No matter how many people warned you, threatened you, or told you their personal horror stories about falling in love with the wrong person and the ill-fated doom that comes with it, chances are you did it anyway. Suddenly, you’re living on that cloud nine so highly spoken of, wondering what in the world is wrong with people. Love is grand, love is great, and you can’t remember ever feeling more whole. Unfortunately, when you’re in the midst of falling in love, you’re functioning with only a small portion of your brain. The first clue should have been the word “falling,” which is never good in any context because, eventually, with certainty, you have to land! It’s almost ironic that the term precedes love in so many contexts.
What is love? What does it really mean to “fall” in love? And is this falling in love something real or just an imagined part of a larger picture? The answers depend largely on whom you ask.
Love is certainly a human emotion. Few other species of animals put themselves through living hells or heartbreaks all in the name of love. Watch any animal, domesticated or not, and it’s easy to see that love and tenderness have their place; however, a more important pecking order and rule system quickly trumps love between partners and even families. The most difficult part about explaining or expressing love is that it has more layers than an onion, and from one phase to the next, it feels more like “almost tripping while galloping” than falling. If your expectations are too high or too low, you are sure to be disappointed. If you go into love with only optimism, you will come out with negative ideas. And if you approach love with absolutely no walls or boundaries, you leave yourself wide open to being crushed.
However gloomy and doom-like this may seem, the truth is that falling in love is not something constant. It is more like the flame of a candle, always needing to be protected from the wind or the pools of wax that inevitably settle around the wick. Eventually, the fragrance burns out, and it can be difficult to relight the candle, especially when the all-important wick is so far down in the glass jar. You can reach and try a million times, just hoping that once, for a minute, you can get the flame to catch. And then it does.
There has always been so much controversy about love. Young people are the ones who fall in love so deeply, forgetting wisdom and common sense. Love is seen as something for the weak at heart or those who cannot stand to be alone. Part of falling in love is the silent knowing in the back of your mind that, at any given moment, things could change and your flame could be blown out prematurely. For what it’s worth, it is still the one emotion that humans cling to. Why? Science proves that people in love activate a special part of their brain that is used for nothing else but love. It is this adrenaline rush that makes us crazy and makes us yearn for another person. This same science tells us that falling in love is nothing but a primal mating call, which is fleeting. Science goes on to suggest that love is something that has been created by human thoughts alone. It is the culmination of all the special emotions we experience, brought to a climax in the soul of another person. Interestingly, humans can love many throughout their lives. They can share this love, bend it and reshape it, throw it away and dig it back out of the trash, or lay it aside only to come back to it at some point. The most baffling part of falling in love is that it’s the one thing every single one of us has in common at some level. We may love a different kind, color, or sex, but we love just the same.
Sadly, falling in love has been shaped into something frightening for many people. As a society, it has been decided that our love should be monogamous, which complicates the whole cloud of love. The truth is that we can love two, three, or even four people at once. We can love our friends, our mates, our children, and our families all at the same time, and completely differently. But the rules tell us we must choose one; we must find a “one and only” love to last with us a lifetime. When you first fall in love, the permanence of this doesn’t matter, but as time goes on, it hits you. This is where so many loves fail. Instead of choosing one or the other, instead of standing with the one you love and fearing that the one you love more is still out there, humans should accept and be grateful for all the different layers of love that exist inside us. This isn’t to suggest that anyone should cheat or stray in a relationship; it simply implies that we should love the people in our lives with the same disinterest in common sense as we feel when we are falling. The falling is great; the landing can be tricky!
Falling in Love is Different for Everyone
Suffice it to say that there is no real definition or description for falling in love. It just is what it is, and it is something different for every person. It is one of those things in life that should be savored and enjoyed, like riding a roller coaster. Similarly, once the thrill ride is over and your feet are back on the ground, you can always get back in line and wait to ride it again. When it comes to the love of your life, or more plainly said, the one love that seems to trump all others, it is the moments on the ground that often predict how wild the ride will be. Just like a roller coaster, love always sits there waiting to be ridden. No matter how many times you’ve taken the ride, it always feels exhilarating when you do it again! That is what falling in love is all about.
