Today is Wednesday, and you’ve decided to take the day off from work. While fumbling around the house, you decide to play online for a few hours to kill time and relax. As soon as you log in, your partner’s email beckons you with a blinking light that says, “You’ve got mail!” Do you open it and read the email, or do you let sleeping dogs lie? Eventually, curiosity gets the best of you, and you decide that taking a peek won’t hurt a bit! There it is—an email from an online buddy, including an elusive message clouded with flirtatious and sexual undertones. It seems your beau has been flirting online. Now what?
The first thing to do is calm down! As technology has made interacting with strangers easier and less threatening, there’s more flirting and fantasy going on online than ever before. It used to be that we had to wait for someone to find us attractive and interesting in person to get in on the fun and entertaining game of flirting. Unfortunately, the physical presence of people can make taking flirting to the next level much easier. Online flirting usually involves less risk of destabilizing a relationship or sparking a real-life affair. Honest people realize that, no matter how much they love their partner, everyone has desires, fantasies, and thoughts about other people. This is a perfectly natural part of being human. Most of the time, these thoughts are kept under wraps and remain perfect little secrets in one’s mind. The online world has simply opened a door to flirting that’s easier and much less problematic for a real-life relationship.
Another thing to realize is that the majority of people are doing it. You never want to be the pot calling the kettle black. Even an inadvertent smiley face to a colleague of the opposite sex can erupt into a flirtatious game of online chatting or email exchanges. Beneath the cool and monogamous exteriors that most people portray, there is an innate sense of longing for excitement, exploration, and a little voyeurism that can result in harmless flirting online. Yes, it’s painful to stumble upon a portion of an online conversation your beloved has been having with another person, but then again, we shouldn’t be snooping. Someone who lives 2,500 miles away is really no threat (at least for sane people), and flirting online should not be viewed as a deal breaker in a serious and committed relationship. Chances are, in these modern times, both partners have, in one way or another, flirted with someone online.
There Are Rules to Flirting Online
There are many people who may feel or think that flirting online is the equivalent of having an affair. Often, it’s easier to share intimate details—whether true or fabricated—through the circuitry of the internet than it is with our closest companions. It’s also easier to live out a life online that skirts the real-world responsibilities and burdens people carry with them every day. Flirting online can be an outlet and often serves as a way to keep a relationship monogamous and exciting. The unknown mystery of the person you’re flirting with can bring back those sweet 16 feelings of excitement and nervousness, which often dissipate in real-world relationships. In most cases, both people flirting online have full, happy, and content lives that leave little room for another person to enter. Remaining realistic is key!
Obviously, there are limits and boundaries to flirting. When or if it goes too far and begins to develop into something more serious than just a virtual escapade, it has crossed the line. If this happens, the truth is, there were probably problems in the relationship before. The online escapade may have simply brought the situation to a head.
In order to be successful at dating, it’s necessary to understand that flirting, in all respects, is something most people do every day. It’s part of being social, and as the world has become more relaxed in allowing sexual innuendos and comments to become mainstream, flirting in all forms happens more and more. Even our dogs willingly flirt with other dog owners or human friends, and this never compromises their loyalty. No matter where someone goes, if they carry themselves with a happy and social disposition, they will encounter some form of flirting. The online kind is probably the most harmless. For many people, flirting online can even be therapeutic and a way to communicate with one another without the fear of rejection in person.
Dating someone is one of those things that leaves many questions unanswered. No one is ever sure what the next week, month, or year will bring, and it’s usually best to go about picking your battles in order of importance. Too often, people believe or think that just because they are with someone, that person will no longer be interested in sneaking peeks or flirting with someone else. Nothing could be further from the truth. If a little bit of flirting online (within reason) is tolerated, it can actually be laughed about and serve to strengthen the relationship. There are many relationships where each person needs to develop and maintain their own lives to feel completely fulfilled and not alone. No one person can be everything to another. In many cases, harmless flirting online can fill the gaps and provide both partners with satisfying lives, which can actually go a long way in keeping the relationship monogamous and loving.
Now that you’ve witnessed the extent of your partner’s online flirting firsthand, the best thing to do is turn off the computer and vow never to be nosy again. After all, how would you feel if your partner did the same thing to you? What might they find in your online history and directory? Take to heart that flirting online may actually be preventing a cheating heart from physically cheating—and that the person on the other end may be doing you a favor! By keeping things in perspective, life will always be better.
