How telling it is that marriage ceremonies always include the phrase “for better or worse” just seconds before the big kiss. Perhaps couples are so eager to kiss their bride or groom that they overlook the tiny word “worse,” which sneaks in quietly, like a tornado. “Worse” implies that something bad could happen—unexpected, undesirable, or unhappy moments that may invade your perfect union and shatter the dream of marital bliss, white picket fences, and double rocking chairs on your front porch in 75 years. Couldn’t they have left that word out of the vows? It serves as the first clue for new couples that marriage isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.
What does “for better or worse” truly mean? Who decided to include it in traditional marriage vows? Before you get married, consider spending some time with the Patterson family in the classic comic strip of the same name to gain a realistic vision of what marriage is all about.
“For better or worse” is one of those catch-all phrases that encompasses everything. There’s the “better”—the initial love and passion, the plans and dreams you share. The better is loving your in-laws and having free money at your disposal. The better is your spouse coming home on time and helping with chores, no matter how gender-specific they may seem. The better includes daily massages from the love of your life, a well-manicured lawn, and pipes that never freeze in winter. The better is winning the lottery and realizing, morning after morning, that despite your spouse’s stagnant breath, the snoring person beside you is your soulmate, and you wouldn’t change a thing about them.
The better also involves having well-behaved kids who never talk back or manipulate their parents. It’s a pre-marital sex life that stays hot and heavy as the years pass—where neither of you ages a day. In this ideal version of marriage, there’s no such thing as thunder thighs, beer bellies, losing hair, or sagging breasts, nor any hint that either of you will ever turn into your own parents. Ah, the “better” of marriage is likely what makes so many people walk down the aisle time and again, hoping to finally get it right. And maybe they will—because when things are better, being married to your dream partner is truly wonderful.
Then comes the “worse.” Yes, worse things can and do happen. The “worse” includes all the unexpected feelings and tendencies that arise once you tie the knot. It’s the nagging wife and the stereotypical lazy husband who would rather watch football than mow the lawn. It’s the sweatpants that never get washed because your spouse wears them constantly and the silent expectations that come with being a husband or wife. It’s realizing that your wife is not just a romantic partner but is also becoming a maternal figure, while your husband, once the greatest lover, can barely last five minutes in bed. But those five minutes will lead to children who are the exact opposite of what you envisioned. They’ll drain your finances, tear you apart, and manipulate you both to get what they want.
The “worse” also encompasses the in-laws you adored before (and who adored you) but now make life difficult. It’s about getting laid off, struggling to afford everything you want, living paycheck to paycheck, and lying awake at night, worrying about rising milk and gas prices. And that’s just the beginning.
Isn’t Marriage Grand?
“For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.” All three phrases serve as forewarnings of shattered dreams for new couples. It’s as if a crystal ball predicts the future, even if it’s not visible. Despite warnings against marriage and tales of horror from others, love often wins out. People still take the leap of faith, hoping they’ll be the exception. And hopefully, they will be. If not, you can’t say no one warned you.
For those who have been married, it’s certainly about “for better or worse.” The challenge is to cling to the initial feelings, remember why you married this person, and leave room in your dreams for new possibilities—ones that may be different (and even better) than you ever imagined. Some days will be better, and some will be worse. But it’s the days in between that truly define your marriage.
