A soul mate? Your one and only? The person you of your dreams that you were divinely designed to meet and love? Is finding a soul mate a realistic dream, one that people should ‘hold out for’ or is it the words that fairy tales are made of?
According to the dictionary, a ‘soul mate’ is defined as a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. This definition seems to broaden the spectrum and prove that a soul mate may not necessarily be the person you are married to or romantically involved with – but even a good and trusted friend or family member. Filling the shoes of being ‘ideally suited’ to another person is a difficult thing to do for any of us, and an even more difficult thing to do for someone else.
In many new age schools of thought – which develop under the pretense that you have to love yourself first and foremost, it almost seems that in order to find the qualities of a soul mate in someone else, something external from you – you would first have to find these qualities from within. Even so, the hopeless romantics from the ages of 10 to 100, still hold a firm vision in their mind of just what a ‘soul mate’ should like look or be.
In 2007, a study conducted by O Magazine which surveyed 500 couples and was head up by a team of anthropologists helped to develop the theory that certain personality combinations were more than likely to be successful (long term) in relationships. Of the 500 people anonymously surveyed, all of which where married – 70% said that they would marry their significant other again even after the average 16 years together. This is great news for these couples, but what about the millions of other people in this world who are single and looking – hoping to experience one of those metaphorical connections with a person where they instantly ‘know’ that they have found their soul mate?
Relationship anthropologists whom have studied genetics and neuroscience believe that most people fall into 4 broad personality categories or types, each influenced by important brain chemicals and functions. The four groups are labeled as the Explorer, the Builder, the Director, and the Negotiator. And in the study, it was scientifically stated that certain personality types from this list will generally mesh better with one of the other personality types. In other words, by choosing a partner from one of these groups that blends well with your personality diagram, you are more likely to find your soul mate so to speak, and live ‘happily ever after.’
What personality type are you? And what personality type should you be looking for? Here are some tips on finding a soul mate from the anthropological study.
The explorer is defined as a highly curious, creative, energetic, and spontaneous person in love and in life. These people tend to maintain their lives by high amounts of dopamine and tend to long for a ‘play mate.’ Some one to have fun with, who doesn’t take life too seriously. Most often these people have happy relationships with other explorers because they are fun loving and spontaneous. Explorers tend to find dullness, routines, regulations, or rules as a deal breaker in relationships and become bored when they feel that relationship regiments or expectations are too strict.
The Builder is described as a calm, social, popular person who is good at networking and is highly involved in family and community. Most builders are cautious and loyal and detail oriented. The brain chemical that runs their life is serotonin, and they seek consistency and detail in their life. Mostly, what they look for in a soul mate is someone who will help them achieve their goals and who is loyal and dependable. They bond well with other builders (if control issues are not a factor) and can tolerate explorers as long as the explorer is able to use common sense.
The third type of relationship personality is the Director. As you would expect, the director likes to be in charge and is normally painfully straightforward, decisive, and tough and does not live in a life where there is a lot of grey area. Things are black and white. One of the most famous director types is Donald Trump. Directors do not bond well with another, because for obvious reasons two people cannot drive one care. In fact, they mesh best with negotiators who are soft spoken and easy to compromise with. The director is always looking for a mental match, a mental challenge – and judges compatibility based upon mental compatibility. If they feel for a second that they are smarter than someone else is, they will get bored, and can get offensive very quickly.
Last but not least are the negotiators. Negotiators are intuitive, empathetic, and emotionally expressive and are great communicators. As expected, their brain runs on estrogen. These are the dreamers of the personality spectrum. Their best match, believe it or not is with directors, as these polar opposites tend to mellow one another out.
Scientists published a report in Science Daily back in 2009, also said that genetics and neuroscience play a role in the validity of love at first sight. According to the study which involved fruit flies – male and female insects prior to mating went through a period of sizing up the possible partners in the group. This is much like the way humans feel an instant attrition to some people and not to others. The chemistry involved in attraction is most often one based on physiology, and one that neither human nor insect can control. Perhaps it is out intuition that leads us to our soul mate – and our brains that talk us out of it over time.
In the end, if you feel you have found your soul mate – then be happy and grateful that you have. Most people in this world are on a seemingly endless journey to find that one special someone that makes all of their ‘love’ dreams come true. If you haven’t found a soul mate yet, then perhaps you need to realize that in order to make someone else happy – you have to make yourself happy first. Pipe dream or not, finding compatibility and love is one of the most unique and fulfilling experiences known to humanity.