The word selfishness has always had a negative connotation attached to it. Especially for women where in many ways society has asked them to define their superior womanhood by self- sacrifice and ultimately placing themselves last in the hierarchy of life. Many times, society’s message is that to be that “superwoman” you must sacrifice yourself for your partner, for your children, for your family. But where do you fit in the equation?
If you leave yourself last, then you risk your own health and well being. But what if we could look at selfishness differently? What if we were able to change our perspective and look at selfishness as necessary self-care. If you leave yourself last, then you risk your own health and well being.
A car cannot drive if it does not have any gas. You must fuel yourself so that you can be helpful to others. Selfishness means that you take care of yourself…body, mind, and spirit so that you can be the best version of yourself. Once you strengthen the relationship you have with yourself, you become more available to those you love. So redefining selfishness means that your self-care is not at the expense of others.
When we are feeling that we can’t embrace our selfishness, what we’re really saying is that we can’t even bring ourselves into the equation to have our needs met. At times we may utilize people pleasing behaviour to boost our own self-esteem. We live in reaction to others, almost as a co-dependent relationship, and we allow our moods, behaviours, and actions to be determined by the people around us.
Redefining selfishness begins with being willing to believe that we are worthy of receiving. Once we can identify our own non-negotiables and give ourselves as much (or more!) than we give to others, we become comfortable with naming your own needs and then asking for what you need.
What are some of the first steps that are needed to embrace selfishness?
- Selfishness is not a bad word. If you leave yourself last, then you risk your own health and well being. Selfishness means that you take care of yourself body, mind, and spirit so that you can be the best version of ourselves. It is strengthening the relationship you have with yourself so you really can choose to say yes to you, in service of being more available to those you love. It’s not at the expense of others. We must begin to see self-care as a proactive behaviour and not a reactive knee-jerk reaction.
- Changing your language, changes your mindset. The conversation that you have with yourself reflects your mindset. You must consciously change your inner dialogue. If your dialogue is continually negative, then you will be stifling your own growth. When we are feeling that we can’t embrace our selfishness, what we’re really saying is that we can’t even bring ourselves into the equation to have our needs met.
- There is courage in jumping out of your comfort zone. The courage to pivot means jumping out of your comfort zone so that you can see other paths for your life, and you muster up the courage to no longer settle with being comfortable Redefining selfishness begins with being willing to believe you are worthy of receiving. Anchoring in your own non-negotiables and giving to yourself as much (or more!) than giving to others, calls upon you to get comfortable with naming your own needs, and then asking for what you need!
So, let us challenge what our beliefs are regarding selfishness. We need to realize that taking care of ourselves and expressing our needs is mandatory and not an afterthought!
