The shield of armor that many parents place around their children in order to safeguard them from the harsh realities of life often leaves kids today lacking in responsibilities. Even children at a very young age can benefit from having responsibilities of their own and understanding that consequences exist if they neglect them. The question most parents have is: at what age should a child be given responsibilities, and what kinds of things should they be held accountable for? The answer always depends on the individual child, their level of maturity, and the structure of your family. However, as soon as your child can put their plate in the sink after dinner or pick up their toys, they should be introduced to the world of responsibility.
The Benefits of Responsibility in Early Childhood
Responsibilities allow children to build character. Most importantly, a child who is given responsibilities develops self-confidence and learns that they are capable individuals from a young age. This can blossom into high self-esteem and the ability to make good decisions as they grow. Giving children responsibilities is a tool of empowerment, and it lets your children know that you trust them. This trust helps them learn to trust themselves. As they become teenagers, it’s clear how these traits are important and can be life-altering. Unfortunately, many parents wait too long to give their child responsibilities, eventually becoming overly involved in every aspect of their child’s life. What kind of teenager will this create?
As soon as your child is able to toddle around, they can start taking on responsibilities. One of the easiest ways to begin is by getting young children to clean up after themselves. Have them pick up their laundry and toss it in the hamper, and ask them to clean up their toys after playtime. When they take off their shoes, encourage them to put them in a safe place where they will be able to find them later, and trust where they choose to put them. Assign them small tasks after dinner, like helping Dad put things away, or let them assist with putting away groceries and doing simple errands around the house. Of course, they won’t do these tasks to your standards, and you will often need to redo them. If you do, avoid letting them see you do it. Instead, practice patience and wait until bedtime to fix it. Otherwise, your child may pick up the notion that they don’t do things correctly.
When you give your child responsibilities, you don’t necessarily have to reward them every time. Being quick to reward can teach them to expect something in return for every task. Instead, use a sticker chart and praise to show that you are proud of how well they handle their tasks. If it’s time to leave and they’ve misplaced their shoes (after they’ve put them away), try to be patient and explain why it’s their responsibility to keep track of their shoes. Withhold the sticker, but avoid being demeaning. Chances are, next time they will remember exactly where to put their shoes for easy access.
As your child moves past toddlerhood and into the elementary years, it becomes even more critical to assign them responsibilities. First, you won’t be able to keep up with every aspect of their life. Second, as they interact with teachers and other children, others will not cater to your child the way you do. Do you want your child to be someone who can’t help themselves? Are you raising your child to frustrate other adults and teachers? Is your child under the impression that the world revolves around them? Children as young as 5 can help with laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and keeping their rooms clean. They should also be able to organize and remember their school responsibilities. While you may need to put a system in place to make it easier for them and teach them how to stay organized, it’s important to let them take ownership of their tasks. In other words, back off, Mom, and let your child take the lead. Even if you know that something is going to go wrong, allow your child to make mistakes and empower them to be responsible for the ‘clean-up.’
Balancing Responsibilities and Recreation
Many parents complain that their children are just too busy. They claim their kids have hours of homework and extracurricular activities, leaving them no time to handle basic chores. As a result, mom often steps in to do it for them—a big mistake. If your child is so busy that they can’t feed their own fish or clean up their room, then they need to slow down. Life is about balancing responsibilities and recreation, and the younger children learn this, the more successful they will be. Plus, a family isn’t about parents instructing and dictating every action. It’s about working together. If everyone in the household takes care of their own responsibilities and respects what they need to do, the family unit will function more smoothly. This will give you more time to enjoy each other’s company instead of feeling overwhelmed by doing everything for your kids. Moreover, your kids will gain a real understanding of what life is about and what is necessary to “take care of business.” The older they get, the better equipped they will be for the challenges of adulthood.
Giving children responsibilities that match their abilities and age, and expecting them to follow through, is one of the best things you can do for them—and for your family.
