’t teach kids the truth about responsible adults making choices that are neither negligent nor problematic. Yes, my husband drinks a few beers a week, but he is far from being an alcoholic.
The Dangers of Misleading Information
The question that stands out is: Is it appropriate to drink in front of the kids? What my children have learned about alcohol is that two beers make someone drunk. They were given crazy glasses that simulate a drunken stupor and asked to walk around the room. The children laugh, fall, crawl around on the floor, and act like maniacs. They are told that this is what being drunk (having two beers, according to the curriculum) feels like. Now, when their dad has two beers, the kids freak out, swearing that he can neither see them, hear them, nor walk around in the yard. Driving a lawnmower is now considered dangerous and deadly. Even worse, when we visited a Mexican restaurant recently, their principal sat there with her husband, enjoying a spicy meal and a chilled bottle of Miller Lite. You guessed it… alcoholic!
Every person they see who smokes or throws a bottle of red wine in their shopping cart is now, according to my 11-year-olds, an alcoholic. And they are bad—very, very bad! Perhaps even more alarming is that the kids are now convinced these people are going to die because of their habits. I think that lying in a tanning bed, taking diet pills, or eating fast food every day contributes to as many deaths as alcohol and smoking. When I try to reason with them, they hear nothing of it because this is what they learned at school. It’s maddening.
I truly believe children should be made aware of the dangers associated with alcohol, drugs, and smoking. But teaching it in such a strict, all-or-nothing manner deprives children of understanding what responsible drinking among mature adults looks like. I defend this point, and I’m not even a drinker—although this class might just turn me into one!
It’s hard to say for sure if abstaining from alcohol and smoking in the home (I won’t even mention drugs because they are illegal) makes any difference in a child’s predisposition to turn to alcohol or abuse it. Plenty of people whose parents never had alcohol around turn into binge drinkers in high school and college. Similarly, kids in homes where beer and wine are regular parts of life often do the same.
However, collectively speaking, it makes sense that by allowing children to see responsible adults making wise decisions—such as having a margarita, a glass of wine, or the occasional beer—it gives children the perception that drinking is not an all-or-nothing endeavor. It shows them that once they are of age, they have the opportunity to make this decision for themselves and control their own behavior in the process. If mom, dad, and the neighbors can drink a beer, maintain their jobs, and live a normal life, it demonstrates what responsible drinking really is. If alcohol is treated like forbidden fruit, at some point, children will wonder what they are being kept away from so desperately, which could fuel their desire to try it—if only to rebel against their parents.
Drinking in front of the kids in a manner that doesn’t disrupt life (we’re not talking about Jerry Springer-level drinking here) shows kids there is a difference between being drunk and simply having a drink. Just because someone drinks doesn’t mean they are a drunk, any more than swimming can turn someone into a fish. Perhaps the lesson should focus on dependency, depression, addiction, illegal substances, and other factors that will help children grow into responsible teens. Maybe the lesson should also teach them what it feels like to score a winning goal, make it into college, ride a horse, or climb a mountain—anything other than showing them what it feels like to be drunk! What if a child in that class actually liked the feeling?
So, not only do kids who take this class think a bunch of people are going to die abruptly, they also label them alcoholics or addicts. This can shake the family foundation at home if there’s someone who drinks in moderation. They even encourage kids to tell a teacher if a parent or caregiver drinks in their presence. Is it illegal now to have a glass of wine at dinner? Do kids now have the right or insight to decide who can or should drink? Isn’t that what the legal drinking age implies? Are we handing over the reins to our children? Isn’t there a better way to handle this without making kids feel insecure or worried that someone they love is a pathetic loser alcoholic or on the verge of death because they smoke a cigarette?
“Daddy is an alcoholic!”
I kept driving, trying very hard to make it to school without exploding. I explained as best I could that their father was not, in fact, an alcoholic. Growing up with one myself, I clearly knew the difference and understood the ramifications of drinking in excess. As we approached the red light at their school, the school resource officer appeared. While I was discussing addiction and drug and alcohol abuse with my kids, I glanced out the window and saw the officer with a flaming cigarette hanging from the corner of her mouth. Hypocrisy!
One of my daughters noticed this and plainly stated, “She’s going to die soon.” When I asked her why, she said, “Because she smokes.” She slammed the door of the minivan and walked into school smiling.
In a few years, this conversation will likely reappear—but in a totally different context. When they wonder why daddy can have a beer or why the cop can smoke, I’ll explain, with confidence and simplicity, that these people are adults, fully entitled to make responsible decisions regarding their lives, while they are still children—my children. I won’t blame drinking in front of the kids or the police officer smoking in front of them for leading them down this path. I expect children to develop independent thought at some point.
That being said, I drove home hoping the principal in charge of my child’s school wasn’t suffering from a hangover after too many beers at the Mexican restaurant the night before. After all, according to my kids, she too is an alcoholic! I wonder if she knows?
