When it comes to your teenager and alcohol, many parents struggle to find the best approach to deal with the problem. Teenage drinking is an issue—one that has existed across generations, not just in this one. It’s a problem that has remained persistent through the ages.
The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 was passed when Congress required ALL states in the U.S. to legislate 21 as the legal drinking age. Prior to this, states could set their own legal drinking age, with most varying between 16 and 18. Interestingly, raising the legal drinking age to 21 (which also provided states a 10% tax break if they complied) caused quite an uproar.
For one thing, how can we expect a man or woman to be responsible enough to serve their country in times of war or vote, but not trust them with a beer?
From 1975 to 1986, society began to focus on the issue of drunk driving fatalities among people under the age of 21. Many states voluntarily raised their minimum purchase age to 19, 20, or 21—but still allowed 18-year-olds to drink. Enter Ronald Reagan in 1982, and the real epidemic of teen drinking began. Not because he caused it, but because he commissioned a group to study the effects of alcohol on teens, broadening the influence of the popular Mothers Against Drunk Driving Group (MADD). It wasn’t that the problem became more acute, but that awareness had grown.
Then, in 1984, the minimum drinking age in the United States was raised to 21. However, in many parts of the world, there is no drinking age, or it remains at 18—the legal age of consent. Additionally, 18 marks the point in life when a person is no longer considered a juvenile and can be punished as an adult in a court of law. So, in many ways, it seems hypocritical to maintain a legal drinking age of 21.
The Ongoing Debate on Legal Drinking Age
Even today, opposition to the legal drinking age remains fierce. The National Youth Rights Association, founded in 1998, along with many members of Congress and even an organization of 100 college professors, have worked tirelessly (without success) to lower the legal drinking age. However, the images of teens being arrested or dying in horrific automobile accidents involving alcohol generally outweigh any of the common-sense arguments for lowering the drinking age. Worse, parents seem to find comfort in the government’s enforcement of the legal age of 21 in the United States. But as a parent, is it enough to rely on these laws to educate your teen about alcohol—especially given the nature of the problem? Be honest: did the legal drinking age stop you or others you knew in school from drinking as teens?
And perhaps more importantly, despite all this, teens are still drinking. In fact, recent surveys of children ages 12-18, compiled by SADD, show that teen drinking has not been deterred by the legal requirement of being 21 to drink. Around 26.4% of teens in this age group admit to drinking every weekend with friends (without parental knowledge), and 72% of high school students admit to drinking at least twice a month. Among 8th graders (ages 13-15), 37% admit to experimenting with alcohol. Additionally, when asked about the ease of acquiring alcohol, 96% of teens surveyed say it is easy to get alcohol—either by using fake IDs, stealing alcohol from home, or paying others to buy it for them.
Of these underage drinkers, one-third admit to drinking in their own homes without parental consent, while the majority drink at friends’ homes—some of which are provided the alcohol by parents. Even more surprisingly, drinking among teens is not confined to one demographic. In fact, middle to upper-class white teens are more prone to alcohol use at a young age than any other racial group. And this teenage drinking does come with consequences. For example, Teen Drug Abuse, an organization designed to curb alcohol and drug use among teens, reports the following:
- Motor vehicle accidents involving drinking teens are the number one cause of death for people ages 15-20.
- Teens who drink have a 65% higher rate of committing suicide than those who refrain.
- Teens who drink have a 65% increased risk of sexual assault and rape. Additionally, first-time consensual sex and high-risk sexual acts (without protection) are seen in about 89% of teens who drink regularly. Most of these incidents coincide with alcohol use.
So, kids today are drinking—and there are risks.
The question then shifts to one for parents to answer. It’s more about educating teens on drinking than using punitive measures to curb it. Much research has gone into helping parents find the best way to talk to teens about alcohol, and the end result is that nearly every household deals with the issue differently.
Some parents believe that allowing their children to experiment at home, under a watchful eye, teaches responsible drinking. These parents likely drink in the presence of their kids, adopting what may be seen as a relaxed approach to alcohol. This doesn’t necessarily mean they condone or encourage the behavior, but they realize their child is going to drink regardless, and they prefer it be done responsibly. Is this the best approach?
One study performed by MADD shows that it may be. The research, compiled from drinking incidents (including deaths) of entering college freshmen from zero-tolerance households, found that these students were more likely to drink to the point of drunkenness than those whose parents taught them responsible consumption. In many ways, this makes sense—just as children who are never allowed to eat candy may overindulge when given the chance, teens who are never allowed to test the waters of alcohol may overindulge when they finally get the opportunity.
However, those who grow up in homes where parents drink regularly are three times more likely to become alcoholics as adults compared to those who grow up in alcohol-free households.The truth is, parents can argue over this issue and will never fully agree. What parents need to do is set ground rules with their children, with the understanding that, at some point, every child (yes, even yours) will try alcohol. Assume the worst and hope for the best. By doing this, you can at least prepare them for what’s ahead and give them the tools they need to make informed decisions during a time when peer pressure is high and you’re not always around.
A reality-based program for educating teens about alcohol, available at www2.potsdam.edu, works from the realistic—though undesirable—approach that “teen alcohol consumption is common and seen as an acceptable part of teenage social life.” Furthermore, remember that your teenager likely doesn’t buy into the dire warnings and scare tactics many education programs use to deter teen alcohol consumption. Even if they see the statistics and hear the lectures, the reality is that teens tend to see themselves as exceptions to the rule.
So, to make a difference, parents should:
- Be honest, open, non-judgmental, and realistic when talking to their children about drinking. Even the most level-headed, mature teens aren’t immune to alcohol experimentation. Ensure that when you talk to your teen about alcohol, you make it clear that you are a safe space. This is vital, especially if your teen needs a ride home. Keep in mind that preaching abstinence as the only option will likely fall on deaf ears. Instead, give them options for safe drinking if they find themselves in situations involving alcohol.
- Use “restorative processes” when approaching punishment for alcohol infractions at home. Realize that your child may not fully understand the direct impact of their alcohol experimentation on themselves, you, or others. Give them a chance to make amends. In Alcoholics Anonymous, this is the 9th step, and by using this approach to discipline, you allow your child to take responsibility and make better choices for themselves.
- Recognize that friends are not always the problem. Blaming your child’s choice of friends or other people for their decision to drink won’t solve the problem—it may even make it worse. Empower your child to make responsible decisions regardless of who they’re with or where they are, holding them accountable. This will help them feel more comfortable calling you if they find themselves in a situation where they’re uncomfortable. If they think you’ll only get angry and punish them, they’ll be less likely to reach out.
- Talk—a lot! Even if your child doesn’t want to hear you talk about the consequences of teen drinking, keep the conversation going. Don’t pull the “perfect child” card, implying that you were flawless. Instead, acknowledge that, just like you, your teen will make mistakes. Some parents and teens relate well when parents admit their own mistakes as teens.
- Keep tabs on your children. If you suspect they are experimenting with alcohol or drugs, it’s your responsibility to stay on top of the situation. Is it okay to read their diary? Only if you suspect they might be in danger. But it’s okay to follow your children around, enable GPS on their phones, and conduct impromptu checks. Trust is earned, not given blindly.
- Allow your kids to socialize at your house. Most teens admit to drinking at places other than their own homes. If you allow your home to be a place for your teen and their friends to gather, you can control what happens there. If you leave this to other parents, you risk playing by their rules.
Educating teens about alcohol isn’t as difficult as it seems. While you may want your child to avoid drinking entirely, the reality is that they will likely drink at some point in their youth. It won’t be because of a law, but rather in spite of it. Just make sure your approach to alcohol education at home aligns with your expectations and beliefs about drinking. Also, remember that beyond the social issues, there are serious health risks for teens who consume alcohol.
