Dating

Falling in Love

No matter how many people warned you, threatened you or told you their personal horror stories about falling in love with the wrong person and all the ill acquainted doom that comes with it, chances are you did it anyways. Suddenly you are living on that cloud nine so highly spoken of, wondering what in the world is wrong with people. Love is grand, love is great and you can’t remember ever feeling more whole. Unfortunately, you are functioning with only a small portion of your brain when you are in the midst of falling in love. The first clue should have been the word ‘falling’ which is never good in any context because eventually and with certainty, you have to land! It is almost ironic that the term precedes love in so many contexts.

What is love? What does it really mean to ‘fall’ in love? And is this falling in love something real or just an imagined part of a larger picture. The answers depend largely on whom you ask.

Love is certainly an only human emotion. There are few other species of animals that put themselves through living hells or heartbreaks all in the name of love. Watch any animal, domesticated or not, and it is easy to see that love and tenderness have their place; however a more important pecking order and rule system quickly trumps love between partners and even families. The most difficult part about explaining love or expressing love is that it has more layers than an onion, and from one phase to the next it feels more like ‘almost tripping while galloping’ than falling. If your expectations are too high or too low, you are sure to be disappointed. If you go into love with only optimism, you will come out with negative ideas and if you approach love with absolutely no walls or boundaries, you leave yourself wide open to be crushed.

However gloom and doom this may seem, the truth is that falling in love is not something that is constant. It is more like the flame of a candle, always needing to be protected from the wind or the pools of wax most certain to settle around the wick. Eventually, the fragrance burns out and it can be difficult to relight the candle, especially when the all important wick is so far down the glass jar. You can reach and try a million times just hoping that once, for a minute you can get the flame to catch. And then it does.

There has always been so much controversy about love. Young people are the ones that fall in love so deeply, forgetting wisdom and common sense. Love is saved for the weak at heart or the ones that cannot stand to be alone. Part of falling in love is the silent knowing in the back of your mind that at any given moment things could change and your flame could be blown out prematurely. And for what it’s worth, it is still the one emotion that humans cling to. Why? Science proves that people in love are activating a special part of their brain that is used for nothing else but love. It is this adrenaline rush that makes us crazy and makes us yearn for another person. This same science tells us that falling in love is nothing but a primal mating call which is fleeting. Science goes on to suggest that love is something that has been created by human thoughts alone. It is the culmination of all the special emotions we experience brought to a climax in the soul of another person. Interest is the fact that humans can love so many throughout their life. They can share this love, bend it and reshape it, throw it away and dig it back out of the trash, lay it aside only to come back to it at some point. The most baffling part of falling in love is it is the one thing that every single one of us has in common at some level. We may love a different kind, a different color or a different sex,  but we love just the same.

Sadly, falling in love has been shaped into something frightening for many people. As a society it has been decided that our love should be monogamous which confuses the whole cloud of love. The truth is that we can love two at one time, maybe three or four. We can love our friends and our mates, our children and our families all at the same time and completely differently. But the rules tell us we have to choose one, we have to find a one and only love to last with us a lifetime. When you first fall in love, the permeance of this doesn’t matter but as time goes on, it hits you and this is where so many loves fail. Instead of choosing one or the other, instead of standing with the one you love fearful that the one you love more is still out there; humans should accept and be grateful for all the different layers of love that exist inside us. This isn’t to suggest that anyone should cheat or stray in a relationship; it just implies that we should love the people in our life with the same disinterest in common sense as we feel when we are falling. The falling is great, the landing can be tricky!

Falling in Love is Different for Everyone

Suffice it to say that there is no real definition or description for falling in love. It just is what it is and it is something different for every person. It is one of those things in life that should be savored and enjoyed, sort of like riding a roller coaster. Similarly, once the thrill ride is over and your feet are back on the ground you can always get back in line and wait to ride it again. When it comes to the love of your life, or more plainly said, the one love that seems to trump all others – it is the moments on the ground that often predict how wild the ride will be. Just like a roller coaster, love always sits there waiting to be ridden and no matter how times you have taken the ride; it always feels exhilarating when you do it again! That is what falling in love is all about.

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