It’s the end of January—have you broken your New Year’s resolutions yet? Is there a particular reason why you stay stuck in an unhappy relationship, settle for a job that doesn’t fulfill you, cannot afford a better car, or are unable to get that blog you’ve been dreaming of up and running? Do you constantly say you’re going to eat better and work out, only to come up with a myriad of excuses for why it doesn’t happen?
The old saying that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” rings true when it comes to human beings. Most of us have good intentions to do the right things and have big plans and dreams in our heads. But just when we gather the inertia to get started, we get side-swiped by excuses, which, according to Psychology Today, are nothing more than lies in disguise—lies we tell ourselves.
If you have excuses for everything, the most important thing to realize is that the one you are hurting the most is YOURSELF! It’s time to be done with EXCUSES and say enough already. In other words, “poop or get off the pot!”
In the world of psychology, making excuses—whether for why you cannot exercise or why your child acts a certain way—is a form of rationalization. It is defined as an unconscious defense mechanism to justify behaviors. Most often, making excuses results from emotional conflict. For example, you know you need to lose weight but lack the self-control to say no to the brownie being offered at your office party. So you eat the brownie and then make excuses for why you did it later. Or, if you’re afraid of failing at a new endeavor, instead of simply trying, you come up with reasons to justify your inaction. If you want to start a new business but fear it might not work out, you might find excuses about not having enough resources or time as a way to ease your guilt and shame.
According to Benjamin Franklin, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
This is just one of the reasons that constantly making excuses is detrimental! Not only do your excuses hold you back from realizing your full potential, but they also keep your feet stuck in the mud. If you keep making excuses, you’ll eventually start believing them, and they will become obstacles to your growth.
The thing is, no matter how much potential you have or how much you want to accomplish, as long as you live under the veil of excuses, you won’t be able to get anything done or move forward at all. Certainly, there are unpleasant things in life that you may not want to deal with, such as cleaning out the garage or exercising every day. However, excuses only leave you with the illusion that shrugging off responsibility is acceptable and justified. In the long run, mental health experts believe that people who make chronic excuses end up feeling depressed and emotionally unfulfilled, with no hope for life satisfaction. While you might temporarily trick your conscious mind into thinking your excuse is valid, your subconscious sees the trickery for what it is: a big fat excuse, a lie you tell yourself to avoid responsibility, and a way to ensure that your life never changes for the better.
The good news is that you can change. You can learn to stop making excuses and move to a proactive place in your life where you actually get things done.
If you are prone to making excuses, check out these steps below to break out of the habit!
- First and foremost, get all of your excuses down on paper. Make a list of all the excuses you make on a weekly basis. Every time you hear yourself making an excuse, write it down. As you accumulate your excuses for why you can’t stick to a diet or get a better job, you’ll arm yourself with important information you need to move forward.
- The next step is to systematically go through your excuses and, on another piece of paper, write down at least three solutions for each excuse. These solutions may not be the exact answer you need, but they will help you realize that possibilities exist if you give them a chance.
- Next, write down your short- and long-term goals. Along with these goals, note the excuses you’ve made for not realizing your potential, and then, as mentioned above, write down theoretical solutions.
- This step is often the hardest for people who make a lot of excuses. Start thinking and talking positively to yourself. Much of the time, our excuses exist only in our mental chatter. Pay close attention to what you are thinking, and try to rework your excuses into inspiration. For instance, instead of saying, “I will never have enough money to publish my book,” think, “Maybe self-publishing is the best solution to get my book out there.” The power of optimism cannot be overshadowed by your tendency to make excuses.
The bottom line is that you must eventually realize that lying to yourself and making excuses will only produce more of the same. Insanity is described as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Making excuses and lying your way out of potential success is only robbing YOU! Remember, the first step is always the hardest. If you remain aware of your excuses and learn to diffuse them immediately, your life can and will change for the better.
