Life can quickly become a fast-paced, overstimulating routine of day-to-day activities, responsibilities, and commitments for most families. As soon as the covers come off and feet hit the floor, it seems like it’s all go, go, go. Some people spend hours driving to get their kids to various extracurricular and school activities, fitting in errands and shopping along the way. The radio blares while mom is on her cell phone making appointments and catching up with friends, all while a portable DVD player spins favorite movies in the backseat—anything to pass the time and avoid a fuss or conversation. Husbands and wives spend more time apart than ever before, making it rare for a family to gather at the kitchen table to eat a meal together. It’s time to ask yourself: Are you really enjoying your children?
Initially, the thought of a family conjures visions of a little white house surrounded by a picket fence, with flowers blooming in a window box. Parents imagine a life filled with their child’s laughter and delight. Many can’t wait for their new baby to walk and interact more with them. They look forward to school and softball games, their child’s first friend, and endless hours sitting on the bed watching movies and chatting about life together. However, the relationship between parent and child that lives in fantasy rarely comes to fruition. While children are young, they desperately want to cling to their family life and be surrounded by the people who love them most. Yet, parents often react to pressure or expectations, pushing their children out the door as quickly as they came in. Children are starting school earlier, and there are now t-ball and flag football teams organized for the elusive four-year-olds.
All this hustle and bustle makes for whiny, tired, and overscheduled children who can clearly get on their parents’ nerves. They are often seen as rude, spoiled, privileged, and unappreciative. Parents shake their heads in amazement, wondering how their child can be so whiny after a week at Disney World or when it’s clear that the entire family routine revolves around the children’s desires. Inadvertently, parents guilt their children into believing everything is done in their best interest, yet it seems that no one is genuinely happy most of the time. Parents are overworked with stretched budgets, and children are expected to work an eight-hour day, whether at school or daycare, only to come home to more obligations. Often, even weekends are not safe from the punctuated stress of too many commitments. Sadly, amidst all this chaos, many families have forgotten the simple ways to be together and to be happy. The picket white fence needs painting, and the perfect family home often sits empty more than it is filled. This is not how life is supposed to be.
Rewind about 40 years, when families seemed to look from within for everything they needed. There were fewer distractions to keep people separate, and autonomy was not viewed as a necessary tool for growing up. Parents lurked around every neighborhood corner, ready to stand guard and watch the children. They spent time talking to their kids, and had more limitations and discipline, allowing children to feel safe. Laughter came from telling jokes and stories rather than from the latest sitcoms. Time was spent working together, and extracurricular activities were saved for weekends when families could enjoy time together. Perhaps we have lost the innate desire to truly spend our time enjoying our children. All parents know that they grow up fast, and soon the day will come when they leave home. The question is: Are we giving our children anything worth coming back for?
Can we easily talk to our children about everything from sex to friendships? Do your children seem happy in your presence, or are they always pouting and downtrodden? Do you really know how difficult it is to keep up with your child’s daily demands, whether they are in daycare or grade school? Are you sure that what they are doing is something they enjoy, or is it more about addressing some hang-up from your own childhood? If you asked the kids, would they have the freedom to answer you honestly? Probably the most important question is whether you’ve begun to dread waking up in the morning to endure another day in the rat race that is your life.
Enjoying your children means getting to know them inside and out. It’s about hearing them laugh and helping them find a soft place to escape the demands and pressures they face. Enjoying your children includes watching them sleep and realizing that they actually want the hug and kiss on the forehead they receive. Deep down, all children want their parents to be proud and to know, from the depths of their being, that they make their parents happy—really happy! Children need to enjoy their parents and realize that they play a significant role in their parents’ happiness. They want to feel important, necessary, and happy, and they need to know that everything they need can be found within their very own family. Time together should be stress-free and should be one of the things modern families schedule into their daily to-do lists. Missing any opportunity to truly enjoy one another means missing out on one of life’s greatest joys.
Although children may seem to want lots of things to fill their lives, they are often satisfied with very little. They understand better than adults that few things can replace time spent together. After a long stretch of giving in to draining schedules and commitments, transitioning back to quiet and peace can be challenging. It can be difficult to find the first words that open dialogue between parent and child, and it can be hard to regain your children’s trust. All this time, they may have perceived you as demanding, uncaring, uninvolved, and completely hung up on all the “supposed to’s” and “have to’s” in life, avoiding the “want to’s” that come with spending quality time together. Enjoying your children is about being together without any demands or pressing matters pulling you away. Sometimes being together is quiet and wordless, while other times it involves making memories and creating the safe foundation all people need to lead fulfilling lives.
