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Remember when your child was two, and you used to boast about their highly adept social skills? No matter where you were, your child never met a stranger and could make anyone smile with their charm. Your outgoing little angel was a social butterfly, with absolutely no fear of other people. Now, suddenly, you realize that their charm could easily get them into trouble. With every newscast around the world, there’s news of a child being harmed or intentionally manipulated by an adult. Often, kids know these adults, but many times, they do not! Educating your children about strangers should start early in life and strike a balance—instilling caution without creating excess fear. It is also a parent’s job to prepare a child, no matter how young, for the worst-case scenario and equip them with ideas that could help them protect themselves should the need arise.
Understanding the Risks and Educating for Safety
Let’s first consider the risks of not associating your child with the dangers of strangers. The FBI reports that of the almost 1 million people who go missing each year, 85-90 percent are children. Half of these children are abducted or otherwise abused by people they know, while the other half fall prey to total strangers. This clearly suggests that children should not only be educated about strangers but also thoroughly educated about safety in general, including understanding the differences between good and bad touch.
So many parents avoid discussing these topics, thinking that because they are always present, their child is not in danger. But when you consider that upwards of 75% of all sexual molestation cases involving children under 12 occur with people they know (and whose parents trust), leaving out this vital information will not keep your child safe. The question becomes: how do you talk about these things without overwhelming young ears while still making an impression that helps them recognize danger? It’s all about balance.
According to the director of a child safety program called Run, Tell, Yell, safety begins at home. Keeping up-to-date pictures of your children, reporting incidents of strangers in the neighborhood (rather than assuming you’re being overprotective), and having your child fingerprinted are important precautionary measures. Children should also be educated that it’s not just strangers who pose a threat. Many predators and abductors target children because they know personal information about them. These predators may tell your child they’re an aunt or uncle, or that they were sent by their mother to pick them up, which immediately disarms the child and prevents them from recognizing the adult as a stranger.
Additionally, try to keep your child aware of what is going on in their life, so they will be better prepared for each day. This way, they will be empowered to recognize when something feels “off.”
So, how do you approach the subject? When educating children about strangers, professionals recommend being as honest as possible. Explain the potential dangers, share stories about what has happened to other children, and teach them to trust their instincts. Be clear about what constitutes good touch and bad touch, and always make sure they understand that they should never go with someone or get into a vehicle with another adult unless the adult in charge is aware of it. You also need to show them how to act in such situations—hold mock abduction drills at home. Teach them to run, yell, and scream for help if a stranger approaches them. Even if the stranger turns out to be well-intended, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Parents need to be very specific in showing their children what to do if a stranger approaches them in an uncomfortable way.
Role-playing and pretending that something has happened can also help. Empower your children with options and choices, and make sure they learn vital information like phone numbers as early as possible. Another thing to consider is that many children become lost each year. Would your child know what to do and who to turn to if they got lost at the zoo or in a large store? In fact, staging a “lost” episode under supervision may help teach your child how to respond.
When it comes to scaring your child, it’s important to do so. Most child protection agencies agree that children need to be strongly cautioned to the point of fear so that they will act appropriately in dangerous situations. While it may be difficult to teach your children good manners and then suddenly recant what you’ve said about talking to strangers, the fact is that your child MUST KNOW they have the right to ignore, run away, or refuse to listen to an adult if they feel uncomfortable. While trusting others is a valuable trait, keeping them naive can be problematic for both you and your child.
Educating children about strangers is an ongoing process. Just because you’ve gone over a safety protocol once doesn’t mean it’s enough. Allow your child to ask questions about strangers, and as you go about your daily life, present “what if” situations to see if they understand the lessons. Being clear and direct will make a lasting impression and empower them to trust their instincts. This could give them that one or two-second window to escape danger. Abductors and other adults who set out to harm children are looking for the most innocent, least informed child they can find. They target children who will approach their car and take candy. Predators, even those who may be trusted, know all the tricks, and a child who is strong and informed enough to pull away isn’t a viable target.
Make sure your children understand that secrets (except for birthday presents) are not acceptable. Warn them that people who say “Don’t tell your mom or dad” are probably doing something wrong—and that you should know about it immediately.
Finally, believe in your child. If you fill them only with fear and apprehension, you’re not helping them become capable of escaping danger. Trust your child’s instincts and listen to their concerns about others in their life (strangers or otherwise) that might hint at potential danger. The most important part of keeping your child safe is constant, competent, and responsible adult supervision. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, never become so complacent that you don’t keep your eyes on your child at all times.
