As a child, getting invited to a birthday party was thrilling. Your parents likely gave you a modest $5 or $10 budget to buy a gift for your friend, which often meant sacrificing something you wanted that week. Dressed in your best clothes, you’d walk to a neighbor’s house for a two-hour party. You ate cake, sang “Happy Birthday,” took swings at a piñata, and played games. As you grew older, if you were lucky, the party might be a slumber party, camping in a friend’s backyard, with hot dogs grilled or pizza ordered by the hosting parents. But did you come home with gift or goody bags? Birthday parties were about celebrating your friend, not expecting something in return—right?
Times have changed. The rise of overindulgent parenting has transformed birthday parties. Today’s children are growing up in a “what’s in it for me” culture, taught from a young age to expect rewards for every effort. When they bring a gift to a party, many kids now anticipate receiving one in return. The push to make every child feel special has gone too far, particularly with the tradition of goody bags at birthday parties.
The Rise of Goody Bags and Extravagant Parties
Children’s birthday parties have become big business. Often, the cost of hosting surpasses the value of the gifts received. One common indulgence is goody bags, elaborately prepared for partygoers to take home as token gifts. Do kids really need another glow-in-the-dark ring or unsharpened pencil? Surprisingly, a Parenting Magazine poll found that 89% of parents expect goody bags when their children attend parties, viewing their absence as rude or disappointing. Many parents hosting parties for children under 10 spend up to $10 per child on goody bags filled with candies, treats, or toys to please attendees. For a party of 20 kids, that’s $200 just for goody bags.
Where does most of this goody bag loot end up? Like Happy Meal toys, it’s often discarded or lost in the depths of a toy box. Some parents take it further, crafting homemade, one-of-a-kind items for goody bags, like hand-crocheted bracelets with a child’s name. While impressive to other parents, kids rarely appreciate the effort. This makes the time, creativity, and expense—aimed at being the ultimate party host—largely wasteful and indulgent.
When a group of first graders in a California elementary school was asked if goody bags were necessary, all but two said yes. One child even admitted they wouldn’t attend a friend’s party without expecting something in return. Instead of goody bags, some parents opt for extravagant party experiences where kids take home costly items. For example, Build-A-Bear Workshop, which hosts 65,000 birthday parties annually, can cost up to $30 per child for a stuffed animal they make and keep. Other parties involve creating cupcakes, pottery, or dressing up for photoshoots—all at a steep price.
Whatever happened to birthdays being about the birthday child? Some parents argue it’s hard for kids to watch a friend open gift after gift without receiving anything themselves. These parents, who support goody bags, may be fostering selfishness and should reconsider the values they’re teaching. A birthday should be special for the child celebrating it. Guests should bring presents without expecting gifts in return.
All this talk of goody bags makes one nostalgic for a time when birthday parties were about friends gathering together. Hosting meant a homemade cake, and kids went home with mosquito bites from playing tag in the yard, not goody bags. There were no bounce houses or custom outfits. Parents didn’t judge the décor or deem a party lame for lacking a theme. The theme was simple: it was a friend’s birthday, and kids enjoyed each other’s company. They left with good memories—maybe some icing on their faces—and that was enough to make the day special.
