Until Harry Met Sally, men around the world had no idea that women were faking it. We can thank Meg Ryan for placing a shadow of doubt in the male psyche worldwide with her infamous orgasm that could have tricked even the most romantic man on earth. The question is, how many women fake it, why, and what is the point? If sex is supposed to be pleasurable, then why would a woman or a man, for that matter, fake it rather than demand that their needs in the bedroom be met? Quite simply, it comes down to time, stroking the male ego, and marital maintenance.
Women are often accused of losing their sex drive after marriage. The truth is that many don’t lose their sex drive, but rather sex becomes rather routine and stale. Not because it’s with the same person, but because men tend to lose their romantic touch in the bedroom. Sure, after marriage and kids come along, it may take a little more time to get your lady in the mood for sex. The twinkling eyes and casual shrugs to meet you in the bedroom for a quick five-minute interlude don’t do much for the female libido. If a woman is exhausted from work, kids, or responsibilities and really just wants a bubble bath, she knows she can meet a man’s needs by faking it in the bedroom for a few minutes, so she can get to the things that she truly wants to do.
This isn’t to say that she isn’t enjoying her time with you, but rather she knows that the male ego is quite sensitive. A few well-placed moves and sounds can inflate that ego like a hot air balloon. Call it a woman’s way of keeping her man feeling like a man. The best part is that few men are qualified to know if a woman is faking it or not. Sorry, boys, but it’s true.
The Reasons Behind Faking It
Beyond the fact that sex can be hurried by faking it, it can be difficult for women to truly reach an orgasm. This isn’t an age thing, but more of a fact that women are emotionally connected to sex. If they’re feeling overwhelmed, hormonal, or simply not in the mood, it’s not something that can be turned on or off like it is for a man. While a man might believe in make-up sex, most women do not (though they’ll partake in it anyway) because they’re affected physically, mentally, and emotionally by the argument they just had.
Another hard truth of marriage is the stigma men face regarding cheating. Women are taught from a young age that they must be sexy and seductive with their man. If they fail to do so, they risk their man cheating on them, and they feel it’s their fault for ignoring the sexual needs of their spouse. While this is not true, it’s a societal assumption passed down from one generation to the next and exploited in the media. So, rather than saying no, a woman will do her part to keep the marriage alive sexually—and end up faking it in the process. Considering that many men feel like a failure in the bedroom if they are unable to completely please their woman, no wife or partner wants that burden to fall on them. The logical choice is to fake it.
Any man can ask his lady if she has ever faked it, and she will say no. She will, in fact, lie to the best of her ability, and no matter how much you prod, the answer will stay the same. For one thing, it’s inherently easy for a woman to fake it without getting caught, unlike a man. For another thing, there’s no point in admitting it, as it would only cause doubt in her husband’s mind for the rest of his life. While it might get him to try harder in the bedroom and take his woman’s needs into consideration, it would still do more harm than good. Admitting it could also spark an episode that resembles a mid-life crisis, where he sets out to be a Romeo again, trying his antics on any woman who’s willing and able. It all comes back to the male ego.
The short truth is that women do fake it. Sometimes, men do too. Rather than being a blow to the ego or anything that is intended to be slighting, it’s more an act of respect than anything else. As people try to meet in the middle ground of their relationship, faking it can be a little indiscretion (that doesn’t really hurt anyone) which can strengthen the marriage and ensure that sexual needs are being met.
That being said, some women are not able to reach an orgasm during regular sex. They may be embarrassed about it or feel that there’s ‘something wrong with them.’ Rather than admit it to their man, they simply hide under a blanket that includes faking the real thing. It’s important to understand that sex for a woman isn’t all about the climax. Sure, it’s a very satisfying part, but the entire experience with the person they love is enjoyable—even when it isn’t timely—and is rarely measured by the end result. For men, the opposite is true. Quite often, making love is over when he reaches an orgasm. If a woman has other things to do, she may be perfectly content leaving things where they are at that point.
Couples should be able to talk about their sex lives together. The more honest that men and women can be about what makes them happy in the bedroom, the more exciting their sex life can be. Even the best sex life will probably include some level of faking it—and exploring the whys or feeling insecure about it is really sort of pointless. Instead, couples should take the time to enjoy each other, constantly adjust and modify their sex lives to fit into their relationship, and do the best they can to meet each other’s needs.
