Marriage Advice

Faking It – From a Woman’s Point of View

Until Harry Met Sally, men around the world had no idea that woman were faking it. We can thank Meg Ryan for placing a shadow of doubt in the male psyche world wide for her infamous orgasm that would have tricked even the most romantic man on earth. The question is, how many women fake it, why, and what is the point? If sex is supposed to be pleasurable than why would a woman or a man for that matter, fake it rather than demand their needs in the bedroom be met? Quite simply it comes down to time, rubbing the male ego and marital maintenance.

Women are often accused of losing their sex drive after marriage. The truth for many is that they don’t lose their sex drive, but that sex becomes rather routine and old. Not because it is with the same person, but because men tend to lose their romantic touch in the bedroom. Sure, after marriage and kids come along it may take a little more time to get your lady in the mood for sex and the twinkling eyes and shrugs to meet you in the bedroom for a five-minute interlude don’t do a whole lot for the female libido. If a woman is exhausted from work, kids, or responsibilities and really just wants a bubble bath, she knows that she can meet a mans needs by faking it in the bedroom for a few minutes so she can get to the things that she really wants to do. This isn’t to say that she isn’t enjoying her time with you, but rather she knows that the male ego is quite sensitive and a few rightly placed moves and noises can inflate that ego like a hot air balloon. Call it a woman’s way of keeping her man feeling like a man. And the best part is that few men are qualified to know if a woman is faking it or not. Sorry boys, but its true.

Beyond the fact that sex can be hurried by faking it just a little, it can be difficult for women to truly reach an orgasm. This isn’t an age thing, but more a fact that woman are emotionally connected to sex and if they are feeling overwhelmed, hormonal or not in the mood – it cannot be turned around with an on and off switch like it is for a man. Where a man believes in make up sex, most women do not (but will partake in it anyways) because they are affected physically, mentally and emotionally by their take on the argument.

Another hard to admit truth of marriage is the stigma that men have for cheating. Women are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be sexy and seductive with their man. If they fail to do so, they risk their man cheating on them and they will feel like it is their fault for ignoring the sexual needs of their spouse. While this is not true, it is a societal assumption that is passed down from one generation to the next and exploited in the media. So, rather than saying no – a woman will do her part to keep the marriage alive sexually and end up faking it in the process. Considering that many men feel like a failure in the bedroom if they are unable to completely please their woman, no wife or partner wants that burden to fall on them. The logical choice is to fake it.

Any man can ask their lady if they have ever faked it and she will say no. She will in fact lie to the best of her ability and regardless of how much you prod; the answer will stay the same. For one thing, it is inherently easy for a woman to fake it without getting caught, unlike a man. For another thing – there is no point in admitting it which will only cause doubt in her husband for the rest of his life. While it may get him to try harder in the bedroom and to take his woman’s needs into consideration, it would still do more harm than good. Admittance could also spark an episode that resembles a mid-life crisis where he sets out to be a Romeo again trying his antics on any woman that is willing and able. It all comes back to the male ego.

The short truth is those women do fake it. Sometimes, men do too. Rather than being a blast to ego or anything that is intended to be slighting – it is more an act of respect than anything else. As people try to meet in the middle ground of their relationship, faking it can be a little indiscretion (that doesn’t really hurt anyone) which can strengthen the marriage and ensure that sexual needs are being met. That being said, some women are not able to reach an orgasm during regular sex. They may be embarrassed about it or feel that there is ‘something wrong with them.’ Rather than admit it to their man, they simply hide under a blanket that includes faking the real thing. It is important to understand that sex for a woman is not all about the climax. Sure, it is a very satisfying part, however the entire experience with the person they love is enjoyable (even when it isn’t timely) and is rarely measured by the end result. For men, the opposite is true and quite often making love is over when he reaches an orgasm. If a woman has other things to do, she may be completely content leaving things where they are at that point.

Couples should be able to talk about their sex lives together. The more honest that men and women can be about what makes them happy in the bedroom, the more exciting their sex life can be. Even the best sex life will probably include some level of faking it – and exploring the whys or feeling insecure about it is really sort of pointless. Instead, couples should take the time to enjoy each other, to constantly adjust and modify their sex lives so that it fits into their relationship and do the best they can to meet one another’s needs.

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