Eloping was once thought to be a wild and random act of teen-hood—a young, inexperienced couple against all odds and parental wishes deciding to assert their independence and marry the “love of their life” at the local justice of the peace. While laws and formalities have reduced the frequency of such actions under the age of 18, statistics show that eloping among those 25 and older is on the rise. In reality, it makes a lot of sense. Not only can you avoid the immense stress of planning a wedding, but you can also save a significant amount of money and headaches along the way.
For many couples, everything starts with the perfect engagement ring and plans for an elaborate white wedding, fit for a king and queen. Then suddenly, the harsh realities of life set in, and they realize that everyone they know thinks they should have input into their wedding. It becomes one headache after another—family feelings get hurt, decisions about seating arrangements and food become fraught with tension, and in frustration, the bride and groom decide to take matters into their own hands. Sure, some people will be disappointed, notably your parents, but in today’s world, you can plan an elopement and invite just a few important guests—or none at all. A wedding is about the union of two people, and while many people like to think it brings together two families, that is often not the case. The focus of a wedding should always be on the bride, groom, and nothing else! If that doesn’t seem like a reality, many engaged couples are doing themselves a favor by bringing back the intimacy and personal feel of the event by eloping.
Why Eloping Makes Sense
Marriage, as we know it today, comes with a relatively low success rate, making it seem like common sense to marry for the first time under humble circumstances. This saves money and time—and for the vast majority of couples who divorce in the early years of marriage, it also saves the guilt and remorse that can come with a lavish wedding. Today, many couples are choosing to marry after the age of 30, when they have already established successful, independent lives. Similarly, many couples who have lived together for years find that eloping is just a way to sign the dotted line and make their cohabitation official. As we get older, the fantasy of the traditional wedding fades, and spending $20,000 on a white dress, cake, and permission to have intercourse seems a bit over the top. This isn’t to say that traditional ceremonies are ridiculous, but perhaps they have become a bit excessive. Consider that the wedding planning industry is a billion-dollar business, and many people spend more on a dress they wear for only a few hours than they do on their entire wardrobe. The whole thing can seem a bit pretentious.
Another thing to consider when thinking about eloping is that not all of your 100 closest friends and family members may really want to be there. Have you ever been invited to a wedding you didn’t particularly want to attend? Weddings, in many ways, are a formality, and the majority of people sitting in the pews are probably thinking about the cost of the event, wondering if you truly know what marriage will bring (especially those who are already married). Suffice it to say, the biggest day of your life doesn’t necessarily make everyone else want to pause and celebrate. Eloping gives you the opportunity to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being and support your relationship. It ensures that your wedding is about the right reasons—celebrating the love between you and your partner. If your primary goal is to impress others, outdo your sister, or create the most extravagant event of the year, you may be missing the point of the day. Sometimes, the excitement and frenzy surrounding a wedding are simply a way to avoid facing deeper issues in the relationship, and it can bring out sides of you and your partner that make you realize you might not be meant for each other.
If you’ve been considering eloping, know that it’s not what it used to be. You’re no longer stuck waiting on the courthouse steps—there are plenty of vacation packages that allow you and your partner to sneak away and tie the knot. Once the personal part of the marriage is complete, you can return home, throw an informal party, and still smash cake in each other’s faces. Instead of ruining a thousand-dollar dress, you could be wearing jeans and a nice shirt. It’s probably a good idea to discuss your decision with your parents and close family members ahead of time to ensure that it doesn’t cause any friction. However, the reality is that it’s your decision to make. In these uncertain economic times, where marriage is often a short-lived experience, starting out modestly and planning a vow renewal celebration at the ten-year mark might be a better idea. Eloping now and celebrating later, after you’ve made it as a couple to a point most don’t, could give you even more reason to celebrate.
