You hate her. She’s thinner than you are and spent a lot of time with the person you now consider YOUR man. No matter how much you dig, ask, or inquire, you’ll never really know if you’re a better lover than she is or if your partner still thinks about her from time to time. She is the ex-girlfriend, and for most women, you don’t need to know much about her to feel a strong dislike. Ironically, you both seem to have the same taste in men, right?
The truth is, ex-girlfriends often help men become better partners in the long run. What YOU enjoy today is partly due to the fruits of HER labor. During their relationship, she taught him about love, sex, and relationships, which play a significant role in who he is today with you. Perhaps he was a flirt in past relationships, the kind of guy who couldn’t go anywhere without making eyes at other women to soothe his ego. Chances are, she and he fought endlessly about his bad habits. Now, he has realized—partly because of losing her—that this kind of behavior is unwelcome in relationships. One day, you should thank her for sparing you the task of teaching him this heartbreaking lesson.
Maybe they lived together for a while. In the beginning, he was selfish—hogging the remote control, forgetting to put the toilet seat down, and neglecting to clean up after himself. She was the nag, constantly mothering him and teaching him how to cohabitate. Her nagging may have contributed to their breakup, but now he makes a great housemate, even rinsing his own razor clippings down the sink without being asked.
Then there’s that ex with the big boobs who still works at Hooters. You know, the one who constantly whined about feeling unloved because he forgot her birthday, never sent flowers, and ignored important dates. One day, she walked out—big boobs and all—leaving him to wonder what went wrong. Chances are, he sends you flowers now, plans events for your anniversary, and goes the extra mile to show how much he cares. That’s another ex you might want to thank rather than scowl at the next time you go to Hooters for hot wings.
And let’s not forget the girl he never really dated in college but only had a sexual relationship with. She’s still his Facebook friend, and it irritates you that he stays in touch with her. You think she’s a slut, but she taught him how to be a good lover. She showed him how to satisfy women, putting up with dozens of quick encounters so that you could enjoy the lover he has become today. It’s because of her that he spends so much time appreciating YOUR body now.
None of us can ever truly escape our past loves. In one way or another, everyone who has come before us teaches us something for the future. All men and women learn from their past relationships, and if they are smart, they move forward, becoming a little better in one aspect of love or another.
The reason he is with you today likely has to do with something he learned from a previous girlfriend. Those past relationships helped him figure out why he wanted you instead of all the ones before.
It’s silly to sit around worrying about your partner’s past loves. Nothing you do in the moment will change what happened between them. Dwelling on his past only reminds him of it and can actually make your current relationship more difficult. Remember, he is with YOU now, and the girls left behind in his trail of love or lust are just that—behind him. He came through those relationships with more to offer YOU, and for that, you should be thankful.
