As much as you would like to think that styles have changed since you were a kid, the truth is that they haven’t. Just like you had to have halter tops, ascots, and tight jeans, your teen is trying to follow the fashion trend as best they can.
Let’s assume you have already tried the shopping-together scenario, where you and your teen visit their favorite store—only for you to have a heart attack over both the cost and appearance of the clothes they pick out.
“You cannot wear THAT to school,” you say.
“But Mom, EVERYONE is wearing these!”
“Well, I am NOT going to pay that much money for a pair of jeans with holes in them!”
This is followed, of course, by the dramatic eye rolls, crossed arms, and a tear-streaked, red face that highlights just how uncool you are. The next step? Considering whether to give your teenager a clothing allowance. Should you do it?
There are several benefits to giving your teen a clothing allowance. For one, giving them $200 and expecting them to find a week’s worth of school outfits will definitely teach them the value of money. They’ll quickly realize that $200 doesn’t go far—especially when shopping at Abercrombie for tattered jeans. If they blow their entire allowance on just two or three items, you’ll have to be the bad guy and let them learn from their mistakes. It’s amazing how appealing Walmart might start to look after that experience. And no teen wants to show up at school wearing the same outfit twice in a week.
Another advantage of handing over control of their clothing purchases is that it can eliminate the awkwardness that often comes with shopping together. As a parent, it stings to know your child is embarrassed by you, but this is a normal part of their development. Try to overlook it for now. Giving them this freedom also allows them to develop their own sense of style (even if it frustrates you) and learn how to dress themselves appropriately. Will you always like what you see? Probably not, but as long as their clothing choices fit within the school dress code, you should remain open-minded. Think back to your own teenage years—remember those awkward ensembles and wrinkled outfits that made your mother cringe? Your best hope is that, with time, they’ll develop better taste.
A final benefit is that your teen may learn how to shop smart. They might start bargain hunting, using coupons, or even saving up for the items they really want. If you provide an allowance that only covers the bare essentials and tell them they must work or do chores for extras, chances are they’ll start looking for sales, trading clothes with friends, or shopping at high-end thrift stores to stretch their money. These are valuable financial skills that will serve them well throughout life.
The Cons of a Clothing Allowance
Of course, there are downsides. You’ll likely still end up buying essentials like underwear, shoes, and bras because they won’t want to spend their money on those everyday items. There’s also the possibility of unexpected purchases that go against your moral standards, which could lead to arguments and forced returns. Stick to your guns—don’t let your child dress inappropriately, even if it means a battle.
Another challenge is accepting that they’re growing up and making their own decisions. But if you never allow them to make choices, take risks, or learn from their mistakes, they won’t develop good decision-making skills—something far worse in the long run. Try to be proud of them, even when they spend money in ways you don’t approve of. Most importantly, if you set a clothing allowance, stick to it. If you constantly give them more money when they run out, you’re not teaching them anything valuable about budgeting.
Should You Let Your Teen Shop Alone?
This brings up another question: should you allow your teen to shop alone? Many states in the U.S. have laws prohibiting minors under 18 from being unescorted in malls and shopping centers. The days of dropping your teen off for a solo shopping trip, lunch, and a movie with friends are largely over. Before you leave them at the mall, check with the mall authority regarding their policies. These laws exist for a reason—to protect both you and your teen.
That said, you don’t have to embarrass your teen by hovering over them in the store. Instead, stay a few feet away, allowing them some independence while being close enough to supervise. This way, they won’t have to endure the horror of a classmate reporting that they were caught shopping with their mom or dad.
One final tip: the more you dislike an item your teen chooses, the more determined they’ll be to buy or wear it. If they make a poor purchase with their allowance, resist the urge to intervene. Instead, smile, shrug, and let them learn from their mistake. As long as their outfit is appropriate and doesn’t cross major boundaries, let them experience the consequences of their own fashion choices. These real-life lessons about money, shopping, and keeping up appearances will stick with them far longer than any lecture.
So, go ahead—be brave! Giving your teen a clothing allowance may be frustrating at first, but it’s a worthwhile experience in the long run.
