Long gone are the days when you needed a cup of sugar and sent a barefoot child to a neighbor’s house to borrow some. According to a survey by CBS News and State Farm, the concept of knowing your neighbor has been steadily declining in North America over the past 30-50 years. Only about 27% of households say they know their neighbors personally, while a staggering 80% admit to having issues with neighbors, ranging from unruly children to poor yard maintenance, which often makes them view their neighbors as adversaries rather than friends.
What has happened to our society? Why can we connect with virtual friends on Facebook but struggle to shake hands across the white picket fences that separate our yards? How can such a small percentage of Americans remain indifferent to the people living next door?
That said, the same State Farm survey revealed that 83% of people believe they would help a neighbor in need—a trend evident during disasters like Hurricanes Sandy or Katrina. In such times, people seem to revert to the Leave it to Beaver era, quickly forming bonds and a sense of community where none existed before. But should it take a natural disaster to foster a sense of community?
Barriers to Building Community
Seventy-one percent of people admit that, despite seeing their neighbors almost daily—exchanging casual waves and polite gestures—most have never set foot in their neighbor’s home. Even though neighborhood children may play together outside, many adults today engage in social isolation, living such busy lives that the sense of community—a cornerstone of Americana decades ago—is slowly fading. Sadly, it is the people in our community with whom we are most likely to share common ground.
A socioeconomic study from the University of Michigan suggests that neighbors are often paired with others of similar economic status. Upper-end neighborhoods typically house families of comparable socioeconomic backgrounds, as do lower-income areas. Although the traditional class system has faded, people naturally connect more easily with those who are similar to them. So why do we hesitate to reach out to our neighbors?
More importantly, why wouldn’t we want to know the people we share space with? Many are more likely to research their neighbors online to check their backgrounds than to build personal relationships with them. While we may know if a neighbor has a criminal record, we often don’t know what they do for a living.
Clearly, our priorities have shifted. The simplicity of coming home to a community where families grill hamburgers together or hold neighborhood-wide yard sales is disappearing. Borrowing a cup of sugar or having a neighbor’s child knock to ask if “little Sara can come out and play” is a thing of the past. The ideal of raising children with the support of a “village” is fading. While many of us grew up in neighborhoods where children roamed freely, today’s kids are confined, both physically and metaphorically. Ironically, the more tools we have to connect virtually, the less we connect in person—a trend predicted to impact the social systems of younger generations for decades to come.
The people next door should not be strangers. Each of us has something valuable to offer one another. A neighbor, though initially unfamiliar, can become a good friend. Building a sense of community with neighbors can simplify life and bring comfort and relief when you return home. Neighbors can be more than adversaries; they can help in times of need and provide a non-familial support system that enriches your life. Imagine running to the store and trusting a neighbor to watch your kids or knowing you can borrow toilet paper in a pinch.
Our neighbors are not just people to tolerate or spy on through closed blinds. Perhaps they were placed next door or on the same street for a reason. With a little effort, neighbors can become friends. In today’s world, no one can say they don’t need more friends. It shouldn’t take a tragedy to bring us together, especially when we live right next door.
